What would you do if your boyfriend or girlfriend asked you to choose between them or your best-friends?

[Anonymous]

What would you do if they gave you an ultimatum: me or your friends

[Serenity_87]

whether its the best friend or the boyfriend who asks, which ever one of them actually asks me that question would be the one i tell to take a hike cause thats not somethin any real friend would do and if a guy asks u to do that and u actually do it and u choose him over ur best friend then he's gonna go for ur family next trust me. possessive is what that is! anyone who loves u is gonna make every effort to become friends with ur friends and they are gonna want you to have ur friends and time with ur friends. only a selfish possessive person wants u all to themselve.. usually gettin you away from all ur friends first, then next ur family members.. till pretty soon he has u all to himself which is what a man like this wants but its not healthy and its not right for a person to do.

The only circumstance i see this being ok is if ur best friend had a huge ginormous and dangerous influence over you and he could see that your hurting yourself, putting ur life at risk, gettin into tons of trouble whenever ur with them.. a good boyfriend might just not want to watch someone he loves destroy themselves like that. And in those circumstances i could understand it. I still think there is a better way for him to go about it than giving u an untimatum but at least it shows he really loves u and not that he is possesive.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

He can go straight out the door. That’s abusive and controlling, I'm not here for any of it.

[Sonorous]

I would tell her that she's acting in an unnecessary & extreme way. And that there's a feasible balance that's being ignored. I'd make it known that I won't tolerate that kind of demand. And that I'd rather not be around someone who would rather go to extremes than find a compromise.

So I'd require that they meet my desires of how a decent human should operate. And if they don't, then I have to remove them from my life. Not because of that behavior alone, but because of what it reflects. There are many possible negative implications that shouldn't have to deal with in a long term supposed "loved one."

I'm like this because it will always be my goal to be reasonable. And since I'm so amazing in this way, my standards are unfortunately very high. So someone would have to at least show they're making attempts to be as great as I am. Which will be hard, yes... But doable.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have a ready answer for such situations. I reply,

"In my experience, people who love me don't give me ultimatums or force me to choose between them and my friends or my family, and anyone who tries to isolate me like that obviously does not have my best interest in their heart. So my response will also be to tell that person that 'he who forces the choice, loses the choice.' So now you know how I will respond and I want you to think about that before you mention this subject again."

[Anonymous]

I would definitely choose my boyfriend if he asks me that. Most people might suggest me not to choose him but my friends but once I'm in a relationship, I need to respect his feelings no matter if I like it or not. Once I accept him in my life, I'm accepting his choices too. Because even if he says that I shouldn't talk with someone, it must be coming out of an insecurity that he have been feeling from my friends. If they make him feel insecure about our relationship, then I need to remove them out of my life. If they didn't made him insecure but if he feeling insecure himself, then I will make him understand that I will never let my friends come between us and our relationship no matter how hard they try. If he's okay with it, then he will stop asking me to choose between both options but if he still feels insecure, then I will remove them out of my life even if I like it or not but in a polite way. Because if my boyfriend is feeling insecure from my friends, then there is no point in staying friends with them to lose him. Whatever he tells me will be for my good only

[kmg9150]

Depends on the people your hanging out with, but with no validity to request, he's trying to make himself the only one in your world. Not healthy, insecurity, manipulative. All relationship will have some sort of compromising, which includes sacrifice, somethings will be adjusted, some given up, some gained.


Some ultimatums aren't unreasonable.


Sometimes people dont see what they are doing as a problem because thats how they have been taught by example growing up. He could have had a shitty family dynamic growing up and unaware its not healthy. Thats where most peoples thought on relationships stems from, unless there was physical aggression involved, it wouldn't be hard to overlook it as unhealthy.

[ohsheeT]

Well I can guarantee you that almost every relationship there has become a moment in time where one of the partners have thought that way because they were jealous or whatever with so many people have been down this road and there's no need for it and to be quite honest with you if you ask anybody that has gone through this or even question it they're not with that person are they don't have that friend anymore either so it's something you have to think about because because the odds are you will know neither one of these people five years down the road

[ShadezMcgee]

My boys. They have had my back and helped me more in life way longer than her and if I was forced to sever the bonds of the guys who are essentially my brothers in an age where friendships and great friends are like finding a unicorn? Hell no, she can about face and get the hell out of here.

[melanieeeB]

Generally choose my friendship.
But honestly I have to say, I once had a toxic close friend and my first guy like... he didn't give me an ultimatum but he did point out what was wrong with this friendship and that he thought she was not good to me and stupid me didn't listen back then... in this situation, I should've listened to him, it took me few more years to see it myself

[Man-O-Metal]

My best friends obviously. I've been with them longer, have cared about them longer, therefore they mean more to me than an ultimatum. No girl will ever convince me to choose her over the people closest to me. If she says that to me, I'll send her on her way and tell her good luck finding a man who'll do that for you.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I'd probably tell her to go fuck herself because I'm not doing it anymore.

I owe so much to the people I consider close friends. If someone can't understand that there are different kinds of love and feels insecure about that, then they're not relationship material.

[Anonymous]

I think I would chose HIM. Because I don’t even have FRIENDS like that.

Having FRIENDS can be very detrimental and these people tend to influence you and everything you do to your own thoughts.

However when In a relationship I surely must keep an independent mindset.
Because some controlling men DO tend to control you by separating you from friends and family.

You need to have your own mind Separate from the man , from the family , and from the friends. You listen to you’re GUT.

[TruthBringer]

A girlfriend giving me ultimatums? PFFFF. Not that it ever gets to that. But let's say it does, I'll open the door wide open for her. My best friend who I grew up with is not someone I'm going to drop for anyone.

[caring__1]

Ultimatums destroy relationships, though there may be a reason behind it, and this might just be poor communication. If your best friends are toxic or encouraging you to make poor choices, I can see him not wanting to be around you if you choose to maintain contact with those people. If your friends are healthy and supportive and caring, drop your boyfriend.

[Seinna]

Depends - I'd try to assess which side is the toxic one and distance myself from it. If my boyfriend said that then either there'd be something wrong with him or indeed with my friends.

From my personal situation, I know my friends are good. I've known them for 10 years or so... but we're also not as close as we used to be because of our age so chances are whatever conflic there was, they wouldn't need to see each other often anyways.

[TheorionMage]

Clearly there exists an issue of jealousy...
in so far if she is trust-worthy... I include her in anywhere I frequent
and anything I'm doing...
unless I'm involved in something physically potentially violent.

I CANNOT FULLY do "as needs be done"
if my attentions must be divided
to provide for her/our safety!

[Lionman95]

In theory choose my friends in practice I´ve never been in the situation. The reason for that is that I know my friends better and know that I count on them when I need them. Plus they are also guys so it´s easier for them to understand me and I feel it´s sometimes better to stay single and in line with your values than being in a relationship without having a backbone.

[Apulu_Imback]

My best friends and my siblings are always the first priority. If someone asks me to choose within them then I will go for my best friends and siblings. A person who genuinely respects and trusts me won't ask me such question. Instead they would get added in the list of my best friends.

[Bailey0506]

Depends.

If the relationship was a genuinely happy one and you knew for a fact she was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, then yeah I would probably choose her.

If the relationship had none of those things, then I would have to let her go.

And in any situation, I wouldn't let her give me an ultimatum. We would have a discussion about why she was feeling that way and everything would come to some kind of conclusion.

[Guccigabbana18]

I would consider that a huge red flag off the boyfriend or girlfriend. It is my choice who I am friends with, my boyfriend doesn't have to interact with my friends. If they don't get along, I will take his concerns about them into account. But I will never drop one for the other. In fact, the person giving the ultimatum would be the one to be dropped if anything.

[SaoirseS]

He's history. I won't put up with ultimatums.

My friends were around long before he was, and I know I can count on them. I have to wait and see with a boyfriend.

Thankfully I'm married and my dating days are over.

[slatyb]

That's an instant deal breaker. It should be for everyone. That's highly abusive.

[Asker]

I agree with you

[Juxtapose]

I'm going to keep my friends because my friends don't discard me as soon as they find me less exciting like girlfriends do 🤷‍♂️ Friends don't need you to open your wallet or have a "spark". Friends make sense, friends are loyal.

Lovers are irrational and very fickle. I have had relationships with my friends last over 15 years but not a single romantic relationship over 6 months..

[Panzer21]

Id choose to keep my best friends. I've known those men for over 20 years, theyre brothers to me. Whove helped me get through some of the most painful challenges of my life. Theyre all good men, and healthy influences on my life. Id have ended myself by now if I didn't have them.

If she wants them gone, she's a narcissistic bitch who wants to cut me off from the outside world to control and abuse me, there is no other reason.
Miss me with that shit.

[petitedollbabee]

I’d leave them, no healthy partner would ever make you choose between your friends or them. You should be able to have both.

[SaartjieJane]

“I’ll help you pack!”
Personally I’d never try break up friends, if I was unhappy with my partner I’d just leave

[FinneasWilson]

If my partner made me choose between them or my friends, I'd choose my friends as this partner isn't a very nice person to do that in the first place, it's also kinda narcissistic to even ask you to choose.

[Sixgunsound]

my mother once asked me to choose between her and my wife, and it’s been about a year now since we’ve spoken. I don’t respond well to ultimatums.

[AssholeNumberOne]

".. And then she said, it's me or your friends. Pfft."
"What a toxic ex"
" Yeah"

[Aerissa_Jade]

Someone that makes this demand will have to decide what to do, as I will not make a decision. Anyone that does this, will have to decide their next course of action, be it friends or family... as I will never make a choice.

[Whatever2929292]

That would depend on the situation. But in many cases I would break up. If you can't accept me having friends... That I have a life outside of her. Then she isn't for me.

But again would depend on teh situation

[midnightmoon05]

It depends if the friends is a male or female, if they are toxic.
It depends how serious this relationship is.
a true friend will be happy for me if I meet a great partner who loves me. they will understand and the friendship doesn’t end.

[Tomcat68]

Agreed… if you love your partner you want them to be happy. The only exception would be if your best friend is toxic. I don’t like all my wife’s friends but I don’t let it show because I know her friends are important. I would never ask her to choose but I would express how I felt about the friend if they were toxic.

[God_of_Thunder]

Anyone that gives me an ultimatum such as that can kindly fuck right off.

I don't care if they're my girlfriend, my friend, family, etc. As soon as they tell me to choose, I will immediately chose anyone that isn't them.

[Chazmatazz269]

Always choose the person who doesn’t expect you to choose.

[Eros_Ray]

The moment your girlfriend / boyfriend asks you this kind of question, you will realize that this relationship is over. If the real partner knows you from the inside, he/she will not ask these questions.

Friends won't do that, that's why friends will come first

[IveGotNoName]

If my boyfriend asked me to do that I'd dump him, like any sane human being would.

[Pleaznhim4me]

Who ever licked my ass and pussy better, bought me better meals and birthday presents and had bigger weenies would win. Oh they would have to be a better kisser too.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont need him to choose between us but i need him to know how to prioritize when called for... some days they’ll be more important than me and vice versa

[DizzyDesii]

But i’d always choose the guy over some friends. He’s who i’m tryna marry and build a family with at the end of the day

[DizzyDesii]

And its funny cause it was always my “friends” giving me the ultimatum. Lmao they clearly thought they were more important than they were

[Kittykay_45]

I would choose my best friend hands down unless she did something super messed up where it would make sense to not be friends.

[Kiss_Me]

Kick them to the curb so fast they would bounce.

Ultimatums are never good for relationships. It's controlling behavior, to say the least. Dodge that bullet and move on with your life.

[stellamint]

I will always choose the person who loves me enough to not make me choose. So in this situation, my best friend.

[sheikalana]

Then he's got to go cuz I'm not dealing with that toxic behavior.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I would be clever enough to find a workaround that kept everyone happy. I never cave in to ultimatums though.

[Changiis07]

That would be a red flag to me right away. Can't have me choosing between friends, if anything they should encourage me to have friends

[GreatnessBack]

Me speaking to friends: "I love you and I'm sorry, but you got to go!!"

Friends: "You told her just like that?"
Me: "Just like that!!"

[snowboarder720]

I’d dump her immediately. She has issues against the people that I trust and have a strong friendship with? She’s not for me.

[jammcm]

People seldom change, saying that I do not expect my sig other to like my friends but If I am given an ultimatum, that is just the beginning. I would not stay in that relationship I would say good by..

[SemiParanoidi]

My future partner would be my best friend. Nobody else would be allowed to uphold such an important position.

[Spotifyplaylist]

Friends it is 😐 you don't have to give me an ultimatum once I notice your acting that way im out. Chicks before dicks!

[TacosRAwesome]

My friends. There is an 80% chance that my partner is asking because he's a controlling dick. If he had valid reasons like they're shit people then maybe I see his point.

[LilyoftheLake]

I would need their reasons before breaking things off with my friends

[Marshymallow]

Sounds pathetic, like what a loser would say. I would gladly dump their ass

[EmmaMary]

No one gives me ultimatums you controlling b******, so there's the door... Goodbye.

[RuthlessAggression]

i would want my girlfriend to put me first. that's why im in their world, im number one to them. why would it be anything else. I think women tend to forget that

[TallAnon]

Friends, it's weird if they try to isolate me for no reason

[SpaceGalaxy]

Show her where the door is and wish her well in her life!

[Blueeyes81]

I choose whoever didn't give me an ultimatum. I could see it if it was alcohol or something detrimental but in that scenario I view it as manipulation and I want no part in it.

[Freyke]

Ditch the girl for the bros. My friends have been there for much longer than her, this is an easy decision. Not a fun one, but an easy one.

[Luopio27]

isn't that called raising a family? I jave already lost friends like that.

[snackthatsmilesback]

Shit. I'd have to kick my friend out. She better have a damn good reason for that ultimatum.

[Anonymous]

I'll choose a girlfriend. I can easily acquire new friends just as easily as girlfriends. I'd rather have continuous fucks and cuddles with a girlfriend than tiring conversations with friends.

[TheoPfeifle]

Choose my friends, because they were there before my significant other was.

[EarthRealm]

In this Imaginary scenario I’d tell her to That she better start Looking for a New boyfriend.

[KrakenAttackin]

Ultimatums are not cool unless your friends are trying to make you do bad things.