My boyfriend prioritises the game and talking with strangers through his headset over me every day, all day, am I missing something?

[abigailjones95]

My boyfriend is on the game every day, morning till bed. 4 - 8 hours of that time is spent talking to strangers very loudly through his headset. His voice dominates the entire house, but i have never complained.
I study full time from home. My final assignments are due tomorrow and im having trouble focusing.

I asked if it would be okay if he didn't talk on the headset today so i can focus.
Him: "what for how long the whole day i may as well not even play the game then" Me: "oh i didn't realise it was like that" Him: "yeah well we need to coordinate" me: "oh cause i just hear you talking about random stuff" Him: "yeah there's that too" me: "okay sorry"

- I feel like me being able to focus for ONE day should have been more important to him than coordinating on the game - which honestly, I've played as well and they're not - but even if they were. This is our house, he doesn't even let me play music as loud as he's talking because the people won't be able to hear him. Am i missing something, does anyone have another perspective? Thank you :)

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. You really are missing something.

I definitely have a perspective on this, I'm glad you asked.

What your missing is: This is not the relationship you deserve.

You sound like the one who is used to making the 'sacrifices and compromises' when it comes to your relationship.

OF COURSE you're right about you being able to study for your exams being more important that one day (or even a week, or a month... I mean it's a fucking game).

In fact this is so glaringly wrong that it's finally got you pissed off! (which is good!). Honestly, your brief snippet of conversation was legitimately upsetting to read. Because you're so meak and apologetic about... being treated like shit!

You can't play music... because it might disturb his game?

He spends from morning until bed on this game?

Something has gone sideways here. Is this how you pictured the relationship you wanted when you were a little girl? Is this even the relationship you pictured when you got together with him?

This sounds like it's way deeper than the "one day-off to study" incident. Although this is a glaring example of how he isn't considering your feelings, happiness, and clearly isn't making you a priority insofar as how (and who) he spends his time with.

Is... this what you signed up for?

I think, after your exams, you ought to have a think, then a talk. Because this is no good. 🙂

[abigailjones95]

made me cry lol. thank you

[SteveSmith1985]

You are very welcome. I hope that you can remember what you've always wanted in a relationship--and refuse to settle for less. Also, best of luck on your final assignments! 🙂

[abigailjones95]

thank you so much :)

[Anonymous]

You Ever hear of Headphones you can use them to listen to your music.
You ever hear of Gun range earphones they block out noise
Also It’s your house too do what you want it’s your phone your money 💴 you can buy a speaker and play it what’s he going to do yell at you just Ignore him.
If he decides he wants to Hit you tell him hit me and I will Make a police Report and get a Restraining order and we can get the divorce papers ready and have it signed by next week

[Opinion Owner]

Assholes can be Easily controlled through Fear but if your going to Instill Threats make good on your Threats or nobody will take your Threats seriously.

[Anonymous]

I’ve dated a gamer before and I’ll say this — you knew what you signed up for when you got into it, I’m not saying this rudely, unless this is like a new development, or it wasn’t like this in the beginning, then you had knowledge of his gaming habits. Maybe it was something you thought you could coexist with, and now it’s frustrating, but from his perspective you took him how he was, so why are these things suddenly not ok? Some guys are just really deep into that lifestyle and do not know how to prioritize life outside of it, unfortunately. So if that’s him, then maybe it’s time to reconsider keeping him as a boyfriend. Bc sure you could have a conversation but this is something he’s passionate about and likely won’t wanna change...

[abigailjones95]

I am a gamer as well, you maybe didn't read the description part?

[Opinion Owner]

I did read that in the description☺️ I’m just talking about him specifically, as a gamer and how he chooses to go about that lifestyle. For instance, I was a gamer in my early 20s, joined a community for my favorite game, met a guy and we started dating. I knew how to ration my time, and it most certainly didn’t revolve around gaming in all my free time but for him, it did. Outside of work and few social obligations he gamed all. the. time. This got tiresome after a while and led to our breakup. But this sort of dynamic is what I’m referring to.

[abigailjones95]

oh i see, thank you :)

[Dohbeieirjen]

A boyfriend is not a husband. You and he owe each other nothing.

[RuthlessAggression]

every day ALL day is a bit much, but i get how he feels. if you don't like it, tell him how you feel about it. and if it doesn't change, it's time for a new boyfriend

[Noodle_fan]

the battle between video game and girlfriend , it is never end
anyway , i am curious about what game he played

[Guy13]

No offense…sounds more like a prison than a peaceful and loving home…

[Guy13]

That being said, I’m running two jobs…one on 11-12 hour time zones…one on California time…and the GAG plus some pool, weeds, and flowers (Wi-Fi…).

I’m just built for 16-20 hours. I’ve got a lady friend who comes and goes…. Sometimes she’ll come over here for presence BUT she’s got plenty of space (screened porch) for that headphones thing you’re talking about.
-Much of my Business is FaceTime and Zoom when Eastern Time Zone are long ago sleep. Headphone guy too…Always two things happening at once and the developing world operates differently than USA….

Are you in a tiny space?

[Texasgal95]

Sit down and have a serious talk with ikm

[abigailjones95]

I have :( he just gets mad at me then i try not to care cause maybe im out of line somehow, but im so sick of it :(

[Texasgal95]

Then maybe he’s not the one

[Anonymous]

Time for a new boyfriend.

[lofii]

Don't get too comfortable

[WhitneySnow]

I think you’re right

[Iron_Man]

What game is this

[FunkyMonkee]

A relationship?

[abigailjones95]

Is this to say, it does not sound like one?

[FunkyMonkee]

Pretty much. You asked what you're missing, I said you're missing a relationship. The only times I was away from my future ex-fiance was when she was either studying at the library (and, sometimes I'd hang there with her) or at work (2 or 3 nights a week).

[abigailjones95]

aw thats nice. thank you

[FunkyMonkee]

Quite welcome!