How do I stop being a loser?

[Colour_buzzy]

I'm studying at university and until now I have always been oppressed and suppressed by my family and friends and I've been introverted. I'm 19 years old, I've never had a boyfriend, yes no, it's shame. I'm constantly avoiding people. I can't continue my relationship with people or I'm afraid. I have social anxiety, I went to therapy even more. It got worse and I stopped therapy. But now it's time to be an individual. I want to be loved too. How can I love myself? How can I socialize? How can I express myself comfortably? I have developed a habit of being afraid of men. They approach only to have sex. I both want it and I'm afraid of regret. I'm afraid that I will see myself as an inferior person. And I'm afraid that people will think that way about me. I'm even ashamed of my appearance. I think that I am not worthy of people. In short, how do I get rid of being a loser? I even hesitate to show my femininity:'(

[caring__1]

Stop focusing on getting a partner, and start focusing on personal growth. Stick with group activities for now. Join an organization that promotes an interest of yours or a cause you believe in. Take on a role of responsibility. You'll find it easier to function if you have a structure. The role will give you that structure. That way, every time you do one thing it will give you confidence to do the next, and your self-esteem will grow. People will see you in action and admire your accomplishments. You can also accomplish this by doing volunteer work or finding an internship in the area you are studying. As you move forward, the rest of your life will fall into place. Focus on being a person, not a receptacle.

[Colour_buzzy]

Well, one more question. Who wants to go out with someone who has not had a partner before? It doesn't look like a nerd or asocial girl then, at least? I always be like a nerd student and noone wants to talk me. So I'll stay the same as me?

[caring__1]

Everyone who experiences a first partner has spent all previous years without a partner. That didn't prevent that person from having that first partner. If you follow through on what I previously suggested, you'll expand your horizons, build your self-esteem and have more to offer a future potential partner. You can sit around and beat yourself up, or you can move forward in life. We all either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. Discover how to make the most of the person you are rather than fantasize about being someone else.

[Anonymous]

You have to learn to love and validate and define yourself with your own thoughts and opinions and make sure that you are been a good friend to yourself, that you are taking care of you and acting in your own best interests etc.

[Colour_buzzy]

When I try to do these things, I feel bad again because of the people who meddled in my life. So is that means all my friends, family members are toxic?

[Opinion Owner]

Power and responsibility go hand in hand, you cannot have one without the other.

Your feelings are always your responsibility and you do have the power to choose how you are going to frame whatever situation you happen to be in, you could be negative or positive etc.

You should be mindful of this and any time you find yourself blaming other people for something you can instead, not blame, but take ownership, power and control of your situation.

Blame doesn't help anybody, when things go wrong it doesn't matter whos fault it was, if you can learn something to avoid it happening again, great, if not then move on.

The more you take ownership over yourself and your feelings, the stronger you will become, if you are the only person who can affect your emotional state then you cannot be hurt by insults and you cannot be manipulated by flattery.

[MarkRet]

I was once the same way. At 19, I was going nowhere, both career-wise and social-wise, and considering suicide. At 21, I ended up getting a better job in another part of the state, and left my old world behind. I started doing things I always wanted to do, like ice skating lessons, and other things. It all expanded my horizons, and gave me a feeling of accomplishment and self-confidence. Talking to people became easier along the way, and I eventually ended up getting married. I’ll always be a nerd, but I don’t care anymore. I can look you in the face and say “Hi!”, and usually the other person gets uncomfortable and looks away.

You just need to focus on yourself right now. Do something that interests you and expands your horizons, like ice skating, dance lessons, artwork, horseback riding, archery, as examples. Along the way, you’ll meet new people, and have things to talk about. It all just kind of falls into place.

[Anonymous]

I’d love to help you out but there’s just way too much on your plate for someone on this website to dissect. I think it’s better to go back to therapy. People can throw out all these suggestions but unless they’ve walked in similar shoes they don’t realize how hard it is to do all the things they’re suggesting. I’m sure even you could tell someone to do what many of these answers have said to do. Saying it is one thing, but doing it is another. You need therapy to help you get to the top of these feelings, where they all stem from, how to cope w them when they are at their highest point, then how to maneuver around them to be productive in the way you want to. I don’t know if that would require taking some medications, which I don’t like but that’s not up to me. It’s more complex then coming online asking strangers for advice. I wish you the best, you’re still very young, I’d hate for you to be like this the rest of your life.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Step 1. Stop caring what people think.
Step 2. Write down everything you enjoy doing.
Step 3. Do those things.
Step 4. Find a guy who likes doing those things too.
Step 5. Pick one of your hobbies to earn an income from.

[Colour_buzzy]

good advice, I'll try

[TheSpaceGnome]

👍 👍

[Guy13]

You are in university. You are not a loser. You want even remember this 💩 at 25. Screw what Social etc think. Focus on Nuclear Engineering, Physics, Analytical Mathematics, or whatever. Your feminine nature is your Strength.

[Sparkie460]

Stop caring about what other people think. Love yourself first. If you don't love yourself people will see that. In order to be a good friend to someone you have to be your own friend. Do things that make you happy, not what makes other people happy.

[Wonderwhat]

You are 19. You are still very young. How can you be a "loser" when you didn't even get started with anything yet. Relax and take it easy. You are just getting started with being an adult you are not 35 in your parents basement relax.

[exitseven]

You have to stop thinking of yourself as a loser. You are not a loser. Play to your strengths and try to improve on things you are interested in.

[Avicenna]

You need to get away from them and their negativity

[Anonymous]

what are you talking about society is retard GOD Christ is above the dome

[Opinion Owner]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMr6Qb0_5kM

[slatyb]

Find a better therapist.

[In_Trance]

I think you should go back to therapy