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We've been dating (live separately in our own houses) for 9 months and he got upset that I gave some money to my grandma for her b-day and helped out my mother with her bill.
He mentioned about the time he asked me for help (with money) and I declined him. This was my reply to him:
''I only help my close family members with money and if it's really needed. I DO NOT share bills, live together nor give money to a boyfriend. I don't share money with bfs.''
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
Good for you! I’ve been in a situation before where I was used for money, and I wasn’t strong enough at the time to say no. It was a very toxic situation, and I should have recognized it and ended it sooner.
Sometimes people are just desperate. And instead of crawling out of the hole themselves, they attempt the path of least resistance, which means getting money from someone else. Yet that strategy builds zero character, and rarely ends well.
He clearly needed (or wanted) money, and he thought the easiest path was by asking you for it. Which is pretty pathetic.
Good for you for saying no and setting the boundary. He should respect it and work harder to prove that he is financially responsible.
Just the fact that he asked me for money when no further goals have been established, we're just dating and not even liviving together (and won't be unless I feel ready) doesn't sound great on a partner.
If he were my husband and father of kid that was temporarily struggling with money for a bit because he just lost his job, death in family or the company shutdown, then I would help him. That's different but just a boyfriend I'm dating suddenly asking money... nope.
Totally agree. And honestly for me, for my future wife, I wanna make sure that we are both on the same page about finances. I’d want us to make a budget together, and ideally have joint finances. There shouldn’t be any loaning money when struggling because we have a solid financial plan and safety nets and emergency funds that we planned together.
You are 100% right on everything you said tho. It is a red flag for sure, and something that eventually, you’ll have to dig into more to ensure he isn’t just using you.
Clearly he feels betrayed. I'm not defending him. Just answering your question.
People shouldn't ask a question they're NOT prepared to hear the answer to. And yes I'm talking about him.
how would anyone know this?