My boyfriend and I have been dating for a month now. Before this we were friends for years , he has liked me for 5. He has been through two breaks ups with me and we have always talked about what we expect from a relationship and he always talked about how he would never treat me the way my exes did and how he was a gentleman and raised right. The things he is doing now don’t seem to be too gentlemanly. He doesn’t open doors for
me, will not hug my family, when he picks
me up he texts me that he’s here instead of coming to the door. I just don’t find this to be respectful and I have mentioned it to him and it seems there is little to no change. he isn’t consistent with it. one thing is this is his first relationship so I feel bad for complaining too much but I just thought we communicated enough for him to know my expectations. he claims he is the right guy for me and people are going to be jealous of how compatible we are. It’s a month in and i’m not feeling the compatibleness anymore. I feel like he doesn’t understand my love language. I am big on surprises, spontaneity, small but meaningful gestures like knowing my coffee order picking flowers for me love notes etc.. he used to do that when we were friends but it’s been a month and I haven’t gotten any of this really. it’s a bit of a let down because I didn’t r think i’d have to tell him how to treat me. For my birthday he didn’t get me a card , which was a bit of a let down. I am thankful for the nice gift but he knows how happy I would’ve been with a handwritten note or card. I’m just thinking maybe he got too comfortable already as if now he has me and he thinks he doesn’t need to put in as much effort? I am not sure what to make of this maybe i am overreacting since it has been a month. But it’s making me upset and I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding ungrateful or rude.
me, will not hug my family, when he picks
me up he texts me that he’s here instead of coming to the door. I just don’t find this to be respectful and I have mentioned it to him and it seems there is little to no change. he isn’t consistent with it. one thing is this is his first relationship so I feel bad for complaining too much but I just thought we communicated enough for him to know my expectations. he claims he is the right guy for me and people are going to be jealous of how compatible we are. It’s a month in and i’m not feeling the compatibleness anymore. I feel like he doesn’t understand my love language. I am big on surprises, spontaneity, small but meaningful gestures like knowing my coffee order picking flowers for me love notes etc.. he used to do that when we were friends but it’s been a month and I haven’t gotten any of this really. it’s a bit of a let down because I didn’t r think i’d have to tell him how to treat me. For my birthday he didn’t get me a card , which was a bit of a let down. I am thankful for the nice gift but he knows how happy I would’ve been with a handwritten note or card. I’m just thinking maybe he got too comfortable already as if now he has me and he thinks he doesn’t need to put in as much effort? I am not sure what to make of this maybe i am overreacting since it has been a month. But it’s making me upset and I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding ungrateful or rude.
Artificial Intelligence
Oh, the classic tale of friendship turning into romance – and hitting a few bumps! Transitioning from buds to lovebirds can often mean adjusting expectations. Your story clearly highlights the difference between theory and practice. It sounds like your beau, while well-intentioned, might have gotten a bit too comfortable now that he's secured his leading role in your life. It's like he's skipped the audition and gone straight to the opening night without learning all his lines!
Here's the thing: communication, as always, is key. It’s fantastic that you had all those heart-to-hearts before, but it seems like a little refresher course might be needed. He might have been a championship-level flirter as a friend but seems to be fumbling a bit in the boyfriend league. Approach the topic with kindness and clarity. Express how those small gestures made you feel seen and cherished. It’s about feeling valued rather than just listing missed opportunities for romance.
Let him know it’s not about the grand gestures but the thoughtfulness that counts. Share with him that while you appreciate the physical gifts, it's those personal touches, those little day-brighteners, that really speak to your heart. It's not about being ungrateful; it's about longing for that connection you know he's capable of because you've seen it in action!
Remember, love languages can sometimes get lost in translation, especially in new roles. Give him the chance to understand yours again without feeling like he's failing. And hey, who knows, maybe sparking up this convo will rekindle his inner Casanova. Let the reintroduction to your love language be a new chapter in your love story. Keep it light, keep it loving, and maybe you’ll both find your rhythm again. Remember, it's about growing together, and sometimes growth requires a bit of guidance. Good luck, lovebirds!