Girlfriend said i’m neglecting her but I don’t think I am?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend says I have been neglecting her but I don’t think that’s the case. I have been sleeping a lot for some reason and when I’m awake I mostly play games with my buddies. She wants to meet up at least once a week but fridays/weekends are the only days she’s available because of her new job. Unfortunately, those are the days where I play long matches with them so I don’t have time for it. She also wants to text me daily, which I do, but it’s mostly just hi and hello’s cause I’ve been asleep often. Today I woke up with a few missed calls and a long text message from her where she asked for more attention and that I was neglecting her. Am I? I apologized briefly for making her upset and she said she was slowly getting used to being neglected by me. What am I supposed to do?

[AmandaYVR]

You can play video games with your online buddies, but you can't prioritize these internet people over your irl girlfriend if there's a conflict in times available. That's the key. Sure, maybe your online buddies don't work on the weekends, and you all prefer to play then? But you can actually play at all other times (which you probably do.) Work is necessity and gaming is not, therefore your girlfriend's schedule of availability takes precedence.

As far as texting goes: Everyone has different preferences on this, and how much contact they want, and in what detail. Everyone's just got to work this out, find some common middle ground semi-acceptable to both. I am not of the belief that just because she sends out a ping, that means you must respond. She also has to recognize your otherness (and that you may be sleeping.) "Hey what's up?" is not breaking news. That person could just be bored, or addicted to their phone or the internet (just as you are to playing video games), or leans toward being paranoid and always wants to be in the know about their partner.

But you do have to put in more effort if you want her, and want a relationship.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

There’s nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to unwind, but it definitely sounds like you’ve been neglecting her without meaning to. You haven’t met up with her often, the talks become stale, and I have no doubt that while there’s a part of you that’s become used to your routine, she’s been hating how she’s felt left out of your life.


I would probably suggest doing the long matches bi-weekly rather than every week. Meet up with her for a date instead and spend time with her. It may not be the same as your games, but you wouldn’t have her as your girlfriend if you didn’t enjoy her company, right? Relationships involve a lot of compromises in order to make sure the person that makes us happy is happy too. She needs to see that you want to spend time with her, knowing you want this doesn’t mean she knows when she doesn’t see any effort put in on your part.

[WindAtMyBack]

"fridays/weekends are the only days she’s available because of her new job. Unfortunately, those are the days where I play long matches with them"

You have to make a choice. If you are going to have a girlfriend then you have to spend time with her. She has to come before your game playing and buddies. If you want to play games instead of spending time with her, then fine. But don't expect her to be a girlfriend for long.

"She wants to meet up at least once a week"

This is completely reasonable. Once a week is not much at all. If you don't want to spend time with her, then break up so she can find a real boyfriend.

So yes, you are neglecting her very badly.

[AviatorTom]

If she says you're neglecting her, that's what's important, not what you think.

Your "excuses" about paying games with your buddies are proof that you are neglecting her. Maybe you should consider less time with your buddies and more time with her.

[Guy13]

She says you are then you are and she’s about to cheat or leave you.

[Asker]

I have been busy with my RPG! I already say Hi to her daily, isn’t that enough?

[Guy13]

Not unless you want to be single. Playing second, while a self-absorbed boy does something else, is not on the long-term survival list of activities. WAIT MINUTE, let me pull up the Woman Survival Manual….

Yep, I was right BUT there was a -6-8 Sunflowers 🌻 🌻🌻🌻🌻 from trader Joe’s and cylindrical clear vase from Michael’s for under 30.00. Further directions state place on table in kitchen, turn off phone, act like you don’t/didn’t want anything in exchange, shut-up, soft eyes 👀, gentle touch on cheek, > than 3 minute hug, and prepare for 💋 🍆. There’s an asterisk too.

***make sure pubic hair is groomed as not to be dental 🦷 🦷🦷🦷 floss and 🍑 is clean.

[nitsuj86]

Sounds like it to me.

I get it, I like to game. But most women hate it. You say that she works all these other days, and on the days she is off, you choose to game with your friends. I'd be pissed too.

You could easily do that one of the days that she is working, and you don't see each other. You have to meet her halfway at least if you really like her.

The texting thing, eh. I get that, I hate texting, and there isn't much to say during the day when you are actually working.

I would try giving her more attention, but honestly, it sounds like you don't really give a fuck, or you would have already done it / not needed a bunch of strangers on the internet to tell you to spend time with your girlfriend.

[lightbulb27]

relationship means setting priorities and compromise. She should be a priority to communicate with. It means letting go of some things you like to do to spend time with the other person. You should have time for yourself thoug and your friends, balance is essential.

So what you do is you spend time with your girlfriend on fri/sat/sun whenever, talking in person ideally and you work out a plan that works for both.

Also you stop playing video games so much unless yo plan to make big $ in it, messes up sleep cycles playing late.

Either way, it's time for change.

If you don't deal with this well, then your relationship is toast! Maybe that's what you want...

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Based on what you wrote, it sounds like your time management skills need to be worked on. You say you’re sleeping a lot, and when you’re not sleeping you’re playing games with your friends. She has a job. Her free time is limited. Do you work as well? Your post doesn’t indicate that you do, so I assume you have all the free time in the world. Foregoing the online games on the weekend and meeting up with your girlfriend is a very reasonable request. Same with texting every day. Your girlfriend wants nothing more than to spend time with you. That’s sounds like something worth making some sacrifices for. Good luck!

[magiusX26]

simple, short, and blunt. yes you are neglecting her. this is coming frim a fellow gamer. i get the gaming aspect very well but if your online gaming buddies can't see why you have a need ti not soend as much time with them, then they are not real friends. its not like she's asking you to spend every waking hour with her but from your own eords its more like she's asking for more than only 1 hour a day. if you can not learn to better manage your time yo include her (a relationship) then you are not adult enough for such a relationship.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Geez dude, I can't defend you because you just admitted to why she feels neglected. That's why women feel iffy about gamers.

You sit on your ass for hours for 3 days straight playing video games meaning you're actually doing nothing with your free time besides wasting it. How about you free up time from that stupid ass game and spend time with your whiny girlfriend so she can be satisfied. I know you miss her, but stop being an idiot, because you really are choosing to neglect her. The video game will always be there. At least make sure you have a stable relationship.. what's the whole point of you being in a relationship if you're being too lazy to compromise.

So yea you're choosing to be negligent. Use your common sense. Get a second controller and buy a few two player games and play with or at least go out. Please for once, stop being a moron and tend to the relationship you actively choose to be in. There is no reason for you to be doing that crap

[pinkflamingo92]

So my first love this was a big problem… not for him but for me because when it came down to it I was always 2nd to his game and buddies… honestly he just wanted to have fun and live carefree life and I wanted to be serious… wish he would have been honest and told me he just wanted to do his own thing that way I could have moved on sooner… if she’s not a priority in your life let her go… it may hurt a bit but don’t leave her feeling less than or unimportant…

[ShadezMcgee]

Yeah, you are. All she is saying she wants to see you and on those days she has off you are too. You mean you can't spare a day to see her once a week? That's all she wants. She wants to know you care and the fact you are blowing her off to play video games with your friends all the time isn't helping your cause.

Don't give up your hobbies, but you need to make time for her and continue dating her properlynor else she will dump your ass.

[petitedollbabee]

Sounds like you prioritise gaming over spending time with her. You could play your games literally every other day that she’s working. Yet you do it when she has time off and wants to spend it with you, and you blow her off. How do you expect to keep a relationship when you’re putting in 0 effort or time. I hope she finds someone else who will appreciate her and make her a priority.

[tonamimargaux]

Dude are you even in a relationship? Sounds like you’re not. Or are you depressed that you are sleeping so much or just like my brother who got dumped because of his neglecting behaviour just like you and is crying about like a baby? Fix your issues or be prepared to lose her!

[JustinTheGreat]

lol is this a troll? You’re admitting that you’d rather play video games with your friends than see her ONCE a week and you’re confused how she feels neglected?

Be fucking for real lol

if you can’t find the time within your “busy” schedule to see your girlfriend at least a couple times a week, do you even have feelings for her?

[Twalli]

If you never meet up with her because you planned other things on those days, choose her or those things. That's what being in a relationship is like. You can't do EVERYTHING you like and want all the time if it negatively affects her, which it is. It also doesn't matter if you don't feel like you are neglecting her, she does, so you are as far as the relationship is concerned. If you don't think porn is cheating, but she does, every time you watch it, you are cheating.

[Bananas83]

There comes a time where the video game play needs to be cut back. Relationships are about sacrifice and commitment. Sounds like to me. You could stand to cut back on the video game play to hang out with her. She sounds very interested in you, but to me it sounds like you aren't all that interested in her. It sounds very much like you want her around for convenience only and that's not cool. Either sacrifice some of your video game time and hang with out with her or lose her altogether.

[dustybiker]

It sounds like you are over her? Maybe time to be honest about it? Don’t lead her on. Nobody deserves that.

[Asker]

No, I love her a lot. She means a lot to me.

[dustybiker]

Okay. Tell her that.

[Gent207-2]

Dude you are not speaking her love language i. e Quality Time

You got 24 hours in a day shave some time off for her or lose her forever.

[SweetTwistedSatanist]

That does sound like neglect. The time where you two can be together you Choose the bros. I don't think there will be a difference if you two were just friends. It'd still be "hi goodnight" , you treat her as some friend, not a girlfriend.

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah, you're definitely neglecting her. You shouldn't be prioritizing your friends during her days off.

[dreamstar72]

By what you wrote I thing she cut you off and find someone else.

[boobliker]

ask what she wants from you sometimes it is a very small thing that upsets them.

like the milk not put back in the F

[LiamJHayden]

If she thinks you are, your arguments are not really relevant. And frankly it does sound like she is low priority in your life.