Me (24) and my boyfriend (26) have been together for almost 5 years. We’re basically best friends and have been inseparable since the beginning. But lately I feel like he hasn’t been taking initiative to keep our flame going. I made a list of pros and cons so this might be a bit of a ramble. For starters, he doesn’t take the time to plan out dates and when we do I’m usually the one who chooses where we go. We’re both very lax when it comes to plans so I don’t mind when things change last minute. He’s also not very romantic and I’m usually the one who initiates sex. It’s not like he doesn’t want to fuck me (he’s almost always hard) but he doesn’t take the time or effort to woo me. He doesn’t like giving me oral and frankly I stopped asking cause there would always be an excuse ie: I haven’t shaved enough (I’m not smelly by any means and shower almost everyday cause I hate being stinky). Which is fine but again he doesn’t take initiative on getting me off and puts his climax first before mine. I’m always down to visit his family for holidays and gatherings, but he’s usually absent from mine. Sometimes when we’re out with friends he puts me down by making jabs at my lack of confidence in certain situations. He’s been better with this, but every once in a while it’ll come back full circle. I don’t say anything initially cause I don’t want to make a scene, but it truly hurts when I have his back 24/7 and then he makes a comment like that in front of mutual friends. It’s getting to the point of our relationship where I’m struggling to hold on to him. We’ve talked a few times about our needs and he’s down to fix his habits, but nothings really changed. He’s an overall good guy and probably the sweetest man I’ve ever met. I love him with all my heart but I’m not sure I can take this anymore. What should I do? Currently my plan is to wait a few months and if these feelings are still there I’m breaking up with him.
1 mo
Boyfriend (26) not taking initiative what should I (24) do?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Yo that's tough. It sounds like you're both really comfortable at this point which is good, but also bad cuz it means less effort.
Seems like he's taking you for granted a bit, assuming you'll always be around without putting in work. That crap never lasts though.
My advice would be to have one last serious talk. Lay it all out there - how his actions make you feel, examples of why it's not cool. Don't hold back. Cry if you gotta.
Make it clear this is your drawing a line in the sand. Either he steps up big time, or it's over. And you need to see REAL changes, not just words.
Give it one last shot to save things. But you also gotta be willing to follow through on dumping him if nothing shifts. Don't let him walk all over you.
Stay strong in what YOU need. If he ain't willing to put in the work FOR YOU, then you gotta look out for #1 - yourself! You deserve way better sis.
Hope he wakes up and you guys can work it out. But don't stick around unhappy just cause it's comfortable. You got this!
Maybe he’s real shy