How do I have a discussion with my boyfriend about his negative comments on women?[MEN ONLY please!]?

[paynensimple]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years and anytime we have a disagreement we try to discuss it. The only problem is when he has something to say about women , I ask him why he feels that way. Whether I stay calm or not he always tries to turn it around as me being combative just because I don't agree [ if I'm not calm I'm too emotional and if I am calm I am being combative]. How do I express these concerns in way that is best for both of us. I try to be the most understanding person but it's becoming too much. It is my first relationship (REALLY late bloomer) and I'm not trying to write this off as a fail so soon. Though I think he may need therapy to address inner issues he may be having.

[mickmrly]

You should have a set discussion to talk about his real feelings of women and how that makes you feel. If he’s doing this before you are married, when you are trying to put your best foot forward, I don’t want to think how he will act if you do get married. This behaviour might be him revealing his true nature after hiding it for a while, or it may just be a small problem that needs some turning around.

For some reason it seems to me this behaviour is a bit too common in American conservative men, as I have found some strange views on women while listening to otherwise agreeable people. Maybe it’s some weird cultural value?

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, what are his concerns about women? A lot of men have the same concerns; they are a common theme.

Some of those concerns are personal pet peeves. While others are just general trash talk just for fun and shouldn't really be taken seriously.

And even if he thinks something about most women, that doesn't necessarily mean that he thinks it about you. (He chose you to be his girlfriend, so obviously he likes you.)


(P. S. Women have certain things they don't like about men as well.)

[Jamie05rhs]

Thank you for the MHO. :)

[livingchaos]

during a time when you two aren't talking ab that make it known to him that you having a different opinion or showing little to no emotions doesn't mean you're upset or anything you're just trying to process a different point of view. tell him it can be tiring to have to always be aware and careful with your emotions wien he's the one unable to justify an opinion he has ab a certain subject without getting worked up

[paynensimple]

okay I will try this! Thank you!

[Guy13]

Do you want to marry this guy ⁉️

[paynensimple]

I did but as time goes on and this side of him comes out more I start to lose interest in a future with him. That's why I want to do what I can to see where it comes from and if it can be fixed before throwing in the towel. Other than this he everything I wanted it's like I am with my best friend but I don't see why you are with a woman if you always have something to complain about.

[Guy13]

There’s lots of buzz words for this guy. Hypercritical, Narcissist, sociopathic. This controlling of your behavior, inability to be wrong, and “stirring the pot” are common for Narcissist. Attention-Developmentally 12 year old in adult body. Wins are: you giving him attention in your anger, tears, and/or compliments. He thrives upon attention and degrading you and/or women as a whole gets him fed attention. It’s always about him and It is not going away. It will get worse.
He lives in his own self-protective reality and anyone who challenges it will be subject to his manipulation…. N. side.
Sociopath has no actual feeling for others. They lack that connection but can mirror empathy or laughing. The sociopath will show up across all situations with all people. Disdain for anyone and anything that does not affect his personal Sphere of Influence. There is no Type…loud and quiet personalities.

[Aiming]

Yea, look like.

[Chazmatazz269]

Learning how to fight is one of the most important relationship skills to develop. From your explanation of things, he sucks at it, and apparently he thinks you do too. I’d look into couples support groups and counseling to address that specific weakness.

[AviatorTom]

Maybe you could try following what women always tell me when we have "discussions" ... just listen.

Next time he starts ranting, don't say anything, just listen to what he's saying, and let him know by your facial expressions and body language, that you are really listening to him.

[Anonymous]

People don't like thier belief structures being challenged ( and that includes WOMEN as well). I have long held beliefs on women gleaned over many decades. I'll listen to ANYONE. But not if they start from a tired old argument that has been soundly defeated a 100 times. My advice to you is ASK HIM his opinions in detail. If you're a fair minded person you might accidentally discover it might not be him that needs the therapy.

[paynensimple]

As stated in the post, I do ask him why he feels the way he feels. I ask him because I want to know where it comes from. Things always seem to go left when I ask him why he feels that why and he can never give me an answer.

[Opinion Owner]

Look I don't know this guy so I can't say for certain. But I know women. And for most women you might as well be speaking a foreign language because they won't get it. Your gender doesn't really even understand how illogical they are much of the time. We as guys just learn to accept it and tolerate it as best we can. So my guess is he's getting mad because he knows it's pointless to try to explain it to you. Imagine trying to explain to someone why the sky is blue or that we as a species have put people on the moon. Because they wouldn't accept either as fact amd kept asking questions as though it were a debate. Well that's the way you probably come off to him.

[Rorobb]

He’s not going to change, if he expresses negatively about women in front of the woman he’s with, then he has no respect for women, do u really want to be with a man (jerk) like that?

[Anonymous]

Well he is probably not going to stop even if you do have discussion about it so If you don't like what he does it usually means that you don't like him.

It is a poor excuse to stay in a Relationship when you don't like the Guy that much.

[Iron_Man]

If you think he needs therapy why not both of you go together

[paynensimple]

how do I convince him to go to therapy? I already know how he feels about it and it's nothing positive.

[Iron_Man]

Encourage him treat him out to a nice dinner make a deal with him or something I don’t know figure it out

[msc545]

He is more likely to go if you suggest that both of you go. If you just suggest that he goes, I predict a hard no from him.

[Iron_Man]

Right …

[msc545]

He may also be right - have you considered that?

[paynensimple]

if you mean in the way I react then of course I considered that. Which is why I have changed my approach plenty of times. He said it's easier to have difficult conversations if I take emotions out of it so I approached the conversation in the same way that he did only for him to back peddle whenever I correct him on his behavior. When he raises his voice he say " it's because you cut me off" even though I had not said a thing (even though I wanted too). I got to the point of not interrupting him because he told me I needed to work on it and I took it into consideration. Problem is he isn't doing the same for me and still cuts me off when he thinks he knows what I'll say next. If you are talking about women then he is not right. I have seen the worst of some men in my life and I've seen how they treat women but I generalize or make statements like " men always do this..." or men always do that. But he always makes generalizations about women. Is it too much to want to be given what I am giving

[msc545]

perhaps you need to stop trying to "correct his behavior" ?

[paynensimple]

correct him his behavior meaning holding him to the same standard as he holds me

[msc545]

That has not worked so far. Why would it work in the now or in the future. Concentrate on what works not what is "fair".