How many of you have gone on a first date and had someone start crying in the middle of the conversation?

[DaveJord]

Like seriously, number one rule on a first date... DO NOT, talk about your past relationships. You are not there to rehash your past, it about trying to make a connection with the other person and building a possible future.

Like seriously, this woman would not get off your past relationship, every time I tried to make conversation go a different way it came back to her and previous heartbreaks.

She starts straight up crying, she is like I am so sorry, it not you, it's me. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom. She comes back and she is like,

"I am so sorry it is not you. Actually, you are being so nice and sweet, and you are very good looking, it's just that..."

"I interrupt her, it's that you are not ready to be dating yet period, right?"

she's says, "I am so sorry, but yes. I just had no idea, until right now."

I said, "Yeah, I get it. You're like the fourth woman I met online, that comes online and thinks they are not going to meet a real person and when they do, they freak out because they are not ready yet."

She says, " Yeah, you are right, but it's not you. I am so sorry; you are so nice and handsome..."

Again, I just say, "just stop, you do not think I do not know I am a nice person? You do not think I know that I am a nice-looking man? Like I have heard that shit my whole life, and I do not need to hear it from you. Obviously, it's not enough for you, so basically after weeks of talking and you assured me you were ready, you basically wasted my time today."

I walked her to the car and wished her well in life.

How many of you have had something like this happen to you?

Its happend to me.

No never happened to me

Results

[love_conquers_lust]

That’s your rule. I don’t know what your intent was. I’m guessing you wanted to dip your wick.

Yeah, they’re complicated. They’re not light switches. They get attached and those connections are hard to sever.

I hope to heaven you didn’t use the phrase “wasted my time” in her presence. I did that once, holy shit did she ever cry, and it was a lie in retrospect, something said out of anger. I enjoyed my time with her outside of the negative, which was far outweighed by the positive, like +95%”.

Who knows what she was thinking. She likely didn’t lie, she made a mistake and tried to convince herself she was ready. I wouldn’t be too slighted, you obviously enjoyed the buildup leading up to that. You made the right move in the end.

[DaveJord]

I did not use those exact words. But dude this woman used me man. Like she used me to help herself learn something about her self that she knew but did not realize. She wanted to use me to get over her previous boyfriend. Which I was fine with, but if your going to use me in that way your going to earn it. And that's when reality hits them.

I mean they need to know... so yeah she knows she wasted my time, she knows she was better off for meeting me then I was in meeting her.

And yes, she was 5 foot tall with Triple Ds and thick and curvy. All in the right ways. So I rolled the dice and lost. Trust me in the next week or two, she'll be back with her ex or with another type of loser of the same type. She would of done better.

[love_conquers_lust]

“Which I was fine with…”
Haha. Well, yeah, it appears she used you, but you don’t like that she used you in a way you didn’t want. How much you want to bet she picked up on that and it made the crying even worse? Not so much that she knew, but she suspected and didn’t know. They can’t articulate all that at once, they just feel it. Just listen to how I sound. How all up in my own head I sound. Imagine what it’s like for them, but x10 worse

If your intent was clear up front, then I don’t really see the issue with that choice as long as she knew it.

That’s why I say, let them make their own choice. They’ll figure it out. You know as well as I do they outnumber us as we get older. It really isn’t fair for them on a lot of fronts. So they do what they have to do to deal with that.

It really is water of a duck’s back. Enjoy the ride. Was she not a cool person to get to know? On the outside chance she gets back with her ex, you could take that as a compliment that you reminded her of him/her. Her indirect way of approving of you. They’re complicated.

Triple Ds, huh. Breast man. My dad is like that. It’s not everything, but it sure as shit isn’t a negative for most.

[DaveJord]

Dude you and I are on the same wavelength on this subject. Like dead on my man. I know women, as well as any one man can know women. I eman water off a ducks back thats right thats all it was to me... its just sad to see these women with all their vaunted emotional mature it constantly overthinking everything and destorying all their chances with good men and not even know it.

Trust me this woman will be back with that ex of hers, you just know. And if its is not the ex it will be some other guy of the same ilk. It like watching a drowning person jsut being swept down river and out of reach... you know you can't save them and it's not your responsibility. But it sad to see a person in pain like that and so confused and lost.

Dude, she showed up in thigh high, sun dress with that cleavage was out there. What a disappointment to see someone like that going to waste on losers.

[love_conquers_lust]

Pretty good analogy. Eventually, hopefully, they ride the wave instead of swimming against the current. It’s a double edged sword that I think makes everything intense as shit for them. A qualia thing, term I picked up from that douche bag, hivebee.

That’s what the West fights like hell to eliminate. We don’t want them to deal with that loneliness. Maximize their options. This shit going on in the Middle East…again, makes it worse, not as bad as all out war but it’s still annoying. Humans wouldn’t have had to evolve this way if male’s didn’t die so early and often.

I’m a swan mates for life kind of guy. Pumping and dumping quite literally wears on them prematurely. Being kind to them quite literally makes them beautiful. I have yet to see where an unrequitted compliment didn’t positively affect a girl in some way. I don’t have to fuck the women in my life to compliment them.

Love and lust don’t always agree. That bad boy shit is about being forced into ecstasy. The “safety” of security with the thrill of coercion. Like involuntary orgasms that rape victims will experience that makes it damn near impossible for them to emotionally connect with someone decent because they keep seeking out the same shit, it’s what they know and are “comfortable” with.

Those kinds of dresses can be the shit.

[DaveJord]

That dress was was the shit.

" near impossible for them to emotionally connect with someone decent because they keep seeking out the same shit, it’s what they know and are “comfortable” with. "

Thats a fact, my man. 100% fact. And the effect it has on men, makes them less like to connect with anyone, after time and time again of the same bull shit.

[DaveJord]

Repeated bull shit like this from women has an effect on us all, they literally destroying our capacity to give a shit any more... they just use their emotions like a sledgehammer and crush you into submission, and when you do ot submit they label toxic, and then run back to the same bullshit they comfortable with and wonder why they never feel whole.

[DaveJord]

I could of worked that shit into sex, but I am not some player. I am not going to take advantage like that, because when you do... it you that feels empty. Fuck'em.

[love_conquers_lust]

And it’s a two way street. Guys can say no, too. You can say to girls I want to fuck you, but there a rules we need to follow here, for both our sake.

[love_conquers_lust]

I did shit with a slut, once. Didn’t sleep with her. But I literally puked the next morning after she left and never heard from her again. I was like nope, not for me.

[love_conquers_lust]

She might have been sick or something, but I took that as a sign, nope.

[DaveJord]

Right, nope! LOL

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't go on dates, but that does sound annoying.

If a guy broke her heart, why does she even miss him? It makes no sense, she should be thinking "that guy is trash" and be happy that she's rid of him...

What you mean you're not ready? Why are you even here then?

[Monalisa77]

Sometime s it might not be that easy or clear

[DaveJord]

These women blame themselves. Like they let there guard down and let these men in, and they got burned. And it does damage. And then they come out and meet a good guy, and they freak out because they just then realized that they are damaged. Like when they are with a player they fool themselves into thinking they are in control, and they have this man eating out of their hand, or wrapped around their finger... but they were the ones that got played, they got used... and now there is this strong, confident, handsome, sensitive and caring man right there infront of them... and they freak out,

Why, because they fucking know... they fucking know, that this other guy that did them dirty... he's nothing. A guy like me could destroy them, because they couldn't trust the other loser, but that was their loser. But a guy like me... nope they are not going to rule me. I will be every bit their equal... and now it's like they don't feel good enough, or it makes them trust me even less because I could hurt them worse if they LET me, or gave me the chance. Because with lower they fooled themselves or allowed themselves to be fooled... but believed they were in control. They know that's not the case with me. They will not control me, so that makes them feel less safe, less second more vulnerable with me, then I am with them. Which is all bull shit... because I am just as vulnerable as them.

Now don't feel sorry for them @thespacegnome. I have been done dirty by women all the time. Actually this woman did me dirty. Completely used me, and wasted my time. She was way better off then I was for meeting her. I had way more to offer her than she had to offer me... and when they realize that... they freak out. Women have to feel as if they are your equal. Even if they are... they have to feel it. They don't get that from me or they feel superior when they are not. But it's super tough to find some who is secure and confident with themselves.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats WAAAAY too much overthinking and drama. I could never be with a woman who overthinks like that.
I'll stick to women who see jerks as wastes of time and nice guys as marriage material, and who don't harp on past relationships like some controlling insecure crazy person.

[TheSpaceGnome]

One rule I have with past relationships, is that the new woman is a new person, and I can't sit there comparing her to the old person, and I expect the same courtesy.

The only thing to take from past relationships, are things like, ok, well that woman had this about her, and it was a dealbreaker, so lets avoid that trait in the next one. Outside of that, past relationships are nothing more than faint, blurry memories I usually forget even happened. I'm not going to overanalyze every part of it like some psycho.

[DaveJord]

They can't help it... if you are going to date women you have to accept the over thinking, some have a grasp and handle it... those are called married women. They will not be found on line or single at 40 years old. But I no player, they know it... but at the same time you got to be in the game if you want to get laid. God gave me a damn good penis and it ain't going to waste.

But when you meet someone in that emotional state it ain't about your penis, I was good but honest with her. She did appreciate it, and basically when said she was sorry for everything... that was her saying it her and me and it was not just some line or her letting me down easy. Why because it was the truth.

She is a good person. She really is. It's just sad to see them wasting it on themselves.

[DaveJord]

*** its her NOT me

[TheSpaceGnome]

I've met lots of women who don't overthink things or harp on the past, but then I'm not looking to "get laid" I'm looking to get married. I'd rather stay a virgin till I'm dead than have sex outside a relationship or with a woman that isn't a mental match. Sex is not the mitovating goal for me, its the secondary benefit to not being alone and bored.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Motivating*

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

In March, there was a man who traveled across the country to meet me.

We were sitting by the river after lunch and he started telling me his life story.

His older brother passed away at 25, he killed himself, his dad died when he was 12. I couldn’t handle it, I started crying. He was comforting me and saying “It’s okay. I am fine now.”

It was funny that It’s him who lost everyone and I was crying while he comforted me.

He told me I was the kindest person he’s met but I couldn’t handle the stress and declined the 2nd date…

Plus, I didn’t feel the attraction or I wouldn’t mind going on a 2nd date.

[DaveJord]

Yeah. I have simular stories in life... so I understand lose. I understand pain, I understand self care, I understand personal grow... so I am a supportive person, I strive to be kind, and I am very generous.

But @lafemmefatale_1 Jesus Christ! I sit there and I listen, and in my mind I am telling you... it's like all I am thinking is FUCK, these fucking women. Like why, seriously they all act their pain, their experiences are so devastating and its like a day at office to me. They meet a real person, an real dude and they lose their shit about it. Like they don't even know how to react to it.

And leave and the date is over, and just know they are going to be right bsck out there making the same mistakes with next dude thst comes a long. All I did was make it easier for other guy. Why, because her meeting me was way more beneficial to her, then was to the 10th degree to me.

And they fucking know it. Like they fucking know they aren't there, and it freaks them out. S4o they will be with some other loser in no time, and they will be happier for it... until it all breaks down again and they want act like they don't understand why, or how it happens.

And that's where I am, like either they toxic as sit, or they are emotionally fucked... like how's this always happening to me? Like honestly don't give a shit any more.

[bannacookies]

This happened to me! I was with this guy and he started crying. He was talking about one of his college professors and how that professor changed his life. He started to cry and I don't mean tear up, tears were rolling down his cheeks and his voice was all chocked up.

I went out with him for a while after that, but the guy was a bit too sensitive for me (he cried a lot, like one time we were for a walk and he saw a cute dog and teared up). Lol

[DaveJord]

Well did you at least get romantic once or twice. I mean crap I drove 1 hour to met this woman... two weeks of text... and yourk8dding me right? Like there zero chance for me... coloss waste of time. And only to make it worst... she was hot. 😔

[coachTanthony]

That has not happened to me but if it did there would be a lot of booze involved on my part to deal with it lol

[DaveJord]

That's think every now and then you meet a woman that you get this feel, like we should ho out for drinks. But no she's like, no I don't want to drink but you can.

And know, like fuck. This woman really just needs a drink... so better buckle up for a rough one. You just know.

[coachTanthony]

Yep you do.

[Hawkes_Lady]

I don't think I am the intended audience for this question, but I don't think this would happen to us females on a date. I don't think there are too many guys out there that are going to cry about their previous woman on a date.

But, if I did end up on a date like that... I would hope that I was understanding enough and enlightened enough to commiserate with him. Dating and relationships are hard to navigate and sometimes you think you're ready and you're wrong. It happens.

I'm so sorry that it keeps happening to you.

[DaveJord]

I did commiserate with her... now she was the only one that every cried. But I did have 4 other women, that held it to together long enough to end the date before tears.

But yeah, there is something about me when it comes to woman that makes them want to spill their heart and soul... and honestly their times I wish I could be a heartless dude. But it's not in me to be that type of person... but it's incredibly frustrating.

[Chayce]

@DaveJord you got serious game og. Mack for real.

[DaveJord]

@Chayce is definitely not game.. it's like anti-game, I just want to have a relationship and get laid like any other guy... and these women are wearing me out.

[lightbulb27]

nope, thankfully.

we'll, that could have been PMSing...

words are words... until they are backed up with actions... she isn't resolved of the past eventhough she wants to be. people lie... to themselves.

[DaveJord]

Oh they lie to themselves... until meet some one who's legit.

[genericname85]

not a first date exactly. but i did have a situation in a club where a girl tried to hook up with me and she ended up bawling her eyes out telling me about the relationship with her ex that she was trying to get over by fucking me.

[DaveJord]

Yup been there... but she was not hot enough for me to be her revenge fuck.

[genericname85]

yeah same xD but also i was the designated driver of the evening so i had a good excuse for not leaving xD

[Anonymous]

Never. But I definitely would have been looking for the "eject" button.😆 At best she's not over a past relationship and if that's the case she shouldn't be dating and you don't need to be a casuality of that. And at worst they're crocodile tears and she is all kinds of toxic and you want to run far and fast away from her.

The one I wouldn't have done though, and I'm not being critical of you. It's just a personal preference. I wouldn't have said "You think I don't know that I'm a nice guy, that I'm hsndsome". To me it's just excessive verbiage. You don't owe her an explanation. All you needed to do is say you needed to go. It's up to you whether you wanted to give her another chance down the road. Common sense would tell any person that you don't cry on a date. If she can't figure out why you ended it then she's truly stupid.

[DaveJord]

So there's like a mental check list a man has in his head on first date.

1. Possible Wife Materail
2. Girl friend Materail
3. Date worthy see where it goes
4. Maybe Possible friends with benefits
5. Hell no

So 1st date every woman more or less starts at number 3 ... date worthy. They only go up or down from there.

So at first site... definitely she was girl girlfriend Materail... but she went from 3 to 2, and then dropped to 4... Possible friends with benefits... when tears started it was a 5. He'll No!

But no o was just going to walk out on her like that... she's still a good person, that needed a shoulder to cry on.

[Apple1996]

Crying on the first date would be crazy. I barely cry around my husband lol

[DaveJord]

IKR! Like everyone online is there for reason... so omg, that means me to.

[CurrentJohn]

Thankfully never happend and it would be super awkward. I would most likely try to be super gentle and comforting her at that moment, but won`t look for a second date. If someone bursts out in tears at the first date and talk about their past relationship then that is a clear sign she isn`t over that guy yet and not ready for a new relationship and you should stay away.

[sheikalana]

If that happened they would never see me again.

[DaveJord]

Right, but what colossal waste of time.

[sheikalana]

You’re supposed to impress me not repulse me LOL.

[DaveJord]

Oh so true

[msc545]

I went on a first date once, and after dinner we were having sex, and she began crying in the middle of it. Kind of ruined things.

[DaveJord]

Okay, she didn't cry in the middle of sex, but I have women stop in the middle of sex, because it was too much for her. Ended up she was victim of sexual assault and thought she was ready. Of course, I had no idea, but I stopped dating for a few months after that. She really creeped me out.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I've never been on a date where anyone cried.

[Kristierose]

Quick question... why would anyone be talking about pas relationships.. sounds stupid to me

[DaveJord]

Because they aren't over it, and just using you to help them heal. They don't do it on purpose, but they could stop it if they wanted to. Bit they did not know until they met you.

She's a user that got used.

[sweeTiffany2000]

No. I couldn’t be so vulnerable if I just started talking to a new man. I think those emotional topics like past relationships (which I would never mention), death, mental or physical health problems, financial stability, childhood, and etc may be mentioned gradually; Or whenever the TWO of you feel a deep connection.

[AngryCarl2]

No, but my dating experience is quite limited. Some of my dates looked sad, or bored.

[Ms_Facesitter]

That hasn't happened to me. Could be awkward for a first date. But you never know how that date goes, conversations can go deep.

[DaveJord]

Well it might of been deep to her... not so much to me.

[nateyoder23]

Never happened. Be freaking weird if it did happen.

[MissBoogus]

Yeah that’s a basic don’t bring up history

[DaveJord]

Yup, no doubt the more they talk the more you know they are not ready.

[Paris13]

Don't think so. xx

[exitseven]

It never happened to me

[BoobMan]

Can't say I've ever seen that.

[Nikki1989]

Thankfully that has never happened to me.