Should I pull away from my boyfriend to get him closer to me?

[Darbsta8]

Ok so I have been dating my current boyfriend for nearly a year and a half. I love him very much and he is truly my best friend and knows me better than anyone else. Like any other couple, we argue but we usually get over it within a day. However, he and I have different views on how to show you love someone. I am constantly telling him I love him and I plan my day around him when we are hanging out to show that he's the most important thing to me. But he is a little less in touch with his emotions, both the positive and negative ones. Growing up his father kind of forced him to always remain indifferent and that showing any kind of emotion was weak. This causes fighting between us. For example, if I ask him to come home a little early from a friends house to discuss something important and he wont, I get offended because I see it as he doesn't care enough about me to come home. Being himself, he doesn't see that it has anything to do with how much he cares about me he just doesn't wanna come home. I've tried to explain my view many times but he still doesn't understand. I know he's not trying to hurt me, but it really does bother me. My friend has suggested being less "lovey" which will make him miss the way I was and it will pull him closer. It sounds like a good idea but I'm not sure. any advice on any part of this problem would be greatly appreciated.

Updates

+1 y

Okay so I did my friends plan for about one day and decided it didn't feel right so I was honest about how I felt and it worked out for the better. Thank you all for the advice it was much appreciated!

[superuss]

This sounds like you are going to play mind games with him. Games almost always blow up in your face. If this is how he was raised, then mind games are not going to change him. He would possibly need years of therapy, to get back into touch with his emotions. It is not a switch, that he can just flip on and off. If he could do that, then I am sure he would have already have done that for you.

[Darbsta8]

Yes I was also worried that doing what my friend suggested may seem like a mind game. If I do go through with her plan it would be very subtle. But thank you for your opinion

[MarcusDavis]

That which retreats is pursued...

[WashingtonLoveWizard]

This is not the best answer.

You know how all those women say "tires of the games" that is what this is. Also, he will probably just break up with you if this is how you communicate. It is quite simple really, just tell him how you feel and what you would prefer.

[Darbsta8]

I mean I marked it as the best answer just because I thought it was short, sweet, and to the point ha.

[toulouse]

which means you completely MISSED the point, that its a game and A he will leave because its annoying to be chasing someone you are actually IN a relationship with. As YOU know- or you would not be complaining.

B) its what he is doing on purpose so you will be in a relationship with someone who wants to play cat in mouse as a solution to problems.

if you do not talk to him, you do not know if he is actually doing this on purpose. and if he is not doing it on purpose and if you start playing games, hell play.

[MarcusDavis]

Hey Wash. Not that black and white. It does not have to be a game that is played 24 x 7. But human nature has to be considered. It is good for a girl to keep a guy interested somewhat. Not be there ever second like a plaything he gets bored of. The full frontal assault does not work. Just "telling someone how you feel" is scary to many. It is like, if you think telling a girl you love her once a year is enough, just cause you told her how you feel, then I feel bad for U. Are You single?

[toulouse]

I don't think its healthy to revolve your day around another person.. of course once in a while but.. not all the time. that is more an issue that you have. then a problem about your relationship. Sort that out& you guys should be OK. Do not make something you are not a priority for- a priority. it soff balance.

[TimB -1-2-3]

I wouldn't do that if I were you...

Psychological problems are NEVER fixed by ignoring them and going all silent-treatment on him. You'd be better off getting rid of the root of the problem than you would be pulling away.

Worst case scenario would be him going 'well f*** her if she's gonna play it like that'.. Game over..

If anything, he'd need attention (to the problems) more than inattention.

Then again, if he doesn't want to change or even look at things from your perspective, then why not pull away entirely? I'm not sure living with such a person would have a future to begin with. But that's just me.

FWIW,

Tim

[dtaijo174]

Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

It's a book explaining exactly what is going on with you and your man. Different ways of showing love and how to relate better to each other in the others Love Language

[Shaun]

This is my thought process when a woman withdraws. "she doesn't like me, I better withdraw so I don't get hurt any more than I already am.", be it courtship or relationship, play games with me and it's guaranteed to be over.

[WashingtonLoveWizard]

It is a bad idea to withdraw. Communication is the key, just copy and paste this into an email and send it to him. That would be a better idea.

[Eugene]

Don't overdo it. He might think that you no longer love him and that may lead to a break up.

[Darbsta8]

This was my other concern with her plan. I wouldn't be mean just slightly distant. But you're definately right.