I would and I voted yes here, but I wouldn't be comfortable with it.
I mean, the love of my life made way more money than me ten years ago as a banker. I was broke and she made about $18 an hour working full time while in nursing school to become an RN (she never made it to graduation). She also had her own fancy warehouse loft near downtown. She was very nice and didn't care who made more money, but I was uncomfortable being in that position and fought to try to finish college even faster, so I wouldn't be stuck as the broke one out of the two of us.
Even if I was female, I'd just not be comfortable essentially being a charity case. That comes off humiliating.
This won't work 99% of the time. there's a study that found most women who fake orgasms simply earn more money than their partner.
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I'd be fine with it, contingent upon the reasoning behind it. Allow me to explain. If my wife had a career in say, engineering, and was already making good money, and was selected for a higher position within her company that came with a significant pay raise as well, of course I would be fine with it and would be proud of her.
Another example would be if there were career and life goal changes within our household that offered her more opportunity and pay at work, while maybe I decided to be a full time father at home and raise the kids. Yeah, that is something I had always wanted to do. But that's because I always like putting my family first, even if in mind only because my job has taken me away from them many times throughout the years. I believe regardless of being a man or woman, a family person always puts their family first.
Where I wouldn't be okay with it is if I was a lazy mooch, not pulling my weight in any capacity around the house, for my family, or in my marriage. I would hope anybody would feel the same.
Reality is folks, there is nothing wrong with opportunity for either men or women in their career advancement. All that matters is what works best for the couple and their life goals. In the end, I believe this stereotype weighs heavy on both men and women because women have the urge to nurture their family, society believes one way over the other, and men may not feel "man enough." Hard to believe in 2023, but it's true.
Yes, a lot of men have this stupid attitude. 🙄 insecurity at it's finest.
There are a lot more ways to be a valuable than monetarily. Often more valuable. Men who think money is what will keep a woman fall short in more important areas. They think quality time, emotional vulnerability and open communication are high standards and too demanding. They will throw money at every problem and neglect her intangible needs and even scoff at her for needing them addressed. Then wonder why their wife is unhappy and miserable and wants a divorce then brand women as ungrateful.
I will take a listening ear and a soft heart over a deep pocket any day.
I like the ideal that as long as two partners love each other, it really shouldn't matter. But I really don't know how practical that notion is.. Also a woman who makes way more than me would need to have a character and heart of gold (no pun intended), if that's gonna work. She has to be really humble and sweet.
But not gonna lie. I'd be uncomfortable with it, just because if I ever made her mad enough, even if things were just a misunderstanding, I'm sure at some point she'd throw it in my face that she pays the bills, and would put me out. Or at least, that's what I'd be thinking in the back of my head.
I would really need to know she's not gonna lord it over me at some point.
I don’t care. It’s not like I’d ever be dependent on her. If she made it an issue as some sort of power play or manipulative degrading thing I’d just throw her away. I don’t care about other people’s money, thus I don’t get jealous of what people have. I wouldn’t take on more debt than I could personally handle, so even with a higher combined income it’s not like I’d let her make decisions that made me financial vulnerable. Personally I have no need nor desire to financially support a woman. If she can support herself financially that’s a good thing. If she got snappy and said, I don’t need you, I have my own money and can leave at any time I want... I’d be like cool, there’s the door grab your shit an bounce. It’s a direct expression of her materialism, narcissism, and exploitative nature and I don't put up with that shit.
I wouldn't mind if she doesn't. Money doesn't tell the full picture of a man's status, there are ambitious men with great leadership skills doing "only" 30k a year, and there are lazy selfish entitled men with zero leadership qualities who coast along in a 80k a year job that they got just by playing the corporate game and befriending the right middle manager. The main thing is that my partner sees me as a man with goals and the drive to achieve those goals. The monetary gains attached to those goals is secondary. As long as I have her respect, then her own income is irrelevant to me.
Law enforcement is one of the lowest paying fields. Not as bad as teachers but pretty close. MOST women that work a full-time job are going to make more than me, at least in my early career before I rank up. Same when I was in the military. This was not a problem to me because I learned to use whatever else I bring to the table. Also, just because she is the breadwinner does not mean she pays ALL the bills.
For example, if she makes $75,000 and I make $47,000 (realistic if I am a cop dating a nurse) I would contribute to bills as much as I am able. When I was in the Navy and would stay at my girlfriend's house, she paid rent and cable and I paid utilities and groceries and we split car costs in half (her car was a gift from her dad so she had only insurance payment and offered to pitch in on my car payments).
I voted A because her earning more money is a good thing. But there can be a problem with the psychology of it, and I'm talking here about women, not men. I can only go by my experience and observations and I saw this very thing ruin a marriage. The issue was that she began treating him differently and respecting him less, and it snowballed into a damaged relationship that ended the marriage eventually. THAT I would have a problem with.
All the women who say this is only a male ego problem are either naïve or dishonest.
It really doesn't matter. I and my oldest stister are both the breadwinners in our relationships.
My boyfriend owns his own gardening business so I have to be the one with the stable income which I really don't mind. He makes up for it with all driving me back and forth to work and doing all the cooking. We both support each other in different ways
Yes.
Infact I expect it.
Infact I demand it.
The social sphere in general is a female dominated endeavour. Women are the majority consumers. The market place is a female environment managed by soft skills.
However, I believe the man should be in charge of all the finances.
Kind regards,
DoctorSex
I've been the higher earner, and the men I dated did not take it well. But they also didn't take LIFE as a whole well, either. 🤷
Personally, I don't mind. I figure the more money we have as a couple (still keeping much of it separate but we work out a way to keep it equitable), the better off we are.
And hey, if I get bothered by earning less, it gives me a reason to compete for more.
It's a win-win.
The idea that how much money is made by each partner would influence each persons perspective of the relationship seems a bit ridiculous. Are we all that insecure? I understand, if our partners are not bringing in enough money to meet basic needs (car, place to live, food, etc) it can be very problematic. But it should not be all end all. Consider this example… The man in the relationship is a brilliant professor with a PhD. Let’s say he works as a cancer researcher. He has dedicated his life to finding a cure for cancer and is widely respected in the doctoral and medical community. He makes anywhere from 60-100k per year. His wife, however, is an investment banker. The average salary for an investment banker is at least 150k. Therefor, in this case, the wife makes more than the husband. With this theoretical situation in mind, how can one think that a man must make more than a woman or vice versa?
Not at all. It would be redeeming to feel like i wasn’t being used for my earning potential for a change! If being accepted and loved for who you are as a man is important to you, a woman who earns more but is still interested in you is a GD unicorn! Let that sink in.
While being with a woman who makes more would not bother me personally, I have seen enough relationships like that to not have any interest in it. In every case but one, the woman totally lost respect for the man and started to absolutely resent him. She was super controlling and was really obviously just a hateful person in general.
No thanks.
One day, I'll be making so much money. If she doesn't already make at least as much as I do, I'll show her everything I know and hopefully that will make us both keep trying to beat eachother.
That's just what a relationship is all about to me, two people making eachother better because they love eachother enough to see all the potential.
That's not a problem, After my divorce, I dated a woman for 18 months. She drove a Mercedes. I drove a Honda. You figure out who made more money. Interestingly, she wanted me to pay for most things, which is one of the reasons we eventually broke up.
Why not? I'm always doing my thing, but if she happens to be awesome at her career and makes more, who cares? The only way it would bother me is if she treated me differently because of it. If she's good with it, so am I.
The findings apparently still say that we as a group prefer to split more or less even.
As for me? I'd be psyched if she made absolute bank. I have no problems at all with that. Of course it does depend a little on how serious we are.
Yeah... Because money doesn't define my knowledge, skill, or personality. If she makes more than me then woohoo, we now have more money to repair what needs fixing and to live more leisurely.
Doesn't matter here, but then again I make twice what my husband makes, but we are working to get him a promotion or a better job, great job market right now to change things up.
Yeah.
My ideal relationship at least in my head, would consistant of being with a woman who's wealthy, as well as one who'd pursue me.
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