Why is it so difficult to get over an affair?

Question

Moose304 · Accepted Answer

Just a question! Would a cheater want to be married to a person that could get over their affair like it was yesterday's newspaper? Give that question some serious thought. There is a directly proportional relationship between the depth of someone's love and commitment to a partner and their ability to recover from having their insides ripped out. While not an affair to see how this works go study the Andy Gibb/Victoria Principal relationship. After she had enough of Andy Gibb she dumped him. His life went out of control and a few years later he died. The flip side of this is why there are so many people of both sexes that refuse to get serious again. So when you ask why it is so hard to "get over" an affair remember the HEAVY EMOTIONAL energy some people put into a relationship! How would you like it if it took you 10 years to finish something only to see it ruined in 10 minutes? Do you have any idea how many people I know of that committed suicide after finding out the love of their life cheated? Every time I hear of someone suffering through cheating I can hear the opening guitar riff of this song play in my mind!

aaron210419 · Accepted Answer

An affair or cheating is best defined as any interaction with someone outside of your relationship that you feel you have to hide from your partner. An affair doesn't have to be exclusively sex either, it can be emotional also.
Speaking from the perspective of the person who was cheated on, it is more than just a betrayal. It can be the extremely painful especially if it was unexpected. It can make you not only question your partner but also yourself and your decisions. It can make you feel lost and like you can't trust anyone including yourself. Especially if it is a long term relationship, it feels like a sword being run through your heart every minute if everyday.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Because it's a betrayal of trust. People don't like to feel duped. Makes them feel stupid, gullible, humiliated, undesired, unloved.

But given that sex and attraction are an integral part of the continuation of all species - i. e. hardwired - it is far more than a slight against another. It's a biological drive that we try to suppress indefinitely, so no wonder it is so easily broken.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

From the perspective of a woman, it’s probably because she didn’t want the affair in the first place but settled because she liked him so much. Idc what anyone says, women are not meant to be promiscuous and maintain some men’s passive mentality about it. By nature we are too emotional and sex is just way too intimate of an action to feel nothing about the guy.

coachTanthony · Answer

Because you never get over it... you simply move on. The difficulty is when will you value yourself enough to MOVE TF ON.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Because its betrayal and broken trust in a relationship.

Summeroflove · Answer

Because it does serious harm.

Anonymous · Answer

I was in one at one time. I had feelings for her and I was the other man. We fell in love and she wanted to leave but just couldn't do it because of the kid. It's extremely painful when it ends because the other person goes back to their spouse and you're left to yourself and broke in two. What's even worse is that you know you can never be with them and that someone else is. It takes a long time to get through it.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Because it’s something huge that you missed, that was a betrayal of your trust by someone who you thought you could count on. And the most insulting part is that the affair was usually pretty obvious in hindsight (not always though). The affair makes you question your memories of the relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Because your primate mind wants only be together with winners and if you cheated, you degraded your current winner to a loser, this made him again unacceptable for your primal mindset. It's a quadrature of a circle.
It's theoretical possible to play this pointless game into eternity if you haven eternal assets, which you don't have. This causes cognitive dissonance, that's why it's difficult to accept it.

Philyouup · Answer

becuase if you were cheated on, you bond with him was torn out, his lack of respect, his lousy behavior , like cheating, is a lot to heal from. BUT work on forgiving him, not for his benefit, for yours! you can forgive, you don’t have to forget. the act will remove the poison in you heart , placed there by him.

i know it hurts , too much so! i have been there. my heart to yours , but you will recover.

Nandan1080p · Answer

If you cut a tree but keep the roots intact with soil , it will regrow when watered.
Same with Affair, if you broke up and when ever any romantic scene comes in front of you. You will regrow your Love towards him or her.
I am not a love guru.. nor have any affair with anyone in past but i can sense the feeling. Due to a crush which i had with a classmate during school days some 10 years back.

TrueConfection · Answer

I believe it's the betrayal. I knew a woman who had an affair with her husband's best friend. It wasn't a one night stand, it was a year long affair. The husband committed suicide.

exitseven · Answer

It is bad on many different levels. You are betrayed by somebody you love and trusted. There is damage done to your self esteem and confidence. It breeds self doubt and life will never be the same.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because you're not supposed to get over it. Traditionally, throughout history, someone who perpetrated an affair would be killed as their just punishment. It's only in modern times that affairs have gone unpunished.

Kinkyhubby · Answer

Because the trust on the marriage has been broken. So the person who was hurt, needs tie to retrust their spouse. Plus the spouse should not get mad at the other onen for not taking their word at face value. It need time t heal broken hearts

Psychotic_Buddhist · Answer

Because we don't know if it was just physical, or emotional, and we're confronted with emotions we never wanted to feel toward our partners.

mobiusforniner · Answer

I dunno. Id really want to know cuz it hurts like hell. Worst breakup in my life.

dustybiker · Answer

The seed of doubt is planted. It could always happen again.

TroyDT2 · Answer

An affair is a violation of the life covenant made with the wedding vows. It should not be easy to get over.

jshm2 · Answer

It isn't. You've just got yourself too invested in the bad to look at the good.

Anonymous · Answer

uh because your whole life was planned out and then it's just ruined and you have no idea what to do? ?

Mangospacho · Answer

It’s not really something you “get over”. It’s a betrayal of trust and it will always stick with you, unfortunately.

mT2359 · Answer

There is a difference between an Affair and on ONS.

Anonymous · Answer

It's normally a massive breach of trust and a beating to your self esteem. Takes time to unload that lot.

Anonymous · Answer

Because if she's done it once, she WILL do it again. It's only a matter of time. You never stay with a woman that cheats on you, never!

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Because feel like you never mattered it was all a lie and waste of time

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

I didn't know it was. It's not difficult for me.

Anonymous · Answer

Because it's a betrayal of trust loyalty and faithfulness. You gave your heart to someone and that person broke it

NickEnickS · Answer

I think it depends on who you are and what you want and if you're married or not

BJP21 · Answer

Because the guilt is there.

Guardian45 · Answer

Cuz they cheated and lied

panamared1 · Answer

if you loved, then you lost a loved one

BeautifullyShattered · Answer

Define affair?

Why is it so difficult to get over an affair?

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