I just confessed to my crush and she responded with this, what does it mean?

[Anonymous]

thank you for understanding how i feel though, if im being completely honest you are not bad looking at all and have a wonderful personality, nothing is wrong with you. maybe we can try something in the future but i don’t have the right mindset that im afraid will mess up myself and affect others if i got myself into a situation like that again, nothing is wrong with you and i don’t want you to think that at all, i just don’t have a strong enough mental state to be in a relationship at all

Updates

+1 y

she has now moved on to another man.

[DaveJord]

It means she is does not have the emotional maturity or common decency to be direct and honest with you. The best way to interpret this is that she is not interested so don't waste your time. She is just trying to let you down easy without hurting or feelings, but at the end of the day the issue here is with her and not you.

She is saying she is damaged goods and is not ready or willing to date anyone at this this time. She emotionally not ready or willing and honestly never should have taken any dates at all or tried dating someone if what she is saying is true... and that is means you are better off without her in your life trust me. Women like require a lot of work and it's not worth your effort, because you deserve better.

If what she is say is true, then you should have just hit it and quit it if you had the chance... because she is not interested in dating you and she is just trying to be nice to you. She thinks you're a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by not saying she doesn't find you attractive. Which honestly, it would be better for everyone if she was just brutally honest with you and tell the truth.

But real deal is that she was probably devasted by a previous relationship and she thought she was over it... then she met a great guy like you and realized she is not over her last boyfriend or emotionally stable enough to date. But maybe she did not realize that until she met you.

[PinkRose24]

Or maybe she is dealing with family loss
🤦‍♀️

[DaveJord]

@PinkRose24 No matter her excuse... it doesn't matter.

[PinkRose24]

So it does matter if she's dealing with family loss? Wow you're evil.

[DaveJord]

@PinkRose24 Really, you think so... honestly whatever excuse you can dream up, doesn't excuse your actions or some how make it okay or exceptable. No matter the situation or circumstances there's a right way and wrong way to do something. I have known too many people that sound like yourself, always prepared with a excuse... but end if the day thst doesn't excuse their behavior.

[PinkRose24]

So she should tell him yes to the date and feel miserable because all she's thinking about is the loss of her family member? Wtf is wrong with you?

[PinkRose24]

You have an entitled attitude! "Drop everything for me, screw your feelings" gross! Who raised you? 🙄

[DaveJord]

@PinkRose24 you got issues... seriously chill. the fuck out.

[PinkRose24]

Lol says the old man that shows zero sympathy

[DaveJord]

@PinkRose24 Says the 46 year old emotionally stable guy, highly accomplished and successful guy. That treats people with respect, and expects others to do the same, regardless of what ever excuse they come up with.

[PinkRose24]

You're saying she should go out with him even if her loved one died?

[DaveJord]

@PinkRose24 But her loved one didn't die you just made that up... but your hell bent to find some excuse for this person. It's all hypothetical, on you or part. If there was a loved one that died, then she should just be honest and say that. But she didn't and that's not right. Thats my only piont.

[PinkRose24]

She said she going through stuff maybe it's mental issues. What more do you want?

[DaveJord]

@PinkRose24 My point is that her issues were there prior to dating this guy... so honestly, she should have been more transparent at the start. So, to me for her to claim that after the fact is disingenuous... and using it after the fact as an excuse is disingenuous. And so, I do not appreciate her approach in doing what she did. Obviously, she has issues, and I am sympathetic to that, but her issues are not this guy's issues... and if this guy was the greatest guy in the world to her then regardless of her issues, one would think that she would be willing to try to work through it with this guy and try to invest more into the process. The fact that she is not means, A: He's not all that great and she is not being completely honest, or B: If what she is saying is true, she should of known that she is not in a place to be dating, and she completely wasted this guy's time.

But she is being somewhat vague and indecisive... which means that I truly believe she should have used a better approach. Thats my only point, she could have handled this better and therefore I do not agree with it... at end of the day she said too much without saying what she really should of from the start.

[PinkRose24]

They were never dating. Heck he never even said they were friends. All he said was he confessed to his crush. A guy that went to the same highschool as me did the same thing. He added me on messenger and confessed that he liked me and asked me out. We had never even spoke during highschool. I was going through bad insomnia at the time that lasted 3 months. But I wasn't going to tell him exactly my health problems. I don't know him and it's none of his business.
He said I was super beautiful and wanted to take me to dinner. I told him he was very handsome but I wasn't looking to date at the moment. He took it well. Sometimes you just have to be respectful and I understand that sometimes it isn't the right time. I never said he should wait for me. It's okay if he dates someone else. I'm just glad he understood and was respectful and didn't jump to negative conclusions like you. You sound like people are out to get you tbh.

[DaveJord]

@PinkRose24 Right you told the truth. "You were looking date right now." That's all that need to be said. Nothing more or less.

That's literally all she had to say. All the rest wasn't nesscary... too much and not very direct. All the other stuff he doesn't need to know, and she didn't need to share.

We really are just saying thr same thing, I totally agree with you about him needing to be understanding. But she made it tougher then it need to be.

[SteveSmith1985]

It means she is not in a place (mentally/emotionally) where she is able to have a relationship right now--with anyone.

She seemed to be going out of her way to make it clear that she isn't rejecting YOU (specifically), but would reject anyone right now. She is just not in a place where she can be involved in a relationship.

Since she made such an obvious effort to stress that point... I would tend to think she probably sincerely means what she says. (In other words, I don't think she was intending to spare your feelings by giving you "an excuse")

But at the end of the day: What this means, is... your crush is not looking to become involved with you romantically. Sorry.

[whorable]

i wouldn't listen tot he other comments until you see her in a relationship with someone else. she doesn’t owe you a relationship and people go
through things that requires them to be alone and she’s honest about that. best this to do is 1) wait and be there for her. 2) be there for
her but move on 3) just move on

[Anemone978]

I would suggest moving on it sounds like a bait trap. This guy I super liked said similar shit to me but kept saying but in the future when I'm better... we can date later... or I do love you but... Its all bullshit, never wait for someone like this. If they wanted you they would be with you simple as.

[Summeroflove]

She rejected you. If she’s into you. She knows where to find you she probably either ain’t into you or taking her words at face value isn’t ready.

Move on. She was not bad to you about it. Don’t be bitter with her. You’ll find someone else

[coachTanthony]

Wow she is gassing you up knowing she isn't interested almost baiting you into chasing her. All she had to say was she's not interested but leading you on as if she is this hurt creature and maybe one day we can try is NARCCISITIC as hell.

[DizzyDesii]

How is lettin someone down easily narcissistic. I mean she shouldn't have mentioned the future thing because that is giving him false hope but damn

[coachTanthony]

@DizzyDesii Don't lie. Men want the truth not being let down easy.

[DizzyDesii]

Letting then down easy isn't lying. Its all about delivery. The girl above just threw in some extra stuff so she's probably lyin. But im not gonna say rude shit to make a guy go away. I’d prob play matchmaker just to get him off me

[coachTanthony]

@DizzyDesii You're picking a fight here. I'm not going for it. You do what is best for you. The extra shit she throws in is an outright lie. Don't F do it. That is all I'm saying. Nobody said say rude shit. come on

[DizzyDesii]

Picking a fight? Lmao dude im calm. I was saying in general that i wouldn't say rude shit to a dude that im letting down. I wasn't saying that you nor the girl above said rude shit. But i feel you think we need to be rude when letting down a guy so that we get our point across. I dont need to be rude to do so

[coachTanthony]

@DizzyDesii I never said or even came close to saying you have to be rude. You chose to add that narrative to my comment. We just want the truth. Why would giving us the truth ever be considered rude?

[DizzyDesii]

Im just referring to where i said i’d let them down easy and you said men want the truth. I then said that the lady above is probably lying. I would not lie but i’d still let him down easy. You said men dont want to be let down easy so im assuming they want the opposite which is being let down rudely

[coachTanthony]

@DizzyDesii You assume wrong. The truth will never be rude. The truth is what it is.

[DizzyDesii]

Okay but the truth can be easy. So why did you assume that it can't be? You’re the one who said “‘Men want the truth not being let down easy.” Its a 2 for 1 package lmao. I can give them both and have

[coachTanthony]

@DizzyDesii The truth is all that matters. I don't need a woman to tell me nothing is wrong with me. I know that because I understand we can't be everyone's cup of tea because thinking so is just arrogant.

[moondazed]

Isn't this possible to be in "a right person, wrong time" situation though? So, in this case why would it be a lie to tell someone "you're a great person, I'm just not in the right frame for a relationship right now?"

[coachTanthony]

@moondazed Right person wrong time is wrong person every time.

[moondazed]

I beg to differ. Sometimes, a relationship with someone you're very attracted to, or have chemistry, might not be feasible because of the timing, or external circumstances

[coachTanthony]

@moondazed 0.0000000001 that might happen that way. Life is short. People who are meant to be together usually align at the same time. Could it ever happen sure. Not likely though.

[PinkRose24]

I disagree. She might be interested and doesn't want him to get hurt or think bad about himself because she rejected his advances right now. She might be dealing with anxiety/depression or family loss. She is already feeling bad and doesn't want the way she's feeling to affect him.

[ChiTown33]

I don't know if you're right coach, it could go either way. Either way, anything other than an enthusiastic "yes" is a no. Dude took his shot. If she can't reciprocate he needs to move on. If she figures what she wants she can come find him. 🙂

[coachTanthony]

@ChiTown33 So many guys don't move on because out of "being nice" they give the impression that the door might be open down the road and that's not true. That is someone trying to be overly nice and or an A hole because they like the attention that is being given to them. Just my point of view. Not saying I'm right because nobody knows with the limited info we have been given.

[coachTanthony]

@PinkRose24 She may as well say I am dealing with some stuff please wait for me because I am interested in you. Then he can say F*** off or live inside a rom com and wait lol

[ChiTown33]

No man I agree. And even if she's truly "not sure" because of whatever she's dealing with. He deserves better! It would be no different if the roles were reversed. Which is why I said "anything other than an enthusiastic yes, is a no".

[coachTanthony]

@ChiTown33 Gotcha

[DaveJord]

@coachTanthony and @DizzyDesii I throwing my hate into the ring on this one. Because I think you both are right. Yes, she could be being honest, and yes, she could just be lying. Both are very possible... and that's the issue here. She is not being decisive enough and that in not fair to this guy... at the end of the day does she wants to date him, right? So I agree with Coachy... its disingenuous. But Desii is right as well maybe she is just trying to be nice... but the truth is that can cause more confusion and hurt then just being honest. And direct and honest does not have to be mean or hurtful either. All she had to say was

" I do not see any chance for romantic relationship us. You're a great guy that will make some other women very happy, but at this point I am not interested in pursuing a relationship."

@moondazed I totally agree that this could be a situation where it's just the right person at the wrong time. But she did not say that, and what she did say was misleading, it leaves too much open for interpretation. Last thing you want to do is give someone false hope. If this was the right man and wrong time, then she has no idea when the right time would be for her, so she should break it off clean and let this guy move forward with more peace of mind. Thats the right thing to do, because it's clear she does not want a relationship at this time and it is unclear if she would ever want to have one with him, and when if ever that will be. So don't go there or open that door just be honest.

What I totally do not agree with is that this makes her a bad person, chances are she is just confused and still hurting from a previous relationship and all out of sorts. And she probably thought she was ready to date, until she met this guy and all the hurt and pain came back.

So back to Coach's point, that kind of shitty of her and it fucked up, and there are probally all times of better things and ways she could have said it without sounding like she does.

[DaveJord]

Full disclosure... I had a woman do exactly this to me almost exactly the say type of thing. And honestly, I understood that she did not want to date me... but honestly her approach really pissed me off, because it was bullshit to me. It just was not the right approach regardless of if it was true or a lie all together... and think most guys can accept the truth and move on easier that way.

She completely wasted my time... and felt like she was jerking me around. What was honestly expecting or looking for when she accepted my date offer? Really, you accept the date, everything went well and then you pull this bullshit, and I am supposed to be understanding and appreciative that you are trying not to be mean about it. It not right, nor does it make much sense.

[coachTanthony]

@DaveJord Well explained.

[DizzyDesii]

@DaveJord very well said

[PinkRose24]

She doesn't have to tell him personal details she doesn't feel comfortable telling him. But she already said she is dealing with mental stuff. He doesn't have to wait for her. If he told her to f*** off and go live in a rom com she would be dodging a huge bullet. He's lack of empathy would show... narcissistic and psychopathic response. When he can just simply move on.

[coachTanthony]

@PinkRose24 If he told her to F off and told her to go live in a rom she would be dodging a bullet. I agree not sure where you got that from. Only can assume you misread.

[PinkRose24]

"She may as well say I am dealing with some stuff please wait for me because I am interested in you. Then he can say F*** off or live inside a rom com and wait lol"

[coachTanthony]

@PinkRose24 Yes he can live inside a rom com and wait for her. Which for god sakes he doesn't.

[PinkRose24]

Oh I thought u meant he'll tell her to live in a rom com

[PinkRose24]

Why would he tell her to f off though?

[PinkRose24]

Or is he talking himself again?

[coachTanthony]

@PinkRose24 Sorry yes he is just talking to himself.

[AviatorTom]

She's telling you, in a nice way, that she's not the right girl for you. Enjoy finding another girl.

[OlderAndWiser]

Could be the truth, could be an excuse crafted to spare your feelings.

[OlderAndWiser]

Now you know that it was an excuse.

[ShadezMcgee]

Leave the door open with "all right, well I am interested in being more than friends. If you change your mind, give me a call." and let her make the decision. Do not continue to pursue her. Do not reach out to her AT ALL. Talk to and date other women in the meantime. One of two things will happen.

1.) She will come back to you in time because your were direct and assertive with what you want with her, provided you don't pester her from here on out. You can give it a go and see if you guys work out if she comes through on her end.

2.) She eventually gets in a relationship with someone else.

Either way, you win. Your time isn't wasted and you are not going to be too attached to the outcome.

Be mindful she can be blowing sunshine up your ass with what she said here. Don't focus on it, but don't take her words at face value. The two possibilities above will let you know where you stand with her.

[mobiusforniner]

First, good on you for developing the courage to tell her how you feel. Too many men dont know how to do this and get stringed along only to find out she was never interested in that way.

Her response is a kind way of letting you down. Does it means it can never be? Not necessarily, but sounds like she has her own shit to work out. If you do in fact truly love her, recognize love means liberation and freedom, and you let her go. If she's yours, she will remember you, and when she's ready, you will know.

[Purpleronnie]

This is simple , she just isn’t that into you. She is fluffing it up to make it seem more about where she is at and not about you. When she sees you with another girl though that is the acid test. I’m my opinion that’s when she will change her mind

[jennygoldie_04]

I would just take her answer as she isn't ready for a relationship as she stated and move on. I have experienced hanging onto a guy I had a crush on and it was very exhausting and ended up just hurting my heart more. Move on and know that there are plenty of other amazing women out there for you.

[SphynxUK]

She sounds young and not able to be completely truthful with you. She doesn’t see you the same way you do her and she’s trying to let you down gently.

[Rockstarrrrr]

She's not ready for a relationship and stuff right now... I guess you just gotta believe her until she proves otherwise.. Like dating someone shortly after telling you that...

[Sasha0426]

I know how she feels. It means she’s afraid how she’ll turn out and you’ll regret your decision of ever being with her. She’s trying to protect you from getting hurt.

[CrazyGirl2]

It’s pretty clear that she is not interested in dating you, at least not right now.

[Levin]

I bet crazy girl has sent a few messages like that, to get rid of all those myriad pesky fellows trying to get with her.

[CrazyGirl2]

@Levin While yes, I have had to tell quite a few guys on here that I have absolutely no romantic interest in them, I have never used my “mental state” as a reason why. I am always clear that i would never date any man that I met online. The name “Crazy Girl” was just a nickname I got in middle school when I broke up with the cutest boy in school. Turns out he was a sadistic a-hole who loved picking on smaller, weaker boys. That was SO not okay with me, that I told him if he didn’t stop, I would break-up with him. Obviously he didn’t stop! One of my friends, upon hearing that I ended it with him, said “You broke-up with that beautiful white boy? You crazy girl, crazy!” We all laughed at that so hard, the nickname just kinda stuck!
You seem like a nice guy, don’t waste your time on women who lack the mental or emotional strength or maturity to either be honest with you, or date you without worrying about their mental health.

[exitseven]

Let's face it, rejection always sucks. I give you ten points for having the guts to try. You should feel good about that

[KathrynTaylor]

She fears commitment and getting hurt again.

[tonamimargaux]

This all BS story people give as excuses, she’s not interested that’s it. Try to move on & keep your options open.

[DizzyDesii]

Hey she let you down easily although she lyin like fck 😂. More people should respect that

[DancingQueen16]

To me it sounds like she's unsure about her feelings towards you

[tfan1]

Pull the ejection handle and bail out. There’s plenty of women who are better. 👍🙂

[Twalli]

Either she doesn't like you, but likes the validation you bring about liking her, or she has no interest in dating anyone now.

[Anonymous]

She's not interested and letting you down nicely.

Sounds like she's also got her own things that she's working on but this is secondary.

[Guy13]

She’s out. None-on.

[Guy13]

Move-on…sorry for miskey. She’s not even Friends ready now. Give her until mid January 15th and text Hello.

[DizzyDesii]

January 15th is too soon. If she's being honest and likes him back but isn't ready then he should move on and come back like March.

[Guy13]

@DizzyDesii Guys brain don't remember that long. you are definitely Woman... every little detail from 8 years ago.
I would be like you are who. I can't find you in my text list. Spell your name for me please?

We're talking 2022 ?, RIGHT?

[DizzyDesii]

Omg i just laughed so hard 😂

[DizzyDesii]

This explains why guys will hit on me again in the same year and never remember that we’ve already been through the “not interested” portion. I be telling dudes who they are before they even remember who they were. Imm like “didnt you date that girl with 2 kids? At least thats what you told me 8 months ago” 😂

[Guy13]

@DizzyDesii It probably more to do with a different one of your many Multiple Personalities coming out... must be a different person. She smells familiar but nah, that's not who I am thinking about !!!

[DizzyDesii]

I dont have many personalities. I just know when to be naughty and when to be nice

[Guy13]

@DizzyDesii You must not have been Naughty because no one in their right mind, after viewing some of your group dance videos, would forget you.

[DizzyDesii]

My group dance videos? Lmao you definitely forgot me because i ain't made a dance video since 2nd grade ballet 😂

[Guy13]

@DizzyDesii It might have just been you but you were moving and grooving so fast that I was getting Dizzy.

[DizzyDesii]

I post random gifs of girls dancing because im dancing like them in that moment but i have never posted a gif nor vid of myself dancin on here 💀

[Guy13]

@DizzyDesii Okay... that's what it was. There went my fantasy Grl ;-)

[LiamJHayden]

Translation: I'm not into you, but please keep showering me with attention and validation.

[Anonymous]

It’s not you it’s her type of answer but if you were a hot looking guy her answer would be different

[KrakenAttackin]

"Confessed to your crush", sorry bro but you just permanently condemned yourself to the friend zone.

[Adaeva]

It means you don't measure up to he expectations.

[spartan55]

Nice spin job on her part.

[Account]

Long story short : She ain't feeling it.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

She's just not into you, mate. It happens.

[Anonymous]

What is so hard to understand here?

[KrakenAttackin]

Because I am sure she has been warm/cold, leading him on, using him as an emotional tampon.

[msc545]

you have been friend zoned

[BCA6010]

It means no.

[kools234]

Never confess to your crush

[kools234]

You should have made a move, if she wasn’t feeling then say get in touch when you get the time. Then move about your day and when she contacts you make the move and build attraction