Why would my boyfriend's mom, who disapproves of me, watch my stories? Should I tell my boyfriend about it?

[DermalPunch]

Backstory: My much younger boyfriend and I are planning to get married. We can't right this moment for many reasons. His family, especially his mom, doesn't approve and they are threatening to disown him. Don't think their serious though.

Anyway, he was over a few days ago and he called his mom from my phone. I added her as a contact. Don't ask me why.

Today, I posted some statuses on my WhatsApp, because I have an event coming up, and to my utter shock she watched them!

We have never met.

This means that she A) added me to her address book and B) looked at my statuses.

Why do you think she watched them? Should I tell my boyfriend she looked at them?

[AmandaYVR]

Omg Dermal this is so bad. You're stuck now.

Why is she watching? How could she not? There's at least two types of mothers, and one of them is very protective over "my little boy" and she doesn't want anyone to hurt him or "break his heart." The other type is more chill, and knows there needs to be boundaries between parents and adult children. But you don't have the second kind.

I actually think you should bump that connection and not allow this. Block her. But at this moment, she will then think, "Well what is she hiding?" Your privacy!

You and your boyfriend made a huge mistake by doing that phone call.

Yes, tell him about this. He needs to know. Ask him how he would like it handed.

You don't 'shit where you live', is a crude saying, but these things should be kept separate. Your relationship is already troubled enough. It's a good sign, though, that he's trying to do what's right for him, and you, and not cowtowing to his parents.

[DermalPunch]

All I have to do is hide my statuses. I don't mind if she watches. I'm a mother too. And even growing up I was always the fave of mothers. There is nothing I will post that she can twist in any plausible way. She doesn't speak English but I can speak and have a workong knowledge of her language. If anything she will have absolutely nothing to stand on as to why I am so unacceptable.

[AmandaYVR]

Oh that's great! Well you're a brave woman. Ok then, carry on...

[jengeorge26]

Yes she probably did, don’t say anything yet

[DermalPunch]

She did what?

[DermalPunch]

I know she did.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Definitely. He is the only link between you and his family. So keep him in a constant loop is what I would prefer.

I am also a guy and someday I would also get married. Hence from a guy's point, I would suggest to constantly keep him in loop so that there are no misunderstandings whatsoever and no lack of information and knowledge is there too, on both the sides.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, I will. But why would she watch...

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Maybe she is assessing you at the moment. Why her child is so keen on marrying this woman.
There are a lot of maybe's to be honest, but with a single reason, that is to get a hang of you or to find some weak points against you.

I would consider both and tie any dangerous loose ends in my life.

Also, check for any employed detective to keep an eye on you to find any weak points, till the marriage. She may have employed one. There are some parents like that.😶

[DermalPunch]

Everyone has weak points. The one's she has are understandable but overall the reasoning is absurd. I have nothing to hide and I would love for her to see me and whatvI am about. I really am lovely, I promise.

[DermalPunch]

But I agree especially since the region you are in, you can understand especially the issue I am going through.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I know that you are! From all the interaction we have had, I know that you really are!

Now you just need to prove this to your to be mother-in-law. Get to know her on a personal level. Know her preferences, but be honest at the same time. Be dynamic.

I mean who am I to guide you through this😅🤣, but I can see this much work to be done. Other married women may have more tips, practical and more useful.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

What region are you talking about?

[DermalPunch]

You are in India

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Yess.

There are many problems in families. The daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law lock horns with each other.
In such cases, the husband and the wife leave the house, in majority, and settle somewhere else. But no inheritance worry is there, as most of the marriages are arranged marriages. Hence initial support from parents was there. And that is why they cannot do anything.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

To be honest, I am afraid and worried for you at the same time now. Just try to be on her good side as much as you can. Get to know her friends, get included in her circles, so that she will also feel her friend's pressure when doing something about you.

But at last, some people cannot be agreed upon with. If she seems to be one of those people, just leave her. Talk with your husband and sort it out at the end.

But trying to be neutral as much as possible is what any woman would do. You included. And I am sure of it.

But... is he worth all the trouble you are going through?

[DermalPunch]

Yes, I feel some apprehension. My "dirt" and scandal is that I am divorced from an abusive marriage and have three beautiful children from the same man with whom I have a cordial and cooperstive relationship with. I don't have any drink and drug past with nudes on the internet because I was never a scandalous person like that. I just fell in love with the wrong guy and guess and he fell in love with the wrong girl.

He hasn't said much but I am starting to relaise that he has been taking pure hell from his family about this. He wants to just be a bit alone right now so when he is up to talking I will have to really reiterate that I am here to back him up and that he isn't doing this alone.

Yes, I think he is worth it. I know he values me for me. That doesn't come along very often.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR EVENT IF YOU ARE BUSY. THIS CAN WAIT!🙂👍
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am really glad that you do not have anything compromising video or photo online. Although I am also a recipient of that content, I always worry for the girls there. Very good point on your side. Drug and drinking past included too.

You have the needed experience, you have everything! Now the only reasons I can find are-

1. She would not be able to assert that much dominance on you. Whereas in your place, she could have asserted a bit more of a dominance on any other first timer.

2. I am really sorry if I make you angry or something similar. But the other reason what I can think of is your earlier marriage. She must be the traditional kind. Always blaming women for a marriage, even when she herself is a woman. Makes no sense to me honestly.

3. Child bearing problems can also be there. I don't know! Just saying! Please don't get angry! You are 38. Are you healthy enough to bear a healthy child for him and his family? is also what she must be thinking. Again, I want to clear myself. Not my reasoning, even personally. I just heard it sometime. Your 3 children are not good enough for her. She wants her own grand child may be?

At last, you are in the secondary market trying to marry someone from the primary market. Some hurdles were bound to be there. And I am sure you were prepared for those too. You are insightful for that. All I know is, it does not matter the reason for the break up of 1st marriage, the label is put.
I am so sorry for this. People...

You truly love him. I can see that. Just stand by him, and make him feel your support. You are amazing mam. 🙇‍♂️

NOTE: I am sorry, I felt the need to be brutally honest in your case. Hope you do not hold a grudge against it.

[DermalPunch]

You think that I would be angry with you? Noooo.

Firstly, I am so psyched for my event and all my friends have been enthusiastic about attending from many time zones away. I am so happy. Even my mom is tuning in from so far away! I have been working on it all week and am just finalizing things.

She saw my announcement for it. Lol.

Points 1,2 and 3 are all the things I said to myself and said to him when I was trying to push him away because I just loved him so much and I felt it was just too good to be true.

Funny thing, she had my boyfriend at 39 and has even younger kids after that so what exactly is she going to say to me? Also, my stuff is in tip-top shape and I just had a baby at 35 so my body is still in "when's the next one coming" mode.

A major thing is that I always wanted another boy and I am hoping I can have one. He and I want the same things in life it's just our ages are socially mismatched.

And he said to me she wants a girl she can control and that's why she doesn't want me. At least she's honest. Lol.

Yes, the label is horrible. And I was ready to be single the rest of my life because I wasn't going to be belittled and looked down on. This whole thing was so unexpected. Here where I am, divorced women are one step above prostitutes in people's thinking. That's why I said I don't want to have anything to do with anyone here and I was very content to stay that way.

I will take your order and finish my presentation, sir 👩‍💻

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

All the best for your presentation! And the program itself!

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

What I personally think about marriage is---two (un) known people come together, try to fit it together. If it works it works. If it doesn't then they first may try to make it work and if then also it is not working, then simple! Leave them!

That is it! People make a really big deal out of it. What good is a marriage if the main elements, the people themselves are not happy? Its definitely not!
But then also... people are like that.

I hope I am correct. Please correct me if I am wrong somewhere. I will be really glad for any help here.

[Jamie05rhs]

They probably came up in her notifications. She was probably trying to be polite and watching what you had posted.

I don't know; that's how it works on Facebook anyway. I don't know how WhatsApp does it. (But they are owned by the same company, though.)

[DermalPunch]

In order for her to see my "stories" on whatsapp, we have to be in one another's contacts. That means we both decided to save each others numbers. 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

So? Lol

[Andres77]

Probably looking for dirt, an excuse to criticize you.

[DermalPunch]

The fact I speak English and she doesn't -- even though I have working Arabic -- will be the "dirt". Also, my WhatsApp stories are epic.

[DermalPunch]

She will criticize that they are mostly about religion and say I am serious and extreme. Not so. She will perhaps say I don't put pictures of myself so I am hiding from people or some such nonsense.

[Andres77]

This is an example of “never argue with a fool”. Not that you’re arguing but that she will never make sense

[roy_ricky09]

I don't see anything to worry or talk about it here.

[DermalPunch]

Reallllyyy? Please explain.

[roy_ricky09]

What impact does it make in your life? Nothing
She saved your number, her choice. Again nothing
You are 38 and acting immature, can't you figure out by now how families are
Is it wise to tell your boyfriend if makes a fuss about it with his mom
If she doesn't approve, she doesn't, move on, you can't force people to like you
You are sounding as if there's nothing beyond your boyfriend, you have your own life abd self-respect, future
If she lets her son go, so be it and if he's OK with it too, seems like you are more concerned about it than him
But always remember if their unbreakable relationship goes for a toss because of this, you will be the reason for it.
Put yourself into her shoes and think what you could have done.
No offense but you are not thinking about it with maturity.

[DermalPunch]

Umm... well if you read the question, I have an event coming up where I am the guest speaker so my boyfriend isn't my whole life.

Someone who was so disapproving of me clearly now has some interest in knowing about me when she didn't even want to hear the mere mention of me.

It is actually kind of a big deal and a big opportunity to sway things in my favour and take some of the stress of this situation off someone I love.. but thanks for sharing.

[DermalPunch]

Also gag is the place for these types of questions so naturallyit would be about that..

[roy_ricky09]

Good then. But don't be selfish about it. She's a mother and someday you will be too.

[msc545]

She is trying to get information to use against you.

[DermalPunch]

Haha. She will be super disappointed. I don't post selfies or thirst traps. I post my artwork, photography and religious stuff. I have a speaking engagement tomorrow that I was telling people about. If she can find that negative then I could never win her over. Not that I would try to do so...

[DermalPunch]

@msc545 should I tell him?

[msc545]

Don't tell him. that is asking for trouble.

[DermalPunch]

Really? He wants me to get to know her when I'm ready. Why would that be a bad thing?

[msc545]

You will cause trouble that may blow back on you, and you will get nothing of value by telling him.

[Wubs3000]

What kind of parents disapprove of someone they have never met. They need to let their child be free its not their choice and they aren't your little baby anymore

[DermalPunch]

I agree. Why did she watch you think?

[Wubs3000]

she's keeping tabs on you

[Sixgunsound]

This is why you should just close your social media accounts.

[DermalPunch]

It was Whatsapp

[Sixgunsound]

Is that a social media account? I don’t have it so I don’t k is.

[Sixgunsound]

Know*

[Wise4myage]

She's curious, but do tell him.

[DermalPunch]

Curious is good 😏

[Wise4myage]

Yes, it sure can be.

[Waldoe]

she wants to know more about you, so don't act like a fool online

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe she’s curious about you

[Iron_Man]

Yes sure tell him

[Fireguy17]

She is just keeping an eye on you.

[DermalPunch]

She stopped. She doesn't care. Fine by me.

[Fireguy17]

Nice!

[Jouth]

she thinks ur hot and wants to bonk?