Any ideas to why my friends with benefits is ignoring me all of a sudden?

[Anonymous]

So, I am woman in a open marriage, and four months ago I met a man (on a site for causal relationships) with whom I started a friends with benefits relationship (he is single if that matters). We have always talked very open and honestly with each other and I have been very clear with my wants/need/expectations. I really like him, have a lot of fun both in and outside of the bedroom.
I need to have some connection with the person I sleep with otherwise I can't really feel sexual attraction, that is why friends with benefits works best for me.

We've messaged each other almost daily, not much just always something. He has shared a lot with me during these four months, which for me deepened the friendly aspect of our relationship.

We've talked about ghosting, which we both have experienced and really dislike (who likes it?) and both have said it is nothing we ever have done, or will do. So you can imagine my surprise when I haven heard from him in almost a week, and the four messages I have sent haven't even been read.

Now I know he has been online on the site we first met, which is fine (so am I obviously). It's the sudden ignoring that really gets to me. I have thought about sending him a message on the site, but Im not sure what good it would do since he doesn't even read my regular messages.

My question is, should I wait (it's been like five days since we spoke), should I message him what's going on (if that would result in anything?).

People who have done something like this (ignore/ghost) what is the reason? And is there anything to be done?

[caring__1]

It could be he's exploring another option and doesn't want to say anything about it to you until he knows whether it will pan out or not. He's keeping you in his hip pocket, just in case, but he's not invested in you. If that's good enough for you, just be patient and see what happens. He's obviously not going to share his feelings till he feels ready, and nothing you do will make him feel more ready. This behavior isn't uncommon when all the people are looking for is something on the side. It's not a true investment. If you want a full investment, get some professional help to learn how to fully and mutually meet all your needs with your husband.

[Asker]

I have never understood why honesty equals envestment? Or exploring other options means someone has to be ghosted? This is not my first friends with benefits, only the first that has ignored me... looking for options and still be in touch really isn't that hard, that's the part I don't understand. But then again, we're all different

[caring__1]

Honesty has nothing to do with investment, but he apparently doesn't see value in maintaining the relationship at this time. That would tell me he isn't invested in you. I have no idea what he is looking for, but he would stay in touch if he was meeting that with you. It's not necessarily a judgment call on you. It could be he prefers a different color hair or breast size. His preference doesn't diminish your worth.

[Asker]

Thank you for further clarification!

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[AviatorTom]

If you're in an open marriage, why not find another friends with benefits guy? If your current friends with benefits gets back to you, you'll have your choice for fun. If not, you'll still have fun.

Just curious about open marriage in general... how often do you have sex with your husband versus how often with your friends with benefits?

[Asker]

My current circumstances don't really leave room for more then one friends with benefits at the moment. So that is also I wouldve appriciated some clarification from him if he has moved on, so I can do the same. Or if there was an actual reason for his behavior. friends with benefits don't grow on trees, finding a new one takes time.

The sex is dependent on several factors. my husband travels a lot, so I mostly see a friends with benefits when he is not home (and he sees his on his travels).

[DavidRaul]

He didn't want to continue anymore. He just wants something new in bed. Maybe he's trying to avoid you and eventually ghost you forever. This is the harsh. Dont just message him on the site out of thr blue. You have a self respect. You will find another guy to fulfill your needs

[Asker]

I have full understanding if he wanted to move on, sure. But is that really so hard to say?

[DavidRaul]

Yes some people find it difficult to say on your face. It can be hard.

[Asker]

Even over a message? I wouldve preferred to have been treated with at least that much respect since we've even talked about it. But there really isn't much I can do about it anyway. Just kind of sad, that such a nice time ends with ghosting

[DavidRaul]

Yes, just be patient. Thats all i can say

[TenkRealist]

He probably found something worth more his time. Open marriages aren't marriages. It is licensed cheating. If you want to bang, divorce the dude and bang away.

[Asker]

Ok, it sounds to me like you are more focused on the fact that I'm in a open marriage then my question. People should do what works for them, obviously an open type of relationship is not for you and that is your prerogative, but assuming that you're view is the correct one for everyone is not. You do you man.

[TenkRealist]

Well, I am correct. There is something called objective truth.

[Bklynbadboy12]

He either found someone else or he's catching feeling so he's trying to get his head right or last but not least he just want you for himself and realized he'll never have that cause your married. Which one do you think it is

[Asker]

I don't think it's impossible that he's found someone else, but we've discussed it, that it's only fair to tell the other that you're moving on. I can't imagine he's caught feelings for me at all.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Wait message me cause we have to analyze this why do you think he couldn't catch feelings for you

[Asker]

I don't know what there is to analyze... And I can't DM you

[Bklynbadboy12]

Sure you can just follow me and I was curious why you thought he could never catch feelings for you yet you was still having sexy with him

[mobiusforniner]

Sounds like you're emotionally attached...

[Asker]

Because I would like to be treated with honesty?

[mobiusforniner]

you're expecting courtesy and respect in a situation which doesn't require it. Being nice or sensitive to you feelings creates attachment. Ghosting is never an appropriate response in any healthy relationship. But then again being in an open marriage with random fuck buddies isn't a healthy relationship...

[Asker]

I don't agree. Courtesy and respect should be in all interactions, no matter how casual. As I've written to others, this isn't my first friends with benefits, just the first who has ignored me in this sense.

[jshm2]

Because you're boring and talk too much?

[Asker]

Well he couldve just told me that like a grown up.

[Staximus]

He probably got tired of playing second fiddle

[Asker]

He knew the circumstances from the very start. And if he wanted to move on, is that really so hard to just say?

[Staximus]

He's not your husband but you formed a connection with him, which you should not have done. You should have made it clear that he's just a life support system for a dick and nothing more, and not tried to get close to him and treat him like he matters. Her probably realized he's replaceable, didn't like it, and headed for greener pastures. Maybe he found a woman he can actually have a future with, or maybe he just found a woman without a husband who he likes screwing better. Why do you even care? You made it clear that he's just the side dude.

[Asker]

Thank you for the clarification.
I've had friends with benefits before, I have just never been ghosted by one. For me a connection is needed to feel sexual attraction (been clear on that).
Of course it's not a long term thing, he is a singel attractive man! If he found something better good for him, it is really just the ghosting part i can't understand... But thats life I guess.

[Staximus]

It sounds like you have developed feelings for your second fiddle man, and this is why all that open relationship crap never works out

[Asker]

I have been in a open relationship for a loooong time, and have had several friends with benefits. Just never been "ghosted" before and it makes no sense to me. That's why I'm trying to understand.