Do you think he should be making it up to me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend works hard, he’s a little bit of a work-aholic. This makes me think that sometimes he forgets what’s important in our relationship. We have been together for four and a half years and have recently moved into a place of our own. I also work and have a day off during the week to tidy the place, do the weekly shop, run errands / collect parcels that he has ordered … etc so I do get I don’t work the same amount of days as him BUT I have been making his lunch everyday, cooking his dinner, cleaning up after him and sometimes (if he’s working from Home) I will make him croissants and a coffee in bed. The fact is, I feel like I do quite a bit for him and I don’t get that much in return (not that I ask for that much in return). A little bit of quality time with me would be so appreciated. When I ask him to go for a walk after work he’s either too tired or has to go back and work from Home because all of his colleagues are and they have to reach a deadline and it would look bad if he doesn’t. I’m probably over reacting, in fact yes I am, there are much worse things in the world. What do you think? Does anybodys partner buy you flowers or plan a nice day or just make extra effort?

[Anonymous]

Let me preface this by saying that in some ways I get where you’re coming from. I haven’t been with my boyfriend long, almost a year, but his schedule is crazy as well. He works 12 hour days, gets off at 11, and by the time he makes it home at almost 12pm he’s exhausted and I maybe get about 30 mins with him before he falls asleep. As you can imagine this arrangement can be hard, but the saving Grace is who he is as a person, and I think this is something you have to recognize within your partner. My boyfriend is the sort that drives the 45 mins after work every night to my place because he wants to fall asleep with me. He finds a store still open that late and will grab me flowers if he knows I had a bad day, or anything I need. He gets one day off a week and spends majority of it with me after taking care of any errands he has. These are things he does, because that’s his character. If your partner is not the sort to prioritize a little time with you, or do thoughtful things for you, it’s less about work life and more about the desire to do things that say ‘even though I work a lot, I appreciate not only your accommodations but you as a person’. I don't know if he was always this way, like maybe he started off doing little things to show you love. But if right now or for a while he hasn’t, it’s either something you make peace with, or have a conversation about and go from there.