Relationship with a military guy. Anyone?

[sphinx23]

My guy is in the military. We're together for a year. We're in one country for 8mos straight. But now we're on an LDR for almost 4mos now. He's good with communication. He's very consistent. Until recently, he doesn't want me to keep on texting or calling me when he's out and his updates like sending pics and videos about where he's at are lessened. To the point of none. I don't like how it makes me feel but he said I'm just too dramatic and I don't trust him. What should I do? I overthink when he's out especially the friends he's with are players. I trust him, but not his friends. It kills me every time he's out. I try my best not to contact him as to prove that I trust him and to avoid argument. But I'm really hurting. I'd like to know your opinion on this. Thank you.

[bobby_bush_eater]

If you trust him give him time and space. As someone currently in the Navy I know how the demands can be. The military can be absolutely great for people as it was for me but there is definitely sacrifice at that expense. I don't have the communication with my family I used to, I don't currently have a girlfriend but when overseas it's easy to need space. Things are different, lots of guys can be untrustworthy tho. It's a matter of trust between you two

[sphinx23]

I do trust him. I don't text and call him when he's out. Whatever updates he gives, I'm contented. But his friends are not my friends. They're pressuring him to do what they do. Call him names. Peer pressure. Men have ego. And when things escalate he may do something he's not supposed to do.

I know how hard military life is, especially the Navy. They're on the water for days, weeks, or so with little signal or none at all. Seeing the whole bunch of guys who always think that there's a piss competition. These things are crazy. So, I give him time to breathe. Have his time to relax and recharge on land. But it's only when he's on land that we get to talk properly. 😥

[bobby_bush_eater]

Unfortunately it's all you can do. You trust him so give him your trust but don't give him so much space that he forgets what he has back home. As a very young NCO I know the guys struggles and feel it myself some immature guys will fall into exactly what you're saying but not most of them

[sphinx23]

I believe and trust him. And I'm doing my best to not overthink. It's been going on for 3 weeks now. I was ok after the first week, but last night was different. A hotel was involved and I didn't know about it until he got there. He and other 2 guys got one room. But they have girls with them. He's just acting strange lately so it makes me overthink. I don't want to be doing it, so I'm having a hard time to relax and calm myself. I think this will be the life being with a military guy.

[bobby_bush_eater]

That is the life of being with someone in the military unfortunately. I've been in situations where I've had to go to hotels because people couldn't go to the barracks and we had to protect them. There's usually girls there, you should make him aware of how you feel but don't display a lack of trust. A feeling of distrust can force a young junior enlisted to make poor decisions. But please for your sake relax, I understand how it is but that's the best thing you can for yourself. Your world is not about to end

[sphinx23]

The thing is, he's not young as yourself. He's in his mid 30s. And he's not the type to stay with others in one room. He always gets his own room. And you're right about asking but not making him feel of distrust. I'm scared to ask if he's with a woman, too. I'm scared of what he'd say. But yeah. This is the lifestyle I chose for myself. Know this since day 1. So I have to be tough and see if it's really for me.

[bobby_bush_eater]

You're right I did not realize the age difference but that makes less of a difference then you might think the way camaraderie is in the military especially on a ship. But the fear of you getting the answer of that question will eat away at you more than the answer, sometimes guys screw up but I'd expect a seamen in his 30s would be man enough to have restraint or admit if he didn't

[sphinx23]

I wanna hear your perspective not only as a man, but a man in uniform, too. If the guy acts like that especially last night. Do you think he's with a woman?

[bobby_bush_eater]

There can be so many variables in a random night in the military. I don't know him personally so I truly can't say yes or no. In some guys (mostly younger but not always) it's definitely possible but for the most part integrity is held to an importance for each guy internally. That's how I view things and how I try to mentor my troops young as I am

[sphinx23]

Thank you for your opinion. And you're right with considering integrity as one of the most important things. Simple word, but means a lot

[bobby_bush_eater]

You're welcome I hope all is well in your situation and feel free to message me if you have any further related questions

[sphinx23]

Thank you. I appreciate your offer. And I think I'll definitely do that if necessary. God bless. 🙏

[sphinx23]

Hey. Just an update. He said it's too disrespectful of me to ask him if he's with a woman last night. He sounded hurt, but I caught a little defensiveness on his side. It's too quick though. I don't wanna be bothered about it. It's been like 4hours since we discussed that but it keeps bugging me. 🤔

[bobby_bush_eater]

It sounds like either way you're going to have to show him so trust, as to not hurt him. But don't play the fool trust your instincts, just take some deep breaths and continue your day. I'm sure one day he'll tell you in detail the stuff that happened in the trip just not immediately

[sphinx23]

I know. I love him so much and I don't see myself with anyone in the future. But, I'm not blind and I need to be logical as well.

Just a question. I understand how hard the lifestyle of military men. For singles, it's fine to go and play around. But for married and in a relationship, why can't they be loyal?

[bobby_bush_eater]

Well I would say most do. But there's a culture thing, depends on your MOS and other factors. Some people feel it's easy to hide infidelity when far away or they are lonely themselves. There's no one side fits all for people's decisions despite our herd culture

[sphinx23]

I often hear them say "what you don't know, won't hurt you.".. kinda sad that there are some people I know who are happily married, but still do it. I don't judge them, I'm not in the position to do it. Also, it's their choice. I'm just praying hard that I won't experience the same.

Anyways, thank you for replying to all my questions. Appreciate it.

[bobby_bush_eater]

It's definitely an abnormal culture. The what you don't know thing goes for more then just infidelity guys do some really dumb stuff and get into really weird situations especially overseas. That being said you are welcome and I wish you the best, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about :)

[sphinx23]

I wish you the best, too. Wherever you are, stay safe.

And I think, you're very much aware of how things are in your industry. You easily picked what's going on and based on what you said in your earlier comment, I guess you know what to do also once you commit yourself in a relationship. 🙂

[DontBDumb]

Vet and mil family. Mil life is very very difficult and almost all relationships end in divorce. However, the right mil guys are some of the best one can ever have and it depends on the character of the man. Dont listen to much to me Iv been single for 10 years

[sphinx23]

I think all relationships are difficult. But being with a military guy is twice or maybe thrice harder. But no matter how hard things are as long as the couple have a strong foundation it'll be fine.

I don't want to be suspicious and overthink. I wanna change that. I was ok for the past 3 weeks until last night. I don't like what I'm feeling right now

[dustybiker]

If you trust him. Trust him. His friends behaviors are their own. One sure fire way to push someone away is to start putting pressure on them. Step back. Relax. The see what happens. He will probably reach out to you first.

[sphinx23]

I truly trust him. But not his friends. Recently, they're pressing him by calling him gay and that's he's afraid of me. And since I'm miles away then he's literally single. It's peer pressure. Men have egos and they don't want it too be hurt. I'm just scared that one day things will escalate and push him do things he's not supposed to do because of ego. His friends are basically not my friends.

I don't text and call him when he's out. I'm contented whatever updates he gives me. I don't bug him because that's what he wants. But when I do, he thinks I have an issue and try to argue with him. So it irks me when he does it

[Iron_Man]

I don’t understand why are you not living with this man if you guys real serious you should live together and travel together and be stationed together just like a married couple

[sphinx23]

That's the plan. We're talking about marriage and starting a family soon. I'm working oversea, too. I met him in the country I'm currently working at. His ship was stationed here. He's planning to be transferred here again for us to be together. But it's not quite easy. In 4 months, I only saw him 2days in May, 1day in July and then I flew to where he was and stayed with him for 5days. He's dedicated and didn't give me any reason to doubt him. It's just that recently, especially last night he's out all night and only called me up once and sent pictures in a restaurant with his colleagues with women that they just met. He didn't show his side though. When I called, he stepped out and talked to me. He never did that except last night. I asked him why, he said it would be rude. But he always pass the. Fone to everyone when he's out and for them to assure me that it's just them

[DontBDumb]

Yea it the only way. Unless you just dont know enough about the person then no.

[sphinx23]

This is the only thing that kept me awake last night. Him stepping out of the place he's at just to talk to me and telling me it's rude to be on fone when he's with everyone. But the thing is he always passes the fone to them and let me know they're fine except last night when there are women around. He's colleagues were with women they met on a dating app. But I didn't see his side and he stepped out. I'm scared to ask. Do you think he's with someone, too?

[Iron_Man]

Well you better have a very serious talk with your boyfriend

[sphinx23]

I'll definitely do that. Once he comes back to his space. He's currently out and it's more than 24hrs already. 🥺

[Iron_Man]

I wish you the best of luck

[sphinx23]

Thank you. I really appreciate you taking time to share your opinion about my situation.

[Iron_Man]

Yes of course you’re very welcome

[sphinx23]

Last question, do you think he's with someone last night, too considering his different behavior? I wanna know from a guy's perspective. But you're a guy and only you can also understand another guy

[Iron_Man]

I don’t like what I’m hearing but I hope he didn’t do anything

[sphinx23]

And that's my hope, too. Thank you for answering. God bless. 🙏

[Iron_Man]

God bless you to my friend I hope everything works out for you

[sphinx23]

Hey. Just an update. He said it's too disrespectful of me to ask him if he's with a woman last night. He sounded hurt, but I caught a little defensiveness on his side. It's too quick though. I don't wanna be bothered about it. It's been like 4hours since we discussed that but it keeps bugging me. 🤔

[Iron_Man]

That’s a lot of bull he should just have answered you and understood your concern

[sphinx23]

He knows that I know that he doesn't do any hook-ups when he's in a relationship. Also, hook-ups don't work for him. Real connection is important for him. I'm aware of it. I love him and he's the only one I see in the future with me. However, I don't wanna be blind and dense especially with little details that I think odd. Am I just paranoid to think that he won't cheat on me or that he has a woman with him last night?

[Iron_Man]

Continue on with him I hope it works out but keep an eye open at least for a while and I hope that this can be resolved very quickly and put it behind both of you

[sphinx23]

I will. It's the first though. And the defensive mode was shown too fast. So I can let it go. But, yeah, I'll keep my eyes open. I'm hoping and praying that it's not really that. I don't want to be doubtful, too. It's causing negative vibe. 🙂

[Iron_Man]

I understand you pray to God about it and hopefully everything will be fine. Ok I have to go now if you would like we can discuss this right here tonight later and I will do the best that I can to help you with your future husband. Have a good day

[sphinx23]

Thank you for your kind words. Have a blessed day.

[StormGaryen]

maybe you should surprise him by visiting him and get him a gift or something he likes.

[sphinx23]

I flew to where he's currently at almost a month ago and stayed there for 5 days. And we're literally on the fone for 24/7.

[jimmy2]

Calm down honey. It's ok he just becoming a man