Is it normal to be harsher and distrustful after a certain age?

[Anonymous]

For instance if a man were to dedicate a romantic poem or love song to me, that wouldn't faze me at all. I wouldn't care one bit about that. Nowadays just words mean nothing to me. Just a verbal agreement means little to me. I'm harder to get impressed and not very trusting to others.

What would get me would be seeing actions with my own eyes. I'll give an analogy as an example. For instance if he says ''I'll bring you the most valuable item my princess, my love, my everything (or whatever nickname he uses on me)''

This would be my reply ''Don't say it, just do it''.

Any man that asks me for money will obviously be discarded even as a friend. I've already dealt with that and got scammed. I used to be naive long ago and it takes someone to ruin it for other genuine people out there. Now whatever worked for me long ago isn't going to work this time. Is it normal to become harsher and distrustful after certain age?

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Lastly, a man calling me ''my future wife, oh my beautiful wife'' would nowadays be an insult to me if there isn't even an engagement ring, along with date and invitations. Only a fiance that proposes can call me his future wife.

[Anonymous]

All I can tell you is that a bitter attitude will drastically decrease the amount of positive experiences you'll have, and in turn, you'll become more and more bitter. It's a vicious cycle.

I know, I've been there many times. The best thing to do is to take a step back and realize that mistreatment and downright abuse are part of the human condition, but that doesn't mean it's the status quo.
You don't need a defense mechanism agaisnt something that shouldn't even affect you if you view the world through a different lens.

Someone on here could call me an idiot and tell me to shut the fuck up, but that doesn't mean I should start being rude to everyone just because one asshole was having a bad day and decided to take it out on me

[Asker]

I actually have a meeting with my psychologist on the 27th. Just right now someone else tried lovebombing me with ''I love you'' again and then suddenly asking me to remove my top. I blocked him immediately. Omg when will this ever end? I feel as if I can't take it anymore and sometimes feel like giving up on love, on commitment, on men.

[Opinion Owner]

By no means can I take the place of your psychologist, but I can say that some (lower quality) men are like that to all women. There's no changing them, because they don't care.
But not all men are are desperate and horny. There's a lot of us who respect a woman's boundaries and know not to take it too far too soon.

I hope you'll give men another chance and meet a guy who knows how to treat a woman. There's a lot out there. Don't let those incels tarnish your view on men as a whole.

[Zbrody1997]

I’m 25 and have reached the point it takes a lot for me to trust a woman’s feeling due to them being the female version of fuck bois so no I’d say it’s normal when all you’ve known are users and abusers which is a shame because when that one person who’s actually gonna do you right comes into your life they have to deal with that and I know it’s not easy

[Asker]

It's indeed rotten people that ruined it for the good, genuine ones out there. For instance I'm never ever going to let anyone borrow money from me nor ever believe anyone that says ''I'll pay you back''. My ex boyfriend never returned my money.
Maybe there are certain kind people that indeed will return your money but no way I'm going to be that giving and trusting again. In some way, I feel that once sweet girl that trusted easily, believed in love, believing the person wouldn't fail me is long gone now.
I swear if I hear one more time the lines ''You're the love of my life, my beautiful wife'' or ''One day you'll have kids'' I'm going to blow up. Nowadays I immediately associate those line similar to scamming telemarketers or those that say ''you won the lottery, you're a lucky winner''. My reply to a man nowadays telling me that would be ''ok, yeah right.. that's what they all say, bye''.

[Zbrody1997]

However that’s where you must understand love is a gamble and if you want to make progress you have to give the things you least want to give like trust and having it returned with proper reassurance, honesty and integrity. Something hard to come by but it does exist.

[Asker]

Just now another faker, lovebomber was texting ''I love you'' and we haven't even met in person. This doesn't stop does it? I feel like I'm going crazy to be honest.

[Anonymous]

It’s what a man does, not what he says.


However, guys will disagree with this.
You are not alone on this one..

[Asker]

I go by that nowadays. I'm sick of tired of the getting ''I love you''. It's getting too old and boring by now.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes 🙌 follow your instincts 😂

[Guy13]

Yes once one get crushed by that first love then tortoise shell begins to form.

[Asker]

Yeah and on top of that, I'm not in the mood for dates and getting lovebombed with flowers or worthless words. I feel as if I should be at a different stage in life. I feel as if I should be at home with kids, worrying about taking them to school, helping paying the bills, that type of life.
Instead I'm childless and feel too old for dates, for that whole process of going to the movies, having fun, all over start. I feel old for all that.

[Asker]

I'm feel bored and tired of all that process. I feel as if the whole dating process and youthful love, enjoying the infatutation period is for younger people that don't want kids yet.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are borderline bitter or experienced, so make sure you stay on the experienced side. Do words matter? Yes.. because they set up future expectations. But as you know when actions don’t match those expectations it’s all BS.


Do you want to trust and love?

[Asker]

Off course I'm looking for commitment, kids, trust and love. I'm just tried of lovebombers that say words and no actions, tried of liars, tried of scammers promising eternal love, etc.

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh well ya in that case you have become almost immune to the bullshit people say before dating. Mostly online and before taking the actions of meeting you and dating you. You probably have heard it all at this point?

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way when guys call me “my future wife” I just assume they are drunk ;)

[Asker]

My own ex boyfriend (the first) whom I've known for years scammed me with money. We were in a relationship for a year and then it became long distance when I had to return to my country. I lost $1,300. He used my money on other women and who knows what else.

[BarryLiverstone]

$1,300 lesson. Better than still having him in your life. Also you learned that long distance is not worth it.

[Asker]

yes I've blocked that scammer on all my pages. I hate it when men use the ''marriage and kids'' line (''Oh my beautiful wife, oh one day we'll have kids'') on us. Yeah several men know that's what most of us want after all so that's where they want to catch us with. Otherwise if they just said ''I'm only looking for a sexual relationship to have fun with but no marriage, no commitment with it, just dating and being my forever girlfriend'' then chances as no woman that wants marriage would go for that deal. That would just be a friends with benefits arrangement.

[BarryLiverstone]

Guys use the marriage and kids Line because it works. Many guys do want marriage and kids in the future. But within the first year of dating someone that kinda hope should not be practical but seen as dreams

[BarryLiverstone]

Not many say “forever girlfriend” as that’s too easy to spot. But saying “let’s just be together and see what the future holds” is kinda the same expectation

[Asker]

and then he keeps stalling for years, knows he'll doesn't want to marry her and never will but stays like a coward instead of setting her free

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ll push back on that by saying she isn’t trapped. Sure if he says he is in love and she trusts him then she will be patient and understanding. But she can’t just wait for years; if she wants to get married and he doesn’t take action then in my opinion she should leave and let him know she’s not waiting any more

[BarryLiverstone]

Is she allowed to ask him if he wants to get married?

[Asker]

yes she can ask him and it's highly likelihood he'll continue stalling and say things like ''off course I want marriage, don't worry, it'll happen soon, blah, blah, blah'' and the he feeds her dreams and hopes about it, keeping her dreaming and waiting.

[Asker]

true she has to leave eventually, just being in love isn't going to do anything if words aren't being met with actions

[BarryLiverstone]

By then she will know him well enough to understand what his words mean. By then if he says he wants to get married and don’t worry; she will know it’s like him saying he wants another dream and she sees he doesn’t take action

[OfMiceandMen]

I think women who have been mistreated become desensitized to men and are distrustful in their 30's. Can't really blame them, I would be the same way.

[Asker]

Exactly. On top of that I just feel too bored and tired of the whole dating process, of the fresh infatuation stage, of the going to the movies holding hands with your boyfriend, all that youthful things for younger people that don't want kids yet.
Even though physically I have a babyface and extended youthful looks (lucky in the genes), it doesn't take away the fact that I'm already 35 and mentally feel as if I should already be at a different stage in life. Ideally, by now I should've been helping an spouse with the bills, organizing my kids' homework, taking them to school, saving saving for their future education, etc.
Yet I'm still childless.

[OfMiceandMen]

True, but you can't let other guys short comings make you less inviting to other guys. I would not stand for BS myself, but you can't lump what past experience has taught you on one individual. Some guys don't understand what you have been through and they may just genuinely want to get to know you. But the fear of pissing you off even more could keep a great guy from getting to know you.

[Asker]

I actually have an appointment with my psychologist on the 27th. It's been a while since I haven't updated her.
It gets too old whenever a guy says ''I love you'' too fast or just yesterday, two of them were already saying ''I love you'' and we never even met. Obviously lovebombers. I hate hearing the word getting thrown out randomly. Anyone can say I love you, big deal.

[lottiebannotie]

Probably depends on your life experience and what you perceive as your level of entitlement

[Asker]

I'm not entitled. I'm just tired of too much BS, tired of liars, tired of future fakers, tired of people wasting my time, etc.

[lottiebannotie]

Exactly your life experience I feel you

[Anonymous]

You mean jaded? Yes, it is.

[Asker]

yeah I'm bored and tired of starting the whole dating process again, stuck at dating at this point. I feel as if my life should be taking care of kids, helping with the bills, taking the kids to school, continue working to provide for their future, that type of lifestyle... not be childless and stuck at dating. I feel too old for all that.