Why am I not good enough for a guy to ever like me as much as I like him?

[Billiegirl]

So I was in an on and off relationship for 5 or 6 years with the love of my life and everytime we broke up, he was the one to initiate it. I admit that I have some pretty severe self esteem issues and it caused unnecessary fights between us, but it constantly seemed like I always loved him way more than he loved me. I have worked since I've been I'm high school and he has always talked about having a future with me, but he never took any steps to make it possible. He wouldn't even get a job for me and he was in his 20s. I paid for his gas, all of our dates, when we lived together I bought all the groceries and i even paid for him to have his headlight fixed after months of him not fixing it. After every fight, he would threaten to leave me and a couple days ago, he finally told me he was leaving for good. He blocked me and I haven't heard from him in 2 or 3 days. He was always sweet to me and treated me like he loved me unless we were fighting, and I'll be honest, I started almost all of our fights because of my insecurities. But even though he treated me like he loved me, I still felt like I loved him a lot more. Everything was so "meh" with him. Like he didn't really care either way if I was there or not.. and I have been in relationships in the past where other guys have treated me the same way. Not really caring if I was there or not, and fucking me once or twice and then dumping me.. what could be wrong with me? Other girls seem to practically have guys falling at their feet and yet I always seem to give my all, but every single guy I've been with has given me the bare minimum.. why can't I find someone who actually likes me? Could I just be really unattractive or bad in bed? I don't know why else nobody will try for me after i try to be a good girlfriend.. especially the guy I planned a future with and did almost everything for.. what is wrong with me?

Updates

1 y

Brutally honest answer ARE WELCOME AND ENCOURAGED. What the hell is wrong with me that repulses guys so much? Please be brutally honest. I want some advice.

[Anonymous]

You need to do some very genuine and dedicated work on yourself, hun. It was sad reading this because of how hard you are on yourself. Rather than relying on a boyfriend to uplift and make you feel good or worthy, you should actively start working to instill that in yourself. Because what you’re bringing to the table is a lot of baggage that you make up for with funding every aspect of your relationship, as if you’re paying for his love and that’s not right. What makes his love better than yours? Why do you fight so hard to cling on to someone who isn’t doing that for you? It’s time to put some value on not only your time, but your presence in someone’s life, period. Seek help if you haven’t already, stay single (don’t go groveling to that man), and heal from your past. That’s where your focus should be, not shitting on yourself to feel worse than you already do.

[Billiegirl]

Thank for this. But what I really want to know is why guys don't like me? This isn't the only guy who has treated me like I'm just "meh." But other girls have guys doing almost anything for them. Please tell me. Could I possibly just be unattractive or bad in bed so they don't see a point to try? Please, please lmk.

[Opinion Owner]

Not saying this in a mean way, but I think your mental health issues play a big hand. You say you struggle with self esteem issues, and using the word severe tells me that once you get in your head about something you make it a very big deal. It’s tiresome for a guy to deal with a partner who is bringing up arguments and issues all the time. Maybe it’s not your intent, but it happens. You probably rely on your partner a lot to uplift you, reassure you and basically make you realize your value in general. But little things set you off on a tirade, and no amount of gifts and payments make that worth it. It’s better to stay single now and work on yourself, otherwise you will carry the baggage of your trauma from failed relationships from man to man. You just aren’t in a good position to be a good girlfriend to anyone right now. Not when you don’t love yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

I want add that to an extent I understand what you’re going through. Before my current boyfriend I went through several failed relationships, and I know that all of those disappointments take a toll. You do start equating their actions with your worth, like why is that girl better? Why am I not good enough to fight for? Why am I always the one trying so hard only to get dumped and he moves on to be happy while I’m stuck feeling broken? It’s a horrible cycle, but the only way to break it is to start replacing those negative thoughts with positive reinforcements. Like give yourself credit for the effort you put in. You tried hard and put in a lot. Recognize that maybe it’s less about you and more about him just wanting to move on to someone else. These things help.

[Billiegirl]

This makes sense. I think you're right. I'm going to work on myself.. so you don't think they know they can do better than me or whatever and that's why they never bothered to try?

[Opinion Owner]

I genuinely think that would be best. If your ex tries to come back, be strong and tell him you two need space right now so you can work on yourself. Because no changes have happened in either of you, and probably in less than a week you’d find yourself right back in what broke your two up in the first place. What you want is to be able to present the best, healthiest and happiest version of yourself when entering your next relationship, not still hurt and broken over the past but your desire for love rules over everything. It’s just unhealthy. As for why men have been that way towards you, aside from your mental health, understand that it’s not about you and your looks and stuff. If you were ugly they wouldn’t be with you in the first place. Some guys just get restless in relationships and want to be on the market again. You can be an almost perfect woman and still get broken up with. That’s just life. I mean look at knockout celebrities like Beyoncé, K
the Kardashians, And onward. These are successful, gorgeous women, can’t do much better than them and they still got hurt. No one is above it.

[DonkeyDan]

This is going to be fairly brutally honest.
It sounds like you were trying too hard, why would he need to try hard with you when he knoew he can doing whatever he wanted and you'd still be fine with it. Your insecurities are mostly to blame for that, as you're more scared of loosing him than he is of loosing you. Because of that, you allowed him to walk all over you and not respect you, and ultimately get tired of you. You sound very clingy too, a huge turn off for most guys.
I think you need to work on you as a person, and become more confident in yourself, get some therapy to deal with the insecurities otherwise this is likely to happen again, and again, and again. And stop picking losers and users because you think that's the best you can do.

[Thomas169]

Honestly, he doesn't seem like much of a catch either. What I'm gathering from you is that he mooched off of you. It seems like he was looking for a mother not a partner. Someone to look after him and take care of him. He seems like a child, very immature. Threatening you when he doesn't get his way. Now you're free to find a partner who greatly values you and appreciates what you do. I'd say, good riddance on that part.
You have to work on yourself too, though. It's not a good thing to start constant arguments and fights due to having a low self esteem. You're going to continue to push every single partner away, if you don't get help or work on yourself too. Best of luck to you.

[Billiegirl]

Yes but every single guy has treated me like I'm just "meh." I understand that I have issue I need to face and im. going to work on it.. but what is sp repulsive about me to guys? Why do they not see a point to trying for me when I'm trying to do my best? Could they just know they could do better than me or something? Be honest.

[Thomas169]

The issue starts from the beginning. The beginning of a relationship usually sets the tone for the entire relationship. Because you have such low self-esteem, these men take advantage of you because they know they can get away with it since you don't know your own worth or value. They know they can get away with treating you like crap and showing little to no effort, because you won't leave them when they do. If they're lazy or unappreciative from the start, for example, and you’re still sticking around, it sends the message that you're okay with this behavior. Therefore, they won't change. This, in return, causes you to believe there is something wrong with you when there isn't. Your only issue is basing your self-worth from other people. Your self-worth should come from within, not from others.

[slatyb]

" I admit that I have some pretty severe self esteem issues..." "... He never took any steps to make it possible. He wouldn't even get a job for me and he was in his 20s..." You definitely have some serious self-esteem issues. How were you raised?

If it's possible, see a therapist and talk about this. I was in the same place in my 20s and ended up in a disaster of a marriage before I finally got some help. It got better. Now I'm happily married.

[Billiegirl]

But how does that answer why he didn't like me and didn't care about me tho? Why wouldn't he try for me when I tried so hard for him? And it wasn't just him. Other guys have treated me like this before too, whereas other girls practically have guys doing anything for them. What is so repulsive about me?

[Billiegirl]

I'm not trying to disagree with you.. I just want to know what's wrong with me that makes guys not like me very much..

[slatyb]

He's incapable of caring for anyone but himself. He's extremely insecure and can only feel better by making someone else feel worse. Anyway, his motivations don't affect you, only his behavior.

[spartan55]

What is wrong is not what you think. You are to loser guys, and the results speak volumes.

[spartan55]

*attracted to

[Billiegirl]

It's not just a coincidence that none of the guys I've been with haven't really liked me.. there has got to be something wrong with me.. because other girls have their boyfriend's practically obsessed with them. But in my relationships, I'm always the one giving my best and getting close to nothing in return.. what is repulsive about me to guys? I really really want to know..

[spartan55]

It's nothing about you. You are dating guys who don't appreciate or respect you. You are choosing to tolerate being treated that way.