My boyfriend wants a DNA test if I ever get pregnant? (Page 2)
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I read that for 1 in 4 children, the mother lies about who the real father is. Makes you think 🤔 when you see a classroom of children and their parents. I think a DNA test should be compulsory at birth. So many other tests/ injections are given, why not add one, to put everyone’s mind at rest.
1 in 4? I kindly ask for your source.
@TheUglyMonk you can do your own go ogling, surely?
Obviously it's country dependent.
For example the stats quoted here.
http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=2496
@Belgie I can and do, but do you know what's more effective than googling? Asking for a source & googling.
Thank you for sharing the link.
This topic has nothing to do with the DNA. Its merely psychological problems tnat he's having, and he should look for a psychologist, to work on them.
If he doesn't agree to that, run from him as if he were a wildfire, and you were a forest.
This will never end with a healthy life.
https://www.23andme.com/ $60. Anyone can do it. Think you need to relax about paternity tests. If you did nothing wrong, shouldn't bother you. It would be a formality. In the end, he still has to decide to put his name on the certificate.
Selfishness reigns supreme in the female section. I'd think putting this information on a child's birth certificate (a legal document) would be reason enough to overcome insecurities.
Are we going to start claiming the same paranoia when testing for STDs or screening for blood type? Where's the trust?
Anyone who dissents is welcome to challenge. I'll throw a bone to you guys and say that rates of paternal discrepancy are probably exaggerated at 1 in 4 when I read historically it's been closer to 1 in 50-100. The lower in socioeconomic standing, the more likely it is to happen. Common sense would suggest the woman risks abandonment if she deceptively has another man sire her kid. And it reflects poorly on her judgement for conceiving with a man who wouldn't raise her kid. As the kid ages, it should become apparent who the father is.
Here's another scenario, what if the child is more susceptible to genetic/inherited diseases because of father's ancestry? What if the child is improperly treated simply because of paternal falsification?
Any man that wouldn't risk offending his women for the peace of mind of knowing his children are in fact his, is an idiot. About 10% of guys raising kids are being tricked into raising another man's child. That is something that you as a woman don't need to fear.
If you break up with him over this, it basically just means you are planning on cheating. Your hurt feelings, versus his very real fear that he could be tricked are not even close to being equal.
More than 30% from a few things I've read, but other than that you're spot-on.
I find it funny the way the upvotes and downvotes seem to divide on people's opinions. Both sides have valid arguments; one side being can you really love him if he doesn't trust you; the other side being the paternity fraud case which has been springing up all over the place recently. As expected women seem to support the first argument while men support the second.
Honestly, if you ask me, just do it because it can hardly be that bad - there's nothing wrong with doing it and you'll just give your boyfriend / husband (if it goes that far) more security. I can see why you'd think "oh he doesn't trust me?", but just remember you'd likely think much the same way if it were the reverse situation with men being the carriers and women the opposite - only one side has full assurance they're the parent until the test is done. Just do the test confidently and you have nothing to fear (assuming you are innocent of course). ;)
Hnm. The child literally comes out of your body--so unless the nurses are evil and somehow switch babies up, the kid is 100% yours.
Men don't have that assurance. And for those rare cases of paternity fraud, men usually have a limited time frame to test or they legally are bound to pay for another mans child forever.
^ this.
"My boyfriend said if we ever have kids he wants a DNA test when the baby is born. I am so hurt every he says this to me because I feel like he doesn't trust me, why else would he want one?"
It's not that he doesn't trust you. He's being smart. I read somewhere that in the UK like 18% of guys are paying for kids that aren't even theirs. You need to grow up and accept the fact that these are the tumultuous times we're living in nowadays.
I get the feeling he might be a control freak. It seems to me like he is calling all the shots. Quite a one-sided relationship.
I do not think any girl should have to be hurt like this. It is, without any doubt, a huge trust issue. I'm afraid it may not be confined to DNA testing, but might be a big feature in your future lives together.
If I was a girl in your position? I would tell him to sod off, and find someone more trusting.
Thinking further, he may not believe the test results.
Thinking even more, you say he has said this to every girlfriend! No wonder they split up! I wonder, in these cases, who dumped who. I have a good idea! No self respecting girl would put up with this crap!
Some guys here are missing the point. There is not an issue with a DNA test. The issue is it was ASKED for!
Do you know how many men are currently the victim of paternity fraud and are unwittingly spending tens of thousands of dollars every year to pay for rearing of a child that is not even their own? In many countries men are legally prevented from doing DNA tests without the consent of the mother and the state.
Men already have virtually zero rights in the reproductive arena. The least you can do is allow him to confirm he is the child's father, for Christ sake!
Get over your hurt feelings and try to put yourself in a man's shoes for a change.
I'll be really honest - your boyfriend is a dick and I don't understand why he's dating you if he thinks so little of you that he may not be the father of children you may have while in a relationship with him.
He is in complete denial if he claims he doesn't have trust issues and to perhaps you're in a bit of denial if you don't believe he thinks you might cheat on him. His threat to break up with you is manipulative behaviour and you shouldn't stand for it.
That does mean he doesn't trust you. He does have trust issues. You already know in your heart it's a big issue for you. You've said it yourself. I think if you have spoken to him about it and his friends have spoken to him about ait and he is in denial, as well as threatening to leave over it, then you should leave. It is obviously very important to you and I understand fully. Bringing life into the world should be a joyous occasion not you happy and him having an anxiety attack, waiting to know if your baby is his. If he doesn't trust you enough to know you would be faithful then the relationship has no point. A relationship without trust is like building a house on a faulty foundation, and that will only lead to more problems down the line.
OMG, you're such a putz. Does a DNA test somehow harm you? Does it physically damage you? No? Then why not get one? He just wants a little piece of mine. If I was him, I'd INSIST that all children have paternal DNA tests or I'd drop your ass like a bad apple. Men don't get the luxury of knowing whether or not a child is theirs naturally. You do. We have to supplement it, and doing so does not harm you in any way, so you can either get on board or get lost.
So if you were accused of cheating you’d take it with a big ol’ smile?
It goes a lot, lot, deeper than getting a DNA test. The mistrust is a basic flaw in the relationship.
@lumos It's not an accusation. It's prudence. Trust, but verify. Always, always, always. That's like pretending a teacher grading you test thinks you're cheating. No, they just want to make sure you did the work.
@dogbert444 Prudence is not mistrust. That is the fundamental flaw in your argument.
Except that it 100% is an accusation. He’s saying that he won’t believe the child is his. That there’s a big enough chance that she’s slept with someone else AND that she’s gotten pregnant through it. You can’t even compare it to a teacher grading your paper. A teacher grades your paper to make sure that you’ve understood the content of the class and that you’re capable of explaining what it is.
A better comparison would be for a teacher to randomly select one student before a test, to isolate said student in a separate classroom and to carefully watch as the student finishes the test. It’s completely unnecessary to do so if the student has never done anything that indicates that they’ve cheated on a test before.
@lumos No, he's saying that verification is worth something. Well, it is. You'd want a new partner's verification that he's STD free before you begin sexual relations, wouldn't you? Sure, you could trust him, take him at his word, but you shouldn't. A DNA test is no different. It's the shield you use to protect yourself before entering into a contract that could cost you dearly if the facts aren't straight. That is too much of a risk to take. It is imprudent to do so. You run the tests, know the facts, then you can proceed with confidence.
Except that STDs are different, many go without symptoms so someone might not be aware of even having one before getting tested. Again also not a fair comparison considering that accusing your partner of cheating on you is quite a bit more offensive than taking precautions. And no, I don’t think demanding a dna test a precaution. A precaution is learning how to spot a cheater, as well as picking out a good partner for yourself. If you’re demanding a dna test, you are accusing your partner of having cheated and you make it obvious that a part of you believes the child isn’t even yours.
@lumos Yea, having a baby that isn't yours goes without symptoms too, unless the baby has brown eyes and both parents have blue eyes. A DNA test is a safety net for men, and a necessary one. Being angry at that doesn't change anything. But given that we risk paying child support if the relationship breaks down, it makes no sense to enter into a relationship with a child without verification. Always take precautions. A DNA test is one of the most vital precautions a man can take. How exactly would you plan to stop your boyfriend from getting a paternity test anyways? Once the kid is born, all you need is a skin cell or a strand of hair to run the DNA. You gonna stop him from touching the kid?
My point was that you're not accusing your partner of being sloppy or practicing unsafe sex considering that STDs are fairly easy to catch and can go unnoticed, thus it's not automatically someone's fault for having one. But by demanding a DNA test you are automatically accusing your girlfriend, the person who you should be able to trust the most in the world, of not only cheating on you but also getting pregnant with the person she's cheated with.
So let's pretend you have a girlfriend and she one day says "honey, I want to set up a camera in our bedroom to make sure that you're not drugging me at night and raping me in my sleep. That cool with you?". You have no history of sexual assault/rape, and no history of using drugs on yourself or other people. How would that make you feel? It's just a precaution.
@lumos No, you're not accusing your partner of having sloppy, unsafe sex by demanding STD tests, but you are verifying that they aren't. It's the same principle. You are your own last line of defense, so act like it. Don't jump in bed without STD screens and don't claim babies that don't have your certifiable DNA. Like I said, how are you going to stop him? Once the baby is born he can have it done without your knowledge in a matter of days. And I already have cameras in my bedroom in case someone breaks in. She can view that video feed if she likes.
The first reaction is that he is in the wrong and has trust issues - What I have learnt over time is sometimes take a step back and look at both sides - This could be an inbuilt fear of his rather than a mistrust of you like a finance who is madly in love with their partner signing a pre nup, yes the DNA test is an extreme of this example but if it is something you know you would never fail and it soothes some deep irrational fear in him, is it that bad? - What I am trying to say is sometimes compromising a little bit is better than being polar opposite if you want to stay together - Maybe one day a situation may arise where you make an irrational request and you would like him to soothe your anxiety
If you’ve never given him reason to distrust you, that’s ridiculous and he has serious issues for even mentioning such a thing. I couldn’t be in a relationship where there was so clearly no trust of me. It’ll only strain the relationship further and further. Get out now.
He's an idiot, you can do better than him.
I've been reading the replies from all of the guys who are saying that your boyfriend is being smart.
Clearly they wouldn't know a decent girl if they fell over them.
Dump him and let somebody else put up with his baggage
Sounds like he's smart enough to know the truth about women and that any man who's told he's a father should ALWAYS demand a DNA test.
But not smart enough to keep his mouth shut about knowing.
If you loved him, you'd put his mind at ease. Men that know women, know that they're not faithful and will pass off one guy's kid as another guy's kid.
Your boyfriend is a dickhead, who implies you're a slut and you have cheated on him to have the baby.
Clearly he has trust issues. Leave him before someone is hurt.
I would honestly find it insulting, and I would leave without giving a second thought.
Do you have any idea just how many women lie about who the father of their baby is?
@Sexy_Steve Do you have any statistics about that?
@Sexy_Steve Maybe you should stop dating those kinds of women? Maybe you should stop putting looks and sex in the first place, and try to get to know your woman before you put your seeds in her.
I read on a website that according to statistics it's about 30% but I can't prove that. I base of beliefs on real life experiences of how many men find out they were not really the father.
If only it was that simple. There have been many cases where men have waited for the "right woman" and thought she could be trusted, only for the woman to commit paternity fraud.
@Sexy_Steve Website says 30% without any reliable source, and you act like it is 75% of the women. Weird...
Stop lying. I never said that. I told you, real life experiences over many years. If you're so smart then why don't you give me the correct number? Or don't you know?
@Sexy_Steve Over many years? What real life experiences? You had 7 girlfriends and all lied about a kid that is not yours?
As I said, maybe stop putting your seed in wrong women, or hanging out around those men who put their seed in the wrong one.
@Sexy_Steve I don't claim any kind of number. You're the one who is claiming. I am not telling no men should ask for paternities, or all women are so honest about paternity.
For this question, simply, I say that he is a dickhead, when she is not even pregnant. I state that clearly he has trust issues, and no relationship would survive with trust issues.
Do you even understand the question, the situation stated by the OP, and the answer given by me for this specific question?
You're just pulling shit out of your ass. Fact is many women lie and commit paternity fraud and so a DNA test should be done on new born babies.
@Sexy_Steve You're pulling shit out of your arse, because clearly you're a pathetic men whom women don't even pay attention to and that's why you're hateful.
Yer whatever. I've even come across many women who believe that DNA tests should be mandatory due to the amount of women who commit paternity fraud. More men are waking up to this.
@Sexy_Steve And excuse me but what does that prove?
I think you do not focus on the question and help the OP with your distorted vision of women who cheat.
This girl is clearly committed and she is not in a danger of cheating, she did not mention any past cheating situation or any kind of trust issues they have had so far in the relationship.
Answer the question you are asked, not the agenda you're pushing on other people because of your horrible experiences with wrong women.
Even 1/10 chance of it not being your child os too much of a risk.
Stop acting like you can understand what its like for men. Its not like a woman knows anything about this issue.
A paternity test is completely reasonably in this society
@lord_chilled Let me cite the OP's writing for you.
"We are together constantly and I don't go out with friends very often, I don't have many guy friends, so I don't think he thinks I would cheat on him, which of course I wouldn't. "
And read and think again he HAS trust issues, and therefore a dickhead. No relationship would survive with that. And clearly this girl does not deserve to be treated this way.
Talk more, cry more, but answer whatever is asked, not what you think is right. Answer based on the given facts by the OP.
The amount of women who lie and cheat I think that DNA tests on new born babies should be mandatory.
We are together constantly and I don't go out with friends very often, I don't have many guy friends, so I don't think he thinks I would cheat on him, which of course I wouldn't. "
- claimed
By the op
Also, claimed by the girl that girl that had a kid by another man.
Also, claimed by the girl that had 3 kids by another man.
😂😂😂
Also, claimed by the girl that had 3 kids by 3 different guys, none of whom are her man.
See, you all say the same sh*t.
How tf are we supposed to know who is right and who isn't.
Stop treating us like we are idiots.
we would like some proof.
Then, we will believe you.
Your words won't ever mean as much as your actions.
When you got such a problem taking a simple test , then that tells me more about your loyalty than your words ever will.
@Sexy_Steve Then maybe you should keep your damn mouth shut until you can back up what you are spewing out here.
@Sexy_Steve Wonder how many men disappear into the woodwork once they find out that they have got a girl pregnant.
@katiesmuff and what does that have to do with this again?
I can admit that some men do this. I can admit that. And if some waoman wanted some insurance that i eouldnt do that, id gladly give it to her.
Why do you guys have such a big problem admitting that a lot of you dont fuck other guys and have their kids and trick your guys thinking that its theirs.
@lord_chilled What's your point?
As I said earlier, if you were not trashy men, coming here to trash about something that OP did not ask at all, I am sure you would find non-trashy good women, who wouldn't cheat, or lie about paternity.
I am sure.
My point is that a lot of these so called , "good women" cheat on their men.
This isn't a big deal. If you really are a classy woman that doesn't cheat, whats the big hangup about having a paternity test?
All it does is prove what you already know.
Or do you have something to hide?
Im not a woman, maybe if i was , i would think differently, but if this was my id take that test, no problem. Id love to demonstrate that i was trustworthy.
If this is really such a big deal , you girls need to get over this.
You are wayy behind us men in that regard.
Ever hear of gender equality?
@lord_chilled "a lot of these"
I am sorry but if I'd generalize and say "a lot of men leave their girlfriends, cheat and become absent fathers" I am sure I would get 500 downvotes from blue "anons"
So now gtfo of my comment TO THE OP'S REAL QUESTION, and go deal with your own generalizations and bad women. Bye Felicia.
Yeah you would get a few downvotes.
But nowhere as near as the pink downvotes guys get on this thread.
And you know what, this kinda prives that men and women are different. Different in the way we think.
If you said "a lot of men leave their girlfriends, cheat and become absent fathers" you would get men agreeing. You wouldn't have anywhere near the amount of butthurt men taking it personal. You know why?
Because we dont take that personally.
And you know what, if i had to do a test to show that i dont leave, cheat and become an absent father, i would take that in a heartbeat. Id take them in 3 different languages if you will id take them monthly, weekly or daily.
And i sure as hell would be saying a lameass reply like "oohh, dont you trust me?"
And i can bet you that a big section of men will do exactly the same.
* would not be saying.
And i did reply to the op.
Dont be mad now that i replied to your comment. Thats a feature on this site/app.
And sometimes opinions collide
@katiesmuff It's a well known fact that women cheat and lie about who the father of their baby is. What planet are you on?
@lord_chilled She just refuses to listen to reason. She's another dumb female who doesn't like responsibility.
@lord_chilled I can't tell you what happens where you are from but from where I am it is a very rare and about the only place you hear of it is on the Jerry Springer Show (a tv program in the US)
@Sexy_Steve Well in the US things like this are rare and when we do hear of it, it is from the Jerry Springer Show and we Americans know where those people come from.
@katiesmuff I don't believe it is rare. I won't just take your word for it.
@Sexy_Steve Fortunately that is an option which is available to you!
I would't care about the test, as long it won't hurt the baby. If he wants it, fine, it's his so I have nothing to hide. In return I do expect his total devotion during the pregnancy and after! Also If I'm having kids, marriage comes first.
Nice!
How could you expect his total devotion during pregnancy if he's on stand-by until the results come out though?
@dipta There is nowhere stated that he will be on stand-by the entire time. We either do it together or we don't do it at all. So if I have to agree with his "terms" (which is fine) He has to agree with mine. And why would I agree with a DNA test if it wasn't his and leave him as soon as it's born? wtf? What kind of guy lets his pregnant wife all alone, while claiming he wants 2-3 kids with her.
The same guy that said he will only believe the baby is his after he sees the results of the DNA test.
I don't see how this guy could share your joy and all the pregnancy process and be as thrilled with it as you are when in the back of his mind he's still thinking there's a chance (great or small) that the baby isn't his.
That will be his course of thought in the very moment you tell him you're pregnant.
In fact, he will probably also not be surprised if, during the period you're trying to conceive, you're banging someone else on your free time.
At least it's how it reads to me. I don't want to be thought of as that kind of woman.
I'd maybe take it quite differently if he brought up the subject after the baby was already born, or even during pregnancy than at this point in time, like it's an ultimatum.
I stand by my point. I would do the test and place my trust in him. Once again I have nothing to hide and I would do anything in my power to show him, I'am 100% his and once again I would expect the same in return. Who am I to deny the father of my child actual proof he is the father?
I'm not advocating she denies proof, but I think there are ways of asking for things while still being considerate toward the other person.
But well, of course we don't have to agree.
It's definitely odd, but you don't know what his reasoning is. Maybe his past partners cheated on him and that's ehy he has trust issues. Not all women are the same, of course, but it's hard to get over sometihng like that. I would be hurt if my boyfriend asked this of me, but I don't think it's that big of a deal. I'd tell him it's unnecessary, but if I was serious enough with him to want a child, I wouldn't break up with him because of it.
I look at this the same way i do when it comes to tattooing a girls name on my body. Sure i might love you and sure this relationship might last forever but im not going to take easily avoidable risks.
Think about it this way, if he starts raising a son that isn't his, then finds out later in life, he will be LEGALLY OBLIGATED to pay for that child because its "his" even though it isn't. I understand why this is upsetting to you but also try see it from his side, he is scared of getting hurt.