Move on and kick him out?

[Shelly278278]

I'm at a loss on my boyfriend. We've been friends for several years prior and been dating almost 2 years. I've been married before, now divorced with kids. After our relationship grew, I've been very transparent and clear on my wants n needs to him and so was he.. so I thought till recently. We've discussed future stuff before many times like marriage, maybe future kids or not etc.. it didn't seem to bother him and i felt we could go the next step. Now he's moved in with us and as a single mom it's been great as my kids and I finally have some stability with help. Now a month after he moved in, he's been more affectionate with my kids specially my youngest and has shown no interest with me, from sexually to even talking. I've discussed with him many times what's wrong or what's going on and eventually we got into an argument as I've felt beyond ignored. Out of nowhere he yelled out that he's not interested in sexual relations anymore and that's not in his life anymore and in the past while he literally can't get married due to a past reason which he's refused to tell me and he doesn't want additional kids. I feel like he's done a complete 360 on me from what we've originally discussed and now he feel like the awkward roommate. I feel like my own personal needs and wants have been completely slammed out. Yes, that was a decision he completely made without telling me and not what we talked on or else he wouldn't have moved in or our relationship proceeded further. Now my kids are involved with him and I feel stuck on what I should do. I have very little support from groups and family but what are your thoughts?

[OlderAndWiser]

1. You should NEVER allow your children to meet anyone you are dating until you are very close to becoming engaged. Having your SO get emotionally attached to your kids, and vice versa, complicates things TREMENDOUSLY!

2. This is a preview of what a long term relationship with him will be. Decisions made withoout consulting you and then being told to take it or leave it. I don't see that you have much choice in this situation: he needs to go.

[DivineZero]

Well he sounds very overwhelmed and possibly self conscious. As a man once you see how you effect children it's scary because you don't want to pass on bad shit that was given to you. More common in molested or bullied men. I think you should nurture and stop concentrating on your wants and needs and see that he's obviously having a hard time. Don't pressure him just do nice things for him like make him foods he likes. Rub his feet. Give him compliments and if you have time be there if he likes to play video games. if he moved in and shows affection to your kids he loves you and accepted your children. Try not to be so your head. There's nothing wrong with you just help him be the man he wants to be. Relationships are about service and if your just thinking about you and that's all you care about. Then you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship. I wish you the best and I pray for your strength and patience 😁!

[EarthRealm]

Agreed dudes clearly overwhelmed.

[Screenwriter]

@EarthRealm She doesn't need to adopt another CHILD. SHE needs help and support, not someone ELSE to support. Completely disagree with you guys. He's reneged. I don't care why. It's his actions and behavior and total 360 after their original discussions.

Maybe she should give him a chance, but give him a chance FROM A DISTANCE. He can't live with her anymore. That's the bottom line. Maybe he'll get his shit together. This is NOT HER PROBLEM or her responsibility.

He needs to fix himself ELSEWHERE..

[DivineZero]

This isn't a bussiness transaction. It takes work anyone who has healthy relationships should Bea le to recognize that. When one is down the other needs to help if it's everyman for themselves then it's not a relationship to begin with. Loving someone else's kids is no joke and it's not like washing dishes😂😅

[Screenwriter]

Little kids are easy to love! They're cute, innocent and need you. But for him to say he no longer wants to have sex with her, is completely weird. He's only interested in interacting with the children in a loving way? This sounds off base. Overwhelmed is one thing. Avoidant is a completely different scenario.

When men are stressed, sex is often their safety valve. It's easy for a man to be affectionate in concert with physical intimacy. For him to withdraw this intimacy and say he's no longer interested in it.. EVER.. is a sign that it's something MORE than just being overwhelmed.

[DivineZero]

You don't sound like a guy at all so it's weird that you feel like you know guys since nothing you said was correct except "not wanting to have sex is weird". Don't pretend to know if you don't and if you want to know study with the strong desire for the truth.

[Screenwriter]

Just going on my personal experience and some reading. I don't pretend to know the whole truth. THere's something beneath this withdrawal that doesn't sit right. And the withdrawal is absolute and sudden! Something is wrong other than being overwhelmed. If he was SO overwhelmed, he would also withdraw from the kids and everything else. He'd make himself scarce. But he hasn't done that. I'm trying to draw conclusions from reasonable and logical behavior. Can't come up with anything. If the relationship matters so much, go see a therapist and talk out the problem is what I say.

[DivineZero]

Good conclusion and it does happen where you feel so much pressure from your signicant other but therapy is the answer.

[EarthRealm]

Yah She’s not a dude she don’t Know how we work.

[EarthRealm]

Plus she’s Using Magical thinking. She said that kids are easy to love and is saying how just because it’s easy for her to love kids that it’s easy for everyone
But that’s magical thinking.

[DivineZero]

You are Earth realm but there were some things she touched in the end that were correct or in the right track. Needing therapy is one if them. It is important to at least give her credit for that. If we are willing to criticize the wrong points she made then applaud the good ones😁. I'm proud of her for at least trying to find solutions because that's not easy for everyone.😌👏🏽

[DivineZero]

MagicaL thinking 🤣🤣🤣🤣 thank you EarthRealm I will keep this one with me always!🙏

[Screenwriter]

TEll him to get the hell out of there. IT'll be a little sad for your kids, but you don't need this kind of shit.

He didn't tell you about his true feelings because he wanted the "family" life without any interpersonal relationship with you. This is simply, completely wrong.

Kids are flexible. THey'll get over it. You don't want them growing up around this weirdo. If he's asexual, let him be asexual by himself, not at your expense.

Pack his shit and toss it out the door. What an asshole and a user!

Good luck.

[Shehnaz]

First things first, relationships are not all about needs and wants, 2nd: it is a good and a positive sign that he is close to your kids who are a part of your body and soul, now imagine if he could love your kids ( a part of you) Then why is he disinterested in you. See if after he has moved in, have you stopped paying attention to your appearance, personal hygiene and the way you approach him. Also try to take some time out for privacy. I am sure things will work out.

[Oigit]

I'm not a fan of basing things on "future plans." Because sometimes it seems like it's an easy way for people to agree to do something and they never really plan on doing. So it crates the kind of situation where your boss said you where going to be promoted in the future. But you end up working the same position indefinitely. That and or the person that agreed to do something in the future and gets cold feet the moment you start trying to move things forward.

So he might be getting cold feet or simply never was willing to get married and is now back pedaling.

[WhereIsMyMind]

Yeah I'd send him on his merry way. To suddenly change like that as soon as he's moved in is very deceptive and weird. I'd wonder if he was just putting on an act to get in to your house. Odd, I'd be questioning his intentions. Watch your kids, they come first of course.

I know you say he's built some kind of relationship with them but they'll be fine, end it now before he becomes a bigger part of their lives. You have them and they have you, and that's all that matters.

[WhitneySnow]

This gives me a really creepy feeling, like he wants your kids in an inappropriate way. Get rid of him.

[SaartjieJane]

Pack his things when he’s not there, when he comes to the house tell him to leave.

[Crankor]

Him staying there will only continue to make things worse. If you don't kick him out then you'll never move on.

[Delia1979]

Nothing positive and from what I’m reading sounds kinda creepy.

[MTC29]

There is nothing positive here. Kick him out.

[Anonymous]

Give him a boot in his ass and send on his way.

[JohnK123]

I would leave him