I think at this point, I would. I'd also want blood and STD tests before getting married. Of course, I'd give MY information to her.
If that's trust issues, that's trust issues. I may have minor trust issues, but then I've had a lot of lying in relationships. I've had a lot of cheating. And secretive "sniffing around." All from "good girls" who were raised as good girls. Christians raised in the church. And I trusted until I found out all the lies that they had told me, or I overheard stuff from them. Many "friendships" with women, too.
So I'm cautious. And I have to be cautious in a relationship. I'd trust, or not assume she was cheating, but I would have to watch for signs. And if we were to get serious... then I would want to make sure as best I could that what she was saying was true.
If you had nothing to hide, then why are you so anti getting a DNA test? I'd have no issues getting a blood test if I was getting married. I'd have no issues peeing in a cup, or getting fingerprinted, or having a background check.
I do some teaching... shouldn't my bosses just trust I'm not a child molester or other kind of big time criminal? I go to church like twice a week! I had taught Sunday school for years and never had an issue! They don't trust me! - They DON'T distrust me... but a lot of perverts and sickos have lied and ruined kid's lives. They're being careful, and they have to try to protect themselves because I work (and sort of represent) for them. Makes perfect sense to me. I'd be more weirded out if I DIDN'T have to get some sort of test or background check.
It's not JUST a relationship; when it's marriage, or kids taken into account, then it becomes a legal thing, too. And hearing what I've heard, and experiencing what I've experienced from women (and women I wasn't invested in that much), It can't hurt to be cautious and try to cover your butt, which is what he's trying to do.
I'd sign a fair prenup. If I loved the lady, it wouldn't be that big a deal to me for her to protect her most important, say, financial assets; I probably wouldn't be after her money, anyway. So long as it was fair, or could be edited and discussed... I think it'd be a great idea. Not that I don't trust girls... but I know people lie. Even people who have genuinely changed lie about their pasts. Some HAVE to lie (rare).
If I get married, I'd want the same types of things. Blood tests, STD checks, some background check - maybe. A Prenup - yes.
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I don't agree with the other responses below who say that this guy has "trust issues". I think that he's purposely trying to be hurtful which quite frankly is the sign of an abusive guy. I'm not saying that this guy is going to hit you, but he seems to enjoy saying things that upset and even manipulate you. I don't think you should have anything to do with this guy and to be honest, I sort of judge you for putting up with this guy because I highly doubt that the only times he does this to you is with regards to this particular subject.
Usually i have an opinion on this. If this were to be said to me, I am really not sure what I would think. If the guy I am dating doesn't trust me to be faithful, more than likely I will end the relationship at some point. Not because he wants a DNA test but for the simply fact there's a part of him that thinks I would cheat on him to create the need for him to need this test. I understand couples have been cheating on and you've been dedicated to him, harly go out with friends and etc and he still doesn't have faith in you, something is seriously wrong. Sounds like he needs to get over his trust issues before he should be in a serious relationship. If this is an issue now, there will be other circumstances that will arise because of his trust issues and are you ready for that? This with the potential having a baby and getting a DNA test is already bothering you, what about anything else that develops that indicates he doesn't fully trust you? Only you can decide what to do, I would talk to him and get his full explaniation and explain your reasons as well. Make sure no voices are raised, if he starts to - end the conversation and come back to it later.
I can sorta see where he’s coming from considering that there are men out there who are raising kids that aren’t theirs, so I can see it as a genuine fear. However, I don’t think it’s fair to tell you that there will have to be a DNA test because that means he believes the default is that you’ve cheated, and he needs proof it’s actually his. That’s very offensive and hurtful thinking, especially considering that you’ve never done anything to break his trust. It would be different if you had cheated before. But you haven’t.
I don’t think that that’s a healthy mindset to have in a relationship that’s supposed to be built on trust, commitment and communication. I would never cheat on my partner so if he suggested that he’d want a dna test separately to prove the baby is his, I’d dump him for sure. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t trust me 100%.
I understand there’s genuine concern for some guys but to them I can only say one thing: sort your trust issues out or pick a partner you believe 100%.
This doesn’t really seem like trust issues to me... if he’s willing to say he wants to spend his life with you, financially invest in a house and actually have kids - those aren’t signs he has trust issues.
Saying he wants to have children with you... if you acquiesce to a DNA test on any pregnancy just seems to be a way of keeping you slightly lower than his equal, manipulating you into trying harder to gain his “trust” when I genuinely doubt anything you do will achieve that.
Should you have fallen pregnant by accident in a rocky patch or there had been a situation where he felt tricked into it - eh, maybe a DNA test would be warranted then. But in this situation he’s just being an arse
On one hand, I understand why men want the security of getting scientific evidence that a child is theirs. The fear of paternity fraud is something that women will never be able to fully relate to. Imagine if you weren’t the one to give birth and you didn’t have any way to know, for 100% 100% 100% sure, that you were the mother of that child. Would it ever cross your mind?
On the other hand, by specifically requesting a paternity test, he is stating that he doesn’t trust you and wouldn’t put it past you to cheat. If he did fully trust you to be faithful, then why would he request this? It sounds like you two may have some issues to work through.
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This is absolutely ridiculous on his part. This guy sounds way too controlling, and to suggest to your girlfriend that she would get pregnant by another guy is pathetic and weak. I wouldn't blame you for breaking up with him over that display of utter disrespect. That's not someone you want to have a kid with.
You're right about bonding with the newborn- it's a great feeling, and, as a parent, I can tell you that something like a DNA test is the furthest thing from you mind when you first see and hold the baby (after it gets washed off).That is EXTREMELY rude! That would tell me he doesn't trust me and I would never have a child with a man who would demand I a DNA test. I don't think men really get what they insinuate when they say that to their woman. I'm your girlfriend/wife! Why are you with me if you can't trust me enough to keep my legs closed?
Girl, bye. Kick his dumb ass to the curb.there's nothing wrong with what he said. It may be mean or hurt but he has a right for confirmation before he is paying over 110k of his wealth over a lifetime. You have to make hiń\ý6
So, why is he still your boyfriend
Paranoid crap like this does my head inIt wouldn't bother me either way. It's a small test. Personally I would enjoy the chance to see how the DNA was divided.
- u
I've read some of your replies.
I think that your boyfriend is an emotional abuser.
You need to stop and think if you really want to be raising children with a man like him. Have to agree with 99% of the guys - NOTE: that is the GUYS - here. Your boyfriend is a boorish, vaguely paranoid, lout. You deserve better. No man worth his salt would walk away from a gal that means something to him - let alone attempt to affix "blame" before anything has even happened.
Trust me, I speak as a guy who has lived with his girlfriend - we don't want to be married - for ten years and have three children together. Our fist two babies - two wonderful little boys (now 7 and 6) - were unplanned pregnancies. I was totally surprised and wildly happy and it never would have even occurred to me to think to demand a paternity test.
Funny story. With our first baby, I came home to find my girlfriend in tears. She had found out she was pregnant and she thought I was going to be angry. (Instead, I was so happy I started to cry. Glad no one was filming us that day - we must have looked like quite a pair.
It amounts to this. If someone you are in a relationship with sufficiently to have sex does not trust you and would greet news of a pregnancy not with happiness but suspicion, the handwriting is on the wall. You have just seen what a life with him will be like.
Run away - NOW!! You sound - at least based on the limited information here - like a great gal. Believe me, there is a guy out there for you who will be happy to have you in his life and who will give you the respect and trust you deserve. Be out there to meet that guy and don't waste one more second with a man who views you as nothing more than a pawn in a paternity suit.Let's look at it from another angle. A study back in the 1990's in the UK was doing tests on inherited genetic disorders. They had to shut down the study due to ethical reasons. The main reason was that they found 1 in 5 children did NOT have the father they thought they had. That means that by DNA 20% of children had fathers other than the one they had been told was their father their entire lives. One in five. That's a lot of cheating going on.
The DNA results for the USA participants were even worse. It was 1 in 4! These are adult children whose mothers lied to them and their fathers for decades.
There is an old saying that dates back thousands of year. "You always know who the mother is but not so the father."
Societies have known about these issues for as long as there have been societies. Finally we have a way to make sure that dad is actually dad.
As far as trust goes let's also look at this a different way. If you have no worries about him being the father then have the test done and smile about it. Only a person worried that the test might say something different would be worried about it.
Every man in the world should insist on having DNA testing done on any child a woman says is his. Paternity fraud is very real and very pervasive.Yeah, your boyfriend happens to be smart.
And tbh, if it bothers you this much, i would doubt your loyalty.
If you dont have anything to hide, whats the problem?
Also, i would like to thank you for this opportunity for me, to take a wide painful swing at feminists/feminism 🙏😊😈😈😈💯
Where is your gender equality now?
Where is your "equal" rights now?
Where did your supposed, "feminism is for equal treatment of both/all genders" go?
FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS, men have lived their lives never knowing for certain wether their offsprings were theirs.
For eternity, men had to rely on the word of a woman and choose to believe wether a child was theirs or not.
And even now, we are being shamed and tried to deny, or right to evidence of paternity.
Why, oh why dear feminists, do you let this sort of oppression, this sexism, go unpunished? Why aren't you doing anything against it? Why aren't you helping us?
😂😂😂 ..
that was sarcasm by the way, i know feminists wouldn't give 2 sh*ts about this issue since it has nothing to do with women, and since women hold all the power in this regard. So why give up that power?
That wouldn't be for women.
And feminism is of course, only , strictly for women.
Feminism-> feminine-> femaleMaybe he just knows a thing or two about statistics. The CDC reports that in cases of children exhibiting symptoms of conditions they have a higher likelihood of having if one or both parents are carriers of the gene, say, Huntington's, upon testing the parents, 30% of the time the "father" is not the father.
... And that's people affluent enough to have such medical care. Gee, wonder if that number would go up or down in the ghetto?
There's a reason that throughout history, matriarchal lineage is the standard. For example, you know if you're dad is Jewish, and your mother is not, then you're not? You can be raised, convert to it, practice it, but you are not a full blood Jew. But if your mother is, and your dad isn't, you're a Jew. That's because they know, as has every culture ever that without verification, no man can ever really be sure.
It's not lack of trust. It's acknowledgement of the truth of female nature, which is treacherous at absolute best.
If men were as sure as women that their children were theirs, and women were as unsure as men, not submitting to DNA testing would be labeled misogyny, men refusing it would be mocked as not real men, and not having it legislated to be legally mandatory even agaisnt father's wishes would be called patriarchy.
Bring on the down votes and believe wrong ass shit all you want.If you were a man, somebody would simply explain to you that your feelings are irrelevant, nobody cares what you feel, think, or believe. The only thing anybody cares about is what your function is and how well you fulfill that function. But because you are born female, people treat you like your emotions are real, like they matter.
Things happen that hurt men's feelings every day, all day long, and the world just keeps right on spinnin', nobody gives a fuck.
www.sciencedaily.com/.../141001090238.htm
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4282758/
www.pravdareport.com/.../
time.com/.../
www.telegraph.co.uk/.../...of-future-children.htmlIt is a legitimate concern. Women check up on their SOs all the time. The kind of trust people are talking about in this thread is great in fantasy and fiction. In reality, it's incredibly common for people to cheat. Same with people getting pregnant while doing so and trying to pass it off as someone else's.
And a lot of the replies from people in this thread, christ. It reads like a discussion of rape where men talk about how a woman needs to just grow up and get over it. It's amazing how callus some people can get when their biology means they'll probably never have to personally deal with the issue in question.
This is something involving two people, BOTH of their emotional and material needs are equally important. You can't just tell one to suck it up or that they don't matter in relation to the other.
Here's another thing that is quite common that no one is mentioning:
Out of 4 million total births, about 28,000 babies get switched ever year. Overall this translates to about 1 mistake per every 1,000 baby transfers. The good news is that many of these mistakes are being caught at some point before families leave the hospital but you never know.it's easy for you to tell it is your isn't it? or is it?
let's take it this way. a woman I know gave birth and when she was about to leave hospital, a child was given to her. Birth certificate and all.
She left but said she felt something is not right, yet couldn't tell why. She came back to the hospital's nursery and found another child that she said, she felt it was more like hers.
She requested a DNA test to make sure and not live in doubt about the child. And it seems to be only... human to do so.
"I know I have a child but it's might not be mine." Guess what, it wasn't hers. it was a different child.
Should she have been shamed for this? Should she have been obliged to care of that child though she was not completely sure it's hers?
Was she disrespectful to the child she took at home first?
If a person should be shamed for wanting to make sure the child is his/hers based on which you assume that everyone should be contempt with the child they take at home no matter what their doubts are, then we can take it further and say, let's put all children together no tags, no names and simply have moms pick one when leaving. As we do with secret santa presents.
fuck me, I will go to the nursery tomorrow and tell them to give me a child. I'll pick one I want, the mom shouldn't care much, she has tons of other children to choose from.
Or maybe wait until next woman gives birth and she'll take that one.I understand where you're coming from. I would be insulted too. I also understand if a guy wants a paternity test, not because of distrust cause then you shouldn't be having kids in the first place, but for the child's sake and to give him a stronger bond with the baby, nothing wrong with that.
I don't think the big issue here is the DNA testing though, cause if it were discussed maturely and in mutual respect and understanding, having the test made would be only beneficial to everyone. But reading your description and comments about the subject and the way he has behaved towards you, I'd say he has some major insecurity and trust issues. And let me tell you from experience, that never makes a solid foundation for a good relationship. Manipulation, disrespect and lack of trust in a relationship won't get better due time. Not without seeking help for whatever difficulties he's having. If anything it only gets worse and nothing you do will be enough evidence of you loving him and being faithfull.
He's being controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Throwing temper tantrums when ever he doesn't get what he wants or threatening to leave you if you don't act the way he wants you to is something YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH. That's toxic and that's not a way to treat the person you're supposed to love.
You do your own choices in life but let me ask you, if your sibling/best friend/parent was in a relationship with a person who was treating them the way your boyfriend is treating you, what would you advice them to do? Would you want them to stay or to leave? Do not think less of yourself, you deserve just as much and you should wish as much for yourself as to your loved ones. In the end you are the one that makes sure you're happy.Asking for a DNA test is the ultimate level of disrespect and distrust for a pregnant woman to endure.
He is delusional if he doesn't think he has trust issues. This trait is probably engraved in his personality and it isn't going to go away. If you stick with him, AT BEST, he will always think you're cheating behind his back. AT WORST, he will fall into paranoia as he grows older.
Many men who already have major trust issues get worse over time. Usually as they age and hit mid-life crisis. They think they are looking older, uglier, less attractive to women... and so he will naturally think that you are looking for a better man, even if you're not. Phone calls with friends will suddenly be perceived as your male seductor. Working late or spending time with friends will be perceived as the time you're getting the D from another man.
3 years is a long time to waste with him, but I would recommend dumping his ass, or resign yourself to a life with a jealous asshat.I can kind of see where he's coming from.
Pretty much everywhere, when it comes to children, men are fucked.
Divorce? Wife gets the child, no questions asked.
Woman cheats on husband, gets pregnant from the other dude? She can force her husband to pay child support.
Woman voluntarily sleeps with someone, even with contraception and STILL gets pregnant (not as rare as one might think)? The guy pays. Again, no questions asked.
While I don't disagree with the notion that it's a dick move, the man wants his ass covered. He could have presented his case better, sure, but he's not ENTIRELY wrong.I think DNA testing, should be mandertory at every birth.
When my wife and I were courting, I told her the same thing your boyfriend told you. She tried to embarrass me about this with her friends at a party one time, and her friends started in on me. I than asked her friends if their children could pass a DNA test, a couple of them went quite and dropped eye contact because they know that at least one of their kids were not by their husbands and these women all had their children after they had married. The conversation died, and this issue was never brought up again.
Life long experience has tough me, that when it comes to children. Women in general can not be trusted, some women are all to willing and ready to have one man get them pregnant and have another raise and pay for the upkeep of their child."All I imagine is me giving birth to a baby, and him not having any emotional attachment or holding or kissing the baby until the DNA test results are finished, this is not how I ever pictured having a baby."
I've never thought of it like this before. Some guys on here say they demand tests too, is this what they want. To be in the corner, skeptical and cold until test results come back? What are the logistics of this?
I would feel extremely hurt if my partner demanded a DNA test. I would feel like he doesn't trust me and, in a way, love me enough to realize I am not going to hurt him. He would be lumping me together with every other woman on the planet, and that's not logical to me. Good relationships aren't built on insecurities and bitterness. Good relationships are built on trust, love, and hope.Your boyfriend sounds woke... as a guy whose first child was born to a woman that didn't let me know I got her pregnant and instead choose to tell her boyfriend at the time that the baby was his, I say never sign a birth certificate unless you have that test done first.
The only reason I found out is because years later, like when my kid was 10 years old already, she comes looking for me... wants child support. Fortunately I used a different last name that literally wasn't my legal name... and the quasi family members she tracked down wanted nothing to do with her or her bullshit.
Yeah, DNA test is a must for men these days.Your bf’s a total dick
If I was in that position, that nigga would be dumped off and have a restraining order against me and my kids. There ain’t no way in hell his dumb ass gonna is come near the kid[s] I gave birth to just coz he got trust issues. Like nuh uh. If he can’t trust the doctors to know which kid is mine, he don’t deserve to have kids coz later in the future, he gonna trust issues that are even worse
If I were you, I’d break up with him. The fact that you’ve been with him for 3 years and he still has trust issues is a huge red flag. If he threatens to break up with you, go ahead
You don’t have to do what he says. If he wants 2 - 3 kids and also wants a dna test done for each of them, you don’t have to deal with that cuz girl, it’s your body that holds the child first in prengancy and after labour
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