I'm not in love with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I feel I'm making a huge mistake.

He doesn't tick all my boxes.

I loved a guy before this.

Only settled because I felt it would go no where between him and I.

I feel I made the worst decision of my life

[MrOracle]

NO GUY is going to tick all your boxes - it's unrealistic to expect otherwise. What you need to realize as that, at most, you're going to get a guy who ticks 3-5 boxes, and for your sake, those had better all be boxes that are important LONG TERM - such as morals, values, and life-goals - and not things like height, looks, or income, because even if he's tall, beautiful, and makes a lot of money, after a year, those things won't really matter to you if his morals, values, and life-goals aren't compatible with yours.

I can't tell you if you've made a bad choice or not with your current guy - I obviously know nothing about him, or you. But if you have unrealistic expectations, you're always going to be disappointed, and likewise, if you pick a guy because of how he makes you FEEL in the beginning, you're very likely to be disappointed 6 months or a year into the relationship, because those tingles and butterflies in your stomach WILL go away, no matter how strong they were in the beginning, and if you didn't make a good LONG-term decision, then your relationship is never going to work long-term.

If most women ate like they chose men, they'd eat every meal from a bakery and an ice cream shop, because they'd be picking their food based solely on what gives them immediate pleasure. As a man who likes food, I understand the motivation to do that, but we all understand that that's the path to a very early grave. But most women DO choose men based on initial attraction and just assume that everything else will work out, and are surprised that it rarely does. You have to pick a relationship partner based on long-term priorities rather than short-term priorities if you want any hope of having a long-term outcome.

[abc3643]

You need to move on.

However, the strength of my advice depends a lot on how the relationship with the guy from "I loved a guy before this." ended...
1. Were you a couple?
2. If you were a couple, did he dump you or you dump him?
3. How long ago was this?

[Vesuvius87]

Do you guys have other things in common are get along overall? If so are you willing to break up just because you don't feel butterflies in your stomach and aren't lusting for him?

The falling in love thing is really overrated. That's just an excessive adoration for your partner and lusting over them, nothing else.

[Emilyis]

you HAVE made a mistake, get out of the situation NOW!

[FilmGuy93]

Having cold feet and FOMO is fairly normal, but the way to handle a situation like this is to ask two questions/sets of questions:

1. What are the boxes they don't check, how important are those boxes, and what would need to happen for them to check those boxes if they are essential?

and

2. Do you have a realistic better option?

Because let's be totally real for a minute; no one is going to check your entire beau wishlist, and even if you met someone who did, they probably aren't accessible to you as a propect.

Relationships are about deciding to make things work with someone who makes you feel appreciated.

[TroyDT2]

You are making a mistake, but it is not necessarily for the reason you think. If you cannot commit to him it is unfair to use him as a placeholder. And yes, I would tell a guy the same thing if he were doing this with a girl. Also, maybe analyze whether your boxes are all realistic, or deal breakers if he does not hit each and every one.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

If your boxes are unrealistic then you should consider trying to work on yourself and your expectations. If your boxes are not realistic, then leave him and go find someone else that ticks them.

[mandyfire98]

If you're not in love with him then why not break up with him?

[JPresidente]

You are exactly right @mandyfire98. Don't keep leading the poor guy on.

[mandyfire98]

Agreed

[LazerBean]

So then dump him and don't make that mistake again. Easy.

[slatyb]

So break up. It only hurts for a little while, then it's better.

[exitseven]

You need to end this. You don't have to be cruel about it.

[Berethor]

Maybe but love is overrated, and love didn't prevent you from leaving the other guy.

[Sparkie460]

If you don't love him then why are you still with him. Tell him it's not working out for you and just end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

"I felt it would go no where between him and I." That is NOT a reason to get into a long term relationship. This mess is self-inflicted.

[Asker]

I felt it would go no where between the one I truelly love.
That's why I'm currently with this guy now who I domt love

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, that makes more sense. Still, you owe it to yourself and to the guy to exit this relationship, unless. . . was the guy before your first love?

[Asker]

No he wasn't my first love. But it damn there felt like it

[Asker]

I dont feel the same with this current guy. That's why I'm worried I've made a mistake

[Opinion Owner]

A first love always feels special and nothing else in your life will ever feel like that. You meed to look back and ask whether the first love was "infatuation" or "puppy love," and the current relationship is just a more mature love.

[Anonymous]

*Him and me.

It would go nowhere with him. It would go nowhere with me. Not, it would go nowhere with I.

[NotTacocaT6969]

He and I*

If you’re going to be a grammar nazi, at least do it at an 8th grade level.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Then stop wasting his time and leave.

[Wise4myage]

No wonder you aren’t in love.

[boggboss]

So end things

[In_Trance]

So, move on

[Anonymous]

🤣🤣🤣