Last year, an old flame contacted me, we kept in contact online, but things got awry and at some point we became intimate although just two times and just online. However, he is married, and even though I have tried to make him remembered it, he was still stubborn with me, although during the last months, he became less communicative. I wanted him to be just my friend, but then, the drama ocurred.
My birthday came, and I became irrational angry that he didn’t remember it like I did with his, I protested, but he inverted it saying that he doesn’t have to apologize, that the one who is wrong was me because he only wanted to say hi and I didn’t received him well. I apologized, what a fool of me for doing that, but since that day, he hasn’t contacted me again. I have felt many negative emotions of guilt, shame, angriness, sadness, suffering, fear, etc., but also I hoped we could end things smoothly, without holding grudges and say good bye in a good way (maybe it is denial).
I know that both of us are responsible of this, so blame shouldn’t be on just one side.
I am scared, all this experience has made me doubt of myself, about how to handle relationships and if I will repeat the same patterns (not with married men, but with others with whom I would allow them to walk over me). What can I do?, why am I in such emotional stump and how can I get out of it?
