Why doesn't my mum defend me against her boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't my mum defend me against her boyfriend who always criticises me? He rated me out of 10 on looks as "dating advice" that I didn't ask for, gives me unwanted advice and told me he doesn't think I'm a kind person and that I'm "too polite to people instead of kind." I don't think I'm an unkind person but I'm certainly not perfect.

I asked her to defend me and she only comes up with excuses for him and blames me. She even denies he said it when she was right there. What should I do about this betrayal?

[ThinkFitness23]

As a daughter you could possibly do things to lose your mothers respect (NOT THAT YOUR DOING THIS) but this can also work the other way around and your mother is definitely heading that way.


This is an awful betrayal and not one you can put down to a genuine mistake.


Unfortunately there’s not much you can do, many will say talk to her but the truth is she’s already crossed that line and she’s aware of what she’s doing.


Tell your mother how you feel, but the chances are she will repeat what your say to this idiot of a man.


Here’s what you do…


Say mum can I talk to you about something without fear you’ll repeat it… Mum will agree no doubt… Then say mum please don’t mention this I TV will break our bond beyond repair… Mum will Agree… Then tell her how you feel and get her to assure you she won’t mention it to anyone.


Within 2 days mum will have told her partner.


WHAT SHE REALLY SHOULD BE DOING IS SAYING “MIKE” PLEASE NEVER SPEAK TO MY DAUGHTER THAT WAY AGAIN.


Your mother has allowed this pig into her life and therefore into yours.


My advice is to get out out he house as soon as possible if you live with them, until then stay well away from any confrontation and minimise your time around them as a couple. It would also be wise to arrange things for the both of you JUST YOU AND MUM, “PIG” AKA MIKE will not like this he’s a controlling self centred PIG.


Good luck and sorry to be disrespectful about your mum but she’s taking the piss!

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[RavVid]

A friend had to deal with something a bit worse but it was at base the same betrayal. It is still cutting my friend up and it will never be fixed. When it comes into her mind tears well up at the betrayal of supporting the stepfather over her. the Stepfather is simply more important than the daughter.

I think there are two things to do. Some of the things he is saying is obviously hurtful to you. But people can be well meaning but off in the way they say things. You might be more sensitive than others might be.

I am just saying that consider that as objectively as you can. Equally he should be considerate of your feelings as well.

I think you will need to sit your mother down for a talk. The parent always has it over the child. So to have a genuine discussion I think you need a support person. You will always be a 5 yo to your mom. Somebody else needs to be there to get it to an adult conversation. Particularly since it has already failed to occur.

Is there a female relative you can call on? Better if they are about the same age. An older friend? If there is money perhaps a counselor or maybe there might be a free service. Even if it is a close friend your own age.

Your mom has to be brought to understand that you are seeing this as betrayal and eventually it will destroy the mother daughter relationship. She does need to address this.

As with my friend above maybe your mom just won't. Sorry to say that but I need to warn you.

[Asker]

Thank you. I don't see how he could be well-meaning though, he basically keeps giving his unsolicited opinions "this is your dating league, you're an 8 so shouldn't be dating less good looking or more good looking people." And when I was newly dating this guy he said "he looks like a model, he's too good looking for you. you should stop seeing him" Like just rude shit. I wouldn't tell him he's a 5/10 because I know it's weird and also rude. He wouldn't say this stuff to my mother, he would get dumped and reprimanded, so I don't know why it's okay to talk to me like that. I've also noticed he insults random strangers' looks a lot calling them ugly and joking about how good-looking he is, so I think it's just his personality.

He also touches my waist in public and joked about people mistaking me for his girlfriend.

Thanks for your advice and I'm sorry for your friend. I really hope things work out for her, or that she finds peace with the situation. Sending her my thoughts.

I am getting counselling and I've been told to just ignore them and accept he's a bit of a dick. But it's difficult to navigate until I move out. I'm just being polite but distant until I get my own place. Thanks again, I'm aware my mother might not listen and I'm prepared for that likely outcome.

[Asker]

I don't want to come between her and her boyfriend but I don't feel comfortable around him. At least for the time being.

[RavVid]

Yeah I thought would be his style. I thought my brother in law was rude initially till I got to know him better but this guy does seem a dick, full of himself and quite insufferable.

It is good you can move out. Some distance could get your mother to realize you are an adult and you should get respect. Would the counseling extend to you and your mom together? I do think it would be better if there could be a reconciliation. In my friend's case it was quite a long time for it to really hit and I wouldn't like what I have seen to happen to anybody else.

Feel free to DM if you want an anonymous person to vent to.

[Biancam13]

Because your mother is in denial, unfortunately. She wants to play happy families and doesn't want to believe her boyfriend is less than amazing, as that would shatter her illusion of him that she wants to keep intact. If she acknowledged that he was being rude to you (which he was), then she would also have to acknowledge that she isn't being a good mother and that he's not that great.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I would stay away from them as much as possible. At 25-29 it is about time people move out, anyway. Just build your own life.

[Asker]

Thanks. I too think it's denial. She let my dad abuse us when I was a child, and now she is letting this new man put me down. I don't know why she doesn't stand up to these men in her life. But I am about to cut both of them off.

[Biancam13]

Good luck and sending hugs to you! You’ll get through this!

[Anonymous]

I see you’re in the age group 25-29 and I’m not sure of your living situation. If you do live there LEAVE asap! If you don’t then I wouldn’t go around anymore. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I’m also sorry to say your mom is a total jerk. Obviously he is too but that’s your MOTHER! She is supposed to protect you physically and mentally. I would cut ties with both of them. She’ll learn the hard way that she should’ve chose her own flesh and blood over a “man” if you can even call him that.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[BriannaWallace98]

I agree with this. Hugs to you, OP.

[milesy67]

Move out

[Biancam13]

Agreed. OP don't listen to the people trying to gaslight you or tell you that you're overreacting. Be your own advocate and take care of yourself. Your feelings are in the right and good luck!!

[Guy13]

at 25-30 you should not need Mum to defend you.

[milesy67]

This person is right. You are old enough now

[BigWhiteWolf87]

If your mother won't do it, do it yourself.

Go to your local police station and summarize the situation. Ask them for advice. Ask if you can legally record the conversations - where I am in general you can, but it's of course different per state/area - without the boyfriend's knowledge or consent. You want to make sure you're not going to be potentially breaking any laws yourself.

If you CAN record the boyfriend then do so. Something as simple as your cell phone audio recorder, the phone on the couch beside you.

If you CAN record the boyfriend then make sure you empathize STOP to this piece of trash when he start.

You have said elsewhere that he is making sexualized comments that you do not like and which creep you out that is the legal definition of sexual harassment regardless of how others - adam1978 - think such behavior is acceptable and that you should move out rather than press charges.

[Biancam13]

OP, if his behaviour continues to escalate, your can totally do this. But I would caution you that it can have serious consequences. So think before you act.

[BriannaWallace98]

I'm so sorry. I'm a mom to a little girl myself and my heart breaks for you. As a mother, she should be protecting you from this (rating you out of 10 as dating advice, seriously?) and she should be your no.1 advocate. Her boyfriend should perhaps take a look at his OWN kindness and examine himself. Some women shouldn't be mothers at all. If a man I was seeing rated my daughter or told her any of that, I would say 1) he's way overstepping, firstly. He is not my child's father and has no right to discipline her. He is my partner, that's it. And 2) how dare he talk to my child like that. It is pathetic for a grown man to talk like that and he should know way better. If he rated my child out of 10 he would be gone in an instant.

My thoughts go out to you. We can't always choose our parents but we can choose our own destinies once we leave home. My inbox is open if you need me.

[BriannaWallace98]

It doesn't matter if he thinks these things about you, some things like bullying, should be kept to yourself. You don't need to voice out every opinion you have. I wonder what would happen if you rated his looks out of ten? Sorry, this has really rubbed me the wrong way. My motherly instincts are kicking in.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this kind answer and for offering to message. I wish I had different parents, but as you said you can't always choose how it's going to turn out. Life isn't perfect I know so I'm going to have to deal with it. I am moving out asap, and hoping to build a new life with my friends/boyfriend.

[Asker]

Thanks again for your understanding

[milesy67]

Move out

[OddBeMe]

Eww. But this is a common strategy for pervs. Don’t give in.

[OddBeMe]

Oh and he’s love bombing your mother which is like heroin to lonely people so remember she’s being manipulated too. Just keep calling him out on his perviness and she’ll come around.

[Asker]

Thanks. I feel really uncomfortable but my mother keeps saying he doesn't mean anything by it. I think she just doesn't want to believe anything negative about this dude. Oh well lol.

[OddBeMe]

Yeah that’s predators for ya. I just read about a case in UK where a little girl went missing and the guy who took her moved in with her parents. There’s sadistic fcks out there and people easily swayed by them.

Study his moves and learn how to spot this, you’ll be better for it and your mom will wake up some day sick with herself.

[Wade12345]

Do what I did: Tell both your mom and your stepfather to go to Hell.

[Adam1978]

Your mom does the right thing. People have a right to their own opinions. You fail if you can't understand that and if your this old without learning that she has failed to raise you. Something your new stepdad is trying to correct. If you can't handle this, you are the failure not your parents.

[lipstickalley3792]

Some people aren't raised in the stone-ages where parents can abuse their children. He rated OP's looks out of 10. That is weird and rude.

[lipstickalley3792]

And if you fail to see that, I would hate to see you as a parent.

[Asker]

So by your logic, I should be able to give my "honest opinion" also (since everyone is allowed one), no matter how rude it is. That he creeps me out with his sexualising of my appearance and he is incredibly rude/arrogant.

[Asker]

But I would hate to stoop to his level.

[Adam1978]

Yes you can say your opinion how rude it might be. That's what free speech is. You don't have to agree with it or follow it. But he has the right to voice it. It's better to have people with unwanted opinions be open about it then having them working in a covert style. at least any of my kids would have a spine and wouldn't even be bothered by people with another view point.

[BriannaWallace98]

Yikes.

[BriannaWallace98]

Some people have no empathy

[BriannaWallace98]

I hope you don't have children. This is why some children grow up with mental health issues and have to go to counselling because of their "parents."

[Adam1978]

I have plenty of empathy, I just don't protect them from reality. The more you know how the world works, the better you are navigating it. Sheltered kids will be helpless without you. This is the lesson men always have tough their kids and it's why kids without fathers usually end up weak.

[BriannaWallace98]

Rating her physical attributes out of 10 is not "reality." It is subjective, highly objectifying and means he is looking at his girlfriend's DAUGHTER in a sexual way. It is beyond strange. Really because it doesn't sound like you are empathic at all. And neither is this girl's "dad."

[Asker]

I honestly feel sorry for your children. Parents should be a child's safe place, not their first bullies and to "toughen them up." That's what the outside world is for.

[Adam1978]

Who ever said anything about being a bully? There is plenty of ways to teach someone something. Or do actually think soldiers kill people during their training? So you don't need to bully a person to teach them how to handle a bully. If anything it would be really hard to bully a kid that has the right mindset. So they would bully those sheltered kids who reacts and run home to mommy. Not the kid who outsmart them and make them look like a fool.

[BriannaWallace98]

The examples given by OP are close to bullying from both parents and it is not ok. There are ways of saying things without being a total asshole (excuse my language.)

Kind, helpful advice = "I think this situation ___ could've been handled better if you ____."

Unkind, unhelpful and untrue is pigeonholing people = "YOU are unkind/whatever other adjective here." ESPECIALLY rating her looks out of ten. In what world is that helpful OR dating advice? That is bullying.

Your words sound like everything bullies say to excuse their actions. Bullies tend to never think they are bullies, they always have an excuse as to why they say hurtful things to others. Furthermore, parents who parent their children like this tend to become estranged when they become adults, and quite rightly so.

Always ask before saying something (especially to your own kids): Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it true? If it doesn't pass through those three gates, it is better not said at all.

[milesy67]

Asshole

[Adam1978]

It's not bullying just because you don't like what they think about you. That give you a good foot where you have that person. Much better than having a person say one thing and react accordingly to what they really think.

[BriannaWallace98]

It is bullying because of the way it was said. Not bullying = not saying anything at all about someone else's rating on your looks scale, especially if they didn't ask for your opinion. Bullying = seeking to make that person feel bad and objectified, which rating them DOES do.

[BriannaWallace98]

So is the bully on the playground telling the bullied to "kill yourself" and "you're ugly/fat/stupid" also just "stating an opinion?" Because that is in the same line of thinking.

[BriannaWallace98]

An opinion would be something like (if asked for) "I think I prefer that dress on you more than the other one." Rating someone's looks on a 1-10 scale unwarranted is extremely rude and uncalled for.

[Adam1978]

I would say that bullying is like harassment, it needs to be repeated. If he doesn't keep saying it without you raising the issue. I wouldn't call it bullying, it's just informing you about the state.

[BriannaWallace98]

Bullying is lowering a child's self-esteem. I don't know how old OP was when her "father" rated her out of 10, but that is at the very least mean. Bullying doesn't have to just be harassment, it can also be saying incredibly unkind things to people, especially if they are at a disadvantaged position to you.

[BriannaWallace98]

Even if it is said once, you are being a bully.

[BriannaWallace98]

E. g., a child tells another child to "kill himself" on the playground. That is bullying. A child tells another that he is "fat and ugly" once. Still bullying.

[Adam1978]

No it's not, if you are puffing up your ego beyond reality, it's a parents affair to correct your faulty view. More people need to accept that they are average and that there is nothing wrong with that. Wiseful thinking doesn't change that more than half of the population is average. So it's an exception to not be it, not a rule.

[BriannaWallace98]

You are laughable. And you are wrong, by the way. I don't know which parents you talk to, but all the mothers I know in my circle all think their children are 10s just by our love for our kids. Yes, everyone has faults and we should guide our children if there is something they could do better. However, rating them on a scale is NOT appropriate and is not going to help them whatsoever. Especially on looks, which they can't help. You are being a bully by "bringing them back down to earth."

[BriannaWallace98]

If my daughter were to ever ask me how beautiful she is, I would say that to me she is absolutely beautiful to me and always will be. I don't give a monkeys what she "rates" on a scale from 1-10 neither would I want to "bring her back down to earth." That is disgusting.

[BriannaWallace98]

Besides that point, biological mothers or fathers' partners are NOT the parent. He is sticking his nose in somewhere where it doesn't belong.

[BriannaWallace98]

And I find that parents who try to "humble" their children are often struggling with self-esteem issues themselves.

[Adam1978]

So you are the toxic parent not me. Lying and deluding your kids is really bad for them.

[Asker]

You're the toxic parent. @adam1978 coming from a child of one.

[BriannaWallace98]

Notice how many people disagree with you, Mister. You sound like you're grasping at straws now. Times are changing where being authoritarian and hypocritical/mean to our children is unacceptable. I hope your ego accepts that.

[Adam1978]

I don't care I haven't heard a convincing counter argument. That my opinion doesn't align with todays women isn't a surprise. The world is full of dumb and delusional people. So unless you can actually win an argument. You can't change an opinion.

[Biancam13]

You didn’t win the argument. The majority disagree with you.

[Biancam13]

In fact, no one agrees with you 😂

[Biancam13]

This was a long read, tho 😂

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - it's odd AND PERVERSE for her MOTHER'S boyfriend who I assume is around her MOTHER'S age - so at least late 40s, 50ish - to be RATING her daughter. It shows a BLATANT LACK OF RESPECT which has NOTHING to do with "free speech". Ignorant people use free speech as an excuse for their uncultured, ignorant behavior when decent people would just say they're assholes.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

*they're assholes. - the ignorant people spouting off, been assholes.

[Adam1978]

I am not defending rude, behavior, I am saying that you should be able to handle rude behavior. Big difference, there will always be unchecked people in the world. You are an adult you shouldn't need to hide behind your mothers skirt anymore. And you are old enough for it to not be perverted behavior. If a person wish you dead it's good to know so you keep your distance and your guard up. at least you know where you have them instead of someone plotting behind a false appearance.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 "And you are old enough for it to not be perverted behavior"

Shall I mail you a dictonary? Perverted behavior has NOTHING to do with age. It is why people have been rightfully charged for using cameras to spy on women changing, etc. It is the context that makes the man's behavior perverse. He is, in a way, in a position of authority by being her mother's boyfriend and he is ABUSING that position with the preceived "right" to rate her. Thus he is BEING PERVERSE.

[Adam1978]

No everything sexual isn't perverted. Just because you don't like it. It must stand out, ie sexualise kids, being some kind of weird kink, not just look at you in an unwanted way. Stop overuse word that had clear meaning in the past, just because you are easily offended. It makes the word meaningless and is actually problematic for those who actually get the worst end of that experience.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - it is perverted because a) he's older, b) his advances are UNWANTED, c) he is ABUSING his position of authority of being her mother's boyfriend. COMPREHEND? Has nothing to do with "not liking it" that is LITERALLY how the LAW would see it.

[Adam1978]

Intent must be proven, there is a difference between a stepfather that steer you towards bikini and miniskirts, compared to the one that wants you to conceal yourself with long skirts. Laws are being corrupted with feelings today and that is a horrible development. We shouldn't reward people who complain the most.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - "Laws are being corrupted with feelings today and that is a horrible development."

No where in my recount does feelings come into play. It is LITERALLY THE LAW. He DOES NOT have her consent. She said that his BEHAVIOR IS UNWANTED. And he is ABUSING A POSITION OF AUTHORITY.

Facts. NOTHING WITH EMOTIONS.

[Adam1978]

You don't need consent to speak your mind. It's not sex. And that law is what I call corruption. Because there is no legal safety, no possible way to ensure fair treatment. You can be accused for something that isn't true, just because someone feels differently now then when they did the act. It was much better when a rape was a rape, ie being taken physically against your will. That can be proven, it leaves evidence. Or if your incapable of acting in case of drugs, that leaves evidence too. But feelings doesn't. It is simply impossible to have a fair legal system with systems like that in place.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - what part are you having a hard time understanding? What I am saying has NOTHING to do with feelings.

"Perversion is a form of human behavior which deviates from what is considered to be orthodox or normal"

"characterised by constant manipulation of others, transgression of laws and disrespect of limits. Perversity does not refer to the presence of a sexual perversion, whether primary or associated, but to the fact that a same basic principle underlies the organization of the perverse personality and of the perverse sexuality. Both forms could thus be understood as two different manifestations of intolerance to disappointment. This general hypothesis avoid some questionable speculations and ad-hoc hypotheses."

"A moral pervert is a person who is a slave to patterns of thought and behavior that are morally wrong"

[Adam1978]

So you are a pervert, since you tries to manipulate my opinion about sexuality. So you are then both perverts. I don't think he judging you need to be sexual at all. Plenty of people are just critical of other people, it doesn't make them perverts. It might make them asholes and people you don't want around you. But nothing is illegal or abnormal about it.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - WHERE have I tried to "manipulate my opinion about sexuality"? Whereas this LOSER hasn't just manipulated her opinion on her appearance but her sexuality by rating her though his OPINIONS ARE UNWANTED & UNDESIRED and if she wanted to be a "bitch" about it she could go to the police and file harassment charges. Sexual harassment charges even if his "rating" included sexual commentary and she recorded it / recorded herself asking him to stop.

This is what separates MORAL people from IMMORAL people. MORAL people DO NOT defend IMMORAL behavior.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - this is what she says ---- He rated me out of 10 on looks as "dating advice" that I didn't ask for, gives me unwanted advice ---- if she has ASKED HIM TO STOP than his BEHAVIOR IS PERVERSE and IMMORAL. It is THAT SIMPLE. And why if she recorded his conduct and more importantly records herself asking him to STOP then she is WELL WITHIN HER LEGAL RIGHTS TO FILE HARASSMENT CHARGES ON HIS IMMORAL PERVERSE BEHAVIOR.

[Adam1978]

We are independent people and you can judge what he does as much as you want. But you have no right to police his behavior because it's not illegal. He can't manipulate you if you don't try to adapt to his wishes. So just stand your ground and ignore his input. Problem solved. The world is full of immoral people and plenty of them manipulate the law books to their advantage, without a democratic process in between. Your world view isn't worth more than his, that is the foundation of a democratic society. So he can't enforce his will on you, and you can't enforce your will on him. Stalemate.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - "But you have no right to police his behavior because it's not illegal." If she has asked him to stop & yet he still makes sexual comments is ILLEGAL. And WHY sexual harassment exists.

"He can't manipulate you if you don't try to adapt to his wishes." Being in a position of authority makes him manipulative. This is WHY priests, teachers, etc are charged with sexual harassment because they are in a position of authority over those that they manipulate.

"The world is full of immoral people and plenty of them manipulate the law books to their advantage, without a democratic process in between." There is NOTHING democratic or even emotional about what I am saying. It is quite literally the goddamn law. I know IMMORAL people DO NOT like the law because it means they can not behave as IMMORAL PERVERSE people.

" Your world view isn't worth more than his, that is the foundation of a democratic society." Do you have a HARD TIME understanding LAW. If she has ASKED HIM TO STOP with his behavior and he CONTINUES with his behavior it is, per EVERY LAW in the WORLD, harassment. Has nothing to do with "world view" IT IS LAW.

" So he can't enforce his will on you, and you can't enforce your will on him. Stalemate." Has nothing to do with will. LEARN LAW.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - let me make it SIMPLE for you.

If she has ASKED HIM TO STOP and he CONTINUES with his UNWANTED advice then he is, per EVERY LAW in the WORLD, committing HARASSMENT. The basic legal definition of HARASSMENT is CONTINUING a behavior that you have BEEN ASKED TO STOP.

If his commentary is SEXUAL in nature and she has ASKED HIM TO STOP but he continues to behave as he has THEN HE IS COMMITTING SEXUAL HARASSMENT. The legal definition of SEXUAL HARASSMENT is "UNWELCOMED sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other VERBAL or physical HARASSMENT of a SEXUAL nature"

DO YOU COMPREHEND?

If she has their interactions recorded and very specifically her asking him to STOP - she can GO TO THE POLICE & FILE SEXUAL HARASSMENT CHARGES and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that her mother's boyfriend can say.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - she even says "That he creeps me out with his sexualising of my appearance and he is incredibly rude/arrogant." - If she has RECORDINGS of her ASKING HIM TO STOP then she can GO to the POLICE and with EXTREME use press SEXUAL HARASSMENT CHARGES

[Adam1978]

Why do you even spend any time around him? If you go to his home when you know how he is you are actually allowing him to harass you. I don't pity people who engage in this behavior. It's normal to reject these people from your life. Not engage in legal actions.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - ROFL. If she is unable to move out of the property due to financial or other reasons she is not "allowing him to harass her" she is trapped. I really do HATE and DEPISE - and so do MANY people - that blame the victim for the actions of UNSAVORY, IMMPORAL AND DISGUSTING people.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

*immoral & disgusting

[Adam1978]

What are you talking about there is plenty of help for women in this situation. Maybe the whole harassment thing is caused by the fact she can't get her life together. We aren't talking about a teenager here.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - not to mention that what you suggest is COWARDLY. You are saying that the boyfriend's behaviour is ACCEPTABLE and that the girl instead of pressing HARASSMENT charges to STOP this filthy PIECE OF SHIT from treating other women like this that she should move out. Talk about immoral conduct.

And WHY should she move out? This is HER MOTHER'S house. Why should the DISGUSTING FILTHY boyfriend have MORE rights than her in HER OWN MOTHER'S house to avoid RIGHTFUL LEGAL CHARGES OF HARASSMENT due to his IMMORAL, PREVERSE & DISGUSTING behavior.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - YOU ARE DISGUSTING.
not to mention that what you suggest is COWARDLY. You are saying that the boyfriend's behaviour is ACCEPTABLE and that the girl instead of pressing HARASSMENT charges to STOP this filthy PIECE OF SHIT from treating other women like this that she should move out. Talk about immoral conduct.

And WHY should she move out? This is HER MOTHER'S house. Why should the DISGUSTING FILTHY boyfriend have MORE rights than her in HER OWN MOTHER'S house to avoid RIGHTFUL LEGAL CHARGES OF HARASSMENT due to his IMMORAL, PREVERSE & DISGUSTING behavior.

[Adam1978]

Please read my comments and don't assume things. I have said multiple times that I don't encourage people being asholes but people have the right to be asholes. Sometimes people need a negative influence to start making changes to their lives.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - You are the sort of person that'd excuse a rapist and say that it was the victim's fault for being raped. You are the sort of person that'd excuse a murderer & say that it was the dead person's fault for being murdered. You are the sort of person that'd excuse a thief and say that it was the mum&pop store for selling items why they are robbed. You are the sort of person that'd excuse a burglar and accuse the homeowner for having a house why someone kicked in their door. You are the sort of person that'd excuse a domestic abuser and say that the abused should've lived on the streets.

You are literally doing that with her mother's boyfriend. He has NO RIGHT to behave as he is. If he has been ASKED TO STOP he is LITERALLY HARASSING her. He has NO RIGHT to be in her mother's house and she can't be because of this TURD.

[Adam1978]

And you are a person who can't win an argument because you don't have the intelligence to have a valid point. Just a bad mouth. A toxic person getting toxic behavior is an expected result. This is a sign I won. If you can't even hold a civil tongue.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 "And you are a person who can't win an argument because you don't have the intelligence to have a valid point. Just a bad mouth. A toxic person getting toxic behavior is an expected result. This is a sign I won. If you can't even hold a civil tongue."

I HAVE kept a civil tongue throughout that's the thing. I have had MANY valid points. I have quite literally recounted the LEGAL definition of HARASSMENT and SEXUAL HARASSMENT which is exactly what this boyfriend is committing if he has been ASKED TO STOP.

The problem is, is you have the low morals & ethics as the boyfriend. That is obvious in how you have constantly defended this guy's DISGUSTING behavior. You even said that she should move out or leave - what RIGHT does this LOSER have to be in her MOTHER'S house above her - to avoid the situation rather than acknowledge that he is COMMITTING ILLEGAL ACTS and that he SHOULD BE CHARGED with ILLEGAL BEHAVIOR.

[Adam1978]

You are adding context that hasn't been introduced when I started the thread and I do not follow every other thread just because someone reply to my conversation. You are just an argumentative person who argue for no other reason then your own selfimportance. You aren't helping anything. And you need to learn to see the difference between view points and arguments. I have wasted enough time with you.

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@Adam1978 - ROFL. You don't like the truth, do you? You don't like reality, do you? You don't like being called out for your low morals & ethics, do you?

She literally said that he is making UNWANTED sexualized comments. That is the LEGAL definition of SEXUAL HARASSMENT. If she has asked him to STOP then he is indeed committing sexual harassment. If she has RECORDED these interactions she can skip to the police station and have NO ISSUES having the boyfriend CHARGED with sexual harassment.

I am not "arguing" I am STATING FACTS. I am STATING LAW.

When you realized that you weren't winning and that the boyfriend is a PIECE OF TRASH your response was for her to move out and avoid the boyfriend rather than RIGHTFUL legal charges.

This is her MOTHER. WHAT right does the boyfriend have to be in her mother's house and with her mother more than she as the biological daughter have? WHY should the biological daughter leave to avoid boyfriend and keep from pressing RIGHTFUL charges of harassment & sexual harassment on a PIECE OF TRASH.

But you're right. I've wasted enough time PROVING you have INCREDIBLY low morals & ethics and that you SUPPORT and APPROVE of the HARASSMENT and SEXUAL HARASSMENT of a younger woman

[BigWhiteWolf87]

@BriannaWallace98 All I'll say is @Adam1978 is a douchebag.

He keeps saying 'freedom of speech' when quite literally if the boyfriend is making unwanted sexualized comments that creed the poster out, as she stated, the boyfriend's not just bullying he's committing sexual harassment. Particularly if the OP has asked him to stop.

And when I pointed this out, Adam's response was that she should move out and avoid the boyfriend then rather than press charges for potential harassment / sexual harassment. I hope he NEVER has a daughter because all she'll learn is how to be used and abused with a parent like him.

[Asker]

@adam1978 Why can't you accept you're not right? Maybe you treat your children like this and this strikes a chord with you, I don't know. But it's morally wrong.

[Asker]

Seems your ego can't handle being in the wrong, or you act like my mother's boyfriend and don't want to believe you're acting like a douchebag. Which one is it? Because if everyone is telling you you're in the wrong, it's not them. It's you.

[Asker]

Just be nice to people.

[BriannaWallace98]

@BigWhiteWolf87 is right. Harassment doesn't have an age. This guy tends to touch my waist inappropriately and once said people might mistake me for his girlfriend. I was 18.

[BriannaWallace98]

*tended

[BriannaWallace98]

But my own parents STUCK UP for me at the time. He was a family friend. My father even said if he hears another comment like that he will ban him from coming to our house PERMANENTLY. That's how a parent should be. Protecting their children. And that's how I would be with my daughter, if god forbid someone spoke about her like that. I PROTECT her. She is my world.

[Asker]

@adam1978 This is obviously just about your (big) ego. Since you said "This is a sign I won." There is no winning or losing in this conversation, just debate and putting forth your points. You are obviously arguing to get an ego boost and that is all.

[EmmaMary]

REPORTED...DUPLICATE.

FOR THE ATTENTION OF ANY MODERATOR OR ADMINISTRATOR WHO MIGHT JUST BE AWAKE.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because, like most women, getting and keeping a man is more important to them than anything. This is why so many single mothers let their boyfriend's molest and abuse their children while turning a blind eye.

[Sasha0426]

Who said anything about molesting?

[Asker]

There wasn't any molesting , although he does tend to touch my waist and it makes me uncomfortable.

[milesy67]

This is true. So many women do this which is why I'm never getting married

[Sasha0426]

@miles67 Wait, what about those who don’t have kids?

[Biancam13]

@milesy67 I don't think the majority of mothers are like this, thank god.

[milesy67]

Your mother cares more about male attention/herself than her own children

[Sasha0426]

Your mother’s a cunt and her boyfriend is a piece of shit.

[JamesHarrys]

> What should I do about this betrayal?

lol grow up, you're watching too much soap 😅

[lipstickalley3792]

Move out asap. Your mother and her boyfriend don't respect you.

[Adaeva]

You are obviously stupid since at your advanced age, you should be living on your own and not with your mother.

[Biancam13]

Not everyone has the means to move out. Maybe you should grow up and realise that.

[Asker]

What a stupid comment!

[Adaeva]

I'm not going to pamper an attention seeking older woman that wants to complain about her parents over things that are obvious not near as bad as described or else she would move out.

[Biancam13]

You sound really young and naive. As I said, not everyone can or has the means to move out. You will learn that when you experience the real world. Stop being ignorant.

[Biancam13]

But then again maybe your ignorance is due to your age so I'll forgive that. But don't attack the OP, they haven't done anything wrong. It isn't cool and makes you look like a mean-girl.

[Lazyrider67]

Why is he still your boyfriend if he treats you like that? One for the dumpster.

[boggboss]

Stay away from them

[Asker]

I plan to, thank you. I told her I was moving out yesterday as soon as I incur enough funds, and she got angry. Oh well.

[riverrat3]

She does not want to lose him, right or wrong

[Asker]

I don't want to invade on her life, she can date whoever makes her happy. But I don't feel comfortable around him nor do I like him. I feel I am old enough to choose who I keep company with.

[riverrat3]

Get away from them

[milesy67]

Move out.

[Haaa135]

Because your mum's a bird.

[malwins]

she's a cunt please cut her off

[Anonymous]

I don't know.