Not having sex on the first date...want to be chivalrous...but not labeled a "nice guy"?

[Anonymous]

I recently went on a first date with a girl I met on POF. As for first impressions she was near perfect. Smart, going to law school, well dressed, funny, sexy. She turned out to be WAY prettier than she looked in her pictures. Wasn't that a nice surprise!

I did compliment her on looks and her brains. However she did NOT compliment me on anything...its a first date...so not sure yet if that's an issue. She did however lightly touch my arm/leg within the first hour of talking. We also kissed a bit. She was open about talking about sex. She told me she wants a guy who is a "best friend that she can have amazing sex with". I was like FWB? She said no...Little confused on that one.

Some things got awkward at times...but overall it went really well. She ended up coming home with me and sleeping in my bed.

We cuddled a bit Being a guy I felt myself wanting much more of course. At one point the temptation was getting bad and I flat out said "the more we cuddle the more I want to have sex". I then rolled over on my side to give some space between us. She might have went for it. But I didn't want to take the chance of her turning me down and screwing up the progress we made. That's why I thought twice about it. I want to date this girl more...maybe build something up solid.

HOWEVER here is my major concern. Since I didn't push sex at an opportune time I'm worried about her labeling me "a nice guy". I definitely want to have sex with her on another date. But what if she thinks twice? I have had 2 women do this to me in the past. I could have banged them early...but I felt like it would be better to wait a bit so I could have SO MUCH more later. Well that completely backfired. They got bored and shut me down. I was extremely miserable because of it.

Did I make a mistake? I was always taught not to be too pushy early on...this advice was even from dudes who have game. But still I dunno.

Updates

+1 y

My goal is to stay a gentlemen without getting friend zoned.

[BrainsandBrawn]

Bravo for you! And please don't stop being a gentleman, we need more of them in this world.

As far as not wanting to be labeled as a "nice guy", basically you want the best of both the bad boy and the nice guy. The edge, confidence and fire of a bad boy but with the heart of a nice guy is honestly the ideal. Even the girls who want the bad boys don't real want their hearts to be broken.

The sex thing: Girls can be cautious about sex. It doesn't necessarily mean we don't find you attractive, or that you in the "friend zone" or that you are going to be labeled as the nice guy. It just means that it's not the way we do things in general and for you to respect that is great.

Friend zone: I know guys say that the nice guys always get put in the friend zone, but while their is merit to that, it doesn't mean that because you are kind person that you don't have a chance. The nice guy situation usually boils down to simply a lack of attraction towards that person, not knowing that you like us/not taking the initiative, and stupid girls who chase bad boys because they are immature.

[Asker]

Hmmm......yeah. Well I just met a new girl (different then what I described above) who is nuts about me. We didn't have sex on the 1st date...but we had a 2nd date....well things got a little spicy on that one.

I don't want the girl to feel like a slut. But at the same time I know girls have sexual needs too.

I just don't know what is the ideal time to go all the way. It seems like it's when a girl sorta "signals for it". So far so good with the new girl.

[BrainsandBrawn]

Sounds good.

When in doubt, just simply ask. We'll appreciate your respect.

[Asker]

Whenever I ask I usually don't get the answer I want. As much as I think it's important to communicate you girls seemed to get turned off with directness.

[BrainsandBrawn]

I understand your point though not all girls are that way. I actually prefer directness and it doesn't turn me off.

[beans]

You can make subtle hints next time, she may act on them she may not. I think most women still won't have sex on the first date, even if you try to 'seduce' them.

[Asker]

Well I want to think I did the right thing. But bad past experiences are making me concerned.

[dudeman]

no mastake made. actually wait a few months that means that you have claimed territory and now you can probably have sex with her when you want and now is the time to get to know her to see how she is as a person good job man you staked a claim and now you get to know her. if you were just a nice guy no claim would have been made

[dudeman]

But seriously do you want a girl that f***s men on the first date

[Asker]

Yeah...my point exactly. I don't want to get in a relationship with a slut. But there are girls who I have banged on the first date...and it put me in a "position of power".

I invested a lot of energy/time/money into a girl who never had sex with me after 2-3 months of dating last year. I just don't want to repeat that experience either.

[dudeman]

Man listen I looking for a wife not a f*** buddy or anything esle. what the f*** is money and what is time unless you a scientist man your time is worth about as much as money worth witch is nothing man so do what you do it seems like you a good guy and don't get a slut simple as that

[Asker]

Well I want to be the "good guy" and avoid the friend zone. Friend zone is a miserable place to be.

[dudeman]

Do what you do when you do it

[dudeman]

i don't think its possible

[Asker]

So go in for the kill?