Was this a good comeback to my boyfriend's sex appeal and weight remark?

[Anonymous]

On Friday, he kept making excuses not to progress things in the relationship. He kept comparing me to how women on TV eat more healthy foods and always watch their weight for fertility. Then went on explaining about how when we gain weight, our sex appeal lowers.

It was suppose to be a beautiful date. I even bought him a sandwich. Needless to say I was left speechless. I've interpret it as ''oh so you're basically losing attraction towards me and I'm about to lose you''. I'm 140ish Ibs (maybe I did gained a couple lbs but it's not like I'm overweight) but my height is 5'7 and I have a medium frame.

This was my comeback today in the morning; two days later:

Good morning Honey. I've been analyzing the conversation we had on Friday. Thank you for sharing your views and opening my eyes on your financial position, esp for our ages, which I'm concerned about. I actually feel bad about making you spend your money too much those times you invited me to eat. I didn't realize you were struggling a lot and had too much weight to carry. You have many responsibilities with your family and with the apartments.

Sometimes I would help him with the bill on some dates. At times I would switch turns and invite him myself. He's broke sometimes, wears old shoes, ugly clothes, has bad (rotten, yellow) teeth, admitted he hasn't had a relationship nor date for 7 years, is financially unstable, has no car and isn't even done with the apartments. For a 43 year-old, that's actually bad. In other simple words, I was trying to telling him ''And you're a broke loser''.

Needless to say he wants to talk on Monday. He didn't say too much comments afterwards. Seems like he got just as hurt too. Was that a good comeback?

Updates

1 y

He sure didn't like that remark, which is true. He's broke and is unprepared financially... yet I accepted him like that. I'm not broke and could've help him with the housing cost, wedding prices, etc. I would've had no problems helping him with money.
But he went on slowing things, giving BS on when to form a family and making those remarking on my attraction.

[lightbulb27]

maybe you two would be better off as boxing sparing partners?

It's always amazing how people can say the stupid crap they say.

He actually... maybe have been... trying to be constructive about you improving, but realize... this is a guy that is really screwed up, so he's got no right to be judging even an oz of you.

If you are going to punch him in the face... emotionally, then maybe this isn't the relationship for you.

I gotta question why you are interested in dating a guy like this... that says something about your thinking as it is.

[Asker]

We were in Judo classes before. He was my sparring partner. I'm in his similar boat with fewer options too due to age. I still look much younger than my but nothing changes that I'm 35, childless and never got married. I was just trying to find a man that wants kids and marriage.

[Asker]

And nope we haven't even had sex yet. We've been dating for a year.

[lightbulb27]

time is running short, but it's not too late.
funny enough, it sounds like you two are sparing verbally/emotionally like on the mat.

[UniquelyBasic]

Seems you didn't like him in the first place since you gave a ton of things you dont like about him from one comment he made, although the comment he made wasn't necessary.

[Asker]

He has several flaws I didn't like but like him, I'm getting to an age where I'm not asking for too much and was willing to overlook them. All I ever wanted is to get married and form a family. He knew this from the start and made me believe he was ready for it sooner. It didn't have to be a fancy wedding (I'm not even religious at all) nor even an expensive engagement ring at all. I would be happy with a cheap ring and willing to help him out with half of the wedding costs and bills. Heck even my father would've put some money on a wedding.

But nope, he's an idiot that wants to still take his time, how it's a process, how we should still get to know each other, the falling in love stage, how I need to lose some weight and sex appeal reducing and how he's working on the apartments to get more client to rent them.

He has little to offer, doesn't have too much options in the dating world, has no major resource and I'm right here (he hasn't had a girlfriend nor date for 7 years) and he's still demanding, idiot.

[UniquelyBasic]

Maybe this is the reason he hasn't been in a relationship for so long.

[Asker]

My parents think he's a total idiot and the one losing isn't me but him.
We've known each other since Oct 2021 and dated since last Dec... a whole year by now. What is there to know/learn about each other? If you're in a relationship for a year, we're no longer in the ''we're just getting to know each other'' anymore, esp if you're already older and looking forward to form a family.

[LazerBean]

All of that clearly states that he's only with you for sex and other forms of mooching. Comebacks are irrelevant and petty if you're still offering him sexual favors.

[Asker]

Yet the irony is we haven't had sex nor seen each other naked. He was the one that suggested us to wait till marriage because he said I was a home oriented woman.
If he's just after sex, why hasn't he tried getting into my pants. Why would he suggested waiting til marriage?

[Asker]

We haven't had sex. That's the weird part.

[LazerBean]

How long have you been seeing eachother? He may just be a total airhead, but I've never heard of a man complain about the "sexual value" of a woman he wasn't planning on having sex with soon.

[Asker]

We've been seeing each other for nearly a year now. By Dec 27th, it'll be a year later.

[Asker]

My mother is starting to think there is something weird about the relationship and about him. She thought I was the one that suggested waiting till marriage but when I told her it was rather him that suggested, she said something is fishy and not adding up.

[LazerBean]

I don't know. If you aren't giving him free money, food, cleaning, or any other free wife duties then I don't really know why he's an entitled jerk.

[Asker]

The only thing I've given him at couple times was food and nothing else. Once in a while when I came to practice Judo classes with him, I used to bring him lunch. Or at times I invited him to my house and cook lunch for him. Not always though, at times.

[LazerBean]

When is he planning on marrying you? Could easily just be that he's after a money making mommy to take care of him.

[Asker]

I asked him when are we settling down and having kids and he took a couple seconds to say 2024. He went on with explanation of how it's a process, the dating, then engagement and then marriage, how a couple needs to know each other's behaviors and customs, etc.
He was talking as if we were just knowing each other and nope. We've already been dating for nearly a whole year. On Dec 27th it'll be a year already. We're much older and we're not on the ''introduction, getting to know each other'' stage anymore and I feel he's going at the pace of a snail.

[Asker]

By 2024 I'll be 37 years old. This is too much of a wait for me, too long, too much.

[LazerBean]

I don't know, sounds like a lot of trouble for zero benefit. All I can say is I would never associate with a loser like that, let alone consider dating one.

[Anonymous]

Two wrongs don’t make a right but in any case it sounds like you’re dating a loser. I’d dump him rather than progress. I mean rotted yellow teeth? Yuck.

[Asker]

Now I'm wondering why he hasn't had a relationship or date in 7 years. Maybe the women either didn't like that about him or must have send him to hell at some point.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you’re the only woman he could get to give him a chance in 7 years because he sounds like a real loser. Broke, no car, horrid teeth, 43 with nothing to offer. Unless you’ve got bad self esteem or desperate then you can do better than letting this grown man leech off you. And don’t get me wrong I am not materialistic but my god girl.

[Asker]

My parents are furious at this moment and no consider him a total retard. If he has little to offer and he finally get a girlfriend in 7 years, a woman that wants kids and marriage and willing to help him with money (even better; she would be ok with a very cheap engagement ring), he should've taken the opportunity and propose. Then he can save money and she can help him while having an extended engagement.
But he's still complaining, slowing things down... knowing he has little to offer, knowing he has little to no options afterwards and is 43.

[Asker]

For someone that's broke and with few options in the dating world, but yet still making remark about my weight and still wanting to prolong dating for another year... he's an idiot. He's going to lose me and likely won't have another girlfriend for years.

[Opinion Owner]

The thing about men like him is that right now it’s your weight, but it will gradually become more things. None of it is true, but it sure can make you feel bad about yourself, and the worse you feel then you lose confidence, feel less desirable and find yourself stuck right at the bottom with him, thinking that you can’t do better. His ship is sunken, and he’s trying to pull you down with him all in an effort to keep you around. This shouldn’t be reassuring for you though, because he doesn’t want to keep you for the right reasons. I think it’s all about the money. He doesn’t want to marry or get physical with you, he wants to take what you’ve got. And your logic is pretty bad too, like why would you want him to basically settle for you? You’re providing everything else and all he’s got to do is put some cheap ring on your finger and meet you at the alter. It’s sad, you should want more for yourself.

[Asker]

I was willing to give him the time of the day and help him become financially stable.

[Opinion Owner]

Hon he’s 43. If he doesn’t have it together by now, he never will. Cut your losses, he is not a child or some broken thing to fix in order to make him a husband. You’re wasting time that you will never ever get back.

[abc3643]

I like what you did.

There is the old classic "The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'".

What you did is better.

[Asker]

Thank you. I actually don't like pointing someone's flaws but if they're going to attack mine (esp if they got more flaws than me), maybe they be prepared for the comeback.

The thing is he hasn't had a girlfriend nor date for 7 years (obviously due to his flaws, things that don't attract women), is aleady 43, I'm giving him the time of day and willing to commit to him. He knew I wanted kids and marriage for the beginning (knew that due to our ages we can't wait that long) and still thinks he's in the position to take some time and that we still need to learn more about each other and some BS. We've been dating a whole year now... what is there to learn about each other?