Boyfriend's best friend is making me feel a bit uncomfortable when he's around?

[kaylaS91]

This best friend of my boyfriend's has been close with him for over 5 years. He was there for my boyfriend through his relationship with his ex of just under 2 years, who supposedly was crazy on may levels. Would not get along well with any of my guys friends, would demand to be taken out to restaurants almost daily and he'd always take the bill, would guilt trip him with family drama to do things for her, etc. She would not enjoy sex at all with him, initiating things often but making him feel guilty halfway through.

I'm nothing like her. Get along very well with everyone, always split the bill, am almost a push over when it comes to what activity we do, high libido and quite sexually adventurous.

In any case, this friend of my boyfriend's has started having issues with him rarely having time for friends during the school year, choosing me over them. This may be true often, but he truly doesn't have much time. When with me, that's often when we're studying together. I've seen a lot of this best friend over the holidays, and almost every time he's gone so far as to make comments comparing me to the ex. Whether it be direct comparisons, or that my boyfriend is short on time now just like he was when with her. This obviously makes me feel super uncomfortable. I did nothing wrong to this friend, was always friendly. Now I feel uncomfortable even walking in to a party or showing any affection to my boyfriend when in front of him.

How should I best deal with this situation?

Updates

+1 y

This friend was invited to hang out with friends, my boyfriend and myself tomorrow night. I asked my boyfriend if the friend was going to show up, which led to a discussion on what the issue as well as possible resolutions are. It resulted in my boyfriend saying he doesn't think it's fair I'm making him choose between myself and someone he's been friends with for a couple of years. All over something that seems to have 'been made an issue' in my eyes only. -_-

[TheWiseOwl]

If I was your boyfriend's mate, I'd just severe all lines of communication with your boyfriend. I find a lot of people get a girlfriend or boyfriend and start ditching their friends.

It's happened to me before with some of my ex-friends, they'll spend years hanging out with me on a weekly basis, they get a girlfriend and you don't hear from them or see them much, then the relationships and they're literally sucking my dick to hang out. "Jog on ya C*nt" was my response to those 'friends'.

But that's what your boyfriend's pal should do instead of getting salty and causing drama.

[kaylaS91]

yeah I get what you're saying but it's not like my boyfriend is consciously avoiding his friends. During the school year, he's quite busy with school so most of the time I spend with him is just us studying together. Other than that, I get time with him just us 2 in private at most once a week.

[TheWiseOwl]

He's just a shit friend (your boyfriend) and this dude should just make new friends who have time for him and his friendship.

[TheWiseOwl]

I don't see what your boyfriend is trying to do by causing potential problems between your boyfriend and you. I think he's being stupid, he just tell your boyfriend to jog on and erase him out of his life.

[kaylaS91]

you mean you don't see why my boyfriend's best friend is trying to cause problems right?

[TheWiseOwl]

Yes, that's shitty behaviour, if he has a problem with your boyfriend being a poor friend that's one thing but there can be no justification for dragging another person into the situation and potentially causing problems.

[kaylaS91]

yeah agreed. It's a shitty situation because they've been friends for years, and it sucks to be given ultimatums like that. I don't know how to fix it because I don't even know what made this 'friend' start making comments like this all of a sudden. I think I'll just keep my distance from him and if he makes a similar comment again tonight, I'll just ask him what's with all the comparisons.

Ideally though, he'll be quiet and this whole thing will just blow over.

[Anonymous]

In this whole situation you are right and your boyfriend is wrong. This sounds like this is going to turn into a much larger issue than you thought it would. Personally I thought your boyfriend would have just talked it out and he would have talked to his friend. Be prepared this might be severe enough of an issue that it could seriously damage your relationship beyond repair.

[DontDropIt]

He's jelly.

Have you discussed the issue with your bf? If not, you should. Communication is important in relationships.

[kaylaS91]

yeah that's the first thing that came to mind. I did bring it up a few times with my guy and he said he understands. He says his friend was just joking around, though I find nothing funny about it. If the friend makes another comment like that, I'm super tempted to just reply with something along the lines that at least we're able to have a normal relationship. :P

Would hate to stoop that low though. Perhaps I'll just rub it in with upping the PDA when in his presence.
(The friend has also been with a pretty shitty girlfriend for a long time, like 3+ years who's saving it for marriage...)

[DontDropIt]

Oh so he's had a pretty crap relationship before? That explains it! The guy is jell. He wants what you both have. It'll probably be that way for awhile honestly until he finds himself someone. If it were me, I'd call him out in the jealousy the next time he does something. He needs to know that he's gotta get over it!

[kaylaS91]

lol yeah that's what I told my boyfriend about the jealousy. He insists his friend is happy with his girlfriend, that different things work for different people, but idunno... I mean, neither of their parents like the others so I bet this mess is going to end with his friend being a 23+ year old virgin, and not even marrying the bitchy girl. Plus, I can't imagine a guy not too far from his sexual prime not envying a healthy sexual relationship even just a bit.

How do I call him out with out being rude though?

[DontDropIt]

Wowwy!

It doesn't have to be out in front of everyone. You can pull him to the side and have a rather normal and calm conversation. You can start by asking if he has some sort of underlying issue with you that he wants to talk about and if he says he doesn't just bring up how you feel that he's jealous.

[Error_204]

You stay your course. This isn't between you and whomever it's between that friend and your man and it's your man's choices, not yours, that he doesn't approve of. In essence it has nothing to do with you at all so taking it to heart doesn't do you any good.

[JustinX9]

You could tell him to stop comparing you with your bfs ex, there's a reason why your bfs ex doesn't end with your bf... so she's isn't as great as what your bfs best friend said... maybe your bfs best friend has a crush on your bfs ex