Is it normal to be nervous about proposing if I've been rejected once long ago?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of 2 years (she's 25 and I'm 28) and I feel ready to form a family. We're on the same page on various areas. I believe this is the right timing and even though we've already had the discussion about kids and wanting to settle down, I'm still nervous about proposing.

Background to why I'm nervous:

I was with that past girlfriend since we were 17 year-olds in HS. When I was 22, it was my first time ever asking a girl the question and she declined it. We broke up shortly but she wanted to keep me as a friend, a further insult. Even though it's been 6 years later, it's something that can still sting even today.

Is it normal to be nervous? I imagine having the courage once again (to propose) but then get reminded again of that past rejection.

Updates

1 y

That flashback of that time keeps me from doing it again.

Updates

1 y

I never told my current girlfriend of that past relationship, of that past declined proposal.

[Spiritofn]

Don’t worry about the retards being trolls…


People are fukt life is fukt, if you think it’s time it’s time, however you can make a sentimental cheapish but cute promise ring, I didn’t know anything about promise rings thought they were stupid, but even like a $100 cute ring that you just say “hey it’s only $100 but I want this to be a promise ring towards you, I want u to always know I will love you, romance you and have fun with you no matter the cost and deep down inside I want you to be the one”


Your not young by no means but you don’t have to be mr. deadly &pop a ring.


fufill at least one fantasy maybe get a deadly bike and do some cat walks b4 being a dad, kids can be fukt man& life skills are appreciated as much as youth. Do you even have your true career path maybe that four year degree isn’t what you truthfully want, that masters is actually the way to go or going for a second journeyman so your not so static. Or maybe you want to help mom&dad or grandma&grandpa as they are aging. I’m currently 26 and if I never got sick I would’ve been ready for marriage at 22 if it worked with an X but I had an Owwie that’ll leave me realing probably till I’m in my 40s it sucks cause I wanted kids as early as 18 but life ain’t fuxking easy and society is the hardest part in a fair world with unfair people.


But I also had a $30000 sport mustang that NBCouldve gone a lot farther then that when I was 16 years old & had a hot rod truck and had a little bit of privilege growing up got to do lots of cool sports & I had fun out of my way by the time I was 19 years old. I’m also an only child to my father even though he’s slightly a bum I still had knowledge I claim to all his inheritance.


Do you know where the financial market is going to be in the next 7 years fluxuation from COVID could be absolutely retarted+ the world is at war right now and there’s going to be a lot of emotional scars & this mental health thing isn’t going anywhere right now & we still don’t have a cure for most cancers.


And the worse of all, most people are incapeable of the word sorry. Are you ready ti bring a child into a world where most people incapable of saying sorry to your little 5 year old in a moment of their error.

[Spiritofn]

+ your asking for advice on here for something heavy vs being able to talk to a loved one, either that shows they are shitty people or stupid and you don’t have proper supports for a marriage even.

[Asker]

I'll have one last discussion with her about everything we've talked about so far. This will be just to reconfirm we're on the same page. That way, the chance of me making the same mistake again of getting a no is slim this time. I want to make sure I get it right this time.

Base on what she says, I'll proceed forward with it.

[TripleAce]

Most people are aware before asking if they are in it for marriage. It’s rare to just pop up surprise without zero discussions these days


You should likely have talked about it. And agree
You want to spend the rest of your lives together. So when you do ask. She’s saying yes

[Asker]

Well with the last ex boyfriend, we only had one conversation about one day wanting kids and marriage. I assumed that since we loved each other so much, been together for 5 years, I had no reason to doubt her answer. Her rejection caught me off guard to be honest. I couldn't believe it.

This time what I'll do different is I'll have one last conversation with my current girlfriend about wanting kids and marriage. That would be the reconfirmation. Depending on her answer and stance on it, I'll proceed to it. Hopefully I get it right this time. I don't want my time wasted again.

[Asker]

**Well with the last ex girlfriend, we only had one conversation about one day wanting kids and marriage.

[VIVANT]

If you talk it over before hand with your girlfriend about both wanting to marry & have a family together, there shouldn’t be any surprises. I don’t think it’s fair to spring it on the other person & expect a yes or no when you have already been thinking it over. Better to talk it over and if you are both on the same page, ask. Then you won’t be caught off guard nor will she. It’s about both of your futures so talking it over I think Is the way to go 😊

I think your earlier rejection is not odd, you were both very young. She was probably not ready… good reason to talk it over.

[Asker]

While it can be understandable my ex girlfriend and I were both young at the time, it was still a declined marriage proposal after 5 years. I'm sure anyone would be hurt too. It wasn't logical for me to remain her friend.
As for my current relationship with my girlfriend, the relationship seems to be moving forward but I'll have one last discussion with her this week. It's a reconfirmation of everything we've discussed so far and where we stand at. How I proceed will depend on her answer. Hopefully I get it right this time.

[DollAlone]

If you love her then you must value her opinions as well. So she won't make a wrong decision, even if its a NO, get a reason why. She might have a great point that went unnoticed by you and down the road it could be a yes! But still, if you are ready now, ask her now. She might be waiting for you to do so and wondering why you haven't. You will never know until u try

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Making the whole text in your comment bold and italic will not make people value it more. It will only make their eyes bleed...

[Asker]

We've had a discussion about looking forward to starting a family soon. Overall our relationship does seem to be moving forward in all other areas. I've always wanted to do things the right manner, which means dating for the purpose of marrying and having kids. I'm very aware of her time and just like no woman wants us to waste her time, I want to make sure if I propose this time it's a yes.

[Anonymous]

None of this will matter unless you've found your purpose, have been working on that, and are financially free. If none of these things apply to you then this simply will not work and proposing will only amount to going through the motions. I will assume that you aren't on your purpose because if you were, that nervousness would not be so because you would truly know your value and would see it as a privilege for her to be given the chance of joining your life.

[Asker]

There is no financial crisis. Hence why I believe it's the right timing but I'm nervous. That one rejection from 6 years ago still stings till this day.

[Anonymous]

I presume you mean a formal proposal, down on one knee, ring, and all that. I imagine that is nervy.
Personally, not my thing and I'd rather discuss such plans. But maybe yours is expecting such a gesture.
You could still sound her out before hand to ensure your on the right track.

[Asker]

I'm going to have one last conversation with my girlfriend (as reconfirmation) and how I proceed will depends on her answer. Hopefully I get it right this time.

[Asker]

and yes I did that formal proposal with my ex girlfriend (then first girlfriend) at the time and got declined. I remembered it like yesterday. I was also nervous but enthusiastic about it. I had prepared for that speech, the decoration, everything... all that for a rejection after 5 years of being together. I was crushed. I didn't recover for the longest.

So yeah, if I had to do again to my currrent girlfriend... hopefully it's a yes this time.

[Opinion Owner]

Yep. Good luck. You could explicitly agree in principle, leave it long enough for her to forget a proposal is likely, then spring it on her when she doesn't expect it. That way you both know it's a win but get some of the surprise too.

[bamesjond0069]

1. She doesn't know about your past.

2. Have y'all talked prenup and stuff?

3. Do you know if she even wants marriage?

4. Do you understand what marriage is? Don't just say love or its what people do. Do you understand the legal ramifications?

If you don't discuss all this and more with her first you're a fool to even consider proposing to her.

[Asker]

All areas have been discussed but will have one last conversation with her about it; as reconfirmation. How I proceed afterwards will depends on her answer this week after that last conversation.

[Asker]

Well the only thing not discussed was about that past rejection and I'll open up to it too. Everything will be laid out this week.

[kevypatyy7]

I think it's normal because you might be afraid she will do the same thing to u, so it's naturally normal 🤔💭

[Asker]

It was a sunny, summer day on Saturday June 25 2016. That was the day I proposed to my then first girlfriend. I had prepared my speech, done the decoration, planned our trip and was nervous but enthusiastic about it. I'm usually not into remembering a specific detailed date but having my proposal declined after 5 years of being together seared deeply into my memory.

This time what I'll do differently is have one last discussion with my current girlfriend about kids and marriage, as a reconfirmation. How I proceed will depend on her answer. I want to get it right this time and finally be able to lay to rest this ghost of the past.

[Jamie05rhs]

This is why I would never propose to any woman until we've been together for a long time. I want to KNOW that she loves me.

[Asker]

For how long? Before moving together, we both agreed that it wouldn't be more than 2 years. To be honest, even though we have an unlimited time to be a father, I have no interest in dating till my 40-50's, being an old father and then being confused for the child's grandfather at school.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, does she love you? How does she feel about you? Have you guys had deep intimate discussions and expressed your feelings for one another?

[Lis-the-librarian]

Normal yes, but too soon.
Live together for 4 years, get a house, dog etc, then get married, right before a baby.

[Spiritofn]

Meh I would have a marriage around the time the kid is four years of age to be part of the wedding so he/she can have a beautiful memory and get to play with cousins and shit.

[Lis-the-librarian]

Why would you want your kid to play with shit at your wedding? 🤔😅

[Spiritofn]

Hey if my four year old wants to play with shit he/she can throw all the shit in the world and even bake shit pies as long as he/she asks my permission first. 😤🤪

[Asker]

We already live together, have already had a discussion about forming a family soon and our relationship seems to be moving forward at a quicker pace. Before moving in together, we both agreed it wouldn't be more than 2 years. I believe she's likely waiting for me to proceed.
I'm going to have one last discussion (as a reconfirmation) with her and then will proceed with the proposal. Hopefully I get it right this time. I respect a woman's time enough not to waste her years but don't want my time wasted either.

[boobliker]

just ask over a cold drink that way if she is not happy about the drink cold

[Asker]

I just want to get it right this time so I'll have one last discussion with her. I know it might sound repetitive since we've talked aobut it but that would be a reconfirmation. Then I'll act accordingly base on what she says.

[Sasha0426]

Wait, you’re 20 but you were 22 when you first asked your ex? I’m confused.

[BlurryHaze]

I had the same reaction, must be a typo.

[Asker]

No I'm now 28. I was 22 when I asked my ex.

[Asker]

6 years later and it still stings. I want to propose to my current girlfriend whom I love, we're financially stable and already had this discussion about kids but I'm nervous. I continue getting that flashback of that rejection.

[BlurryHaze]

Then there's a typo in your first sentence.

As for proposing when you discussed with her about kids how did it go? Was her reaction swaying more towards having kids or not at this moment? If you still have that nervousness perhaps it's better to keep talking and communicating to her about your aspirations and goals, and possibly see if she would say yes to them, otherwise at least try and go for the proposal.

[Asker]

@BlurryHaze
She sounded very interested in having kids but I'll have one last discussion with her this week. I'll just be me reconfirming everything that's been discussed. Base on that answer, I'll proceed.

This will be my 2nd and last time I'll ever propose. I hope I get it right this time. If I get it wrong again, I'm giving up forever on proposing to a woman.

[BlurryHaze]

I wish you all the best in your proposal and hope everything works out in both your favours. From everything it seems most likely she will say yes, and all the hope she does.

Please do let us know the result! 🙂

[Literalbillionaire17]

Yeah it’s normal but go for it !!

[Asker]

I'll have one last discussion about kids and marriage as a reconfirmation. Base on this, I'm moving forward with the proposal. The last proposal with the ex girlfriend was painful. Hopefully I get it right this time with my current girlfriend.

[Literalbillionaire17]

Hope it works out for you!!

[aga21]

What?