What's wrong with having sex in infatuated relationships as a way of finding the right partner?

[Lliam]

What I mean is, what's wrong with engaging in sexual relationships as a way of finding the right partner, knowing that you will probably have several such relationships before finding the perfect life partner?

No matter how hard one tries to vet a potential partner, they can never learn about them unless they commit to a relationship. I mean 100% commitment. Two people have to be together for a long time before they can get to know each other well enough to be sure they want to spend the rest of their lives together and decide to make the once in a lifetime commitment of marriage.

So my simple question is, what's wrong with putting effort into committed relationships that include sex, even if there is a good chance those relationships won't end in marriage?

One might give their heart and soul to a relationship that doesn't last. I understand heartbreak. But it's your emotions that suffer from a break up, not your genitals. So why would someone regret having sex? Or, why would the fact that they had sex be the thing that hurts the most?

What if a person was very careful and engaged in a year long, sexless relationship, only to have it come to nothing? Would that hurt less than if they had fully engaged in the relationship that had included passionate sex?

[RosieMelts]

Well I don't know for men, but when a girl has sex with a man and things end bad (I speak for a large majority of women and not just me)

she feels bad because she gave up her virginity and felt vulnerable (first time)

and can feel in that moment, same as a woman who’s used to sex, would feel if it ended bad:

like something was wrong with them- an identity issue or worth issue, which they wouldn’t be able to handle, much like how some guys don’t handle rejection well.

Sex could get in the way of finding a considerably ‘substantial relationship’ because girls tend to equate sex with love-

the girl can easily forget and think a guys loves her

when to him sex is just a ‘feel-good activity’

like going on a picnic

she thinks “he’d die for meee 😍”

and to him, he may just be thinking, “no I just really love a good tuna sandwich on the grass… in the sun... Whether or not she’s here eating with me or watching me eat, isn’t my business, but I’d preferably like to have her watch and eat with me because she looks well when she eats, and damn this tuna is good.”

It proves why some guys would jerk off *with or without a girl, but prefer the girl.* It’s a feel good gathering, and he’d love to see her there, but she’s not the star of the party…

to her: she’s looking for someone who will want her at that party, and will invite her to many more parties, and would sometimes forget about anything in life itself, simply valuing another person as a true gem, all by themselves.

I’m speaking in metaphor, trying to paint a picture here, and for starters… maybe tuna and sex are two words that should never be used in the same sentence- EVER- but hey,

point is still made lol

Girls can do sex like anyone- they have the genitals to prove it 🍒 🍑

they can wolf down a tuna like anyone- they have the teeth to prove it 🦷

but they’re looking for worth and a reason for being at that picnic or party, or dining and fucking with that guy.

They look for a little “lemon” with their plate of life- something to “zest it up.”
Girls want a plate from the chef, made in their honor much more than going to a buffet table, served for the general public and “here, we just want your hard earned money (virginity)”. Guys can at least relate to one of these things.. right? 💵💳

Some people have their preferences for ‘dish’ or ‘buffet’- ofc we get that,

I’m just trying to shed some light as to why a girl- and maybe even some guys- would feel that way, and want ‘srs’ over ‘sex.’

Should sex be considered when finding a partner, since after all, it is part of the package- not just romance?

Ofc!

But do you think anyone would complain, when they literally vibe with that person?

“So what, he got some tuna on his chin” or “she has some lemon dripping down hers” and it’s not “picture perfect”- if it’s a friend in front of you- you laugh.

If it’s a stranger- you’re disgusted.

The point- the ‘vibe’ is the glue to a lot of things in a relationship (it’s the buzz of the people that attend) and sex is the confetti 🎊

I don't know how to close this, and it’s really dragging on. Maybe this helped someone, and ofc everyone may continue going as they see fit. Buffets and reservations.

Maybe a few eyes were opened.. or maybe a few people hit their phones, for door dash after reading this, lol.

Hope it all works out: the sex, the relationships, the door dash, I PRAY TO GOD THAT CARD WORKS 😂🤜🤛

~Rosie 🌅

[Lliam]

I wasn't really thinking about virginity. But I can see your point where that is concerned.

At the same time, I wonder what is valuable about virginity.

What happens when a girl falls in love with a sincere guy and they fall into a sexual relationship, but the relationship doesn't turn out to be forever lasting for one reason or another? She is no longer a virgin. The breakup will be painful. But so what if she is now no longer a virgin?

In the end, a guy doesn't owe her his life just because she was a virgin when they met. I hate the use of pussy as a bargaining chip. "If you marry me, I'll let you fuck me." No pussy is worth that.

[RosieMelts]

True true but just a tiny tiny little thing to add I meant both virgins and girls who fuck guys and the guys randomly want to stop (maybe because they want other girls essentially). I couldn’t tell you 🤷‍♀️

But yeah I see what you mean. I don't know I think it’s part of what we grew up with. Hearing the virginity and associating it with value.

I guess it’s a perspective thing.

Is it value like a Lamborghini to be used for special occasions

Or is it a quad to be used for any fun muddying outdoor adventure.

Purpose and value have to be considered. I don’t think (respectfully) a guy could tell a woman what her body was worth and she couldn’t tell him his body’s worth either. Same goes for the purpose of it.

Tough things to ponder and for some they won’t want to ponder and they’ll just do what feels right. I’m gonna ponder this stuff though because it’s good stuff 😊🤝

[RosieMelts]

Cars use up mileage gonna either use it or don’t or use it with exceptions etc.

[Lliam]

Great thoughts, Rosie. Good food for thought.

[VIVANT]

NOTHING AT ALK provided it’s safe in my opinion

i think it’s a really great way to get to know someone bc you will already know if you are sexually consistencies as well as spiritually vining and being at your most relaxed ever lol

. Convo is great snd essential eventually but I think physical contact is more valuable early on esp bc so much communication is non verbal. I can’t have sex as a means to getting acquainted bc I don’t trust people but if the world was safe who knows.

i have nothing against it I don’t understand all the moralizing like people used to dance prob bc done smart person understood the value in touch, well this is a horizontal dance

Now, people pretending to want to get acquainted just to f.! ck are a huge turn off but if it’s genuine yeah I think it’s cool. I can’t do it but I think it’s just fine.

For me a perfect t date is going on a joke then falling asleep together — talking optional. and I do not really see that as very diff as both are very physical and then you collapse 😂

No I’ve never found someone who thought that was a great date but maybe one day 😉

[VIVANT]

Sexually compatible, spiritually vibing, resided, also forgot to add but I think learning someone’s cuddle technique and interest or lack of is super important in deciding to date. That stuff often comes way later which is a shake bc you may already be attached to a terrible fit.

[VIVANT]

Hike not joke

[RosieMelts]

A lot of good stuff mentioned in your comment, and it almost made me question my comment’s eligibility to qualify as truth, but then you were brave and nice enough to be casual, and claimed how a turn off is when they pretend to *want* to get acquainted *JUST* to fuck. You don’t want anyone to have sex with you if they don’t actually like you in any way, wether it’s sex or someone asking for money and any other possible general thing- I guarantee most would feel offended and guy and gal would claim they felt “used.” It’s normal for anyone to feel that way under the circumstances.

We want people to appreciate every part about us, and recognize our best qualities, whether we’re the best employee, best son or daughter, best mate for life, or other.

I just commented because I appreciate what you shared and I hope a lot of people can get some understanding about both sexes, and people in general. If not, at least get a good joke out of all of this stuff: question and comments.

Thanks though, frfr 🤝🙋‍♀️

[VIVANT]

Thank you for responding, I read your post too 😊 and I’m loving the extensiveness- I’m not alone 😂 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼

Yes really I tbh k a lot of what you touched on is I all part of my “ well I might but it’s not safe out there” lol

There’s reports just as well as emotional grifters & you really just never know for sure what you’re going to get. Personally I can be very engaged in a moment, find it extremely satisfying and walk away unscathed, however, the character of the person makes all the difference. let’s say I have a physical interaction we both are genuine and it doesn’t work out, I’m going to feel OK. Take the same situation but the guy was consciously using me, I’ll feel gross. It’s not simply something working or not working, but there’s just so repulsive about being physically or emotionally violated and it doesn’t simply come down to technicalities.

Now, Lliam is super authentic & I know Lliam is being genuine, so I didn’t see anything wrong at all with his supposition. I also know unfortunately, many people are not Lliam lol so I can also easily see this as feeling really grimy and nauseating. It’s really unfortunate that the world isn’t mire genuine. I don’t expect anyone to know exactly what they want or how they are going to feel it’s just there’s a huge value to the authenticity involved in the process.

Tho I do know women and men who won’t have casual sex bc they do react strongly emotionally. It’s like some people don’t like to dive into pools lol I see it as similar and nothing wrong. I think the reason honesty is so important is bc we really all do have diff sorties and we may not even know yet. But we find out. But when we are lied to it takes so much longer. I also don’t think k being hurt is the worst thing as it helps us learn, it’s just preferable if being messed with wasn’t “ the plan”

[RosieMelts]

So well said I agree on it 100% I literally couldn’t have said it any better. You explaining this gave me a little boost of hope for the world of women and Liam gave me a little boost of hope for the world of men.

#Grateful
#SoMuchTruth
#KeepingIt💯

[Lliam]

I couldn't agree more about authenticity, Vivant. People who lie or misrepresent their intentions in order to use someone for sex are worse than thieves.

[Lliam]

Insightful as usual, Vivant. I share your views. Especially, "people pretending to want to get acquainted just to f.! ck are a huge turn off but if it’s genuine yeah I think it’s cool." Manipulators and fakers are bad people.

[Grond21]

The current cultural narrative says there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. No issues, no problems, nothing. And that's the kind of opinion you'll hear from a lot of people, because that's what they're used to hearing and thinking.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your perspective, the data doesn't back that up. People who engage in this behavior on average have far less successful relationships, they have less sex in the relationships, they have less quality of relationships, and their relationships are over more quickly.

Why that happens is a different question, but that's what the data shows

[exitseven]

yes, you have to try before you buy.