Do you think I should bring up what happened and see if we can move forward or just keep making small talk?

[Anonymous]

a guy I have history with randomly started talking to me again and I was so caught off guard. We never really talked about what happened in the fall time, but he basically he ghosted me and hurt me so much and I don’t even know if he’s aware of it. Anyway, it was pretty funny he walked into a spider web and that kind of started the small talk, I asked him how work was and he said it was good and and then he noticed that I got a new vape and I was like oh yeah I did, and that I lost my old one and he asked me where I went to I told him a cheap place by my house and he told me I should go to the smoke shop he worked at and I was kind of being playful like if I tell them I knew him would they give me a discount and he was like no lmao at that I can try lmao but after that i felt it getting awkward so I just told him I had go to work now and he was like yeah me too and take care. But yeah I don't know it was just so random, and I don’t want to get my hopes up so do you think I should just bring it up next time I see him like why are you talking me, did you forget that you ghosted me? Or just continue having small talk with him and see where it goes if it goes anywhere..

[SequentialDrop]

Personally I'm more comfortable with a direct question. That way of communicating ideas WITHOUT being clear & HOPING the point got across is like a game, and for most I think it's not a fun kind of game. It's ok as a way to start a probe for info but anything more is just redundant after more than a few times.

[Asker]

I could flat out ask him, but I don’t want things being awkward or is just getting mad and not talk. We literally just started talking again so I feel like it’s a ticking time bomb, at least for me. But then again I don’t really want to waste more time with the small talk :(

[SequentialDrop]

You're profile says 23yo, right? You're a smart person I'm thinking. a lot can be conveyed by a person by more than just the spoken word. So, that being said, I was also pretty intelligent AND would like to think I am more-so now at 41yo. But for a long time I have been told I am great at giving advice, even by a couple counselors I saw after my divorce over a decade ago. But even as a "smart person" I do some pretty dumb things. MANY of the things I regret could be traced back to me NOT OPENING MY MOUTH. I was quiet & shy growing up. Drove myself crazy with anticipation of things that never happened. It's nice to hope & dream but it's sooo nice to be told directly the way to do things correctly & effectively with positive results. ABOVE ALL THOUGH... guys are ACTUALLY kinda dumb. (I can already hear the guys loading their guns, lol.) But we're not ACTUALLY all dumb. Just in comparison to women we just seem "simpler", I guess you could say. It's just by biological. By default FEMALES are set up physically to multi-task as that is a vital trait when rearing young children WHILE doing many other mom- things AT THE SAME TIME. You're low-key a multi-tasking machine! Plus that puts off a vibe of a higher intelligence more often than not. BUT GUYS? Lol. We're smart too, but our train of thought is more linear. It might take us longer to do what a woman can do but it came from the process of evolution. Imagine you're an early human. MULTI-TASK is a power for the mother watching the little ones PLUS doing many other things at the same time. BUT GUYS have "one-track minds" mostly. That's why we built things like huts or whatever needed to be built. ONE stick, then another, then 2 more, then wall, then after a while CAVEMAN MAKE HOUSE. Lol. Some might say this is sexist. But I don't think it is. It was necessary back then. But we humans tend to evolve BUT we also tend to hold onto old ideas, even those that have been improved.

[Anonymous]

Maybe be friendly if he talks to you but don't push anything. Let him make the running. At some point, assuming he is interested, you can ask him about last time and point out you don't want to do that again. What are his plans.

[donkeyde]

I say just have small talk and be friends and if he wants to try something then bring up what he did and make him understand that the terms are on your court since he should already know what he did then too you from before.

[Asker]

what if small talk won’t get us anywhere I really want to move forward we always seem to be stuck in the spot, but I don't know if wants to move forward too

[donkeyde]

Then that case I say put it bluntly what you want and just say it. Us guys are stupid at times and sometimes we need a proper kick in the ass to get the idea of what we should do. Just do something that makes it clear like hey I want you so are we going forward or not. If not have a good one if so then good show me it’s worth it.