What would you do if your boyfriend or girlfriend asked you to choose between them or your best-friends?

[Anonymous]

What would you do if they gave you an ultimatum: me or your friends

[Serenity_87]

whether its the best friend or the boyfriend who asks, which ever one of them actually asks me that question would be the one i tell to take a hike cause thats not somethin any real friend would do and if a guy asks u to do that and u actually do it and u choose him over ur best friend then he's gonna go for ur family next trust me. possessive is what that is! anyone who loves u is gonna make every effort to become friends with ur friends and they are gonna want you to have ur friends and time with ur friends. only a selfish possessive person wants u all to themselve.. usually gettin you away from all ur friends first, then next ur family members.. till pretty soon he has u all to himself which is what a man like this wants but its not healthy and its not right for a person to do.

The only circumstance i see this being ok is if ur best friend had a huge ginormous and dangerous influence over you and he could see that your hurting yourself, putting ur life at risk, gettin into tons of trouble whenever ur with them.. a good boyfriend might just not want to watch someone he loves destroy themselves like that. And in those circumstances i could understand it. I still think there is a better way for him to go about it than giving u an untimatum but at least it shows he really loves u and not that he is possesive.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

He can go straight out the door. That’s abusive and controlling, I'm not here for any of it.

[Sonorous]

I would tell her that she's acting in an unnecessary & extreme way. And that there's a feasible balance that's being ignored. I'd make it known that I won't tolerate that kind of demand. And that I'd rather not be around someone who would rather go to extremes than find a compromise.

So I'd require that they meet my desires of how a decent human should operate. And if they don't, then I have to remove them from my life. Not because of that behavior alone, but because of what it reflects. There are many possible negative implications that shouldn't have to deal with in a long term supposed "loved one."

I'm like this because it will always be my goal to be reasonable. And since I'm so amazing in this way, my standards are unfortunately very high. So someone would have to at least show they're making attempts to be as great as I am. Which will be hard, yes... But doable.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have a ready answer for such situations. I reply,

"In my experience, people who love me don't give me ultimatums or force me to choose between them and my friends or my family, and anyone who tries to isolate me like that obviously does not have my best interest in their heart. So my response will also be to tell that person that 'he who forces the choice, loses the choice.' So now you know how I will respond and I want you to think about that before you mention this subject again."

[Anonymous]

I would definitely choose my boyfriend if he asks me that. Most people might suggest me not to choose him but my friends but once I'm in a relationship, I need to respect his feelings no matter if I like it or not. Once I accept him in my life, I'm accepting his choices too. Because even if he says that I shouldn't talk with someone, it must be coming out of an insecurity that he have been feeling from my friends. If they make him feel insecure about our relationship, then I need to remove them out of my life. If they didn't made him insecure but if he feeling insecure himself, then I will make him understand that I will never let my friends come between us and our relationship no matter how hard they try. If he's okay with it, then he will stop asking me to choose between both options but if he still feels insecure, then I will remove them out of my life even if I like it or not but in a polite way. Because if my boyfriend is feeling insecure from my friends, then there is no point in staying friends with them to lose him. Whatever he tells me will be for my good only

[EmyyWolf]

I think I would chose HIM. Because I don’t even have FRIENDS like that.

Having FRIENDS can be very detrimental and these people tend to influence you and everything you do to your own thoughts.

However when In a relationship I surely must keep an independent mindset.
Because some controlling men DO tend to control you by separating you from friends and family.

You need to have your own mind Separate from the man , from the family , and from the friends. You listen to you’re GUT.

[kmg9150]

Depends on the people your hanging out with, but with no validity to request, he's trying to make himself the only one in your world. Not healthy, insecurity, manipulative. All relationship will have some sort of compromising, which includes sacrifice, somethings will be adjusted, some given up, some gained.


Some ultimatums aren't unreasonable.


Sometimes people dont see what they are doing as a problem because thats how they have been taught by example growing up. He could have had a shitty family dynamic growing up and unaware its not healthy. Thats where most peoples thought on relationships stems from, unless there was physical aggression involved, it wouldn't be hard to overlook it as unhealthy.

[ohsheeT]

Well I can guarantee you that almost every relationship there has become a moment in time where one of the partners have thought that way because they were jealous or whatever with so many people have been down this road and there's no need for it and to be quite honest with you if you ask anybody that has gone through this or even question it they're not with that person are they don't have that friend anymore either so it's something you have to think about because because the odds are you will know neither one of these people five years down the road

[ShadezMcgee]

My boys. They have had my back and helped me more in life way longer than her and if I was forced to sever the bonds of the guys who are essentially my brothers in an age where friendships and great friends are like finding a unicorn? Hell no, she can about face and get the hell out of here.

[melanieeeB]

Generally choose my friendship.
But honestly I have to say, I once had a toxic close friend and my first guy like... he didn't give me an ultimatum but he did point out what was wrong with this friendship and that he thought she was not good to me and stupid me didn't listen back then... in this situation, I should've listened to him, it took me few more years to see it myself

[Man-O-Metal]

My best friends obviously. I've been with them longer, have cared about them longer, therefore they mean more to me than an ultimatum. No girl will ever convince me to choose her over the people closest to me. If she says that to me, I'll send her on her way and tell her good luck finding a man who'll do that for you.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I'd probably tell her to go fuck herself because I'm not doing it anymore.

I owe so much to the people I consider close friends. If someone can't understand that there are different kinds of love and feels insecure about that, then they're not relationship material.

[TruthBringer]

A girlfriend giving me ultimatums? PFFFF. Not that it ever gets to that. But let's say it does, I'll open the door wide open for her. My best friend who I grew up with is not someone I'm going to drop for anyone.

[caring__1]

Ultimatums destroy relationships, though there may be a reason behind it, and this might just be poor communication. If your best friends are toxic or encouraging you to make poor choices, I can see him not wanting to be around you if you choose to maintain contact with those people. If your friends are healthy and supportive and caring, drop your boyfriend.

[Seinna]

Depends - I'd try to assess which side is the toxic one and distance myself from it. If my boyfriend said that then either there'd be something wrong with him or indeed with my friends.

From my personal situation, I know my friends are good. I've known them for 10 years or so... but we're also not as close as we used to be because of our age so chances are whatever conflic there was, they wouldn't need to see each other often anyways.

[TheorionMage]

Clearly there exists an issue of jealousy...
in so far if she is trust-worthy... I include her in anywhere I frequent
and anything I'm doing...
unless I'm involved in something physically potentially violent.

I CANNOT FULLY do "as needs be done"
if my attentions must be divided
to provide for her/our safety!

[Lionman95]

In theory choose my friends in practice I´ve never been in the situation. The reason for that is that I know my friends better and know that I count on them when I need them. Plus they are also guys so it´s easier for them to understand me and I feel it´s sometimes better to stay single and in line with your values than being in a relationship without having a backbone.

[Apulu_Imback]

My best friends and my siblings are always the first priority. If someone asks me to choose within them then I will go for my best friends and siblings. A person who genuinely respects and trusts me won't ask me such question. Instead they would get added in the list of my best friends.

[Bailey0506]

Depends.

If the relationship was a genuinely happy one and you knew for a fact she was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, then yeah I would probably choose her.

If the relationship had none of those things, then I would have to let her go.

And in any situation, I wouldn't let her give me an ultimatum. We would have a discussion about why she was feeling that way and everything would come to some kind of conclusion.

[Guccigabbana18]

I would consider that a huge red flag off the boyfriend or girlfriend. It is my choice who I am friends with, my boyfriend doesn't have to interact with my friends. If they don't get along, I will take his concerns about them into account. But I will never drop one for the other. In fact, the person giving the ultimatum would be the one to be dropped if anything.

[SaoirseS]

He's history. I won't put up with ultimatums.

My friends were around long before he was, and I know I can count on them. I have to wait and see with a boyfriend.

Thankfully I'm married and my dating days are over.

[slatyb]

That's an instant deal breaker. It should be for everyone. That's highly abusive.

[Asker]

I agree with you

[Juxtapose]

I'm going to keep my friends because my friends don't discard me as soon as they find me less exciting like girlfriends do 🤷‍♂️ Friends don't need you to open your wallet or have a "spark". Friends make sense, friends are loyal.

Lovers are irrational and very fickle. I have had relationships with my friends last over 15 years but not a single romantic relationship over 6 months..

[Panzer21]

Id choose to keep my best friends. I've known those men for over 20 years, theyre brothers to me. Whove helped me get through some of the most painful challenges of my life. Theyre all good men, and healthy influences on my life. Id have ended myself by now if I didn't have them.

If she wants them gone, she's a narcissistic bitch who wants to cut me off from the outside world to control and abuse me, there is no other reason.
Miss me with that shit.