Guys, I've hurt a soldier. How can I be better for him?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex had an hour long call cause we met today after our breakup, it wasn't awkward AT ALL, we were all touchy and stuff : one couldn't tell that we USED to date.

Ffw to tonight, we had a convo and he told me that I made him feel like hell in the relationship and it has never been my intention. I love this guy with everything I've had. I am not a very mentally fit person, and I have tried to afford therapy but it doesn't work.

He was telling me a bunch of stuff and it made me feel so bad, not cause of how brutally he was telling me those, but because i hurt the one boy I've loved the most. I feel like a monster, the guilt is consuming me. I've said the most unspeakable things to this guy, and I've never wanted to, I never deemed myself worthy of him. Being mentally ill can be so self sabotaging and it's not something which is going to sell. Even after everything he said (he is concerned about me) he said "I can't see you go downhill, I love you a lot" - this shattered me.

I love this boy with my whole heart and I will continue to do so. How can I be a better person, for him and myself? Pls help me out.

[caring__1]

Working on yourself is the first step. If you can't afford therapy, contact a local college that has a program in psychology and ask for help. There are also non-profits that allow you to pay what you can. There are also newly licensed therapists who want experience, so are willing to help you at low or no cost. You can contact your state associations for the various licenses (marriage and family therapists, professional counselors, licensed clinical social workers, psychologists) and ask them for referrals. Just make sure whoever you see is qualified to deal with your specific challenges.

With your soldier, acknowledge what you said and did and what impact it had on him. Never attempt to come up with excuses to legitimize your behaviors or blame anyone. Share what you plan on doing differently in the future (not just with him, but in general). Keep him informed about your efforts to seek therapy along with the results of your therapy.

How we say things will determine whether we put people on the defensive or help them feel safe. Always make sure everyone feels safe, not just yourself. Make sure the therapist you choose is qualified to teach you basic communication skills, so you have tools to replace your dysfunctional patterns. Before you say or do anything, ask yourself whether you'd appreciate, not just tolerate, being on the receiving end of what you plan to dish out. If not, come up with an alternative. Show you care about more than just yourself. You either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. Focus on personal growth, and you'll like the results.

[Guy13]

Sounds like it is over. Let it rest ⁉️