What blocks you from accepting love in your life?

[Anonymous]

be honest
fears, insecurities, the past, etc...

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this question.
*sigh* here we go hearts all bared.
Lots has to do with all the times in my life I moved and left people behind. Everytime I got close to not just females but friends, I moved and the rip was quite painful. That comes to mind every time I want to get close to people. I was always just outside the group.
I did get married finally but ouch the betrayal and viciousness that came from her really did a number on me. She accused me of all kinds of horrible things and tried to get the police involved in her schemes but they saw right through it. Even years later when the accusations flew they ignored her.
I finally met someone much later and that went very bad. I was attacked and accused of horrible things, and felt all alone. A friend's wife took her side and I was harassed maliciously and made fun of. There is a bit of evidence that she might have been in collusion with my x and her family. If it wasn't for a comment by my one and only closest friend I think I would have lost it all together. I was of the opinion it was all me.
I moved to get a new start. But here I have not made any close friends. I am very friendly and outgoing. I have no problem at all talking to strangers. But, I just don't get close.
There are times at night I lie in bed holding my pillow wondering what it would be like to share those quiet moments just being 2 people together.
But mostly I am content being by myself. The one person who has been there for me and had to drag myself through every heartache, agony, depression to the light, to laugh, to be positive, to keep pressing on. So while I love to help, I don't tend to lean on others or expect much from them.

[HighlyVolatile]

When I was single, I was allergic to the hassle of it. I don't even think my single side was wrong now over a decade into marriage. I've just come to enjoy the hassle.

[HighlyVolatile]

It's a hassle for the woman too, you know? There's some degree of freedom lost in committing yourself to a person. You can't escape. If you like to escape and just go hide out in your man-cave or woman-cave for a whole week, you can't do that with the love of your life. You can't keep your life *that* separate. And I don't even think that's a stupid concern. That's a very genuine one.

But I've come to find I adapted. I don't want to stay alone in my place that long. I miss my wife coming home. But I've adapted, or some people might even use the term, "brainwashed". Either way, I can't be alone even if I want to now. I've somewhat broken my ability to be alone.

[Asker]

I am currently trying to convince a guy who does love me that settling down it not the death of your social life and freedom. He wants to settle down but is terrified.

[HighlyVolatile]

That's a genuine fear, no? Maybe you should be afraid of that too and then you can become afraid together and that binds you so close that you figure you're stuck with each other.

[Asker]

interesting viewpoint

[HighlyVolatile]

It's not one as simplistic as wanting to sleep with a bunch of women at least in my case. It might even tie to self-esteem. I'm not sure I'm pleasant company all the time. I have my good days and bad days and everything in between. Is the girl going to love me at my very worst? When I have my slob days, lazy days, asshole days, the whole gamut? You know, cause when we were dating I could retreat into my man-cave when I had those worse days.

Even if she was spending 2 days at my apartment, I could say I'm starting to have one of those bad days and we could kiss and hug and she'd leave and spend time at her place. I didn't have to show her my worst of worst sides because I couldn't imagine any woman loving me when I did.

My wife changed my wife. She loves my very worst of worst sides. She's a crazy woman.

[HighlyVolatile]

My wife changed [my mind].

[Asker]

I love him for who he is. Can I ask how she showed you she was worth it?

[HighlyVolatile]

The question doesn't register the way I think. She was worth it from the start. What convinced me to marry her was her convincing me that I was worth it to her. I didn't think I was worth it.

[Asker]

Got it thanks so much.

[HighlyVolatile]

Cheers! It's kind of a thing like after a number of relationships, I'm just waiting for the girl to break up with me (or her to turn insane and I could initiate the break up). I didn't fancy myself as husband material. I could charm girls though! At least when I was young, I could talk, flirt, dance my way around girls, and have entire groups of girls thinking I'm charming while one fixated on me.

I could build that fantasy in women that I'm a great guy. But then I return home and take a shit and throw my clothes in the laundry and sometimes I smell when I get sweaty. I could hide that part on the days and nights out. I could be Prince Charming for 2-4 hours in a day on a good day only to turn into a bum when I got home.

I didn't think a woman could stick to that bum side, you know. My wife is a lunatic! She loved me too much. It's like one of those pets where you try to unleash them into the wild painfully, not because you want to, but for their own good, and they keep coming back. Then I figured I'm stuck with her. Her love for even the worst of me drowned me. Then I made her the love of my life in my own mind. I made her everything that ever meant anything to me.

[Frontard]

How much does it have to take

[TacosRAwesome]

Insecurities. I was literally invisible to the opposite sex as a teen and bullied by the same. Also technically have a partner.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Mostly a lack of interest. I've always been more of a loner and don't really have any desire to be in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Women simply are unwilling to put forth ANY effort. I CAN'T have feeling towards someone who doesn't exhibit any towards me. When they do, it's found out to be an act pretty quick because they just want something from me.
You know how you say men predominately exploit women for sex. Well this is the guy's version. Women exploit us for money, attention, and play with our feelings. Even when you seemingly do find a woman that seems to good to be true (it probably is). It's usually all and act and she's off as soon as she sees a better offer.
After a while you decide the juice isn't worth the squeeze and you choose the peace and tranquility of being single. And if you're their long enough you seriously question just staying there.

[Asker]

I am so sorry someone hurt you this bad. I want to ensure you that yes some women act like that but not all.

[NamerOfStars]

A prolonged series of betrayals leading to what's essentially high-functioning PTSD. Doing "a relationship" right requires a level of trust I simply don't think I'm capable of any more.

[shyguy1886]

Nothing but I accept any love that comes my way with open arms since at the moment I am neglected of that for the time being as I don't have someone to love me.

[FilmGuy93]

I just haven't met any women who inspire me to take the plunge with them.

[Anonymous]

love is useless for me. i cannot waste my time on such a thing because i have to stay focused on my ambitions.

[Frontard]

The other two of us will have to be there

[jennifer_bloom]

Fear is the main thing

[soe11]

Agree

[NathanDavis]

nothing, I have love in my life

[weirdoweirdo]

No one giving me any love to begin with.

[TenkRealist]

Cheating ex?

[Danny_dan92]

Fear + trauma

[jahaims]

Nothing

[Sam_25]

Love? What is love?