My boyfriend's colleague has feelings for my boyfriend. Any advice?

[Idk12368]

my boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years and we've never had any problems, we always trust each other. Recently my boyfriend has been "Playfully bullied" by his female colleague. She sent him a friend request which he accepted, but today during work she sent him emails confessing her feelings for him, she knows he's in a relationship and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable for my boyfriend too but I just can't not feel a bit weird.

[ManOnFire]

Terrible situation and very sorry you're going through that. Definitely enough to give you stress. First off, his co-worker is completely disrespecting you and your relationship, and she knows that. She's one of those females who wants a man that is taken because she feels like a taken man is more attractive or better able to have a relationship.

But, your boyfriend is entertaining it by allowing her to "playfully bully" him. I won't say too much about him accepting her friend request because a lot of co-workers add each other on social media, myself included. But I think at this point since she's sent those desperate and pathetic emails to him confessing her infatuation - NOT feelings - he needs to make it clear to her that nothing is going to happen between them and that he loves and respects you and will take a stand for that.

His actions in the situation are what will be the deciding factor to this whole thing, and that's what you need to be concerned about and watching closely to see if he will maintain his loyalty to you.

[Avicenna]

Talk to him about your concerns and ask him how he's going to deal with this. He may need to go to HR.

[HollyK21]

I feel like there’s more to the situation than he’s letting on. To be clear, she is wrong and vile for pursuing a man she knows is taken, I can’t stand women who go for a guy no matter who they hurt or what relationship they wreck in order to get him. At the same time though, I don’t think he’s completely oblivious of her flirting. In fact, I think he recognizes this yet labels it as playful Bullying, whatever the hell that means. Keeping that in mind, he should’ve never accepted his friend request, or given her a window to express her feelings. What he should’ve done was set boundaries and show that he’s taken with both his words and actions. That is his responsibility to you, because your peace of mind should matter more than saving face with her. I understand that’s his colleague and he doesn’t have to to be a jerk, but if he can’t tell her to stop or something to that extent, I’d really question him as a partner.

[Idk12368]

Thank you, that's good to hear that. I talked with him about it more and he's unfriended her. I really trust him and I don't second guess that. The fact that I've he's told me about the "bullying" and I've said she's totally flirting but he didn't agree at the time kinda worries me but he can be a bit oblivious sometimes

[Datemeaching]

That's because he told her.

[Datemeaching]

Oblivious to his relationship

[HollyK21]

@idk12368 I glad he went ahead and deleted her, but I hope you keep an eye on this situation. It’s your relationship, you are the one dealing with him and know him best. This is just an outside, unbiased perspective, and something about the situation makes that little alarm in my head go off, and as this other guy said, it could be him acting a bit oblivious to being in a relationship. I do hope for the best outcome with this though☺️

[Datemeaching]

We all beleave it's not true.

[loveslongnails]

Here's a "guys perspective". Holly gave you, in my opinion, some really bad advice. Oblivious or not, you either trust your boyfriend OR YOU DON'T!! Period. There's no in between. Why do YOU feel uncomfortable that another girl is making moves on him UNLESS you do NOT trust him? He's in a delicate position as she is his boss. Either trust him to handle it, or let yourself freak out. He's the one who has to figure out how to work with her, or decide that he can't and find another job. Any insecurity YOU throw into the mix will just fuck things up. I repeat, either you TRUST HIM and your bond, or you DO NOT. Which is it?

[HollyK21]

@loveslongnails lord, here comes the preacher. For starters, she said it’s a colleague, not his boss but in any case it’s no more or less sensitive. If she’s flirting and coming onto him, it is wrong no matter what her rank is, you shouldn’t sensitive the situation as something delicate because it should never risk his job, that’s a whole lawsuit. But this isn’t that. I’m looking from the outside, and to me it is a bit odd for him to brush off her advances as bullying and whatnot when he’s a full grown adult, relatively familiar with how flirting goes when he obviously had to do some amount of it to be in a relationship currently. I am not incriminating or pointing my finger and casting an accusation, I’m just saying to keep an eye on this, not distrust him, and that could be entirely based off the colleagues behavior. Could you trust a bump to be nothing other than an ingrown hair? For sure, but nothing is wrong with taking a look sometimes to make sure it is only that.

[HollyK21]

*sensitize but surely you know what word autocorrect butchered.

[DermalPunch]

@loveslongnails Holly @hollyk21 gave great advice. Her boyfirend is immature and a bit of an attention whore.

[HollyK21]

@DermalPunch thank you🤍

[loveslongnails]

So, because I'm looking at it differently, it's preaching? You're not? My error assuming it was his boss, rather than just his colleague, but it doesn't change the situation all that much because it's still delicate. A woman who, in your own words, is "vile for pursuing a man she knows is taken", is a wild card mentally, emotionally and even physically. Rejecting her advances has to be done carefully. The fact that he is "kind of oblivious", according to his girlfriend, actually works tremendously in his favor! You're basing all your distrust on a feeling that it's "odd for him to brush off her advances as bullying and whatnot when he’s a full grown adult, et. al" . Well it wouldn't be so incredibly odd if he's oblivious, and especially not if it doesn't really mean anything to him.

As I stated, I offered "one guy's perspective". You stated you believed your opinion to be "outside and unbiased", but it's not. Both of our opinions are outside, but they're biased - yours because you're female, mine because I'm male, and those are the ONLY perspectives we're capable of offering, based on our response. At best, we're disinterested party's, but we're definitely biased.

[HollyK21]

What’s wrong (and actually pretty rude) is coming to my comment and starting yours with “Holly gave some really bad advice”, rather than simply saying you disagree. That would’ve sufficed. By definition bias is prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair. I provided you the direct definition because you can’t say I’m biased because I’m a woman. That would mean that I’m siding with the colleague solely because she’s female, and this isn’t that.

Let’s be clear, I never said OP had to distrust him. In fact, I told you and also specified it is “odd and to keep an eye on it”, that’s all. Honestly I think that makes a lot more sense than disregard her discomfort over another woman hitting on her husband all the time, out of “trust”. Because that’s what you said, right? “Why do YOU feel uncomfortable that another girl is making moves on him UNLESS you do NOT trust him?”. What does that have anything to do with trust? She isn’t coming at him throwing accusations and whatnot, so what’s one got to do with the other?

She handled the situation fine, and he’s deleted the woman since, which I think is a better route than suffering in silence out of “trust”. I simply suggested she keep an eye on it, and fortunately the other people who have interacted with my comment can agree I didn’t give some wildly terrible biased advice. You can respond if you’d like, but I’d rather agree to disagree and ask that you move along.

[Paulalove98]

If he really cares about you then he should distance himself from her, work or not he could find a way to make things less messy or stressful. Something seems off about this situation, I hope you don’t end up hurt.

[Sleeper07]

Communicate your boundaries to him and her, not to us.

[Idk12368]

I've already talked to him and he knows how I feel, I've never met this girl before.

[Sleeper07]

I guess you just needed a place to vent?

[Idk12368]

Yeah, it only happened today. No doubt I'll be over it tomorrow haha

[Datemeaching]

Do we ever but girls are suppose to be now right

[Vegasrunner]

@idk12368 Bad move. Women desire men that other women want. You've done a good job of getting a HV man, now you need to focus on keeping him. Telling him how u feel about another girl wanting him is only going to make him question if he deserves better than you. Men of value don't want to take on other people's problems for nothing and you're kinda making your insecurities into his issue.

[Nikki1989]

You need to explain to your boyfriend the concept of boundaries.

[mobiusforniner]

Been there. You and him cease all contact with her. I've done this by being bluntly honest with the other women. doesn't usually go well and there may be repercussions at work. But doing the right thing is always harder...

[DermalPunch]

pfft. he's been giving her signals that he would welcome such a confession. what has gone on already who knows but know there is more to the story.

[DermalPunch]

Please understand that he has AT LEAST been emotionally cheating in you.

[Sorrento-Sun]

If he's is serious about you and nothing is going on between them both , he'd distance himself from her. If he doesn't, I'd question why.

[Adam1978]

Trust that your boyfriend handle it. Don't do anything his loyalty is being tested. You will find out soon.

[Marked_Man]

He needs to tell her to f off and she might need to meet you for a girl talk.

[Stevefiveo]

Tell your boyfriend to invite the girl over for dinner or coffee or whatever so all three of you can talk it over.

[Djaay]

Read between the lines , why would he befriend someone without your consent or knowledge
? That's a type of betrayal.

[David6668]

You can't do nothing with it your boyfriend can handle it.

[Datemeaching]

Then why did he tell you?

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one that asked you out

[Anonymous]

Is she prettier than you?