Is there anyone who is obsessed with partner’s romantic history and jealous of his past relationships?

[Anonymous]

I’m one of them. I questioned my boyfriend about his past relationships and when i found out, i became completely obsessed with them and always ask him where he loves me more than he loved them and bother him with my endless questions. What should i do? I can’t stop myself.

[SteveSmith1985]

You're gonna need to stop yourself. This is unhealthy.

You need to examine your own motivations here.

Doesn't everybody have a past?

Why should his past relationships be all that relevant to you now?

Does his having been close to somone else in the past, detract from how close he is to you now?

What is it you're seeking exactly by asking him these endless questions?

This is insecurity based. But it's just unhealthy. There is no reason for you to be focused on his past relationships... he wants to be in a relationship with you. His past isn't what he's thinking about. He's not comparing you to his exs. He is trying to have a relationship with YOU right now. You are gonna fuck it up by obsessing over this.

I don't know how exactly you stop. But you better figure out how to stop nonetheless. This is not something any boyfriend is gonna put up with for very long. You are in the wrong here. You need to figure out some way to change this. Or you're fucked.

[CoolCatMar1]

Yes otherwise she needs to find a virgin😂😂

[Asker]

What do you think is the reason for being so obsessed with boyfriend’s past relationships? Isn’t it reasonable? Jealousy is just too normal. Every human being feels it.

[SteveSmith1985]

Jealousy is certainly normal. But, this is not normal jelousy. So no this is not reasonable. If it were reasonable, more people would do it.

It's a matter of degrees. Like a lot of things.

So it's normal to be slightly jelous of the fact that your partner has shared intimate moments and strong romantic feelings for someone else. But... only a slight tinge of jelousy... for a half-second... until (most people) realize they're being ridiculous.

It's like those questions I asked you earlier. Does it in any way take away from what you've got with the person NOW? No. It doesn't.

Don't YOU also have a past? Does it mean you like this guy any less? No it doesn't.

Is it in any way reasonable to expect that your partner will never have loved before you? It is not reasonable to expect that.

So it's the same sort of thing as any normal human emotion... that can be taken too far and to an unhealthy place.

For example, although jelousy is perfectly normal. It's not ok to tell your girlfriend she's not allowed to speak to any guys. Because that's wildly unreasonable. It's out-of-line. It's wrong, and it's an unhealthy way for jelousy to express itself. That guy needs to figure out some way to deal with the fact that his girlfriend is a person in her own right... and she's going to talk to guys as part of the natural course of things. Just because you're jelous, doesn't mean it's right.

As for the reason. I mean, you could probably work on that shit with a psychiatrist for a year. That's probably a super complex question to accurately answer. But the short answer is: "Insecurity". You feel insecure about the guy's feelings towards you. You feel some need to "measure up" to people from is past.

But that's just not how he's thinking about it. All his ex's are exs for a reason. They aren't competition.

You're so concerned with his past, that you're unable to enjoy the present.

[noohair]

Everyone has a past. I don't go there. If someone I like was a former escort or something similar, I would not care. And you say you can't stop. Actually, your won't stop.

[Asker]

It sounds so strange not to care about an escort’s past morever making love with her.

[noohair]

It sounds so repressive to be trapped in the idea of past relationships, but that will keep therapists busy.

[Anonymous]

I'm not. You just need to let go. If you love him accept him for who he is and for what he did in the past. That way you'll just lose him. Love is about accepting

[tinydiva1991]

What’s there to be jealous about? Are you that scared to lose him? He should be worried about losing you! Lol

[msc545]

You need professional help with this problem.