Why marry if she or he can divorce you at will?

[foxsquirrell]

I mean why not simply live together, and if someone wants to leave its easy, you just leave. If you marry and you want to leave, then you have to get a divorce and its not exactly a piece of cake is it?

I just don't get it.

[AmandaYVR]

It's true. And more and more people feel as you do. It's hard to argue that logic.

I will say that marriage probably exists not just because of cultural norms, but because it is a romantic ideal that many still want to strive for. To marry another is to say, "I choose you above all others, forever." And that is a big commitment. And a beautifulo sentiment. Often, unfortunately, it's a promise that is broken. That's one way to look at it. But the realities are that the longer we live, the more we experience, we do legitimately change. And people often grow, but grow apart. The people can also realize all that they gave up in choosing this particular person, and start to resent them for not having those things in their life.

Add to that the fact that once you've explored every nook and cranny of a person, and they never or rarely say anything surprising or fascinating, it is a difficult challenge to keep up the same level of interest in one another, and therefore effort wanes. You also fall into patterns that are difficult to break. Your dynamic becomes your dynamic. You can change that, or specific aspects, but it has to be a mutual and concerted effort and commitment. It feels like the dynamic is specific to you two, like an alchemy of two specific elements.

Getting together with someone new invigorates a zest for life, and that process of discovery is intensely fun for a while. But ultimately, after all that, you have to make the same decisions again, whether you are more or less compatible than you first thought. And those kinds of explorations generally can't/don't happen while with another.

I think marriage will always exist, but it will decrease in frequency more and more over the years. If people aren't sure, they shouldn't get married. But we all know people get coerced into it by the other party, and family, and even a bit of societal pressure (but the last one, people should just entirely ignore and not factor in). Having kids not in a marriage makes things a bit more complicated, but it's doable.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being together, committed, but not getting married. But people idealize marriage because signing a contract and making it legal is no joke, and that shows deep love; or sometimes coercion or necessity.

[Screenwriter]

Marriage is still, more often, an "official" partnership recognized by faiths, families and civil authority. But, any long-term partnership where two people are serious about their relationship is difficult to end. There's no "just leave" about it.

Sure, you don't have to do a legal divorce in the civil sense, but If you've lived together more than a few years and acquired wealth together, meaning a home, cars, money, and had children together, you're STILL going to need the court system and lawyers to decide what goes to whom. There's NO avoiding it!

Now if one partner decides to ghost the other and take nothing but the clothes on their back, that might ease PART of the issue, but if the home, car are in both partners' names, and the partner EVER shows up again, they have a claim on those items, as well as on custody of minor children.

The advantage of divorce is it is a PERMANENT legal document that officially splits property and outlines custody rights. No one's going to show up one day to take your kids or your house away, just because they walked away in a huff.

So, divorce has a definite advantage in that sense. Nothing's left hanging.

[foxsquirrell]

I see no advantage in divorce. To make it official, as you said you can involve the court if the couple cannot come into agreement on what goes to whom. But if you are married then it is necessary to file for a divorce to undo the contract of marriage.
My advice is to stay away from such contracts. Because then you get embroiled with the state in this case. And you are pretty much powerless.
With regards to things like house and cars I think its very clear who owns them. Who bought them owns them. And in the case where someone paid a percentage of a thing, then that person owns the equivalent of the percentage of that thing. Simple. Children custody I think can be complicated either way. Its not going to make it easier if you are married.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo that's a good point man. Marriage does seem kinda limiting if you think about it. Like you said, living together is way less hassle - if it's not working out you can just bounce without all the legal stuff. I can see why the paperwork and lawyers of divorce would be a pain.

I guess for some people marriage feels more official and committed? Like a bigger promise than just living together. And maybe there's tax breaks or insurance benefits too or something. But yeah if you're not totally sure it's forever, living together tester the waters first makes sense. Less risk of a messy breakup. Divorce court sounds stressful as hell. Honestly I'm not sure I even wanna get married someday cause of that. Maybe just keep it casual is safer.

[CalmUntilAbused]

Well... You're not thinking of the right marriage. A traditional, purely Catholic marriage is... well, I can't really find anything quite like it in our reality, but I will allow myself to write down the two words that came to my mind first in a specific manner and let this be a symbol of what it is like: an Unbreakable Vow. And that is something one might be interested in.

As for this state-sanctioned marriage? Yeah, it's a sham marriage, a legal contract made to look like it means a lot more than it actually means with the help of something along the lines of a theater play.

[Anonymous]

If you can't understand the very basic concept of marriage, then just don't do it.