My boyfriend ex is destroying our life?

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

My question is this one: My boyfriend ex is a crackhead and his daughter cries?

Please I need to get answers and help on this one

I accidentally did it on anon.

[caring__1]

There are more options for this girl beyond living with her mother. She can go to college and live on campus. She can rent a room from someone or a group of people. She can live with her dad. What is she doing to establish a career to support herself? If she is capable of supporting herself, that might be a good focus. If she isn't, there may be government subsidies. You can be her friend and role model. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend's ex is destroying your life. It appears she is doing what she can to destroy her daughter's life... maybe punishing the daughter to legitimize her own disappointing life.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

She works with her grandma and her mom and her uncles
That family is fucked up. she doesn't study
She rented the appartment to live alone
But her mom got kicked out of her appartment and she went to live with he daughter

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

My boyfriend doesn't want to introduce me to his daughter i dunno why
The girls knows her dad has someone since i got my clothes at his home and its obvi someone sleeps at his house sometiems (me)
But i dunno why he doesmt want us to meet
Even tho many times he says:you would love her, she is such a great kid

[caring__1]

She needs a strong support system, so she can stand up to her mom and stop rescuing her. By rescuing her, she's telling her mom she's incapable of taking care of herself, so her mom feels it makes sense to mooch off of her. The girl can get another job, and she can get an education. It's too easy for people to come up with excuses to legitimize continuing the dysfunctional patterns they choose.

As you realize, no one likes to hear people complain, if those people aren't open to making changes necessary to change the situation. If she just wants to complain and not change, it might be in your best interest to distance yourself from her. If you feel she is open to change, facilitate her exploration and discovery rather than spoon-feed her and tell her she should do. Maintaining her familiar patterns while expecting different results will never lead to anything other than frustration and disappointment. If she wants to change, here's a good place to start: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/789725.Change

[caring__1]

Not wanting you to meet his daughter either means he doesn't want to let her get attached before he's sure the relationship is long-term, or he has something to hide. Find out from him which it is, what he's looking to see to convince him it is long-term or what he might be hiding from you.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I said to my boyfriend its not fair his kid is going through this
And something needs to be done
He said his ex is wating some money from her new boyfriend or someshit so she can move out
I find it stuoid he says
My daughter can't leave her mom , she is sick (drugaddict) you can't understand this its too complicated
On weekends is when his ex takes too much drugs and his daughter is afraid
He cancells me everytime on weekends and thats his explanation

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I said his daughter needs to find another job
He says
She is afraid to leave tjis job and find smth else
So... to sum up
She will work with her maternal family becaue she is afraid to change job
She continues to live with mom since she can't tell her to fuck off she can't throw her on the streets

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

What he can be hiding?
I dunno what it could be?
She knows a woman stays at his house i got my pink small flipflops in his hall, got my parfume in bathroom
But when i stay at his house he sent her a message saying:someone is tating at my house
He didn't say my girlfriend or Jess (me)
Im just "someone" when he speaks to his daughter

[caring__1]

We're not talking about extremes here. It's not letting her mom walk all over her or telling her to fuck off. She can ask her mom what her plans are.

It sounds like she wasn't raised to have good self-esteem. If she doesn't believe in herself, she'll spend the rest of her life letting others make all her decisions... even if she doesn't like those decisions.

It sounds like your boyfriend feels she needs to stay to take care of her mom, due to her addictions, yet when her mom is wasted on drugs, his daughter is afraid to be there. She can't take care of herself... how can she be expected to take care of an addict? She has no training in this area, so it can backfire on her.

There are reasons he doesn't want to acknowledge you're in his life, but only he knows what they are. It doesn't appear he's fully invested in you. Especially, since she knows someone is there, hiding your relationship is telling his daughter he's just messing around and not committed to anyone. When people feel strongly about a partner, they generally have difficulty not sharing their joy with the ones they love. I'm sensing this is a one-way relationship you have with your boyfriend. You're committed, and he's just having fun. At your age, do you really want to place all your eggs in this one basket? Ask him what his objectives are regarding the two of you, and make sure what he says is specific and measurable. You want to discover whether the two of you are on the same path. If you define the path first, rather than asking him to define the path, he'll probably just agree with everything you say, just to hold onto whatever he's getting out of the relationship.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

His daughter knows he has "someone"
All his close friends know im his girlfriend too

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Whats the solution?
Once he told me
In the relationsjip im not that traditional (marrige live together) also not like modern people dating 2 o3 girls at the same time , open relationsjip etc
So... he said he is somewhere in yhe middle
What the hell he means?

[caring__1]

It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. You notice he's only specific when he says what he's not, not when he says what he is. That way, he can't be held accountable for anything. He will continue to use you till you have no more to give, and then he'll pass you down to the next guy. Don't expect him to stick around if you have a medical or financial emergency.

I'm not saying that everyone has to be married, but you want a partner who is man enough to be specific about how he feels about you and where you fit into his life, both short-term and long-term.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I agree but im not into marriage tho
But id like to have more clear ideas of what am i to him!!!
Yesterday and today
I had to study... ok, so
He knew
So
He said "ill leave you alone so you can study calmly"
Yesterday he sent me good night first
Around 21.30
Then this morning he sent me "morning" at 9.30 more or less
Which is very early for his Sunday
Because when we planned our date for today (which was cancelled because of his daughter) he said :"lets meet around 12 -13, because its Sunday i want to sleep more"

That monent i said ok, deal, no prob.
But now... he has opportunity to sleep more, he doesn't have to prepare for me to come... and he wakes up at 9 a m. To send me "morning"
Thats it
The only message i got during whole day
He is so fucking weird

[caring__1]

Though you may not be interested in marriage, it appears you are interested in a commitment. You want to believe you have significant value to him and this is the place you truly fit. It sounds like you're just a convenience to him. He won't go out of his way to make things uncomfortable for you, but he'll also not go out of his way to make sure you always feel safe, secure and special. It sounds like he assumes this will not work, so he's just putting in his time till you lose interest and leave. At that point, he'll replace you with someone else who is willing to just be a place keeper.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75GXN1emhV8

Lyrics
Sometimes I wonder
How it would be
If we held on. if we held on
It worked while it was easy
Until the work got too hard
Now its long gone
Yeah its long gone
You cut just deep enough
In my dreams you keep showing up
You were a nice place keeper
I couldn't see it at the time
You gave my love a place
To rest, to hide
You were a nice place keeper
Now and then a songs play
Takes me to a time
Turns me sideways
Turns me sideways
I wish it were just a song
Not so tangled up
In my memory with your memory
We stand on opposite sides
Of the road
Don't bother to say hello
Don't bother to say goodbye
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Aron Wright / Emily Claire Guerreso
Placekeeper lyrics © Cs Music Alysheba, Makeout Music, Kmr Music Royalties Ii Scsp, Riders Up, Makeout Music Company Publishing

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Why he says i give him peace?
He had fight with his older brother over his dead mom and was nervous to call him, but its must be done for the documentation and stuff
So he said "i need to talk to him... its something must be done. ill call him when you stay on Wednesday with me. i feel more calm when you are near me"
He bought me parfume last week too...
He says deep things but then acts weird

[caring__1]

It's not that he doesn't see value in you... it's just primarily about him and not being considerate of your feelings. You may calm and soothe him, things he believes he can't do on his own.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

So to sum up
What should i do or say?

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

He asked me to understand him and his situation with his daughter

[caring__1]

Putin says we should just understand him, and that should be good enough. If your boyfriend isn't actively showing you clarity, and a positive move forward, you'll just ride your merry-go-round till you get tired of it and decide to dismount. You're not going to change him or his situation, so there's nothing you can say or do that will make that happen. If you like what you see, enjoy it; if you don't, it may be time to jump ship. The longer you sit around hoping, the more bitterness and frustration you'll feel when you get to the end of this journey.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I have no hopes
I just try to enjoy good moments we have together
And thats it

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Im not making any plans any ideas anymore
He likes to fantasiez about us traveling to this place, that place... showing me his city in UK etc
Its cute to hear
But i know it will never happen

[caring__1]

Just don't pack your bags till you have the tickets in your hand.

Any change people make for others tend to be temporary and/or conditional. Accept this is the person he chooses to be.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I dont get about the tickets

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

He does no change
Im the one who needs to adjust and accept him

[caring__1]

If you're going on a trip, you generally need tickets to get on transportation (train, plane, etc.). Don't pack your bags before you have those tickets in your hand.

You don't need to be something you're not, but that doesn't mean he'll be changing for you, either. Never change, with the expectation of the other changing. Those types of conditions will leave you frustrated and disappointed. Just as you'd like people to accept you as you are, it's important to accept others as they are. You don't have to like what you see or stick around, but never expect others to change for you... no matter how much sense it makes to you.

If you see value in the relationship as it is, and not for what it could or should be, then enjoy it. If you eventually want a committed partner, staying with him will just give you less time to find that partner, once you're ready.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

How can i know he is comitted?
What being comitted means for a man?
Ill see him at work
We work at the same office
Ill update you how its going and what he tells me about his weekend
He didn't answer my kiss gif tonight

[caring__1]

A committed person is considerate of how his/her choices impact others. The primary focus is how one can add to the life of the other rather than any sense of entitlement. A committed person is open, honest, clear and concise, so you never have to guess or assume. A committed person never leaves you hanging, wondering if your actions were received or what impact they had. It tends to be obvious how the responses of the other energize the committed person. In any healthy relationship, the more we give, the more we receive. The more we take, the quicker the well runs dry.

Working with a partner can be challenging, as those people tend to talk primarily about work, even after work hours. Not only that, since they share the same experiences at work, the often have little to bring to the relationship that isn't already familiar to the partner.

Feel free to reach out anytime.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Thanks
He is veird yes
Saw my name on his phone as Pb... perfect babe
So fucking weird omg

[caring__1]

You're welcome. I hope the rewards are enough to balance the challenges.

[Anonymous]

When you destroy a woman's family...

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Who destroyed whose family?
She sued him he was in jail
She left him
After 2 years i met him