What are your suggestions for keeping love and sexual desire alive in long-term relationship?

Question

Ps. Asking for a friend as I don't have anyone I'm seeing right now..

Subarugirl · Accepted Answer

I think the biggest issue is that people confuse infatuation with love. Love is a choice, you make the choice to love someone. As for sexual desire, that is dependent on many different factors and not all of them are something that you can control. People and bodies changes, stress, fatigue, and hormones play a huge part in libido apart for the relationship with your partner. Communication is the most important, you have to talk about it in a way that doesn’t make it feel like you a pressuring your partner.

Intimacy, physical and emotion intimacy that is NOT sexual is soooo important. Get that down first. Understand that men and woman process sexual stimuli differently. The arousal process is vastly different. Learn what you personally need to get there and communicate that with your partner, and take the time to get to that point.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

Love shouldn’t expire or get boring. It should keep getting better as the years go by. Others are just so lucky or blessed to have that kid of love. So whatever they’re smoking , I want some of that 😂

coachTanthony · Answer

The desire comes with planning and organization. When people have had a long day with a bunch of shit on their mind it's hard to keep that desire going... so this stuff needs to be planned through date nights, sex nights, alone time, etc where they can concentrate on themselves in an environment that promotes desire. It can be done but it takes work.

RavVid · Answer

Well when a girlfriend started to shut up shop after just 6 months, I told her NO turned me on and whenever she said NO I begged her to say NO again. She took responsibility for turning me on in a few minutes and sex invariably ensued. Of course if she said YES sex invariably ensued. To switch it around a little I would put her hand on my cock and make her hold it. Just the simple act of holding it would lead her to say YES and sex ensued.

More than one husband has complained to me that he has to campaign for sex and the wife wants a quid pro quo for giving it. The death of a relationship happens when a husband decides it is just easier to masturbate over a hot girl at the office during the morning shower.

When the guy has largely given up expecting sex then the woman starts complaining her man is boring. She also starts feeling undesired and that is true because she has stopped being a sex object to him.

Feminists complain at women being objectified as sex objects which strikes at the whole core of a relationship. Guess what? We originally got with you because we thought you sexy and we wanted to have lots of sex with you.

I'm not sure that once a woman has transitioned herself from being a sex object into more being like your sister, that it is recoverable. Oh there are naughty nurse outfits etc but for me I'd think it tacky and a turn off. Having clothed sex in that outfit I have always liked you in would do more for me.

In short the key is that it should always be a YES to sex. Maybe one or other will need a bit of extra attention at times. That ok.

Sex doesn't have to be equal and probably shouldn't be all the time. There have been times when a girlfriend has said 'I don't want to. But alright then. Just try and be quick please.' It was good exciting sex because I had carte blanche to make a pig of myself & focus on my pleasure. Usually girlfriend would end up saying 'I think I can cum. Can you hold off?' though.

Generally speaking the guy tends to end spending most time on working the girl up to orgasm. So we don't get to express our desire in a short sharp fuck that reflects our natural instincts. At times either the guy or girl might be super horny and want sex that reflects that.

Post mortems are important. If your girl made a little move that was magic you'd like her to do it again next time. Similarly you might have done something nice and not know if you aren't told. Or you stopped doing something nice because you had been doing it for 5 minutes and thought some variation was needed.

A sense of fun goes a long way. I was kneeling on all fours over one girlfriend and she decided to wrap her legs around my waist and try to spear herself on my cock. It didn't work very well but it was fun. A different girl decided to impress me with how flexible she was. She was able to go from missionary into doggie, under me, without dislodging me. Impressive. At times I have felt horny and called out to my girlfriend to 'Come here I want to show you something', then flopped out my erection when she did.

They are the main points to me. I haven't mentioned love yet but it follows sex at least it does for guys.

ThinkFitness23 · Answer

•Start again with kissing, this passionate act is often overlooked…

•Eye contact…

•Communicate, tell each other what you like most…

•Keep things outside of sex fresh…

•Aways have something planned to look forward to like a weekend break away or a date night in or out…

•Refresh your wardrobe, give each other different angles…

•Have less sex in some cases, let the chemistry build and keep tactile, lots of kissing, hugging and holding hands…

•When you do have sex avoid the usual routine, on the other had add a new routine, naked Sunday’s or Sunday’s where she wears just underwear and one of your shirts, you wear fresh whites…

•Eat nutritious food

•Both keep in shape, and go for long walks…

•Masterfully eat her P…

•Keep her confidence high, make sure you tell her when she looks hot don’t keep it to yourself…

•Just because your a couple doesn’t mean you stop flirting with each other, it more of a reason to flirt…

•Help her with her daily routine, house keeping and make a habit of making her a coffee at least once a week, when your both off work is best.

YOU ARE HER KING
SHE IS YOUR QUEEN

caring__1 · Answer

Rather than aim for extremes, just incorporate variety in the types of things you enjoy together. You don't want your relationship to get in a rut due to always following the same patterns. No one person is responsible for initiating certain things. You can show you appreciate certain patterns by initiating those patterns.

For instance, every piece of music ever composed can be played on a piano. You don't need to keep adding extra keys to that piano to keep things new and alive. Just changing the order can trigger deep inner feelings. You can't tell me every piece of music you've ever experienced has impacted you exactly the same. Explore new combinations. You'll never know when you'll come across an amazing new combination.

HighValue · Answer

Make an album of things you did together over the years that you enjoyed together. Fill it only with happy memories and review it each year on your anniversary. Also, make sure to set aside time as a couple doing something together without friends or family there so you can enjoy time together.

Sexually, have one day per month each where the other person does what you want (within reason/have some hard limits/rules). Each person gets one day where the other participates in the sexual stuff the other wants.

Anonymous · Answer

The answer will be different for each person and each couple, but there are some commonalities in most successful relationships.

A lot of women have the attitude that they do not owe their man sex and that they should never do it just to please their man when she is not in the mood. That is a selfish attitude that is poison for a relationship.

Being unselfish and giving of oneself is enormously important in a relationship. Of course it must be a two way street and he must give of himself in the ways that are important to her as well. Each has to hold up their end, even when it is not easy or convenient. That is how love is supposed to work. Each person should feel lucky and privileged to have their partner, and that takes a constant, conscious and deliberate effort for both, but sometimes in different ways.

I can't speak for women because I'm not one, but in general for men we need to feel loved, appreciated, respected, admired and desired. If you can figure out how to make your man feel those things, you will be in a great position to have a long lasting and happy relationship. You'll need to figure out what those key things are for you as a woman, and make sure he understands them. It is then up to him to make them happen.

At the end of the day, it's about knowing your partner and understanding their needs, and making the unselfish sacrifices to make sure they are met. Sounds simple but it's not.

J2ohhhhh · Answer

Take a little risk when choosing a partner. Don't need to marry a criminal or someone who doesn't introduce to one single person and don't even know their last name. But don't always assume the worst and get scared of your own assumptions. My aunt's husband is the most predictable and reliable person, but they never do anything. They never go anywhere, he never surprises her. He takes good care of her, she asks for something she gets it, but he never has that "I think she'd like this" thought. And this is because she went for the safest option she had. So yeah probably your friend also played it too safe and picked a boring partner.

Caliguy88 · Answer

I was in one really long relationship. We had a healthy bedroom life the whole time. I guess we were at prime age. But we also had an agreement that we could never say no to sec when the other wanted it. I don’t know if that was totally 100% the case, but she did a good job of just keeping it going. I have so many friends that are married or in long term relationships that have sex like twice a month. I can’t imagine that. But it’s t doesn’t take much for me to want it so I've never been down that road. But I feel it’s mostly because the girl is like punishing the guy or something….

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Never stop dating each other. Keep communication open, don't get complacent, and be willing to do new things together as a couple.

You both need to have a healthy level of me time and hobbies too, but what I listed in my first bit for sure is a necessity.

humanearth · Answer

Hand write love letters to each other

Always have sex and often

Have date nights without the cellphones, leave them at home (me and wife don't own cellphones, but we see them as relationship killers)

Always show affection to each other

Do little things for each other

Leave little notes in their lunch box

Make time to spend time together without cellphones I'm your hands for 2 hrs.

We been married for 30 years and these are some things we keep the spark alive

Guy13 · Answer

Going back to the fundamentals during the first year. Not forgetting the things that were effective and enjoyed.-It’s so easy to sacrifice each other in the day-day affairs. Dinner to relax and not complain about each other…work can not be avoided. Not a time to attack one another…. that’s for a couple hours later with household plan and responsibilities assignments 🙃

hafinjun · Answer

Hmmm, well I'm divorced so you may not want to pass this along, you need to keep things fresh, avoid routines like oh it's Thursday, time for sex, be impulsive, without being rash. Change things up, if she does the cooking, you do it for her while she relaxed, flowers are usually appreciated. You have to make her/him know they are the single most desirable person in your life.

Twalli · Answer

It depends on location relative to each other and if you are livign together. If you aren't living together, a date once or twice a week can keep the relationships fresh and exciting. If you are, I still recommend going out at least once a week to have fun outside of the house. I haven't been able to go out anywhere for over 2 years, and becase of that I haven't been able to go on a date with my girlfriend. She comes over and we hang out, but we both really want to go on a date again.

JPresidente · Answer

Men are easy. Feed us, have sex with us on a regular basis and give us appreciation for what we do. In return a man will take care of you, provide for you and protect you. Easy formula that often times never gets followed.

Anonymous · Answer

Keep life spicy for your special loved one. Surprise him with a special dinner. One that he may never a forget, dinner for two. Make sure all devices are off. Prepare a great meal in the nude. And enjoy the meal in the nude. Guarantee a unique way of keeping your sensual time intriguing.

Googlemyahoo · Answer

Don’t rebuff your partner when they try to either show affection or try to get frisky. Do it repeatedly they’ll just stop trying entirely.

Don’t use it as a crutch/bargaining point. Like omg he didn’t do the dishes like I expected him to I’m not going to put out tonight

When that shit starts its fuck it not even going to waste my time.

SiberFox · Answer

To love someone is not just an emotion, it is an act, therefore loving someone is not just emotions of bliss and excitement, it is a habit. One must work for it consistantly.

krin_m · Answer

Communicate every day, may be video calls.

Also try to get together as many times as possible. Most of all, do not violate each other's trust. That is especially important if you have an open marriage/relationship.

Likes2drive · Answer

Getting away, going on trips together, date nights and definitely changing things up in the bedroom

Anonymous · Answer

A long term relationship is like a garden that needs constant attention fro the gardner. I suggest a regularly recurring date night once a week and, if scheduling is necessary, times designated for mutual sexual fun and play.

Anonymous · Answer

Being realistic. The women who have the most successful relationships over the longest period of time do so because they're generally more realistic about what they can expect from thier man.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Make a point of texting/calling each other regularly. Tell jokes, be funny, be uplifting. Oh, and don't be afraid to just let them know that you're thinking of them

Zolly99999 · Answer

Changing things up and trying different things.

Honest-Matt · Answer

Honestly, a lot of older married couples openly have mistresses.

Agape93 · Answer

Communicate and try new things together long as you're comfortable with it.  Be spontaneous.

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

I would say making the relationship somewhat unpredictable might keep the excitement for longer

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry, I don't have an answer that others have not given but wow you look beautiful.

Jamesshinobi · Answer

If i knew anything about woman, love, and long term relationships i wouldn't be married to the same woman for the last 20 years...

TroyDT · Answer

Putting your partner first. If both do that, the problems will be rare.

dragoblack · Answer

Communication, intimacy outside of sex, do things that show your appreciation no matter how small, and trying new things.

GreatnessBack · Answer

Whatever they did in the beginning, keep doing that. There's no reason to stop really.

Hardworkingguy · Answer

You have to be open minded to new ways of being happy together. Really listen to each other

Anonymous · Answer

Keep watching steamy erotic movies together. I do not mean porn. That's for the desires part. As for love, there is no formula for that.

astep · Answer

To keep the sexual desire alive, you definitly need to experiment a lot and try new things

Dargil · Answer

Get married and live together. Long distance relationships are a lie.

syncheart · Answer

Get married, and keep working at it.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Don't whore around, don't be an insufferable nag, realize your partner is human.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Romance and communication.

In_Trance · Answer

You should probably find someone for yourself and let your friend ask this question

_Just_A_girl_ · Answer

The shop dedicated to this stuff Communication

AnnaLingus · Answer

Keep his belly full and his balls empty.

VV3ZZY · Answer

Giving

Shy-boy53 · Answer

Good communication is key

EaterPeter · Answer

None

Anonymous · Answer

communication

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Break up

Jouth · Answer

have sex

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