Do you think in a relationship there are middle terms?

[kitty71]

Or not? Things are either black or white not grey? For instance I have a 48yrd old male cousin who had been separated for about 12 years now. He started to date a lady back in 2017. The lady is like 13 years younger. At any moment, my cousin has thought seriously to re marry again, he likes to live his life as he is living it now, with liberty to do the things on his terms and the way he wants. Anyway, he started to date this chcik back in 2017 but even after 5 years he behaves like he does not take seriously his girlfriend even after 5 years. In this 5 years he had taken his girlfriend with him twice to Mexico all expenses paid. But other than that, my cousin treats this lady like he is not really his girlfriend anyway. He dates her in a very informal way, I believe he is not thinking in marrying in his future with her or any other lady but he is dating this chick for 5 years. For example the girlfriend never attends family gatherings , my cousin never invites her, but my cousin had never introduced this chick, many relatives does not even know this cousin has a girlfriend anyway. For family activities or local trips my male cousin goes with other relatives, he never takes her with him, not even to his own birthday gatherings. She never is present either at Holidays get together, my cousin does not include her either. When my cousin speaks in a casual conversation about men, women or relationship, he never mentions his girlfriend at all, is like he is just single and gfless. But also it seems the girlfriend is not very social either, she does not like to be included.

So for this odd behavior I thought my cousin was no longer with her for the last 2 years, simply he never has acted as being in a serious relationship with her, even after 5 years!!!
Today for curiosity I asked my brother who is very close to our cousin and lately he hangs out with him often, if our cousin still date the lady, as the cousin in 2 years beahves like he is no

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longer in a relationship with her, well for me he was never in a serious committed relationship anyway, he never took his girlfriend into account for activities he could easily take her and include her as his girlfriend.

So my brother responded: Well yes and no. He kind of sees her, but not so much. I mean if my cousin still considers this lady as his girlfriend, how the heck he says " he sees her but also not so much" I mean either you are with the chick in a steady relationship or not

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there are no grey terms in a relationship dont you think? If my cousin does not consider this relationship to be serious, he can't say that lady is his girlfriend, cause she is not and you are either with her or not, middle terms do not exist.

I believe my cousin is a dumb stupid douche guy.

[ZackBan]

Marriage is a losing game for guys.
You get divorced for whatever reason and lose half your possession and have to pay a bill for the rest of your life.

So before judging your cousin for living his best life try seeing things from his perspective.

If that woman has a problem with it why did she stick around for 5 years? I'm assuming he's not forcing her to stay. She's getting what she's getting and as long as it's enough for her then there shouldn't be an issue.

The day she draws a line and says either marry me or we're done is a day he will have to decide what to do about it.

But personally I understand him not wanting to pop the question I certainly wouldn't.

[kitty71]

But 5 years and he says we are not dating per se and I see her but then I dont see her. SO what kind of relationship is that? That is not a couple relationship means. He has to man up but he acts childish

[ZackBan]

Yeah I agree that he should at least acknowledge she's his girlfriend.

But that's one thing and marriage and a whole other thing

[kitty71]

or acknowledgte anything but 5 years in the same thing like "ohh im his boyfriend but we are not really dating? what is the crap means

[ZackBan]

I mean if they made it work so far what's the issue?
Maybe they are the kind of people who don't like the pressure of being called "a couple" so they don't label it. But they clearly are together and have been for half a decade so why change now.

[kitty71]

They are not really together that is not being together hehe

[ArrowheadSW]

Well, if that lady who he has been somewhat seeing for 5 years is OK with the nature of the relationship, then it is fine. It might be her choice for the relationship to be that way also. But if she "wants more" and he is keeping her at a distance, then I think he needs to make up his mind as to which way this relationship will go. I see your point though, it is like why doesn't he bring her to family functions? That would seem weird to me also.

[Anonymous]

This is not uncommon for divorced men who have had kids and especially those that have a bit of wealth. They will date as young as they can even in girls in their teens if they can. I have 3 aunts that have pursued the older wealthy divorced man who has kids. They like his lifestyle, maturity, education etc and just expect to move in with these guys rather than build life with a guy their own age or slightly older.
These guys have been there done that, they just want a carefree relationship and sex from a young attractive woman.

[spartan55]

Yeah well she tolerates it so why should it bother you?

[kitty71]

Im not saying she tolerates it just saying the cousin is just a douch by treateing a woman for 5 years like she is serious when she is not and there are no middle terms he is either with her or not. Well maybe the lady is also a dumb lady being like that or tolerate it.

[spartan55]

I'm not disagreeing that your cousin isn't treating her with respect. I doubt he has a gun to her head forcing to stay though.