Why does my boyfriend ignore me while he’s playing video games?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. When we first started talking, he always wanted to see me and he never played video games (at least not as much as he does now). He has a 10 y. o daughter from a previous relationship so he doesn’t get much time for himself which I understand but usually she’ll go to bed around 9:30 and he’ll stay up playing games until 2am which I hate because he has to go to work at 5. Anyway, sometimes I’ll come to his house and by 9pm he’ll tell me he’s tired so I take that as my que to go home and then I find out the next day that he stayed up playing games. So then on the weekends when his daughter goes to her mothers he’s always playing video games and ignoring me and my texts and telling me he’s tired and he’ll see me tomorrow. I don’t mind that he wants time for himself but it bothers me when he throws it in my face like I don’t know that’s what he does on weeknights before he goes to bed. It also bothers me because we haven’t gone out to dinner just the two of us in over a month when we used to go out all the time. I wanted to see him today but nope his games came before me, of course. I’m at my wits end here. I don’t know what to do.

[MagganM]

Your boyfriend is beginning to fall into that "comfort zone" that likely led to his previous breakup.

First, men are simple creatures who enjoy pleasure and relaxation. He works and raises a child, therefore he prizes his relaxation, which is understandable.

Second, he spends less time with you and more time "relaxing" (because lets face it, this is not about the video game, its about not having to do anything that takes effort) because you let him get away with it.

You need to have a straight discussion with him about your expectations, and then stick to your guns. If he doesn't ever change, or gets worse (high probability with these types of men) then you will have to consider moving on with your life, with or without him.

Videogame guys tend to start off relationships strong and descend into gaming more and more. Its worse when this is an addiction for them. It sounds like your guy is maybe a little addicted, at least.

I don't think he deliberately stays up late to play video games INSTEAD of spending time with you. I think whats more likely happening is that he just loses himself in doing it, not unlike a writer locking themselves away for days writing.

I do believe men who do this are not truly open to relationships, however good they start off. They may want a relationship, but happy is as happy does.

[SkyBreeze]

Ok, stop what you're doing. Do not spend another minute even questioning things. Go out with your friends, get some girl time in, go see a movie, get your hair done or a knew outfit. Keep busy living life and not being a pawn in someone else's. Stop calling him, let him call you. Stop making yourself so available or at his beck and call. If he calls you, and you are busy, tell him you are, but that you would love to see him later or on a different day. He has his interests, and so should you. In the end, he will either devote time and make a better effort in your relationship or he won't. He needs to devote time, not necissarily more time, but quality time, to your relationship. But the goal for you is to live life, what will be will be. If you spend all this time trying to fix things for you both or get him to see what is wrong, then you will end up regretting and resenting all the time you spent doing that, instead of living. People who constantly are trying to make a relationship work, alone, end up in a rut of not totally wanting to let go because of all the energy and time they gave. They hate to see it wasted. So just don't do it. Live life to the fullest. You be you, he can be himself and if you are meant to be it will be.

[Izumiblu]

I like what this lady says. She’s 💯 % correct here.

[GamingArtist]

This depends on the game, if its a offline adventure game not much attention is required and he doesn't mind any interruptions. But im guessing you're talking about him being online now that requires a lot of concentration and attention. Any interruptions may cause him lose and everybody hates losing. Imaging the scenario about building a house cards then someone (you) are nudging the table. So he tunes out anyone and everything.

[JC6397]

I think you could take part in that game as this will give both of you some time together and strengthen your relationship. If you really want this to work then rather than giving up you can surely try this. Being a guy let me tell you that if you click in the right way playing alongside him, he'll go crazy thinking about how lucky he is to have met you and if you don't believe me just try it once and then look at his smile and happiness once you both are done gaming.
And it won't matter if you suck at the game because he sounds like a nice guy who would appreciate good effort and support.

[AaronKrieger]

I'd break it off with him. I understand be being busy and wanting some time alone to chill and stuff, but doing it every time is bad. Any guy that interested in a girl is willing to put more time into her and talk to her. If he doesn't there is a good chance he isn't as interested anymore.

[kisses_peaches88]

Young men are like that. They appreciate their alone time more than actual relationships often times. Does he know your frustration?

[Asker]

He’s 32 though so I would’ve thought by now he’d understand. And yes he knows my frustration. Does he care? No. We’re always fighting about it. In fact, we’re fighting right now about it. He just doesn’t understand and he won’t hear me out. When I try to say things like, “I miss you” or “I just want to see you for a kiss” or “we haven’t been on a date in awhile” he just shuts me out and tells me he’s done with this conversation. I can’t win. It’s very frustrating.

[kisses_peaches88]

That relationship is done! Don't bother anymore.

[Cwazzycwafter]

The fact that you can’t even identify what he’s playing shows that there’s a lack of care on both end here.

[askmegirlagain]

Because it is difficult to concentrate on any other thing while you are playing video game. Also it could be his me time.

[Torrianna15]

Its just a guy thing. Mine does it all the time. so times i think the game has them under a spell. lol

[loveslongnails]

He values playing his video games more than he does time with you. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the answer.

[John_Doesnt]

Because no woman has ever been as exciting as Skyrim VR. Guys ignore you because you're boring.

[Hungry_Shark]

Because men are not multitaskers.
We can concentrate on 1 thing at any given point.

[CT_CD]

Because he's concentrating on playing video games. What do you want from him?

[tennybear]

Because he's playing video games and probably should be paying more attention to you instead of paying attention to them

[mroberts]

he likes... guy time.

[booblove]

He finds video game morr intresting than u

[Revolver_]

Video games are the most important thing in life.

[Anon-ymous1]

He has a kid?

[Cornchipuniverse]

That's normal

[dragon9669]

He's a loser