When is the best to tell my boyfriend the truth about my condition?

[Anonymous]

We've been together for 2 years now, loved each other and have talked about the future and the following plans lately. Our latest conversations included about kids. I started crying and locked myself in my room. When he asked what was wrong, I excused it with being overwhelmed with work and other family issues that he's aware of.

The real issue with me is infantile uterus, which I've known for years before we even met. My uterus never developed property to its full size past puberty and any attempted pregnancy will likely lead to miscarriage after miscarriage, unlikely that I'll be able to carry full term. Only my parents know about my condition. No else knows. When do I tell him?

From a man's opinion, when would you like to know about this? Know that even at a young age, I got denied of something so significant in a woman's life.

[RavVid]

Hmmh. First I feel sad for you but with really bad situations like this there is nothing I or anybody else can say that makes it better. It is like when a parent dies, you can only give sympathy.

So whilst I feel sad for you, I will focus on the broad point. I have never wanted to be a father. Some guys might want children but I never have.

So for me this is not a big deal. In fact a positive. That is from my side. I would have to be made of stone, if I didn't understand how you might feel, never being able to be a birth mother. I would expect/want extensive discussion around this. There is my reluctance and your inability. Perhaps you might want to adopt, perhaps you might want surrogacy.

This would be my immediate reaction. I expect lots of discussion between us, feeling each other out.

If I was a guy who always wanted kiddies I have to put myself in the position of that. It is not infrequent couples cannot and continue on. An obvious answer to a guy that wants kids is to find another girl. i just don't think I can answer this side

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your understanding. I haven't spoken with my boyfriend about this yet but will speak to him tomorrow. If he decides to leave me because of this then I can't blame me. Yes this is indeed my deep sadness.

[Anonymous]

Yes! You NEED to be honest with him. If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. But if things are serious enough to consider marriage then you need to talk about this and work things out.


There is adoption. There is also if he gets you pregnant and you just love the child as long as you can. Pray for a miracle and if things don’t work out. You’ll have a son kr daughter in heaven. It’s not like abortion where you intentionally kill the child.


I wish you the best. But you do need to be honest. You don’t have to tell a dude on the first date. But if you’re talking kids and marriage. YES! Don’t hide stuff like this. It can cause problems later on.

[Asker]

Thank you. Yes we've been talking about marriage and forming a family in the near future after we save more money and we finished our Master's degree. I'll speak to him tomorrow about this. If he leaves me then it wasn't meant but yeah I would be sad.

[Opinion Owner]

I wish you the best. But it would be wrong to withhold information until after your married on this magnitude.

Hope things go well

[sheikalana]

Oh dear. You know one of my good friends was told from the moment she was born that she would never be able to have kids because of some issue with her uterus and she has a beautiful boy now so you actually never know. God might bless you with a baby one day.

However, since the doctor diagnosed you with a certain condition you have to live with that. If your age is correct you seem to be very young. I don't know how serious your relationship is and when you're planning to get married. If you're planning to have kids soon I'd say tell him as soon as possible but if you guys only have plans for the future but no specific dates as when to take the next steps I'd say keep it to yourself. That's something extremely personal to tell someone. I wouldn't want a bunch of guys to know about my medical condition.

Also since your parents are the only ones who know about this you could also ask for their advice on this.

[laurieluvsit]

One of the first questions I would ask any male suitor would be what he thinks about adoption before you ever go past first base with him.

If he is negative about it keep going until you find one that will.

Here is the best way to find him...

How to Find the Man of Your Dreams

[Asker]

I'll talk to him about it and hope he understand my issue.

[laurieluvsit]

Great idea. I hope he understands.

[Staximus]

If he loves you he won't care about that. Guys aren't usually obsessed with having kids like women are. That behavior will definitely clue him in to the fact you are hiding something from him and he's going to go crazy trying to figure out what's wrong. You need to tell him and stop trying to hide it. It doesn't make you less of a woman or any crap like that. I know it's hardwired into most women's dna to want children but it's not the end of the world. The world is already overpopulated and there are plenty of kids without parents to adopt.

[Asker]

Yes I can adopt one day. I'll speak to him about it tomorrow.

[abc3643]

Consider a uterine transplant. They are now happening and women who could not give birth before are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Atj0_O_uKAc

[abc3643]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvupP7yrKkg

[abc3643]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mEiTljqfyk

[abc3643]

However, you do need to come clean about this... If he can't deal with this, it is best both of you know that ASAP.

A friend of mine got married right after me. She later discovered she could not have kids. Her husband couldn't deal with that and, for him, adoption was out; he had to have HIS kid. So, they got amicably divorced. He and I had been FB friends, but when I saw him show a picture with his new girlfriend and their baby, I lost it. That was insensitive and hurtful and disrespectful to his ex-wife (even if she didn't see the picture) that I lost it and unfriended him over that. First time I ever unfriended anyone.

For me, I CHOSE to marry a woman who could not have kids.

Each man is different. The only man, right now, that is relevant is your boyfriend. You need to come clean about this with him.

If he can't deal with it and you break up, this is actually a good thing...

You see, the marriage vows include...

For richer, for poorer,
For better, for worse,
In sickness and in health,
Till Death us do part.

That "sickness and health" part - that's where the money is and where this is relevant. If he can't deal with you not having kids, better to know that before marriage than after when he would divorce you like my former friend did to his infertile wife.

Another case in point: My wife had a lovely set of boobs and I love boobs. But my wife had breast cancer and got a double mastectomy 2 years ago. I supported that decision 100%. I miss my wife's boobs, but I'd miss her more. I married her - not her boobs.
... "In sickness and in health"... remember that.

[Asker]

Thank you very much for sharing the video. It made me have some hope. I'll discuss this with him as he does indeed deserves to know the real reason I was crying. I'm very glad you're very happy with your wife and that you were there for her during the hardships. As for your former friend, he was a total jerk for leaving his infertile wife. You're right, several people nowadays don't take the marital vows seriously like you do. I hope my boyfriend will be understandable towards my issue.

[abc3643]

Towards YOUR... plural... issue. That's how a couple needs to look at these things.

[abc3643]

The evening that you want to discuss this with him, fo this...

Watch together the famous Coen Brothers comedy "Raising Arizona".

In that movie, "Ed" the wife was infertile and that's a key plot element. "I want mah baby, Hi!"

So, the kidnap "Nathan Jr." one of the "Arizona Quints" (quintuplets). It is one of the sweetest yet funnist movies you could see.

After it is over, the you can broach the subject. To your boyfriend: "If you were Hi and discovered Ed was infertile, what would you do?"

Listen to his answer carefully because you may know before you say anything about yourself. If he is supportive of Ed like Hi was, then you should tell him the truth. If not as in "I would have left Ed", then you know he's s not for you anyway. (Ed and Hi could not adopt because he was an ex-convict.)

[abc3643]

https://youtu.be/2AIfVoGUs6c?feature=shared

[bededazzle]

there’s no time like the present. i’m assuming you have built trust by now. if talk of kids is coming up you should probably tell him. I don't know what will happen but if i loved a woman and she had this condition i would definitely stick with her. working things out as a team might mean adoption. it sounds like he cares about. just talk to him.

[Asker]

I hope he'll understand.

[nameisariel]

first you should know how wrong you were for not telling him, he’ll definitely be hurt. and second family isn't about DNA, there are plenty children out there without parents and hopefully waiting for someone to take them. if he truly loves you he’ll stay and try to solve this together however he also has the right if he leaves, i hope you’ll be able to get through this.♡

[Tim2nice]

You can’t be with someone that long and keep such a secret. Tell him now and let him think about it. There’s plenty of men out there who don’t want children. Find one of them and live a normal life without having to hide this information and hope for the best. This is in your hands

[Asker]

The difference is the men that don't want children is out of choice. I didn't chose not to have kids. It makes me sad to see I'll miss out on an important event I've always wanted. I didn't chose to be childfree.

[Drago12587]

It's maybe even too late, if he really want kids, you was lying to him when you didn't told him.. he could spend 2 years building releationship with healtly women...

[Asker]

I didn't tell him because I didn't want to lose him. This is a very sensitive topic for me. I've never shared this with anyone. Only my parents know about my condition.

[DarkWinterNights]

Theoretically couldn’t you take your egg and his sperm and use a surrogate? There are options available. You said boyfriend, so it isn’t like you’ve been married and keeping things from him. I’m sure he’ll understand.

[Asker]

Hopefully he'll understand. I hope so. I'll take a look at that option.

[IslaTheWitch]

I would first get very detailed information from your doctor. Then, I would tell the boyfriend BEFORE he invests time and emotions into the relationship.

[JacobJordan]

100% tell him and immediately. Hopefully he will be understanding. You can always adopt though he may want a child of his own. That in and of itself may be a conversation you 2 need to have as well

[Thestupidusername]

Yes you should have already told him before. But I guess you could have your own egg fertilized and put inside another woman?

[VikingWarLord]

don't worry about it too much pumpkin

They're about to replace the uterus with ARTIFICIAL WOMBS by 2030.
Haven't you read "A Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley?

[RedInnocent68]

Tell him. You have options. He’ll understand. If he doesn’t? You’re young. Move on.

[DextroShade]

If he is considering marrying you he needs to know you are sterile.

[JamesRandiDebates]

Did he bring up children or did you? If it was him, you should have told him at that very moment.

[Asker]

Yes he brought up the conversation first and I got sad. I hope he's understandable. I know some men dump their gfs for that reason.

[DreamLife7]

Not like he's gonna marry you. It's been 2 yes yet u have no ring. So he's still search for better

[Pohjolan]

On the second date.