Should I continue couple's therapy with my long term partner who has abusive patterns?

[Anonymous]

I am having regrets about attending couples therapy with my partner who has been emotionally, mentally, and sexually abusive to me. I actually finally decided we were done but he begged me to try couples counseling to see if it could save the relationship. I began the sessions because he said he was ready to admit to the abuse and he actually did confess to the therapist that he’s been abusive to me. So far I feel so much regret and even more damage than before. I say this because the tone of the sessions have really been focused on just letting go of the past and trusting him again. I really thought the therapist would somehow focus on my healing from all the trauma and help him resolve why he has been abusive to me but I’m beginning to notice she really is focused on just getting us back together instead of helping me process and him resolve his abusive traits. In the most recent session when I share that I’m upset about the abuse he’s done the therapist will point out I’m too focused on the past and I should focus more on the present and future with him. It makes me sick that I wasn’t met with more empathy or understanding of the trauma he’s caused me. I feel that even if abuse happened years ago the worst and most insensitive thing anyone can tell a survivor is to let go of the past and learn to move forward because the abusive partner hasn’t recently abused. Not to mention he’s been abusive for years and the last abusive incident happened only a few moths ago, He also almost abused me again a week ago but decided to stop and the therapist pointed out how I should basically be happy that he didn’t go through with it because that means he’s making progress. I’ve been living in the cycle of manipulation, control and various abuse with this partner for years. He’s had moments where he has chosen to abuse me and other moments where has stopped before carrying it out on an off for years so I don’t trust this "progress"

[Black_Ivory]

Trust your self and trust your women's intuition.

You know your self better than anyone else. Fuck him and fuck the therapist.

Do what is right for you!

I have never understood why any woman would ever stay with a guy that does not respect her or treat her as an equal and best friend. But I do know certain traps that happen. The wom is financially dependent on him or because she grew up with an abusive family leads to the formation of the concept of abuse equals love in her head. Which is so wrong.

All women must develop self worth and know that they are deserving of both love and respect (also preferably treated equal but it all depends on if you believe men should lead in the relationship or be the head of the household or not, your choice. It is up to you.)

If you no longer love him then get your stuff and get out. If you do not want to spend the rest of your life with this man then please put your self first and get out now!

[Anonymous]

Yes, but is he having one on one sessions too? And how about you?

[Asker]

No he's not having individual sessions. The couples therapist thinks he can change on his own and I should learn to trust him again. I believe I need an individual session as well to process years of abuse in the relationship. He's very manipulative so I don't know what to believe anymore.

[Opinion Owner]

Then ask your therapist about this in private.

[Emmss]

Never tolerate abuse. For me, if you are abusive, you are out. No questions asked.