My boyfriend wants a DNA test if I ever get pregnant?

Question

My boyfriend said if we ever have kids he wants a DNA test when the baby is born. I am so hurt every he says this to me because I feel like he doesn't trust me, why else would he want one? Even when he told his friends this they told him he has trust issues and he said doesn't, he said he has told this to every girlfriend he has had and he doesn't want to raise a child that isn't his. We have been together for 3 years and he always talks about buying a house together, and he said he wants 2-3 kids in the future. We are together constantly and I don't go out with friends very often, I don't have many guy friends, so I don't think he thinks I would cheat on him, which of course I wouldn't. I told him I'm not getting a DNA test if we have a baby because he shouldn't be with me if he doesn't trust me, he threatened to break up with me if I don't. Would you be hurt if your partner said they wanted a DNA test if you ever had a baby together? Would you break up with them over It? I feel like breaking up with him because of this, because it feels like he doesn't trust me. All I imagine is me giving birth to a baby, and him not having any emotional attachment or holding or kissing the baby until the DNA test results are finished, this is not how I ever pictured having a baby.

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

I think at this point, I would. I'd also want blood and STD tests before getting married. Of course, I'd give MY information to her.

If that's trust issues, that's trust issues. I may have minor trust issues, but then I've had a lot of lying in relationships. I've had a lot of cheating. And secretive "sniffing around." All from "good girls" who were raised as good girls. Christians raised in the church. And I trusted until I found out all the lies that they had told me, or I overheard stuff from them. Many "friendships" with women, too.

So I'm cautious. And I have to be cautious in a relationship. I'd trust, or not assume she was cheating, but I would have to watch for signs. And if we were to get serious... then I would want to make sure as best I could that what she was saying was true.

If you had nothing to hide, then why are you so anti getting a DNA test? I'd have no issues getting a blood test if I was getting married. I'd have no issues peeing in a cup, or getting fingerprinted, or having a background check.

I do some teaching... shouldn't my bosses just trust I'm not a child molester or other kind of big time criminal? I go to church like twice a week! I had taught Sunday school for years and never had an issue! They don't trust me! - They DON'T distrust me... but a lot of perverts and sickos have lied and ruined kid's lives. They're being careful, and they have to try to protect themselves because I work (and sort of represent) for them. Makes perfect sense to me. I'd be more weirded out if I DIDN'T have to get some sort of test or background check.

It's not JUST a relationship; when it's marriage, or kids taken into account, then it becomes a legal thing, too. And hearing what I've heard, and experiencing what I've experienced from women (and women I wasn't invested in that much), It can't hurt to be cautious and try to cover your butt, which is what he's trying to do.

I'd sign a fair prenup. If I loved the lady, it wouldn't be that big a deal to me for her to protect her most important, say, financial assets; I probably wouldn't be after her money, anyway. So long as it was fair, or could be edited and discussed... I think it'd be a great idea. Not that I don't trust girls... but I know people lie. Even people who have genuinely changed lie about their pasts. Some HAVE to lie (rare).

If I get married, I'd want the same types of things. Blood tests, STD checks, some background check - maybe. A Prenup - yes.

jp612612 · Accepted Answer

I don't agree with the other responses below who say that this guy has "trust issues". I think that he's purposely trying to be hurtful which quite frankly is the sign of an abusive guy. I'm not saying that this guy is going to hit you, but he seems to enjoy saying things that upset and even manipulate you. I don't think you should have anything to do with this guy and to be honest, I sort of judge you for putting up with this guy because I highly doubt that the only times he does this to you is with regards to this particular subject.

Jmcmanning · Accepted Answer

Usually i have an opinion on this. If this were to be said to me, I am really not sure what I would think. If the guy I am dating doesn't trust me to be faithful, more than likely I will end the relationship at some point. Not because he wants a DNA test but for the simply fact there's a part of him that thinks I would cheat on him to create the need for him to need this test. I understand couples have been cheating on and you've been dedicated to him, harly go out with friends and etc and he still doesn't have faith in you, something is seriously wrong. Sounds like he needs to get over his trust issues before he should be in a serious relationship. If this is an issue now, there will be other circumstances that will arise because of his trust issues and are you ready for that? This with the potential having a baby and getting a DNA test is already bothering you, what about anything else that develops that indicates he doesn't fully trust you? Only you can decide what to do, I would talk to him and get his full explaniation and explain your reasons as well. Make sure no voices are raised, if he starts to - end the conversation and come back to it later.

lumos · Accepted Answer

I can sorta see where he’s coming from considering that there are men out there who are raising kids that aren’t theirs, so I can see it as a genuine fear. However, I don’t think it’s fair to tell you that there will have to be a DNA test because that means he believes the default is that you’ve cheated, and he needs proof it’s actually his. That’s very offensive and hurtful thinking, especially considering that you’ve never done anything to break his trust. It would be different if you had cheated before. But you haven’t.
I don’t think that that’s a healthy mindset to have in a relationship that’s supposed to be built on trust, commitment and communication. I would never cheat on my partner so if he suggested that he’d want a dna test separately to prove the baby is his, I’d dump him for sure. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t trust me 100%.
I understand there’s genuine concern for some guys but to them I can only say one thing: sort your trust issues out or pick a partner you believe 100%.

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

This doesn’t really seem like trust issues to me... if he’s willing to say he wants to spend his life with you, financially invest in a house and actually have kids - those aren’t signs he has trust issues.
Saying he wants to have children with you... if you acquiesce to a DNA test on any pregnancy just seems to be a way of keeping you slightly lower than his equal, manipulating you into trying harder to gain his “trust” when I genuinely doubt anything you do will achieve that.
Should you have fallen pregnant by accident in a rocky patch or there had been a situation where he felt tricked into it - eh, maybe a DNA test would be warranted then. But in this situation he’s just being an arse

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

On one hand, I understand why men want the security of getting scientific evidence that a child is theirs. The fear of paternity fraud is something that women will never be able to fully relate to. Imagine if you weren’t the one to give birth and you didn’t have any way to know, for 100% 100% 100% sure, that you were the mother of that child. Would it ever cross your mind?

On the other hand, by specifically requesting a paternity test, he is stating that he doesn’t trust you and wouldn’t put it past you to cheat. If he did fully trust you to be faithful, then why would he request this? It sounds like you two may have some issues to work through.

Logorithim · Answer

This is absolutely ridiculous on his part. This guy sounds way too controlling, and to suggest to your girlfriend that she would get pregnant by another guy is pathetic and weak. I wouldn't blame you for breaking up with him over that display of utter disrespect. That's not someone you want to have a kid with.

You're right about bonding with the newborn- it's a great feeling, and, as a parent, I can tell you that something like a DNA test is the furthest thing from you mind when you first see and hold the baby (after it gets washed off).

Allie_Oops · Answer

That is EXTREMELY rude! That would tell me he doesn't trust me and I would never have a child with a man who would demand I a DNA test. I don't think men really get what they insinuate when they say that to their woman. I'm your girlfriend/wife! Why are you with me if you can't trust me enough to keep my legs closed?

Girl, bye. Kick his dumb ass to the curb.

Apope16 · Answer

there's nothing wrong with what he said. It may be mean or hurt but he has a right for confirmation before he is paying over 110k of his wealth over a lifetime. You have to make hiń\ý6

gobsmacked3 · Answer

So, why is he still your boyfriend  Paranoid crap like this does my head in

pervertedjester · Answer

It wouldn't bother me either way. It's a small test. Personally I would enjoy the chance to see how the DNA was divided.

Goodwifie · Answer

I've read some of your replies. I think that your boyfriend is an emotional abuser.  You need to stop and think if you really want to be raising children with a man like him.

nightdrot · Answer

Have to agree with 99% of the guys - NOTE: that is the GUYS - here. Your boyfriend is a boorish, vaguely paranoid, lout. You deserve better. No man worth his salt would walk away from a gal that means something to him - let alone attempt to affix "blame" before anything has even happened.

Trust me, I speak as a guy who has lived with his girlfriend - we don't want to be married - for ten years and have three children together. Our fist two babies - two wonderful little boys (now 7 and 6) - were unplanned pregnancies. I was totally surprised and wildly happy and it never would have even occurred to me to think to demand a paternity test.

Funny story. With our first baby, I came home to find my girlfriend in tears. She had found out she was pregnant and she thought I was going to be angry. (Instead, I was so happy I started to cry. Glad no one was filming us that day - we must have looked like quite a pair.

It amounts to this. If someone you are in a relationship with sufficiently to have sex does not trust you and would greet news of a pregnancy not with happiness but suspicion, the handwriting is on the wall. You have just seen what a life with him will be like.

Run away - NOW!! You sound - at least based on the limited information here - like a great gal. Believe me, there is a guy out there for you who will be happy to have you in his life and who will give you the respect and trust you deserve. Be out there to meet that guy and don't waste one more second with a man who views you as nothing more than a pawn in a paternity suit.

ASmith43 · Answer

Let's look at it from another angle. A study back in the 1990's in the UK was doing tests on inherited genetic disorders. They had to shut down the study due to ethical reasons. The main reason was that they found 1 in 5 children did NOT have the father they thought they had. That means that by DNA 20% of children had fathers other than the one they had been told was their father their entire lives. One in five. That's a lot of cheating going on.

The DNA results for the USA participants were even worse. It was 1 in 4! These are adult children whose mothers lied to them and their fathers for decades.

There is an old saying that dates back thousands of year. "You always know who the mother is but not so the father."

Societies have known about these issues for as long as there have been societies. Finally we have a way to make sure that dad is actually dad.

As far as trust goes let's also look at this a different way. If you have no worries about him being the father then have the test done and smile about it. Only a person worried that the test might say something different would be worried about it.

Every man in the world should insist on having DNA testing done on any child a woman says is his. Paternity fraud is very real and very pervasive.

lord_chilled · Answer

Yeah, your boyfriend happens to be smart.
And tbh, if it bothers you this much, i would doubt your loyalty.
If you dont have anything to hide, whats the problem?

Also, i would like to thank you for this opportunity for me, to take a wide painful swing at feminists/feminism 🙏😊😈😈😈💯

Where is your gender equality now?
Where is your "equal" rights now?
Where did your supposed, "feminism is for equal treatment of both/all genders" go?

FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS, men have lived their lives never knowing for certain wether their offsprings were theirs.
For eternity, men had to rely on the word of a woman and choose to believe wether a child was theirs or not.
And even now, we are being shamed and tried to deny, or right to evidence of paternity.
Why, oh why dear feminists, do you let this sort of oppression, this sexism, go unpunished? Why aren't you doing anything against it? Why aren't you helping us?

😂😂😂 ..
that was sarcasm by the way, i know feminists wouldn't give 2 sh*ts about this issue since it has nothing to do with women, and since women hold all the power in this regard. So why give up that power?
That wouldn't be for women.
And feminism is of course, only , strictly for women.
Feminism-> feminine-> female

Immortal_God_King · Answer

Maybe he just knows a thing or two about statistics. The CDC reports that in cases of children exhibiting symptoms of conditions they have a higher likelihood of having if one or both parents are carriers of the gene, say, Huntington's, upon testing the parents, 30% of the time the "father" is not the father.

... And that's people affluent enough to have such medical care. Gee, wonder if that number would go up or down in the ghetto?

There's a reason that throughout history, matriarchal lineage is the standard. For example, you know if you're dad is Jewish, and your mother is not, then you're not? You can be raised, convert to it, practice it, but you are not a full blood Jew. But if your mother is, and your dad isn't, you're a Jew. That's because they know, as has every culture ever that without verification, no man can ever really be sure.

It's not lack of trust. It's acknowledgement of the truth of female nature, which is treacherous at absolute best.

If men were as sure as women that their children were theirs, and women were as unsure as men, not submitting to DNA testing would be labeled misogyny, men refusing it would be mocked as not real men, and not having it legislated to be legally mandatory even agaisnt father's wishes would be called patriarchy.

Bring on the down votes and believe wrong ass shit all you want.

Bananaman177 · Answer

If you were a man, somebody would simply explain to you that your feelings are irrelevant, nobody cares what you feel, think, or believe. The only thing anybody cares about is what your function is and how well you fulfill that function. But because you are born female, people treat you like your emotions are real, like they matter.

Things happen that hurt men's feelings every day, all day long, and the world just keeps right on spinnin', nobody gives a fuck.

www.sciencedaily.com/.../141001090238.htm

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4282758/

www.pravdareport.com/.../

time.com/.../

www.telegraph.co.uk/.../...of-future-children.html

LegateLanius · Answer

It is a legitimate concern. Women check up on their SOs all the time. The kind of trust people are talking about in this thread is great in fantasy and fiction. In reality, it's incredibly common for people to cheat. Same with people getting pregnant while doing so and trying to pass it off as someone else's.
And a lot of the replies from people in this thread, christ. It reads like a discussion of rape where men talk about how a woman needs to just grow up and get over it. It's amazing how callus some people can get when their biology means they'll probably never have to personally deal with the issue in question.
This is something involving two people, BOTH of their emotional and material needs are equally important. You can't just tell one to suck it up or that they don't matter in relation to the other.
Here's another thing that is quite common that no one is mentioning:
Out of 4 million total births, about 28,000 babies get switched ever year. Overall this translates to about 1 mistake per every 1,000 baby transfers. The good news is that many of these mistakes are being caught at some point before families leave the hospital but you never know.

looneymalooney · Answer

it's easy for you to tell it is your isn't it? or is it?

let's take it this way. a woman I know gave birth and when she was about to leave hospital, a child was given to her. Birth certificate and all.
She left but said she felt something is not right, yet couldn't tell why. She came back to the hospital's nursery and found another child that she said, she felt it was more like hers.
She requested a DNA test to make sure and not live in doubt about the child. And it seems to be only... human to do so.
"I know I have a child but it's might not be mine." Guess what, it wasn't hers. it was a different child.

Should she have been shamed for this? Should she have been obliged to care of that child though she was not completely sure it's hers?
Was she disrespectful to the child she took at home first?

If a person should be shamed for wanting to make sure the child is his/hers based on which you assume that everyone should be contempt with the child they take at home no matter what their doubts are, then we can take it further and say, let's put all children together no tags, no names and simply have moms pick one when leaving. As we do with secret santa presents.

fuck me, I will go to the nursery tomorrow and tell them to give me a child. I'll pick one I want, the mom shouldn't care much, she has tons of other children to choose from.
Or maybe wait until next woman gives birth and she'll take that one.

Anonymous · Answer

I understand where you're coming from. I would be insulted too. I also understand if a guy wants a paternity test, not because of distrust cause then you shouldn't be having kids in the first place, but for the child's sake and to give him a stronger bond with the baby, nothing wrong with that.

I don't think the big issue here is the DNA testing though, cause if it were discussed maturely and in mutual respect and understanding, having the test made would be only beneficial to everyone. But reading your description and comments about the subject and the way he has behaved towards you, I'd say he has some major insecurity and trust issues. And let me tell you from experience, that never makes a solid foundation for a good relationship. Manipulation, disrespect and lack of trust in a relationship won't get better due time. Not without seeking help for whatever difficulties he's having. If anything it only gets worse and nothing you do will be enough evidence of you loving him and being faithfull.

He's being controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Throwing temper tantrums when ever he doesn't get what he wants or threatening to leave you if you don't act the way he wants you to is something YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH. That's toxic and that's not a way to treat the person you're supposed to love.

You do your own choices in life but let me ask you, if your sibling/best friend/parent was in a relationship with a person who was treating them the way your boyfriend is treating you, what would you advice them to do? Would you want them to stay or to leave? Do not think less of yourself, you deserve just as much and you should wish as much for yourself as to your loved ones. In the end you are the one that makes sure you're happy.

meowcow · Answer

Asking for a DNA test is the ultimate level of disrespect and distrust for a pregnant woman to endure.

He is delusional if he doesn't think he has trust issues. This trait is probably engraved in his personality and it isn't going to go away. If you stick with him, AT BEST, he will always think you're cheating behind his back. AT WORST, he will fall into paranoia as he grows older.

Many men who already have major trust issues get worse over time. Usually as they age and hit mid-life crisis. They think they are looking older, uglier, less attractive to women... and so he will naturally think that you are looking for a better man, even if you're not. Phone calls with friends will suddenly be perceived as your male seductor. Working late or spending time with friends will be perceived as the time you're getting the D from another man.

3 years is a long time to waste with him, but I would recommend dumping his ass, or resign yourself to a life with a jealous asshat.

Compodulator · Answer

I can kind of see where he's coming from.
Pretty much everywhere, when it comes to children, men are fucked.
Divorce? Wife gets the child, no questions asked.
Woman cheats on husband, gets pregnant from the other dude? She can force her husband to pay child support.
Woman voluntarily sleeps with someone, even with contraception and STILL gets pregnant (not as rare as one might think)? The guy pays. Again, no questions asked.
While I don't disagree with the notion that it's a dick move, the man wants his ass covered. He could have presented his case better, sure, but he's not ENTIRELY wrong.

Hal2002 · Answer

I think DNA testing, should be mandertory at every birth.

When my wife and I were courting, I told her the same thing your boyfriend told you. She tried to embarrass me about this with her friends at a party one time, and her friends started in on me. I than asked her friends if their children could pass a DNA test, a couple of them went quite and dropped eye contact because they know that at least one of their kids were not by their husbands and these women all had their children after they had married. The conversation died, and this issue was never brought up again.

Life long experience has tough me, that when it comes to children. Women in general can not be trusted, some women are all to willing and ready to have one man get them pregnant and have another raise and pay for the upkeep of their child.

vishna · Answer

"All I imagine is me giving birth to a baby, and him not having any emotional attachment or holding or kissing the baby until the DNA test results are finished, this is not how I ever pictured having a baby."

I've never thought of it like this before. Some guys on here say they demand tests too, is this what they want. To be in the corner, skeptical and cold until test results come back? What are the logistics of this?

I would feel extremely hurt if my partner demanded a DNA test. I would feel like he doesn't trust me and, in a way, love me enough to realize I am not going to hurt him. He would be lumping me together with every other woman on the planet, and that's not logical to me. Good relationships aren't built on insecurities and bitterness. Good relationships are built on trust, love, and hope.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Your boyfriend sounds woke... as a guy whose first child was born to a woman that didn't let me know I got her pregnant and instead choose to tell her boyfriend at the time that the baby was his, I say never sign a birth certificate unless you have that test done first.

The only reason I found out is because years later, like when my kid was 10 years old already, she comes looking for me... wants child support. Fortunately I used a different last name that literally wasn't my legal name... and the quasi family members she tracked down wanted nothing to do with her or her bullshit.

Yeah, DNA test is a must for men these days.

Anonymous · Answer

Your bf’s a total dick

If I was in that position, that nigga would be dumped off and have a restraining order against me and my kids. There ain’t no way in hell his dumb ass gonna is come near the kid[s] I gave birth to just coz he got trust issues. Like nuh uh. If he can’t trust the doctors to know which kid is mine, he don’t deserve to have kids coz later in the future, he gonna trust issues that are even worse

If I were you, I’d break up with him. The fact that you’ve been with him for 3 years and he still has trust issues is a huge red flag. If he threatens to break up with you, go ahead

You don’t have to do what he says. If he wants 2 - 3 kids and also wants a dna test done for each of them, you don’t have to deal with that cuz girl, it’s your body that holds the child first in prengancy and after labour

Poppykate · Answer

I read that for 1 in 4 children, the mother lies about who the real father is. Makes you think 🤔 when you see a classroom of children and their parents. I think a DNA test should be compulsory at birth. So many other tests/ injections are given, why not add one, to put everyone’s mind at rest.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

$60. Anyone can do it. Think you need to relax about paternity tests. If you did nothing wrong, shouldn't bother you. It would be a formality. In the end, he still has to decide to put his name on the certificate. Selfishness reigns supreme in the female section. I'd think putting this information on a child's birth certificate (a legal document) would be reason enough to overcome insecurities. Are we going to start claiming the same paranoia when testing for STDs or screening for blood type? Where's the trust?

r4ngeF · Answer

This topic has nothing to do with the DNA. Its merely psychological problems tnat he's having, and he should look for a psychologist, to work on them.
If he doesn't agree to that, run from him as if he were a wildfire, and you were a forest.
This will never end with a healthy life.

heavensgift2girls · Answer

Any man that wouldn't risk offending his women for the peace of mind of knowing his children are in fact his, is an idiot. About 10% of guys raising kids are being tricked into raising another man's child. That is something that you as a woman don't need to fear.

If you break up with him over this, it basically just means you are planning on cheating. Your hurt feelings, versus his very real fear that he could be tricked are not even close to being equal.

Langseax · Answer

I find it funny the way the upvotes and downvotes seem to divide on people's opinions. Both sides have valid arguments; one side being can you really love him if he doesn't trust you; the other side being the paternity fraud case which has been springing up all over the place recently. As expected women seem to support the first argument while men support the second.
Honestly, if you ask me, just do it because it can hardly be that bad - there's nothing wrong with doing it and you'll just give your boyfriend / husband (if it goes that far) more security. I can see why you'd think "oh he doesn't trust me?", but just remember you'd likely think much the same way if it were the reverse situation with men being the carriers and women the opposite - only one side has full assurance they're the parent until the test is done. Just do the test confidently and you have nothing to fear (assuming you are innocent of course). ;)

RationalMale · Answer

Hnm. The child literally comes out of your body--so unless the nurses are evil and somehow switch babies up, the kid is 100% yours.

Men don't have that assurance. And for those rare cases of paternity fraud, men usually have a limited time frame to test or they legally are bound to pay for another mans child forever.

10dsw · Answer

"My boyfriend said if we ever have kids he wants a DNA test when the baby is born. I am so hurt every he says this to me because I feel like he doesn't trust me, why else would he want one?"

It's not that he doesn't trust you. He's being smart. I read somewhere that in the UK like 18% of guys are paying for kids that aren't even theirs. You need to grow up and accept the fact that these are the tumultuous times we're living in nowadays.

dogbert444 · Answer

I get the feeling he might be a control freak. It seems to me like he is calling all the shots. Quite a one-sided relationship.

I do not think any girl should have to be hurt like this. It is, without any doubt, a huge trust issue. I'm afraid it may not be confined to DNA testing, but might be a big feature in your future lives together.

If I was a girl in your position? I would tell him to sod off, and find someone more trusting.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you know how many men are currently the victim of paternity fraud and are unwittingly spending tens of thousands of dollars every year to pay for rearing of a child that is not even their own? In many countries men are legally prevented from doing DNA tests without the consent of the mother and the state.

Men already have virtually zero rights in the reproductive arena. The least you can do is allow him to confirm he is the child's father, for Christ sake!

Get over your hurt feelings and try to put yourself in a man's shoes for a change.

SebShaw82 · Answer

I'll be really honest - your boyfriend is a dick and I don't understand why he's dating you if he thinks so little of you that he may not be the father of children you may have while in a relationship with him.
He is in complete denial if he claims he doesn't have trust issues and to perhaps you're in a bit of denial if you don't believe he thinks you might cheat on him. His threat to break up with you is manipulative behaviour and you shouldn't stand for it.

SweedyPie · Answer

That does mean he doesn't trust you. He does have trust issues. You already know in your heart it's a big issue for you. You've said it yourself. I think if you have spoken to him about it and his friends have spoken to him about ait and he is in denial, as well as threatening to leave over it, then you should leave. It is obviously very important to you and I understand fully. Bringing life into the world should be a joyous occasion not you happy and him having an anxiety attack, waiting to know if your baby is his. If he doesn't trust you enough to know you would be faithful then the relationship has no point. A relationship without trust is like building a house on a faulty foundation, and that will only lead to more problems down the line.

Kiran04 · Answer

OMG, you're such a putz. Does a DNA test somehow harm you? Does it physically damage you? No? Then why not get one? He just wants a little piece of mine. If I was him, I'd INSIST that all children have paternal DNA tests or I'd drop your ass like a bad apple. Men don't get the luxury of knowing whether or not a child is theirs naturally. You do. We have to supplement it, and doing so does not harm you in any way, so you can either get on board or get lost.

ATuairiscean · Answer

The first reaction is that he is in the wrong and has trust issues - What I have learnt over time is sometimes take a step back and look at both sides - This could be an inbuilt fear of his rather than a mistrust of you like a finance who is madly in love with their partner signing a pre nup, yes the DNA test is an extreme of this example but if it is something you know you would never fail and it soothes some deep irrational fear in him, is it that bad? - What I am trying to say is sometimes compromising a little bit is better than being polar opposite if you want to stay together - Maybe one day a situation may arise where you make an irrational request and you would like him to soothe your anxiety

SarahsSummer · Answer

If you’ve never given him reason to distrust you, that’s ridiculous and he has serious issues for even mentioning such a thing. I couldn’t be in a relationship where there was so clearly no trust of me. It’ll only strain the relationship further and further. Get out now.

Anonymous · Answer

He's an idiot, you can do better than him.
I've been reading the replies from all of the guys who are saying that your boyfriend is being smart.
Clearly they wouldn't know a decent girl if they fell over them.
Dump him and let somebody else put up with his baggage

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like he's smart enough to know the truth about women and that any man who's told he's a father should ALWAYS demand a DNA test.

But not smart enough to keep his mouth shut about knowing.

If you loved him, you'd put his mind at ease. Men that know women, know that they're not faithful and will pass off one guy's kid as another guy's kid.

lyannamormont · Answer

Your boyfriend is a dickhead, who implies you're a slut and you have cheated on him to have the baby.

Clearly he has trust issues. Leave him before someone is hurt.

I would honestly find it insulting, and I would leave without giving a second thought.

White_Widow · Answer

I would't care about the test, as long it won't hurt the baby. If he wants it, fine, it's his so I have nothing to hide. In return I do expect his total devotion during the pregnancy and after! Also If I'm having kids, marriage comes first.

JulieXO · Answer

It's definitely odd, but you don't know what his reasoning is. Maybe his past partners cheated on him and that's ehy he has trust issues. Not all women are the same, of course, but it's hard to get over sometihng like that. I would be hurt if my boyfriend asked this of me, but I don't think it's that big of a deal. I'd tell him it's unnecessary, but if I was serious enough with him to want a child, I wouldn't break up with him because of it.

Havengul · Answer

I look at this the same way i do when it comes to tattooing a girls name on my body. Sure i might love you and sure this relationship might last forever but im not going to take easily avoidable risks.

Think about it this way, if he starts raising a son that isn't his, then finds out later in life, he will be LEGALLY OBLIGATED to pay for that child because its "his" even though it isn't. I understand why this is upsetting to you but also try see it from his side, he is scared of getting hurt.

pero3004 · Answer

Every third child is not of the father, who raised him. It is scientifically proven that women are more prone to fraud and affairs when they are Ovulating. Honestly I think the same thing as him. The only difference is that I never said to the girl's feelings than the test made a secret that no one knows

blueevelvet · Answer

Like the emotionally stable women and men below said... he has clear trust issues. The fact that he wants a dna shows that a part of him believes you could cheat on him, otherwise there is no reason to ask for a dna test. That is disrespectful as hell to you, don't accept or put up with that. I always say this - Be with a man that loves, values and respects you, if not then ditch him. Whatever issues he's had with other girls has nothing do with your relationship and should be left out of it.

Bliss-taylor · Answer

It would be over if he were my boyfriend saying shit like that. He doesn't trust you. y'all are planning a life together. When you get pregnant it would probably be because y'all both decided to try. The only way I'd understand this is if you've cheated before or some good reason for him to ruin the day yalls child is born. It doesn't sound like he has good reason.

RainbowDash_ · Answer

If I had an boyfriend and if my boyfriend wanted an DNA test I’d say yes, when I have an baby when I’m older, ( I don’t mean now ), to make sure it’s his, I wouldn’t dump him, if he was mature and respectful and maybe because some women say that there baby isn’t there’s and use it against the guy, DNA test proofs if the baby is his or not, yes it can be hurtful, he may have trust issues.

cavmanier · Answer

I understand why you feel upset. I think it's reasonable that he want's to know if his future kid is his though. There is some data showing that like a quarter or so of children are not their supposed fathers. I don't blame the guy for wanting to know since cheating in that situation is actually fairly common. It could even be why women "evolved" wanting to cheat in general. Lots of animals do this. It's not unique to humans.

Surely · Answer

Just my two cents. I have two friends that were in process of separating from their wives when they became pregnant. The guys had to support another mans child for several years until it was allowed by a judge to be proven that the child wasn't theirs.  Other than that, I am sure there are men out there that would trust and love you better than what you have.

azzntittiz · Answer

Honestly a marriage and any type of union between us and strangers should be strictly for business reasons. If I get married I don't expect him to trust me completely because I won't trust him, I watch snapped all the time and I've had bad luck with men all my life. Give him the damn DNA and just don't take another human being so seriously. I want one too when my kids are born to make sure they were never switched, because I'm not raising anybody's demons when I can raise my own.

NitroCat · Answer

To be honest, I feel conflicted about it.  Like RationalMale said, I 100% agree... YET, I see where you are coming from.  Honestly, I wouldn't ask that ever from my girlfriend (if I had one, not right now) but on the other hand, how can I be sure that it's mine.  I think some trust issues or something in his past is haunting him making him doubt things all the time. For example, he never had an amazing friendship with people he can trust blindly in. Or he is just like that.  I can see, understand and respect both sides of the argument and I personally think that the solution to this is something you can both agree and feel okay with.

Gypsy_x · Answer

I would be hurt, and I would end the relationship.  His attitude shows a few things: -that he has trust issues -that he is jaded -that he is bitter Its not just unromantic, it's hurtful and sets a low standard of expectations.

GiovanniGentile · Answer

He is stupid, he should have just done the test secretly Also why does he suspect you might sleep with other men? Is it irrational insecurity, or have you showed signs of promiscuity in the past? Are you already pregnant?  I wouldn't t ruin the relationship after something so silly Just get the test, and let him know he is the dad.

Jaye234 · Answer

Yes that's going overboard. He has major trust issues. That would make me reconsider the relationship. I'd be pissed and upset. Thinking does he think I'm a hoe. I'd probably break up with him even.  What if the baby doesn't look like him- DNA test proves that he's the father- would he accept the test results or deny his child only because it doesn't look like him?  Would he still demand dna testing if y'all were married?  If I were you I'd really think about all of that.

Anonymous · Answer

Said it before - hospitals make mistakes. Unless he followed up the request with "Because I think you're a cheating ho" Then you should unbunch your panties. And god forbid the hospital did have a mix up, it'd be the best 70 bucks you've ever spent.

BigJake · Answer

All men should get DNA tests on children. Once you sign on a birth certificate, you could be supporting another man's child for life and have to live with that injustice.

Tethered · Answer

I don't get why this is such a huge thing, to cause a break up over something silly like this after 3 YEARS?  Unless he's never shown trust issues before I wouldn't worry about this too much, unless its a thing you've been dealing with for a while.  3 years is a long time, if you really love him you guys will figure it out by communicating :)  If he doesn't respect you, then yeah...

WiggleWasser · Answer

Your boyfriend is a smart man. Every guy should demand a DNA test on any crotch goblin that a woman claims is his. With a cuckold rate approaching 25%, it's the smartest thing a man can do other than refuse to sire children to begin with.

Mamabear213 · Answer

My ex said this to me when I got pregnant, he said “I’m getting a paternity test done” I said that’s fine, you go right ahead. I have nothing to hide. I was always loyal to his untrusting narcissistic ass. But he ended up not getting the paternity test done 🙄

Anonymous · Answer

wow 3 years and it's just coming out now? that sounds about right. there is a chance u are in an abusive relationship. he is a narrissistic sociopath surprise. they really know how to pull the wool over our eyes.  get rid of him. please. save urself

Anonymous · Answer

No he's right. My brothers had the rug pulled out from under them about a child turning out not to be theirs. My parents were humiliated and devastated and I can't describe how my brothers felt

Astoriana · Answer

He sounds like the worst boyfriend ever.  He definitely doesn’t trust you. If he doesn’t trust you after being with you for 3 years, he never will.  Next him.

Browneye57 · Answer

Get married first. But not to this whiny guy.  There... problem solved. :)

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