How do you know someone’s a keeper in a relationship?

Question

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

So, I will associate Keeper with Caretaker... not sure if you meant it that way.

What is a caretaker?

"It is a person who is focusing all of their energy to taking care of the emotional needs of someone else... and giving up, quite honestly, on their own emotional needs in order to do that."

www.businessinsider.com/what-it-means-to-be-a-caretaker-in-romantic-relationships-and-why-it-could-be-a-problem-2017-10#:~:text="It%20is%20a%20person%20who,in%20order%20to%20do%20that."

These are the people, who believe themselves strong and resilient and therefore will sacrifice a degree of other themselves in order to shield the other person from feelings of distress, sadness and stress. They do this at emotional sacrifice to themselves in order to ensure that the other persons happiness. Traditionally these people have been thought of as women, because of their motherly instincts... honestly, it's a false stereotype. Traditionally, men lived with the pressure of providing for their families and this often meant sacrificing their dreams and aspirations in order to put food on the table, while women matched that sacrifice by giving up on their dreams and aspirations in order to care for the children. These were both social conventions that were placed equally on men as much as women. And in a modern context, they are not relevant because either man or women could be place in either of these positions and roles.

At the end of the day if someone is a true keeper and/or caretaker... it's a problem. Because you can only give or sacrifice so much... before you hit a wall. before you start to feel emotionally drained and unfulfilled. Trust me I know, because I have been the caretaker, in many relationships and you start to have feelings of resentment when the other person lacks perspective or a degree of appreciation for all the things you have given and sacrificed in order to shield and protect them from things. This resentment leads to them resenting your level of resentment and it all goes to shit from there... but if they cannot truly appreciate who you are and what you have done for them, then they are incapable of really loving you and you become incapable of truly loving them and it turns extremely toxic.

In a good relationship there is a high degree of respect and appreciation for the other person, and all the contributions they have made to the relationship. There is not real and true 100% equal division of labor... but there is a real and true level of equity in appreciation and emotional fulfillment and respect for each other... so that is where the ideal of equal contribution comes in... where there is no need a keeper or caretaker, they about addressing each other needs fairly and equitably.

CallmeTheKnight · Accepted Answer

They love you unconditionally and respect you. You don't even have to say a word for them to be affectionate to you

sweet-chocolate · Accepted Answer

When they are there for you not only physically but emotionally & mentally.

When they are patient with you.

When they are willing to explore even the silliest things with you.

When they give you forehead kisses ( I laughed writing this one down but it's true)

When they grow and heal with you.

When they know how to say "No I'm not" when asked if they are okay.

When they are emotionally expressive and don't have any walks built around them.

When they give you their time & attention & devotion.

When they are loyal and supportive.

When they are kind to everyone (but also don't tolerate shit from anyone lol)

When they look at you like you are the most beautiful thing in the universe.

When they know that it's okay to cry. ( Nothing screams I'm a keeper than a man who knows that being a man doesn't mean he's not human and can't show his emotions)

The list goes on for me...😅😅and it's mandatory to have all these to be considered a keeper.

Ohhhh wait and when they buy you chocolate!!!

petitedollbabee · Accepted Answer

Open communication, when you feel that you can be open and honest about anything without them seeing it as a personal attack, when they genuinely care about your needs and go out of their way to make sure your needs are met, and when they can be there for you at your worst instead of throwing in the towel and giving up. Also when you can have arguments or conflicts and work through them and come to a compromise

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You wait until you've had a few conflicts and you see whether you both treat each other respectfully, despite your difference, or you start throwing things at each other! :) :) :)

Fireguy17 · Answer

She washes your motorcycles, gets season tickets to the local race track, fills your truck up with gas or fuel depending on what you drive.
She brings you a cold one at night, is always ready for sex, introduces her sister/friend/cousin into your relationship, has a nicer fishing boat than you, does not watch the hallmark channel, has a relative that is a snap on dealer...

Msputiton · Answer

They think about my needs, they make me laugh, enjoy doing things for me.  They make me want to spend time with them, and i enjoy taking care of their needs and just enjoy spending time with them.

AddylynnNightingale · Answer

When you're going through a rough time and I mean a rough time and they go above and beyond to help you out. Not to gain something, but because they care about you. And they don't take it for granted when you do the same for them.

Lionman95 · Answer

Loyalty and genuine interest someone that really shows you that they are interested in really getting to know you and clearly say that they are interested in a relationship.

Andridaca · Answer

If they stay with you through the darkest of times and continually love and support you, you have a keeper. But stay together for at least a year, and half a year living together within the same domain before marriage.

melanieeeB · Answer

How they treat me and my family members, plus friends

20yearsolder · Answer

You just feel it. You want to be around them all the time. You missed them when they're away

qwert1234 · Answer

"If she's willing to struggle with you..." -That sounds like kidnapping. LOL She's a keeper if she's always there, not just on happy times but also on hard times.

Wubs3000 · Answer

How they handle conflict/how they react to their flaws. If they accept and listen to you calmly and work on it and be mature, they are a keeper.

Bethany22 · Answer

Reliable, dependable, punctual, good long term memory, loves your fashion sense, and initiates dates

dustybiker · Answer

They make you want to be better for them without them even asking. You just know they are good for you.

LazerBean · Answer

He met all of my extensive, very specific requirements, along with all the things that weren't requirements but I thought would have been nice.

Andres77 · Answer

Chemistry helps. When they’re your equal, not over you or under you, willing to sacrifice for you but not disappearing in your shadow: supports you and expects the same.

AviatorTom · Answer

You never really know for sure, but she's a keeper if she lets you be yourself, she makes you happy, and you make her happy.

ChiTown33 · Answer

That's easy. Her actions prove it. This is something bad women cannot fake. They can put up a good act. But thier horrible nature betrays them at some point.

dragoblack · Answer

They don't cause toxic drama and they are not a toxic person. Also, you feel comfortable with them, it just feels right, you both are willing to talk about issues, and the relationship feels like best friends with romantic benefits

NathanDavis · Answer

when I actually kept them for years and years... lol

RavVid · Answer

The strength of my ejaculations is my main guide.

exitseven · Answer

She checked all the boxes. She was intelligent, kind, and had the prettiest smile I ever saw

TroyDT2 · Answer

She's fun, faithful, and willing to tolerate my eccentricities.

Zolly99999 · Answer

Loyalty is big for me... I've never had a loyal girlfriend...

User3191989 · Answer

Generally, if they're willing to die for you, they're likely someone you should keep around

pizzalovershouse · Answer

If they treat you good an dont exspect sex in the first week or 2

Still-alive · Answer

I miss her a lot when we are away. i find my thoughts on her constantly also when away.

Twalli · Answer

They make you feel better just by existing in your life.

doc268 · Answer

If she puts your needs before hers keep her. (Been married 16 years and she still dose this). Keep her

AsaKyo · Answer

If they don't constantly piss me off lmao

Tatabita · Answer

Yeah, exactly what 20yearsolder said!!

spartan55 · Answer

If she sees me at a bad time and sticks with me.

TrueConfection · Answer

They bring out the best in you. ❤

EaterPeter · Answer

If they are willing to go to pmc with you and willing sign prenuptial

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i have no idea

SiberFox · Answer

She passes the loyalty test

Iron_Man · Answer

Believe me I know

Legion696969 · Answer

When they wanna marry you.

Xtendable · Answer

If you can’t imagine life without her

jimmy2 · Answer

You will know you want to be with her all the time

Blackcupcake · Answer

he’s a love

Charlesbrandonf · Answer

That’s right

Fuentes · Answer

She never is

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

A snapping gyro.

Mediterraneansoul · Answer

You don't.

How do you know someone’s a keeper in a relationship?

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