Should I tell my husband about my disease or keep it to myself?

Question

Lately I’ve been feeling ill and my health is not as I used to. I went to my doctor and she did so many blood tests and turned out that I have inactive glands. She gave me medicines and new diet routine to follow for a month to reactive it. She said it is serious matter and advised me to urgently visit her again after 1 month to redo the tests again and make sure everything is back to normal. My husband’s been sus about my sudden life change and I still didn’t tell him because I see it’s not big deal and I don’t want worry him as he has enough pressure. Yet I still don’t know, what do you think?

Guy13 · Accepted Answer

Often. relationship is the best in health crisis or trauma and I would hate for you to miss that depth of relational knowing. And there is really no choice since you have to explain what the deals is with your behavior because our first thought is she's F-ing someone else.

This is the medical diagnosis and I have no idea what it means besides its effects on me in daily life... Have a thorough and time-consuming Saturday throughout the day talk and questions on tough subjects and make it clear that its fine to do so.

You may be missing Man-Up and "Fix It" in a way that is unknown to you. In whatever way he does that kind of thing

What are you going to do if you come home and he's got this 3 hole punched notebook for you from Duke University Medical Center,, Mayo Clinic, Hopkins, Harvard, American Medical Association studies on topic OR websites or whatever learning thing that could even be done together or whatever.

House/Life Responsibility change flowchart or whatever thought out without discussion.

It's a process and adjustment and above does not always come out in some magnificent or orderly way...

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Oh wow. Definitely tell him! I mean... he's your husband. He wants to know this. He would be extremely hurt (and probably super confused) to find out that you kept this from him. It's... a pretty big deal to keep this from him. Telling him is really the only right thing to do here. There is zero good reason to keep this from him. It's a weird "betrayal by omission" to keep this from him. It's... really not right. Like REALLY not right not to share this with him. Please do share this with him. He wants you to.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Agree with everyone else. Tell him. The main reason that stands out to me is that health can suddenly take a turn for the worse. Accidents happen. People do die. Your situation is different, but you owe him the respect to have time to process this. Things may get better or worse, and if it happened to be worse (god forbid) you would actually be making it harder on him if he was blindsided by that.

You are not selfish. You are thinking of him and his comfort and stress first. But this is something important, not trivial, and you don't actually know if it will affect your lives. He's your partner and confidante and your decisions should be made together.

SecretsofKB · Accepted Answer

I'm not even married yet and I tell my fiancee when my stomach doesn't feel good... Honestly, any health issue should be shared with your partner. Keeping this from him will end badly when he finds out.

SnowedIn · Answer

YES. End of discussion. Tell him. He's your husband. You two live with this and deal with this together.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

If you have the potential to have a bad reaction to the medication or other medications as a result of your condition, don't you think it would be beneficial for him to know?

Heaven forbid, if you are incapacitated at all in an accident, he may need to tell the first responders about your condition to be sure they don't give you medication that could worsen your condition.

I think you should consider telling him. I know if it were me and something happen to my wife bc she had a bad reaction, it would break my heart she didn't tell me, and I would never forgive myself if I could have known and potentially saved her from something fatal.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I was going to say ask my friends... but they're dead. They died and I'm still alive wishing I was dead. It's a part of life... just roll with it and go out like a champ. Trust me, nobody in this damp dirty world will give a shit when you go except those that are closest to you... so try to be honest with them at least... maybe... good chance to troll them though with dying and shit, but if that's not your goal... don't be like me and try to troll people with a suddenly died. 😂 Or be like me and not give a fuck.

Walt832 · Answer

Is your husband 🤷‍♂️. He knows from left to right, with and without. So why hide it from him? Specially diets recommendations and medical procedures. He will understand and make adjustments on food to help you with your health to improve. I would help if I had a wife at the sametime we both helping each other for healthy life. 🙂.

Sit down calmly and talk to him calmly. Never keep it to yourself.

Is sad, painful and mad for a man that love his wife for so many years next thing you know. Doctors tell him is been there for x amount of years it has advanced. The first thing he would think I could of help her on procedures to save her in early stages. Secondly understand she hide it from me because didn't want me to be worried. Thirdly this could've been resolved. Now who is suffering.

So please don't hide it.

Anonymous · Answer

Meanwhile in reality you are not telling him because you are enjoying clinging to the fantasy that everything will turn out to be fine a month from now and you dont want to tell him because that would make it real.

You certainly aren't doing him or your relationship any favours by shutting him out, he isn't stupid you already know that he already knows that something is wrong and now in addition to this he knows he is being shut out what he doesn't know is why and not knowing why is more stressful, relationship damaging etc than any truth.

JJ092003 · Answer

You definitely need to tell him. It's unfair to deny him the chance to take appropriate action to help you out.

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

Of course you should tell him. I don’t understand keeping a major health issue a secret from your husband. He should have some idea what is going on with you. It’s not a good idea to project your feelings (”he’s under too much pressure”) onto him. Tell the truth and allow him to react however he needs to and, hopefully, support you.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Definitey tell him, this isn't a you thing, it's a "we" thing.

At one point I had troubles with glands, specifically adrenal burnout. That's stress related and diet. I went to naturopath and got better after some time. If you don't like the meds she is giving or advice, seek around.

I guarantee life changes several times, about every 10 years, so this is part of recognizing it's time for change.

TrueConfection · Answer

I can understand your dilemma. I don't tell my husband much about my health either. Men tend to want to fix things and they get frustrated if they can't fix it.

I have felt guilty about keeping some things secret, but it's just not worth the stress for both of us. I guess you need to make that decision based on his reactions.

cryscrys1 · Answer

Good news is it can be treated. But It’s important you feel healthy and ready to fight this disease. Disease is something we can’t control. Even your husband can get sick too. It’s not like he is an iron men and never gets sick and ‘oh my god how dare you ‘😀
So yeah let him know. It’s better he knows so you can share your worries easily with him also if you have suddenly side effects as weakness he doesn’t have to wonder what’s wrong because he knows what’s wrong..

Hated1000 · Answer

I feel you do need to tell him the truth. I understand you don't want him worrying but your changes in life can give the impression to someone that they may be cheating, plus he is your husband. Isn't part of being married is to always be open and honest and communicate with eachother about things?

What happens if something happens to you like if you pass out and he needs to call an ambulance? He won't be able to advise the call operator of what could be happening, because he won't have a clue and that could possibly risk delays in you getting the help you may need if something does happen.

SaoirseS · Answer

Absolutely, yes, you should tell him. You're married. "I don't want him to worry" isn't a good reason not to. Bad news, or news that will ultimately affect the whole family isn't like wine, it doesn't get better with age. If he were diagnosed with a condition, wouldn't you want to know?

Nik1hil · Answer

Just tell him!..

Lightly.. Not seriously!..

He is your other half!..

Imagine if Eyes saw a Lion or Wolf ready to attack you! ..

Brain understood! You need to Run, but Brain didn't tell legs to Run!.

When you die, legs will feel betrayed that, brain didn't inform them

Laviedemoi · Answer

You must tell him, you guys share a life and with his support you may get over with your health issues. Besides he has right to do learn this, If something turns way worse and then he will learn accidentally. Just he will learn that desease by chance but not from you. It would be the worst thing for him.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him! WTF!

Thats your family member now. Your safespace. Wtf? If you start hiding random stuff from him your gonna look sus and like a traitor regardless of what it is you do.

You aren’t even cheating on him or anything but you’re still breaking that trust. 🤦🏻‍♀️ @misshope

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Just tell him. Plain.

Tell him what it is. Which doctor you are working with. And the potential consequences if it is not successful and successful both.

He is more likely to think logically and not meddle in your job.

RavVid · Answer

Inactive glands is a broad non-medical description but no reason to be more specific here.

I think you should be open and honest with him - he has a right to know about his wife's health issues and do whatever he can to help.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

You should definitely tell him, being blindsided isn't nice plus I'm sure it will be a load off your shoulders.

Stress from other things should never prevent you from telling your partner what is going on in your life.

BCRanger10 · Answer

It  IS  a big deal! If your doctor says it's serious, then you need to tell your husband about it. He has the right to know!

Flower7 · Answer

Yes, let him know so he won’t possibly start suspecting that you’re up to no good. This is also a big issue that should be shared with him since the two of you are a couple.

KaitlynH · Answer

You have to tell him!! Dealing with such things is not easy to go through alone, he is your husband and I’m sure he’ll support you through this. Tell him

Miristheiss · Answer

What an unhealthy marriage and relationship that you'd HIDE an illness you have.  Are you seriously considering not sharing with your spouse?

Anonymous · Answer

i find it weird how you don't tell your own husband little things throughout your day... or your thoughts... or if your body is bothering you... and this is a BIG thing. very weird dynamic... you sound like a single person.

spartan55 · Answer

Tell him. Wth is wrong with you? If I were your husband and I found out you hid an illness from me that would be divorceable.

abc3643 · Answer

He needs to know. At an instinctive level, a man always wants to know the status and health of his family in case he needs to act.

burlen · Answer

What is the point of being in a marriage and not being transparent with your spouse on an extremely important health matter?

CreatingWonders · Answer

Are you sure you’re in love with each other?

Hiding something from your partner is an awful thing to do.

If you died he’d wonder why you didn’t tell him and he’d feel betrayed and hurt.

Tell him.

exitseven · Answer

Of course you need to tell him. He needs to know. It would be much better if you told him now than if he found out later.

Anonymous · Answer

Couples should not have anything to hide from each other.

RockyHammock · Answer

Yeah, you should tell him. You both have vowed to eachother to form a union in sickness and health. Regardless of what happens down the road, he should know now.

Fuentes · Answer

I'm surprised you were able to get married and hide a diesease like that especially if it's one that affects your immune system hope u get better and I think u should let him know. Not like he's gonna judge y'all if your married

Fireguy17 · Answer

you need to tell him. That is information you need to share with him, so he understands what is going on with you.

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely tell him. He needs to know since he is your husband.  By "inactive glands", which glands is your doctor referring to?

LazerBean · Answer

Well yeah, I can't even fathom why this is a question.

zzzondarrr · Answer

What kind of a marriage would that be if u would keep sth so serious a secret?  Openness and sincerity are maybe the most important prerequisites for love.

Sasha0426 · Answer

You can’t keep this from him forever. Might as well just tell him. I mean, he’s your husband. How would you feel if he kept something serious like this from you?

HighValue · Answer

I think a couple has an obligation to keep each other informed about their health.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Why on Earth would you ever not mention something like that?

altaboy · Answer

Tell him. This is why you get married. You should not have to shoulder this by yourself if he is your partner.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

You should tell him. Imagine if he kept something from you healthwise. That's really dishonest.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes we need to process things on our own. It’s hard to process and grieve our own things when we are helping other process it too. You probably just need some time to go through this on your own. Hang in their :)

Sparkie460 · Answer

You should definitely tell him about your illness. He's your husband, he needs to know. That's not something you should keep to yourself.

Twalli · Answer

Maybe tell him what it is, but it isn't a big deal and you're handling it so he doesn't need to worry.

SunnyRS · Answer

I think you should, if he were in your place and you were in his, you would want to know what happened to him.

Kinkyhubby · Answer

He needs to know, he is your husband. This should not be a secret

LemiaOfThunder · Answer

I think he would like to know what effecting you

wtfhunt · Answer

Be honest with him if he truly loves you he should without a doubt support you especially when you need him the most!!

Anonymous · Answer

Real simple way to answer this. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and he was doing this?

mathew1543 · Answer

People in relationship even share the smallest thing. Not sure how is your relationship

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Definitely tell him. He has a right to know.  Get well soon.

mermaidHeather · Answer

It's better to tell him so he can help you I'm sorry to hear this

Prince_09 · Answer

It's better to share with me. I hope helps you mentally

mark000h · Answer

Withholding is lying.

sheenagwapa · Answer

depends on what kind of husband you have

Angelo75 · Answer

Tell him. Just tell him.

es20490446e · Answer

Obviously tell.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I think you should tell him.

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes, of course tell him

Zayed_ · Answer

You should tell him.

shortster · Answer

Yes you should tell him.

Should I tell my husband about my disease or keep it to myself?

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Should I tell my husband about this or I should just keep my mouth shut?

Should I tell my husband about my disease or keep it to myself?

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