Why do men respect certain women more than wives?

[Anonymous]

A married man constantly searches for girls to cheat on his wife and wanted me to become his mistress. I liked the idea too, please don’t judge me. When I said I’m innocent, he was surprised and took time to proceed whether I should have my 1st time without normal relationships or not. He said he thinks I’m a good person that’s why he doubted his actions now. Then he texted me “I had a lot of thoughts on that and decided it’s not a good idea for you. I had a lot of relationships and trust me, this one’d not end well for you. I think you’re a very good person and the way of mistress isn’t for you. You disappointed too early in normal relationships. It may seem strange but I respect women too much not to do that to you despite you don’t mind now. My morals won’t let me do that. I hope we still can communicate, I will always help you when needed”.
Please help me understand:
1. Is it real guilt as he can’t give me fulfilling relationships and doesn’t want to use me and throw away like other girls?
2. He decided not to put me through pain and loneliness and said it frankly and let go, but he keeps on lying and cheating on wife without remorse, when I asked him, he said if they divorce someday, it’d not be a tragedy for him.
Does it mean he respects me more than her?

[JamesDiaz11]

Yes, men respect certain women more than OTHERS. Generally, men respect women who have not been promiscuous/ had sex before (by choice, not just being 14) because this shows virtue, and a high level of self-respect.

It's also human nature to take for granted what you already have, and often idolize what you do not. He could see you as a virtuous, impressionable young woman, which has prevented him from being able to use you for his pleasure without the threat of guilt- there's also the chance he could fall in love with you if you two did have sex (as in his mind he'd be special to you, and you to him), which would cause serious marriage issues, and probably dissolution.

Although, he may not be happy in his marriage right now, this doesn't mean that he wants out of it- he's mostly content.

[Asker]

Thank you for paying attention to details! It looks hilarious he values my feelings more. He emphasised “It may seem strange to you, but I respect women…” phrase = he indirectly admitted he doesn’t respect wife while decided to cheat and he knows I saw that attitude to her. It’s like “hey, I know you see i cheat on wife and don’t respect her, so it may seem strange to you that I respect and mean well by not touching you”

Look, I asked him would he theoretically divorce her, and he said without even thinking twice, with totally calmed face, no remorse “Yea, why not, it’d not be a tragedy for me and I sees it happens every day”. He’s TOTALLY ok to lose her someday…
I genuinely believe he cannot truly love the wife, of course he’s content in marriage due to comfort, picture of “perfect” family for friends + finance, she has powerful parents.

[Asker]

+ all our office is aware of him cheating for a long long time before, he has the reputation and he says he hasn’t been caught redhanded with real evidence. But his wife definitely hears the rumours and does nothing as he was so neat and smart with coverage. That’s his words.

You may disagree with me but I’m sure he takes her for granted, not love even tho he hides cheating. Hiding doesn’t mean you care for partner, it means you’re afraid to loose the comfort they give you and keep on doing whatever you want. If you murdered and hid the body, does it mean you didn’t commit crime and still innocent citizen? I don’t think so.

[Berethor]

You innocent, his wife not, also mistresses tend to be slutty women, not virgins.

[WhitneySnow]

He feels guilty and he really likes you so he didn’t wanna make you his side piece. He did the right thing, which shows he’s a decent guy deep down.

[Asker]

But it seems weird that he’s that conscious and respectful to me but still treats his wife like a trash. Does he has more respect towards me?

[WhitneySnow]

He really likes you. And guys like that, they love their wives (or at least they say they do) but they feel like they have the right to cheat on them.

[Asker]

Well, I don’t believe this is the love, it’s only words that contradict with real actions to their wives. Thank you for help

[WhitneySnow]

I totally agree with you. And you’re welcome.

[Cheerfull009]

His wife does not satisfy her mentally and physically, not caring, so he want some loving and caring partner who can satisfy him

[Asker]

Does it mean he doesn’t respect and truly love his wife?

[Cheerfull009]

Wife does not love, respect and and satisfy husband in bed and at home

[Anonymous]

Seems very immature to me.

[Asker]

Why?

[Opinion Owner]

Because he's married.