Emotional incest brother?

[Anonymous]

Hi so I'm a woman in her early twenties and my brother always wants to know about my dating life. We're Muslim so dating is a little taboo and I don't really like to tell him or the family a lot because they get overly involved. My family wouldn't even let me date at this age (I'm over 21). I'm moving out soon bc I feel suffocated. My brother always wants to know where I am when I go out. I'm over 21 and I feel like a puppy on a leesh. Whenever I bring up how I'm uncomfortable with this he gaslights me by telling me I'm the crazy one. One of the reasons why I'm hesitant to let him meet my guy is bc of how nosey and obsessive he can be. I'm scared he'll ruin it. And I can't introduce him to my family bc they won't let me date and will only meet him when he's ready to marry me. I feel suffocated and I hate how pushy he's being. I've been with this guy for less than a year. The fact that he feels entitled to be involved in knowing everything about my dating life annoys me so much. It's like my brother's a controlling boyfriend i. e. always wants to know where I am, who I'm with, when I'll be home, whether I've had sex with him etc. Meanwhile he can come home the next day if he wants with no judgement. But I have to be home by 11pm. He can go clubbing and make out with girls. But I can't just keep a relationship to myself until I feel comfortable sharing with my very scary and crazy family. I just feel so hurt and gaslit. I am a grown woman and I feel so infantilised by them. They treat me like I'm still a 12 year old girl who's incapable of doing anything for myself.

Am I wrong for feeling suffocated by him? What should I do? My boundaries are not being respected at all. I feel like an object in this household. Like my whole family's honour lies between my legs. I want to leave this toxic community. If I get seen on a date it'll ruin my family's reputation, that's why they don't want me to date. I know my brother will just interrogate us on when we will get married.

Updates

1 y

Also, I've only known my guy for 6 months.

[Rania05]

I'm also Muslim (17) I never dated _ not out of fear of my family, my mother is quite supportive since she and mom dated for a year or two then they got engaged for another 4 years before getting married. I'm more afraid of guys out there for insecurity whether they're to be trusted (a bit of phobia against guys getting too close to me after all news of rape and getting cheating on...)
Frankly, I don't have a brother (I did want a younger one as child but mom never gave me one) only one older sister and I'm glad I don't some guys are bad shit crazy about their younger sisters that they do stalk as if they're some incapable animal and call it protection of their chasity. But at least they do also listen to Allah and keep their virginity for marriage as far as I know.
My mother would probably cry from joy if my sister or I gets a boyfriend of our choice even if one of us break up she would push all faults to the guy and not blame us. That's my dear mom.
Don't feel pressured to push for marriage in a hurry, take it easy girl, and your family is twisting the concept of what Allah meant by shielding female family members.

[StalwartTR]

You were born on the wrong branch of Islam I guess. If you were a shia muslim, then probably like most Iranians do; you would marry temporarily (mutah marriage where you make commitment to each other and go out together, have family visits etc. just like engagement term) and when you both make sure you want to spend your lives together, you hold a wedding and make the marriage permanent.
Anyway, you can't change their sect now. So, you can go on what you used to do. But, I suggest not running away from home. If he dumps or divorce you or if he dies, you would need a door to go back to, a support that is your family. Also the reason in Islam, the consent of the parents of the girl is necessary is because the girls act with their heart and not mind, they can be tricked and used.
Wish your family were shia muslims but anyway. I pray for you and wish the best for you sister.

[OlderAndWiser]

Isn't that just a part of life in most Muslim cultures?

[Asker]

We live in the west. So it's not okay for them to expect me to blindly follow their rules when I grew up here

[OlderAndWiser]

Living in the West hasn't changed them, has it? Is it possible for you to move out and get your own place?

[euroiko]

Your brother wants the best for you. Dating is haram and if you truly fear Allah you would respect your brother and obey his orders about this. Just focus on finding a husband and your life will be smooth. Don’t lose your purity over pettiness.

[Asker]

I'm not Muslim myself, next please

[euroiko]

Well then you should consider, seriously you won’t regret it.

[TheMajesticKing777]

Do what you gotta do to be comfortable

[Anonymous]

Where are you living?