How do you split expenses in a relationship?

[AndreaGirl]

How do you split expenses (meals, holidays, tickets) in your relationship in early stages?

50/50

Proportionally to income

Old-fashioned relationship, man pays most of the expenses

Woman pays most of the expenses

[MrOracle]

I am a man of traditional values and lifestyle and I only date women who lean pretty traditional (there aren't many truly traditional women in the US, but some are much more traditional than others). As such, I pay for most dates and for most other expenses during the dating process, but she will pay for a date sometimes, and will buy food to cook at home for me, and things like that.

For women I've lived with, in most cases, we both had jobs, and we typically split the main costs (rent, utilities, food) based on a proportion of our income - typically around 60/40% in practice.

I did date one girl who didn't work, and I paid for everything, but she happily made every meal, did every domestic chore, and treated "making him happy" like it was the best job on the planet. And there was another girl who lost her (good-paying) job and took her 5 months to get another one, and she too happily took on all the domestic duties since I was paying all the bills during that period.

Traditional values aren't so much about who pays the bills - it's really about pulling your own weight and appreciating what your partner does for you. Exactly how that looks in practice is going to vary - even for the same couple over time - but as long as you are pulling your share of the weight, and you appreciate what your partner does for you, then it's all good.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who just feel entitled to have their partner do everything while they do very little, and whether that's a man or a woman, it's wrong, and shouldn't be tolerated.

[AviatorTom]

Talking about money is one of the most difficult things in a relationship, but it's important that both partners understand (and agree) how things are paid for.

That means there is no one-size-fits-all. You sit down and discuss it, together, and come to an agreement, then periodically review things. In general, if both partners work, then each should pay some of the expenses... how much depends on what the couple decides. That may be based on how much each makes, which one uses more of the particular item (ex: should the guy pay for makeup? should the girl pay for his sporting equipment?), or some other criteria. It's rarely 50-50.

I didn't vote for any of the options because none of them fit my opinion.

[Anonymous]

In the early stages it was often that each of us paid their own. When one of us specifically asked the other out on a date before that the one asking out was the one that paid.
When we where a while in our relationship I paid more because I earned a bit of money on the side. Than there was a time with total chaos where he founded his company and bassically needed his earned money as investment. He got suported by his parents still at this time. Our expenses we had together where mostly paid by me, so in relation to income. Know its the oposite because his company he is co-owner of was successful, he pais much more and also earns much more. We also life in the house he bought from his parents.

[douride2]

I always go Dutch. I pay my own way unless they insist.

[OlderAndWiser]

Man pays for everything. That is how my generation does it and it doesn't bother me at all.

[Pegases]

I'm a traditional guy, so I want it to be clear for men that also value traditional women, that you must be willing to embrace the traditional roles of a man, if you desire a traditional woman as well. I understand why men love traditional women, but what I don't understand is why its so uncommon for men that want traditional women, to be willing to be traditional themselves. You cannot demand or even complain about women that don't meet your requirements, if you don't even meet your own requirements fellas. Same goes for women, and we call them out for it all the time, so lets not be hypocrites. That is all.

[AndreaGirl]

I was brought up in that way and that's also my language of love. I love to take care of a man in a traditional way - cook for him, create cozy environment, pamper him, but at the same time I love to feel protected and provided for. My partner wants me to split 50/50 and indicated that he already paid a lot. I never asked for extravagant spending, I'm very down to earth and most of the time we spend at my place where I cook and bake for him. I was never asked to split like this and my previous partner appreciated everything what I did for him, so I'm confused if I'm too old fashioned or entitled..

[Pegases]

You're only entitled if you don't hold yourself to traditional values. So I'd say you're just with the wrong guy. In your situation, a common problem is that most younger guys aren't established enough to sustain the kinds of traditional relationships that I do believe most men actually prefer. The reality is, most women don't want to work, and do housework, and any reasonable guy can understand why. But a lot of men still expect that unreasonable standard, because it is easier than working hard to be able to afford a traditional woman. I support men that value traditional women, especially because feminism loves to demonize men for having preferences, but I don't support men that pick and choose traditions that aren't fair to women, and/or alienate them. So, if you're unhappy with the dynamic you have with this guy, bring it to his attention. If he is unwilling to do the work to create the lifestyle that makes you both happy, then you should consider finding a man that can sustain a true traditional home.

[AndreaGirl]

I wish there would be more men like you!

[Paul09]

Your 34 and it's 2023. What traditions? Lol women aren't objects anymore. All adults work now. Do you think every man make 6 figures? 50\50 everything in realtionship. Stop trying to making princesses out of women. Humans tend to stick to old ways, wrong ways. This 9snt the 59s anymore thankfully.

[Pegases]

We're out here. You'll find what you're looking for soon enough.

[Paul09]

It's almost like you are the mother replacement. :}

[Pegases]

@Paul09 One thing I'm sure you and I can agree on, is that age often has little to do with a person's level of maturity. Next, if you're interested in having a discussion like two respectful adults, then I'd welcome it as Id enjoy correcting some of the misconceptions youve presented about women that enjoy certain aspects of tradition, rather than all of them. Until then, you're entitled to your opinion, but your opinion isn't founded in fact, so it remains just an misguided opinion. As I said, I'm available when you're interested in a respectful conversation.

[Paul09]

Traditions has nothing to do with maturity. Traditions are things society made up. Just saying times have changed. We need to advance not stay back in the old times. It is a strong opinion, but also in not saying you can't do it. And why can't it be the other way around? Can a man be a stay at home husband?

[Pegases]

The past is meant for us to learn from, because we cannot advance without reflecting upon it. Further, both new and old traditions are things we made up at some point. What is "right" is dictated by the individual in this case, not society. And I find that it's those that dont allow society to dictate how they live, that tend to be the most fullfilled. That being said, a man can absolutely be a house husband should he choose. What made you believe that I would have reservations about that? Next, not all traditions are counterintuitive to the advancement of society. Most women simply enjoy embracing their feminine essence, but simply dont have the opportunity to do so because of modern lifes demands. Further, both men and women have natural inclinations, and it can be liberating to embrace them.

[Pegases]

How healthy traditional relationships work, is a man takes care of all the financial needs of his family, guides and protects them, and is the source of strength that his family depends upon when things go south. His wife, being tapped into her feminine essence, is a nurturer, and a healer. And not only that, but when she is comfortable, she's a multiplier. Meaning, anything you give her she will give you more of, aka womb energy. Its simply up to you as a man to give her something good to multiply. A woman like this, in this dynamic, is why they say next to every great man, is an even greater woman. And these women thrive the most in traditonal relationships because they are comfortable, cared for, and loved. This is how its supposed to work, and a lot of women secretly want it, but feel pressured to want what society says they should. It's gotten to the point where a lot of women have sacrificed their femininity in order to fit into society, and as a result, more women turn to alcohol and drugs, have mental illnesses, and commit suicide than ever before. So no one should demonize women or men that prefer a dynamic where women have the freedom to embrace their femininity in this way. Especially when in most cases, the arguments against traditional relationships are based on misconceptions such as "ownership". Yes, some relationships are based on ownership, but those relationships don't represent all relationships, they're simply the relationships that are polarized. Just like you rarely hear about good cops on the news, deosnt mean there aren't any. Let me know if I missed anything.

[Pegases]

@Paul09

[Paul09]

Holy moly , you had a lot to say on the subject. I understand most of what you said. Makes total sense to many people. But not for all of us. I myself do not believe in marriages and I do not want kids. So "traditional" relationships are not for me. If I'm ever in a relationship again, I'm very 50\50 on everything. I'll do a lot of the stuff around the house.

[dynamicyandere]

I pay for everything, except for my own presents of course. 🤣


That goes for dates, meals, travel, etc.


The only thing I’ve split in the past (but now I pay for this too) is rent and utilities. (But this may not count because you don’t move in together during early stages of dating.)


The caveat is… The more demanding and entitled a girl is, the less I will spend on her.


The less demanding and entitled, the more appreciative a girl is, the more I will spend on her.


I want to feel appreciated and valued and loved, not used.


Treat me bad, I may spend 3 figures on them. Treat me well, I’d be happy to spend 5 figures on them (and I have).

[dynamicyandere]

If we’re talking splitting rent and utilities though (before having more money) I believe being proportionate to income is the most fair way to go:

Expenses = [X% Income of A] + [X% of Income B]

[Keishio]

Rent, gas/water/electric and Internet is 50/50, any other bills are usually paid for my whoever took them on (phone bill, streaming service and things like that). I usually buy all my own food because there's a lot of foods that don't agree with me so it works out easier for me to buy what I know i can have and prepare it for myself but the only difference when it comes to shopping is any cleaning products, hygiene products and stuff to keep ourselves and our home tidy I'll pay for since I make fairly decent money. Pretty much any girl that's lived with me just pays half the costs of the property and her own food.

[libsaretards]

I usually pay for the first and second dates. Around the third date, I want to see her contributing to dates.

Once we move on from dating to being in a serious relationship, I prefer for expenses to be split proportionately to income. The closer our incomes are to matching, the more evenly we split expenses.

[Hanrej]

Proportionate to income but only on common expenses such as living, utility, children and such. Whenever you want something for yourself you spend your own cash, wait until your birthday/Christmas or barter for it in your relationship.

At least that's how I would set it up.

[HighValue]

Early on each can pay their own way or take turns paying. Once you live together it would depend on who works more hours at a job and how much work around the house each person does.

[BCRanger10]

We split expenses. I usually pay a little bit more though.

[Nikki1989]

It is not something we discuss, it just seems to work out 50/50 or near enough.

[anon1903]

Mostly fifty fifty but if the pay gap is an ocean wide, I'd suggest proportional to income.

[msc545]

Proportionally to income is the most equitable mthod.

[Anonymous]

Theoretically 50/50, but in practice it seems she never has any money so...

[SonicSolomon314]

If a man can’t own up and provide for his household, he’s not a man.

[Gloree]

he pays most.

[Jamie05rhs]

Everyone pays for their own shit. Duh!

[Kelly6]

based of income

[parangat]

This is just comfortable

[Anonymous]

Option B is practical.