Can You Sue Someone for Breach of Promise to Marry?

[KelleyNice]

Groom attempting to run away

From the Middle Ages until the early 20th century, a man's promise to marry a woman was considered a legally binding contract. If the man were to subsequently change his mind, he would be said to be in "breach" of this promise and subject to litigation for damages.

This is a true story. I’ll leave it to the readers to decide if anyone, her mother, her aunt, her father, or her father’s family had any fault.

She was born in May of 1910, her maternal grandparents and many, if not most, of her kinfolks were tenant farmers. Her mother was in love with her father. At the time her aunt was engaged to her father’s brother. Her father family was wealthy, at least by their standards. He mother was pregnant and sued her father for “breach of promise.”

He aunt was not going to jeopardize her relationship with her father’s family by testifying for her sister in court. Her mother had to listen in court as man after man testified (lied) that he has sexual relations with her. With little money for an attorney as opposed to her father’s rich family and no one testifying in her behalf, her mother lost her case.

Her mother put her father’s name on her birth certificate and her mother never married. Her paternal grandparents would drive by and throw a sack of candy over the fence. She claims she never picked up the candy.

None of the people in the story are alive but several younger relatives are alive and one told me the story. The story was approved as a myTake by GAG administrators but never published.

Updates

1 y

@Jamie05rhs Of course many men will make promises to get what they want. Also, as one person (I believe it was on GAG) pointed out. Girls reward men with sex if they lie and make the right promises but they would punish a guy by denying sex, if he told the truth and said, "You will do when I'm horny but you are too fat, too old, or you are not pretty enough for a relationship."

[DWornock]

That is a very interesting and heart-rending story. It is almost tragic. Obviously, in the very early 1900's if a defendant could prove the woman had sex with numerous men, it would invalidate her breach of promise to marry lawsuit. Whether or not she had a lawyer, I don't know. Likely she didn't have the money to hire an attorney. A good lawyer would have taken depositions of the men and would force them to state when and where which they wouldn't be able to do because they would not know for certain that she didn't have witnesses that could prove otherwise. Knowing they could go to prison for perjury, they wouldn't have testified and might admit they were hired to lie. And the father's family would be in serious trouble for bribery.

So who is at fault? Obviously, the father and/or his family are at fault. The grandparents wouldn’t have driven by and tossed candy over the fence if they didn’t know she was their grandchild.

The aunt is a piece of trash for refusing to testify for her sister. I understand that might jeopardize her position with her fiancé family but trash is trash. And, the mother is not completely blameless for having sex with a guy that was not that into her.

If that happen today, she wouldn't need an attorney because the state would want someone to pay so the court would order DNA tests and order the father to pay child support.

[KelleyNice]

Thank you! You win the 1st MHO. You are the only person that talked about the story which by far was the most important thing. The others only answered the question which really doesn't have an answer since it depends on the current laws of the various states.

[abc3643]

Actually, yes... Sort of.

When an engagment ring (or other gift) is given by one person as illustrating intent to marry and the other accepts accepts the ring/gift as agreeing to intent to marry, then that is a legal intent to marry - an agreement to enter a marriage "contract", so to speak. If one of them breaks it off, any gifts must be given back because they were not pure gifts but part of the (now failed) marriage contract process.

If it is impossible to return the gift, then the person who initiates the break-up must compensate the giver/dumpee.

No if the giver is the one doing the dumping, then they are owed nothing and the person who received the gift may keep it.

There are exceptions too.

So, for instance, suppose the person doing the dumping ended it suddenly because s/he discovered that the other person was committing infidelity. Then the law considers the person who has committed infidelity as the person who did the dumping via there acts which are unacceptable under marraige.

[KelleyNice]

That depends on the state. Many states have laws that abolish the ability to sue for a breach of a promise to marry. www.legalmatch.com/.../...of-promise-to-marry.html

[KelleyNice]

@abc3643 Somehow, I find it difficult to accept, that if father gave the mother an engagement ring, promising to marry her, and got her pregnant, that he can just leave, with no obligation, provided he lets her keep the ring. Nevertheless, in effect, that is what happened.

[Adaeva]

Almost half the states allow a suit for breach of promise to marry.
https://heartbalmlaws.uslegal.com/breach-of-promise-to-marry/

It must have been awful for her to listen to numerous men commit perjury claiming they had sexual relations with her. I don't know which is worse--that or the fact that her sister would testify for her.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I never heard about this but I guess you learn a little every day. Its probably for the better that you dont sue people.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for the mention @exitseven! Until the early 1900's, virtually every state had "heartbalm" statues that provided the right to sue for things like breach of promise. The courts got severely entangled in some cases and people came to realize that such lawsuits never really resolved the problem or restored anyone to their status quo ante, so the statutes were eventually repealed. I believe that North Carolina still has a cause of action for breach of promise but, if so, that would be the only state where it is recognized.

[KelleyNice]

The converse was seldom true; the concept that "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind" had at least some basis in law (though a woman might pay a high social price for exercising this privilege).

[exitseven]

@OlderAndWiser DAmn, I knew I asked the right person Thanks for that.

[HighValue]

That wouldn't hold up in court these days. People are so immoral now and it has been accepted by the courts that promising to marry someone and changing their mind makes no difference. They can even cheat on their fiancé or spouse and the courts think it is fine now. Cheaters even get awarded custody of kids, get alimony, etc.

If that story had happened today they would have no legal standing at all.

[KelleyNice]

Obviously, like most people on GAG, you answer without doing research or having knowledge. South Carolina is one of the states that still recognizes a breach of promise action: Campbell v Robinson, 398 S. C. 12, 726 S. E. 2d 221 (Ct. App. 2012). About one-half of U. S. states still permit such lawsuits, according to the National Paralegal College. Examples of such suits include a jury award of $150,000 in the 2008 Shell case in Georgia, and $130,000 in a North Carolina jury trial December 17, 2010 in the case of Dellinger v. Barnes (No. 08 CVS 1006). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breach_of_promise

[KelleyNice]

However, I do give you credit for reading more than the question which is all most people do. In any event, if that happened today she may not have sued. However, without a doubt, the state would step in. And, with DNA evidence, paying men to lie wouldn't work.

[Jamie05rhs]

Engagement is simply a formal statement of intent. It's not a vow.

It's like when a basketball player pledges to play for a particular school. He (or she) hasn't even enrolled in that school yet. They're just publicly stating their intentions (which technically could change).

Marriage is a vow. When you marry someone, you are committing their life to them. Up until that point of the wedding ceremony, you still have every right to walk away.

[Jamie05rhs]

Regarding the story you told us:
This is why you don't have sex before marriage.
Was the woman married to the man? No. She was not. So she shouldn't have had sex with him and gotten herself pregnant. That was her fault.

[KelleyNice]

Even if I don't agree, I want to thank you for being one of the two people that expressed an opinion about any of the people in the story. That is, it is it is the mother's fault and, regardless of his promises to the mother, the father had no obligation.

[Jamie05rhs]

@KelleyNice You are welcome!

Just curious: what is your opinion on it?

[KelleyNice]

@Jamie05rhs Everyone in the story died before I was born and I doubt that anyone alive knows all the details. The girl's aunt married the girl's uncle but I don't know if the girl's father gave her mother an engagement or if they were actually engaged. The girl's mother did sue for breach of promise but lost her case because other men that almost certainly were bribed by her father's family,(I don't know how many men) testified they had sexual relations with her. That means he or his family had considerable fault. I don't believe she would have lost the case if she had the money to hire a competent attorney and money to pay for an investigation. In that case, there would have been pre-trial discovery, depositions, and interrogatories making it too risky to commit perjury. Although I can understand her reluctance to jeopardize her position with the father’s family, I don't think well of her aunt for being unwilling to testify for her sister.

However, I don't know what would have happened if she had won her case. Customs were different more than 100 years ago, but I doubt that the girl's father would have been forced to marry her mother. They probably didn't have court enforced child support back then and, even if they did, she probably couldn't collect if he moved away. There may have been a monetary award but I have no idea how much that would be or how difficult it would have been to collect.

He mother shouldn’t have had sexual relationship with the girl’s father but I guess hoping to marry into a rich family would be a strong motivation for a girl whose family are tenant farmers.

[Jamie05rhs]

@KelleyNice A lot of guys hold out incentives for girls to have sex with them. It doesn't mean they're going to follow through. It's a game. It's a gimmick.

If course it isn't right. I'm just telling you that this is the reality of what goes on.

[Jamie05rhs]

Of course, if she tried to get pregnant on purpose to try to get him to fall for her out of sentimentality, then that's totally on her. She took a big risk and she got burnt. Unfortunate, but not necessarily unjust.

[KelleyNice]

@@Jamie05rhs I intended to reply to you but instead I posted my reply in the update.

[Jamie05rhs]

@KelleyNice That's okay. I agree with your update! 💯

[exitseven]

I believe this has been done. I wonder if our resident expert @OlderAndWiser could shed some light on this.

[Whatever2929292]

Anymore I think you can sue for anything. That is pretty shitty to do... But sometimes there are legitimate reasons for not marrying. Such as cheating among many other things.

[N192K001]

That depends on jurisdiction & the details of the incident.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'd have to wait `til someone breaches her promise.

[RuthlessAggression]

no. you can't

it'd be like suing someone, for breaking up

[genericname85]

Oh course you can. That's why women get alimony.

[baserunner611]

If there damage, money was spent

[EaterPeter]

Yes, in India at least, I guess