My boyfriend said I was threatening him just because I told him that I was gonna break up with him. Isn’t that toxic for him to say? ?

[Anonymous]

lately everything I say has turn into a argument. We been together for 11years and we been through so much. We aren’t doing good at the moment and I’m the type of person that rather try to communicate and talk about it. He is the complete opposite so is hard especially if is something he doesn’t wanna talk about.
i Can talk about something that’s affecting about us, sex or other stuff and he would say why he not doing things to”makes us better” I accept I’m not perfect but this has been to toxic. I told him “ I’m just trying to communicate with you but I’ll have to break up if we continue to be this way” and he scream his lungs out saying “ im threaten him”

[MrOracle]

You ARE threatening him - and I'm not saying that you are necessarily wrong to do so, but the fact still remains that you are.

It seems clear that the two of you need some relationship counselling - a neutral third party that can get through all the BS and help you identify and resolve the root causes of the problems in your relationship. That's not fun and it's not comfortable, but it's likely needed at this point.

You also need to know what you want. Are you happy being boyfriend/girlfriend forever? Do you plan to get married? Have kids? Your biological clock is ticking away, so you need to figure that out very quickly. I realize you have a long history with this guy, and hopefully you have the same life-goals, but if you don't, then you are wasting your time with him and need to move on anyway. If you DO have similar life goals, then you probably need to get things moving pretty quickly.

It's very easy to get comfortable and let the years slip away, and it's completely up to the two of you - and you alone if necessary - to take control over the trajectory of your lives, or time will just continue to slip away, and windows of opportunity will close forever.

[caring__1]

I understand your frustration, but I can see how he'd see that as a threat. When communicating, always focus on what you do want rather than what you don't want. Show him you want to understand his perspective and how things impact him. Ask him to help you see where the relationship is going and how the choices each of you make impact him and the relationship. Never mention breaking up or divorce until you're ready to walk out the door. You can say "This pattern isn't working for me," but mentioning something you're not ready to actually follow through on will be seen as a threat... "Change or else!!!"

[Anonymous]

I think you need to s*** or get off the pot. You've been together for 11 years. He knows he's got you hooked (invested) at this point. He doesn't need to do anything that would (in your estimation) make you two better. You just need to make up your mind whether you want to be in the relationship or not. He knows your most likely just talk. But even still, your mouth gets tiresome. Hence his reaction.

[Anonymous]

Oof. I mean, it sort of is a threat. You're threatening him with the end of the relationship, but honestly I totally get why you feel that way. His reaction was pretty shitty too...

[Anonymous]

Well, you are threatening to break up with him; there's nothing wrong with that, though. You're giving him a chance to fix. If he dosen't want to put in the work, follow through with your threat and find a better guy for you.

[BJP21]

Nah you're fine. Crack that whip.

[Twalli]

You are threatening to break up with him.