My girlfriend just wants to cuddle in silence all the time. Am I being a jerk?

[mark3000]

so my girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We have a lot in common in the way we think and our views on the world, but we don’t really have similar interests during downtime. Weekends are cool cuz we’ll go out and do something but anytime we are just chilling at home after or on the weekdays, she wants to cuddle in silence. I’ll do it for like 20 mins but im ok after that. I’m the kind of person who just can’t handle silence. I need background noise at least but I also like…wanna watch a movie or something with her. That’s fun for me. I’ll suggest it when we are just laying there and she says “well, if you’re bored”. It’s not that I’m bored of her, I just think laying in silence is boring. But now I feel bad for asking because it’s like I’m obsessed with TV or something. I just don’t need to cuddle all the time when we have nothing else going on. I don't know. Maybe I’m missing something but I think we’re at the point in dating where we can kind of just coexist with each other on the weekdays and not feel pressured to like swoon each other. Thoughts?

[Nawlins34]

First of all, I'm happy for you.

This woman is telling you through her ACTIONS, at her most peaceful moments, she likes you present. Without words, that's a huge statement. So you're moving in the right direction.

I do this with my fianceé quite a bit. Here's my advice.

1.) Don't beat yourself up. She gave you permission to watch the TV. Her presentation is off with the, "well, if you're bored".

2.) Add 10 minutes. I know at 20 you're ready to wild out, LOL. But I suggest adding 10 so that you feel better about #3

3.) Take the lead here - don't suggest it afterwards, announce it beforehand. "Okay, so let's just lay here in silence for 30 mins, after that, we're watching a movie."

This works because you're taking the lead and actively participating. You're setting expectations upfront.

If she pushes back, you have have that additional 10mins to lean on and let her know you've willingly cuddled in silence, let's do something I want to do. That's fair and healthy.

Be safe and good luck.

[PrettyPriya]

I would agree that you should be at that point where you can coexist like any normal couple. However, this seems to be something that she enjoys, just like I am sure you have things you enjoy.

A relationship is give and take. Compromises on many things. Best to talk to her. If you absolutely can not indulge her cuddling needs, you need to be upfront now because this is unlikely to change.

However, if you can find a way to satisfy that need for her, I suggest doing so. After all, if you care about someone, you learn to deal with certain things that maybe you don't necessarily love to do because you love that person.

For example, I'm not into watching sports much. However, my SO is a big sports fan. I have learned to support that and get interested in his likes. After a while, I found myself enjoying watching with him. Now, it is still not something I would do on my own but I do it for him.

It was the same with cooking. He was complete rubbish and had no desire. However, because I like to do it and it is quality time, he started learning and helping me cook. It turned into a nightly thing where we can chat and spend time together.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, I get you. That is pretty boring. Just tell her what you said here.

"Sandra, (i don't know her name) it’s not that I’m bored of you, I just think laying in silence is boring. I don't want to make you feel bad for asking to do something else. It’s not like I’m obsessed with TV or anything. I just don’t need to cuddle all the time. I'm at a stage with you where I feel we can kind of just coexist with each other on the weekdays and not feel pressured to like swoon all the time."

[DaveJord]

Yeah, this sounds like an easy compromise situation my man.

If I was you I would tell her if she wants to snuggle that's great, but you need some type of back ground noise or show on. If she can only snuggle in silence then you can do that before bed time, but during the day you need something on TV if your are just going to be sitting still like that for a long time.

I mean me and girl friend sound pretty much the same as you and yours, but we love to cuddle and snuggle and after a good day out we put some show on and lay there snuggled up. One of us is usually asleep within the hour and the other one is just laying the watching TV and its amazing. We both really love to just be there together, I am really into this chick like that.

[crossdressingrihno]

If cuddling in and of itself isn't an issue then I have some advice that might work for you

Next time she's cuddling with you and do you get bored you can say something like this
"Do you want to watch a movie we can lay down on the couch? I just don't do well without auditory auditory stimulation" then to really hit home you can like kiss her on the cheek or something

I actually have an issue where I have to be hearing something at all times otherwise I get incredibly frustrated incredibly fast and of course in a relationship this would be one of the first things I'd talk about

[litty]

Lol that sounds like my old situation. Nowadays I keep a timer so it's like there is something I can do. 10 minutes cuddle and then off to some other activity. Other times I find it important to have sex before cuddling. At least in that way I'll probably fall asleep and she can cuddle in silence all she wants.

If you want to feel the pressure of swooning each other and being romantic it's good to mix it up every now and then. Don't always coexist on the weekends. There's camping outdoors, or lounging at the beach, or renting a airBnb and fucking in some strangers house.

[yucychan]

The point of being in a relationship is doing things together, doing some things she want and also doing some things you want. If you don't want to cuddle in silence, then by all means suggest something else e. g., watching netflix and cuddling together. Or getting some snacks while watching a show.

[MoniqueTLC]

The only way you're going to resolve this is by communicating how you feel about it. Otherwise, she's not going to know, and you'll start changing your demeanour towards her if you keep silent about it.
Just have a chat with her, all relationships need to have open communication for them to work.

[WinterWaves]

Don't overthink it
Be your true self
I'm pretty sure she started a relationship with you because she wants to know you and love you for who you are and if you are not showing her who you are she is not really in a relationship with the true you but with a fake facade.

[Smashingdoozy]

My ADHD brain would go insane laying in silence for that long. I think just tell her that while you love cuddling her you'd rather be doing it while watching something because the silence is deafening for you

[Anonymous]

My now ex was like this. I took it for granted at the time and was a little frustrated we didn't talk I think we had communication troubles throughout the whole relationship. But the silent cuddles are a fond memory for me.

Quiet cuddling is the best time to have those intimate personal conversations but don't be afraid of the silence or to turn on the TV lol.

[Chaddi]

Did you that women have far superior brain function. I'm just saying maybe your constant chatter and environmental noise are not stimulating. I used to have the same problem. I suspect She's trying to teach you how to be psychic. Not very subtly.

[sheikalana]

You should just tell her that silence bothers you. Communication is key for a long lasting relationship. Both of you need to understands each other in order to address each other's needs.

[Changiis07]

I mean you can always let her know exactly that and be open with what you think and feel. Be like I don't mind cuddling but I want some background noise

[Straight2thepoint]

If you're looking for action , then yes. That will make u feel like a jerk. But if she is just like that, then something is bothering her. Either afraid to commit or her last relationship scenarios keep fucking her over.(that if she ain't over it)

[genericname85]

it doesn't even sounds like there's a problem to me. like why do you feel like you're being a jerk? did she complain that you didn't cuddle enough with her?

[bamesjond0069]

Yeah whats with the silence? Id honestly fall asleep and be snoring in her ear if i was trying to do that... or be turned on and start fucking. What else is supposed to happen when you cuddle in silence?

[ChrisWaters]

Just turn the tv on if you want to.
Problem solved.

[ChrisWaters]

You can still hold her while you watch something and she sleeps.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Why not watch a horror movie with a headset so you get to enjoy yourself, and she gets to enjoy her silence?

[anon1903]

You're definitely not asking for a lot here. Ask her about her fascination with silence.

[driven159]

you should be talking to her not be here asking us try Commnication that works all the time

[KrakenAttackin]

I agree, total silence is awful.

[WhitneySnow]

Cuddling is fun